The Seven Sins of the Empath’s Self Doubt


In the beginning you are resourceful, confident and independent. Those attributes are there with no need for brazen displays but rather they exist in an understated and quiet manner. Then we arrive. The imposition of our manipulations is designed to bring life to these seven sins in order to leave you susceptible to our further machinations and control. These doubts will enable us to hoover you, draw fuel from you and maintain that connection we rely on to further our own ambitions.

  1. Is it actually my fault?


We will have you asking yourself and pondering whether what has happened is your fault. Did you do something to attract someone like us? Did you miss some sign which you ought to have seen and therefore it is your own failing which has caused you to be exposed to our control and abuse? We will have you analyse your behaviours as you become burdened with guilt. We are the experts in shifting the blame and through the repeated application of denial, deflection and projection, we will avoid any and all culpability for our actions, leaving them to impact on you. It must be your fault if we are so adamant that it is not our fault. The conviction by which we pin the blame on you will have you questioning yourself. It is natural for you to always reflect on your own behaviour, that is central to who you are and we know this. Add to this our incessant blame-shifting and this steady drip drip drip of the accumulation of blame will eventually take its toll and you will start to accept the blame and regard yourself at fault.

  1. Did I love him enough?


How many times have you been told, “You would do it if you loved me,” or “You wouldn’t do that if you actually loved me like you say you do”. You face the ultimate in supposed love through our love bombing and it sheer scale of apparent passion, affection and love would cause anything else to pale by comparison. You will always have this thrown in your face as we tell you time and time again about how much love we have shown for you, how we have loved you beyond anything else and nobody could love you any more than we do. Is it any wonder when faced with such repeated assertions and the behemoth that we are of love that you will query whether you gave enough love towards us? Perhaps we behave the way we do because we feel that we love you more than you love us? We will certainly tell you that and because you are such a devotee of love you will feel obligated to try to match what you have received. You cannot do so because the love we exhibit is smoke and mirrors, easy to conjure up, easy to say and what you understand as love takes more effort, but this will not stop you always wondering whether you do enough and whether a little more love might just be the solution that is needed to make everything perfect again. Thus, we keep you hanging on and trying all the harder.

  1. Was I wrong to leave?


This nagging doubt has to be created by us on order to keep alive the prospect of hoovering you. We know that you possess a near indefatigable spirit that causes you to stay and try to make things rights. So often it us that brings about the cessation (albeit temporary) of our relationship and we discard you. On the rare occasion where you decide that you have had enough and make a break for the border, to free yourself of our poisonous influence, we know that you will have reservations about doing so. You do not like to give up on people. You like to succeed. You desire for success is not the same as our self-centred drive for achievement but rather your success sf for other people and we know this. We know that you want to achieve resolution, that is why we lead you around the houses and up the garden path with our circular arguments. We know that you prefer to achieve an outcome, hence why we never fully answer questions, deflect and deny. This desire for a conclusion means that should you ever walk away from us we know you will be plagued by some guilt that you should not have done it. What if he could have been helped? What if he could change? What if he needed your help? Such doubts will manifest and mean that when we loom large as we seek to hoover you, this desire to leave nothing hanging (along with a host of other manipulative methods designed to get you to return) will leave you susceptible to being hoovered back into our twisted world.

  1. Should I have given him another chance?


Maybe if you had given us another chance (to add to the dozen or so that you have already given us) then the outcome might have been different? You invested so much and you gave us so many chances, perhaps you have cut loose too soon? Maybe one more chance was all that was required and now you are left wondering if you have made a mistake and lost the opportunity to help us and resolve our problems. Perhaps you had better try again and give that further chance? It would be such a shame not to do so, especially after all the effort you have put in? This might have been the point at which everything clicked and we finally made the changes and gained the understanding and insight that is required to return to a permanent golden period. You want to see good happen, we know this and therefore we know that you have that nagging itch that if you just gave us another chance this might be the one that is required to get us past the post. It won’t be, but we like to engender this hope in your mind so that you succumb to this doubt and return to us to try again. And again. And again.

  1. What if someone else makes him happy?


Have I been too hasty in making my escape? What if he finds someone else and she makes him happy? It shows it can be done and I let him go and now someone else is going to get the benefit of that wonderful golden period and she might get it all the time. Why should she get this when you have endured both the black with the golden? You are entitled to receive the golden period again surely? Perhaps it was something you had done and now she knows what to avoid because he will tell her what you did in the relationship and she will avoid making your mistake and reap the reward. How is that fair? Why should she benefit from the pain you have endured? It is your golden period and you want it back because it felt so wonderful. In fact, having checked his Facebook page for the sixth time today there seems to be a lot of mutual liking of one another’s posts between him and some new lady, whoever she is. What’s going on there? Has he found someone new already? Could she be the one? You had better act and do so quickly to avoid someone else getting the golden period for good. Why not ring him and arrange to meet up? Head her off at the pass? Yes, we instil such doubts in your mind in order to have you come back to us once more.

  1. Maybe I didn’t help him as much as I could have


There was something clearly wrong with him but maybe he could not help doing all those things. Perhaps something terrible once happened to him and this is why he behaves in such an abhorrent manner? Surely you should show some compassion and understanding in order to help him be free of whatever demons that plague him, after all, are you not a kind and considerate person. This is what you do isn’t it? Help people. You should not run out on him now, he needs you and you are the only one who can save him. Just be understanding, help him, give him what he needs and then together you can overcome whatever it is that has taken hold of him. You have seen him bleed, he is human just like you and it is help that he needs not condemnation. Yes, what he did to you was terrible but what if that could not be helped, what if he was trying to ask for your help and did not know how to ask for it? Now you have walked away from him, right when it is his hour of need. That’s not very empathic is it? That isn’t who you are. You are kind and caring, a healer. Go back and apologise and help him. Submit to his demands and help him walk through his personal hell, surely it is the least you can do, yes?

  1. Did I deserve it?


You spoke out of turn too many times so what did you expect him to do? He is a proud man and it was inevitable he would lash out. If you had not been so weak, you would have not annoyed him. Perhaps if you had done more of what he wanted, gone along with his demands just for the sake of quiet, things would have been drastically different? If you had not been so stubborn or had tried to change him? If you had not tried to mother him? If you had tried to mother him? If you had been someone else? If you had stayed true to yourself? If you had been more like his mother? Less like his mother? More like her? Less like her? You did try but somehow you always seemed to rile him and then the insults and assaults would fly. Maybe if you had kept a civil tongue in your mouth it would have turned out differently? Perhaps if you had tried to look at things from his perspective more often rather than thinking about yourself, then the outcome would have been better? You wish you were stronger and you needed to be stronger for both you and him, but you weren’t and that must the reason he treated you the way he did. Your weakness irritated him. Maybe if you had not been so pathetic then he would have continued to love you like he once did. Perhaps if you had not fought back when he was despondent he would not have felt the need to put you in your place. Maybe you just did not do enough of what he needed because you were too busy focussing on how you felt and that is why it all came tumbling down? Maybe you failed to understand him because you were too wrapped up in yourself? Maybe, just maybe, you got what you deserved?


65 thoughts on “The Seven Sins of the Empath’s Self Doubt

  1. NarcAngel says:

    A .R
    I am unable to * like* comments presently due to an issue with WordPress, but I wanted to tell you that what you posted resonated with me. Thank you for sharing those thoughts.

    1. Windstorm says:

      I’ve never been able to like comments either! WordPress keeps telling me my email address doesn’t exist, yet they use it to post these comments……very frustrating!

      1. BraveHeart says:

        I can’t “like” comments either, but it’s because WordPress wants me to sign up as a blogger first and I’m not a blogger. I wished I were, but I’m not 🙂

  2. BraveHeart 💘 says:

    1. No
    2. Yes
    3. Discarded, but grateful. He knew I was planning on leaving anyway.
    4. No, he had plenty.
    5. No one else can or ever will.
    6. Gave him all I could. He even admitted so.
    7. Absolutely not.

    Having self-doubt only gives him more control. I refuse to give him anymore of my self.

  3. I must be daft. Why does it matter how anyone came to where they are in adulthood when it pertains to this blog? It’s a symbiotic relationship we have when we make the decision to respond to what HG is writing. He provides a service, we gain knowledge. It’s a win-win. Why is anyone calling him out? The only reason to do that in my mind is due to projecting your feelings of pain that you’ve endured by other narcs. And this business of “if you really love yourself and are an empath you’d do x, y, z” shows no self awareness. Everyone has their own journey of coming to self love and what that means for them. I think loving people where they are and for who they are is the goal. That doesn’t mean you stay. You can get away from the people who are toxic to you. What’s with the judgment?

    1. Star says:

      Those are very valid points claudinelonget.:) We can all learn from each other, wherever we are at.

    2. Matilda says:

      Just my two cents, claudinelonget: I can only understand a problem fully if I know where it originated from and how it developed. The past is the key to the present. I want to be aware of patterns to be prepared in case another one comes along. They all operate in a similar fashion.

      To make sense of it all, and to incorporate new information into your system of beliefs, you will inevitably make judgements. I hope mine have been fair so far, though truth be told, sometimes the rage from flashbacks colours my words red.

      I cannot talk to my narc, or write, it is too painful. With HG, we do not have any personal history, which makes it possible to interact. It is a unique opportunity to be inquisitive, to unravel the mystery!

      1. Matilda, I know too well about understanding where a problem originated to understand the behaviors of the present. I am finally content with knowing it will take the rest of my life. I can’t undo 50 years of narc indoctrination in only a few years. Being the super empath that I am, my knee jerk reaction is to defend HG because he’s helping me. Still trying to help the narcissist! Story of my life. I am truly a sitting duck at times.

      2. Matilda says:

        “Being the super empath that I am, my knee jerk reaction is to defend HG because he’s helping me. Still trying to help the narcissist!”

        We are what we are, and that is okay. 🙂 Awful that you had to endure 50 years of this madness! Sometimes, I also tend to feel that some comments are too harsh… but thinking about the sufferings he puts others through without batting an eye-lid or losing sleep reduces my empathy quite a bit.

        1. I completely understand. But I also think he’s an easy target because he is a narcissist exposing narcissists. It’s easy to let our mis-directed anger and longing for justice fall on him. I go there in my head too because I won’t yell my thoughts at my ex-narc or my mother.

      3. Matilda says:

        True, Claudine, he is turning himself into a target with his work here, a representation of the enemy! And sometimes, we do not distinguish between our narcs and him.

        But in any case, it does not hurt him, he cannot really feel it, it’s just fuel to him (far too little to satisfy his fuel needs, I might add, before anyone gets clever).

        1. HG Tudor says:


  4. Windstorm says:

    Have to agree with Matilda on this one – 100%. it is that “certain course” you took that makes the difference, HG.

  5. Mona says:

    HG, referring to your statement on March 19,2017 AT 1:27 AM. Do not play your victim card, you are an aggressor, right now to your sources. Yes, you were a victim, now you are an aggressor, nothing else. And you made a fault. How can I and others “lambast” you , when you are superior and always right? That does not make any sense.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You can still lambast me – it does not mean you are right, in the same way you can still throw a brick at a castle wall even though it has no effect.

      1. Mona says:

        HG, your answer is very emotional . You feel criticized. Yes, you are right, the castle walls might not break down. But you have to repair it each day. It has an effect, although you deny it.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          My response was factual not emotional.

  6. A.R. says:

    And we are only as defenceless as we allow ourselves to be

  7. A.R. says:

    I believe under similar circumstances as the author, any one of us could have been on the opposite side of the empathic coin: to be a narcissist.
    Having a choice in how we survive is literally laughable. We survive the best way we know how. Narcissists & empaths are two sides of the same coin.
    As an empath, I need to realize why I extend myself outward as I do? Isn’t it for love, approval, security, identity, & a sense of belonging? Yes, it is.
    I wasn’t born an empath. I had to extend myself forward or shrivel up & die.
    We might consider the similarities a difficult pill to swallow (empath & narcissist alike), however, it’s what makes us human.
    I’m not suggesting tolerating intolerable behaviour on any level; I’m saying we are people, not objects, no matter what.

  8. MPathIGuess says:

    I wanted to post here, perhaps the last time. I believe I posted before, but I had no grand confrontation or whatnot and neither expect nor demand to be published. I am truly impressed with this site, and wish to send my nod to its creator.

    I have really done a lot of self examination from this site. While change is always hard to accept, I have been forced to before; truly the most alarming thing is how deeply I had permitted disfunction into my life, and how blind I was to it. I believe I also suffered from oversimplifying my problems, assigning blame without nuance. Beyond all that, I have learned how limited blame itself can be.

    Take care. I have bought one of your books, Escape, and it was excellent. I like to try to enter things logically, perhaps a fault, so I’m still deciding which to buy next. Thank you for your time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for your kind words MPIG and for reading.

  9. Mona says:

    ,To be innocent means also: to want someone to be happy, to trust someone , to compromise with someone, to respect someone, to help someone , to tell him the truth, to tell him the bad news, to tell him he is wrong…, although he wants to hear a lie…., to send him away, if he starts to abuse…, to love someone for what he is and not for what he pretends to be. Codependent characteristics? No, if you respect yourself and love yourself on the same degree.But if it is like that, you never pick a narcissist for a long time. You recognise your error and leave . Without regret or longing for him. You see the false nature of him without false, exaggerated empathy. Your empathy is false, because you see yourself in him. The empathy, that you should have for yourself, you give it to him. That is false.

    1. abrokenwing says:

      Yeah.. we are All just humans.. We tend to find perfect excuses to justify our own behaviour and actions ..same time we fail to understand others – I would add.

    2. Twilight/Dawn says:

      Thank you Mona
      Children are the only ones I see as innocent.
      Adult are not, This doesn’t mean we don’t strive to be better or do right.
      Being honest with oneself is what I see as self love, to which is the hardest thing a person can do.
      Only because each one of us sees the world differently. Where one has been hurt as a child becomes overly empathic and want to save the world from suffering, another becomes malovent and manipulative.
      It is only through awareness and understanding that change can happen. Maybe not for us that have already developed our perspective, but for the generations that will come.

  10. Mona says:

    No-one is fully innocent. I only try to do my best. I am not criminal, I do not betray, I do not steal, I am not violent, I do not cheat normally. I do not push the blame towards someone else, when I am responsible. Of course it happens. I am only human, but then I apologize and try to minimize the damage. And I try to avoid to hurt someone else. The last one is nearly impossible, because if you make your own decision you always hurt someones feeling, although you do not want.

  11. @rheffelb says:

    Sir HG. Excellent presentation of our core root thoughts as we begin to tap into and toward our personal “breakaway.” When these particular thoughts begin to flood our very existence every minute of the day, our kind need to understand that we are on the very brink of discovering the TRUTH about ourselves as well as WHY we are repeatedly attracted to your kind.

    I believe that it is also very important that our kind understand that our hearts may forever be drawn toward your kind for we are in essence, LOVE personified without the proper amour of personal protection.

    At this point in our journey unto full recovery; our daily task set before us now is learning how to manage it by protecting ourselves in creating “manually triggered” boundaries specifically set by our individual design. I suggest “manual” for we have to identify where we are the most vulnerable first. Once we have created our manual triggers and begin to apply them, it is good to know that these triggers eventually become “automatic” and our personal amour has properly been acquired to fully protect our compassionate hearts and make wise choices.

    Thank you HG for possessing the ability to mirror “our kind’ with your words from the “other side.” Your transparency continues to truly amaze me.

  12. Mona says:

    And to be a little bit mean: Is my writing enough negative fuel for today or do you need some more emotions?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not need your fuel Mona, I gain enough in my private life.

      1. bananasareberries1 says:

        HG, do not try to prove that you have nothing to gain here. You do good, but you do it for yourself. It gives you attention, the followers, the opportunity to write, you do it for yourself ONLY. We are just the accidental beneficiaries. Which is fine, nobody is hurt in the process, we all have something out of it.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          In that way we are all the same. I have yet in my life to witness a selfless act. Any action we take has a benefit to us, even if it is just the result of feeling good about what we have done.

      2. bananasareberries1 says:

        To NarcAngel: There is one big difference between narc and empath. I will sacrifice my life if I have to defend people I love. None of the narcs will even think about doing such a thing. They are incapable of acting differently than pleasuring themselves; everything is about them and their wellbeing. I would jump into fire for my ex-narc friend to rescue him – in opposite situation, he would just stand and watch me burning. I am going outside of my comfort zones all the time for my family and friends. It is what makes me an empath. I have capacities to be evil, and sometimes I may be. But I also can risk all that I have to save those I care for. So please, do not put us empaths in the same bucket as narcs. We are nothing like them.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Bit of a leap you made there. Not putting you in the same bucket in general. “In that way” I was referring to you having said HG does things to benefit himself and not for others (incidentally, I have never witnessed where he has claimed otherwise). You stating that you would risk yourself or even die for another does not make you any different. You would like to think you would do it (because you really dont know if you would until faced with that situation) because you are wired to feel that is the “right” thing to do, would reflect on you as an Empath favorably, and secure a noble legacy that people would admire. So it is not selfless now is it? In fact purporting to be that altruistic is narcissistic in itself.

          1. bananasareberries1 says:

            NarcAngel, you are entitled to have that opinion. Thank you for sharing.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            As are we all. Thats what makes the blog great. Youre welcome.

  13. Mona says:

    Jenna, you are not guilty!!!! Do not think like that. Please say, you did it, because you learnt in your past to behave like that. Someone taught you to behave like that to be a lovable person. You have to learn new behaviours and thoughts. You are responsible for your behaviour now – after the abuse- , but you are not guilty. You did no crime. At the moment you follow your old path. You look for the guilty inside of you. Stop it. He abused you. He is guilty. He is responsible. You were innocent and unexperienced and no-one told you about this mental disorder. No one taught you to defend yourself , no one taught you about manipulative behaviour and at last no one taught you to love yourself to the same (or a little bit more) extent to love another one. That is all. They taught you to accept crumbles.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      “You were innocent and unexperienced and no-one told you about this mental disorder. No one taught you to defend yourself , no one taught you about manipulative behaviour and at last no one taught you to love yourself to the same (or a little bit more) extent to love another one. ” and doesn’t your sentence apply to what happened to me, yet you see fit to castigate me when I found a way to defend myself?

      1. Mona says:

        HG, I tested you in the past to get to know, if it was true, what you told about your childhood. I needed that information. My “test-result” showed me, that it was true. As someone else said, I also have compassion for you as a child but I do not accept the way you chose later. You chose the same evil. Maybe, you think/believe there is no other way, because you are a child of a disordered person and you belong to a highly dysfunctional family. It is your “fate.” It was your freely and conscious decision to repeat the same evil to other innocent!!!! persons, especially woman. You do not defend yourself, you punish people for no reason in your private. No one is perfect! No one! If you punish other narcissists, I have no problem with my conscience . On the opposite- I would like it. Indirectly you do it on this blog to be fair. . That is – in my opinion – a good decision. You cannot feel love for someone , you cannot bind in a natural way to someone. That is not your fault- I know. I do not judge you for that. You can have so many women as you like. You probably never will be satisfied with one woman because you need your fuel. Even that is ok. But stop that bad behaviour to innocent people. And that is your fault and your responsibility. You do not “defend” yourself. You do not mess yourself with equal ones, you abuse “weaker” ones. Weak in the meaning of – being capable to feel love for someone. Go and try your luck with females that are similar to you. Cold, treacherous, manipulative women, who only want your money and a little bit sex (because you are not the only one). I saw that kind of relationship between the parents of my personal devil. I promise you, it was always exciting and never boring. A lot of negative fuel – each day. They did it for over 45 years.

        1. NarcAngel says:


          So what youre saying is that punishment and its severity is fine as long as its you (or others like-minded) deciding the crime and the target for the punishment? Well now.

      2. Star says:

        Please realize when I say this HG that I in no way minimize the pain you feel inside or what caused you to be as such. But I know for myself it was never about castigating him. If anything, I was willing to take the pain he dished out to me in hopes that it would take it away from him. But that in itself… speaks volumes at my own disfunction😜

      3. Get it boy!
        That sentence does apply to you. Defend Away. Or not. You could get a new way to defend, or not..don’t get mad, you are what you are and I accept you…virtual hug to u because u hate real ones. 😆

      4. Matilda says:

        We are going ’round in circles here, HG.

        What happened to you was horrific, and I feel for you!! BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT –ABSOLUTELY NONE– TO INFLICT PAIN ON THE INNOCENT! There is NO WAY to excuse this, no matter how you twist it.

      5. superxena says:

        Hello HG…perhaps Iam missing the point but: in which way do you feel you are being castigated?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because those who were abused but did not become what I am are referred to as being defenceless and had no choice, yet I am in the same position but because I took a certain course I am lambasted for it.

          1. superxena says:

            I understand how you feel…But I think it is of great value what you are doing .It takes big amount of ” courage” to open yourself as you do here and explain why you found those strategies to defend yourself .You are gaining awareness of it …many others perhaps have found other hurtful strategies to cope with life but either they are not aware of it or they not even want to accept it…

      6. NarcAngel says:

        In order to receive that empathy and understanding you must remain a victim and not grasp onto whatever your young mind could identify (and from what better source than a parent) as a means not only to cope and survive but to thrive. Points for remaining stuck and victimized but no points for action unless sanctioned by the Empath seal of approval. Tough crowd.

      7. bananasareberries1 says:

        Yes sure HG, this is exactly same situation and you are such a good person. Really?

      8. Matilda says:

        In his childhood, HG only had two options: learn to fend for himself or go under! He chose the former, and rightly so! He was a victim, who became a survivor. I have tremendous empathy for the child in him.

        I understand that behaviour patterns, which were acquired under traumatic circumstances at a crucial time in his development, are hard to change. I understand that he does not want to change, out of fear his life would be altered beyond recognition and not to his benefit.

        He no longer is in imminent danger of abuse however, and has not been for a very long time. The only real threat is his ‘mother’, and he knows how to deal with her effectively.

        The defense mechanisms he once needed to survive are now used against everybody in his life. There is no justification for it. It is simply not acceptable!! And he certainly won’t get any empathy from me -not that he cared anyway- for hurting others knowingly and willingly.

        He only keeps these machinations going for two reasons. Firstly, it is the easy way out! It is easier for him to manipulate others into doing what he wants than to ask for their permission. It is easier to intimidate and force others into submission than to engage with them on fair terms. Secondly, he is afraid of rejection. So much so, that he basically robs others of their free will with a web of lies, at least temporarily.

        He must NOT remain a victim himself, but he also MUST NOT victimise those who have never hurt him.

        1. Hurt people hurt people. No one escapes that. Everyone chooses the easy way out at times and everyone is afraid of rejection. Both the narcissist and and the empath. I am an empath but I have treated many people like trash. Everyone has at some point. Even those who don’t deserve it. We can know intellectually that we are no longer in the dangers of childhood once adulthood is reached. It’s another matter entirely to behave that way. It’s not my job to judge whether or not narcissists victimize those who have never hurt them. It’s my job to learn why I seek them, why I fell for the lies and stay away from them.

      9. Matilda says:

        Sure, no one is perfect, not even empaths. I have already figured out why I seek them and why I fell for the lies. To stay away from them is a life-long challenge.

    2. Twilight/Dawn says:

      What makes an adult innocent?

    3. Jenna says:

      Mona, i meant i have done all of these, not necessarily guilty of them. Thank you for your comment. You are correct. I did accept crumbles for awhile when he used to reschedule our plans.

  14. G says:

    Omg, so true number 6!

  15. Jenna says:

    Formerly ‘ptsdafternarcabuse’

    Guilty of all of these.

  16. flipped180 says:

    I don’t feeel bad at all for leaving him. I hate that it didn’t work, but I know why now. Question:

    How do you prepare for the “crash” when your narc is being too nice? How can you protect yourself?

    My ex wasn’t being compliant with the court orders, so I filed a ton of stuff on him proving that he was non compliant. Now, he’s being nice. For example, taking our son for the weekend (and more importantly, my bday wknd lol). And co-signing on new court documents instead of fighting me??? Sending me pics of our son when he has him…. Calling to put a parenting plan in place that works for us. Saying please and thank you in text messages….WTF???? I know it’s a game. Any suggestions???

    1. You’re so right flipped the kind behaviours and gestures are unnerving. I have a similar situation with a work coleaugue at present.

      You know their building up to something. But try not to let it create anxiety in you or he is winning.

      I handle it by being pleasant in return and allowing this person to believe I have been taken in by their approach.

      Of course I haven’t and in the back of my mind I’m very conscious that they have another agenda. But if you pretend to be taken in and keep evidence etc you can play them at their own game. But don’t arouse any suspicion yourself and just be calm and friendly in return.

      Try and separate your thoughts about him and what he is doing so that it does not become all consuming. Otherwise it is like breathing in carbon monoxide continuously.

  17. abrokenwing says:

    Yes ,I torture myself with this kind of questions and thoughts every single day.

  18. Star says:

    Wow.. this kinda left me feeling completely ripped open, gutted,exposed and vulnerable. Two winning articles today that clearly showed my weak spots. Thank u.

    1. Every time I waver, I read this site. It becomes a strength and validates everything I thought I was imagining. Your vulnerability will become the key to your resolution, however you see fit in your own case.

      1. Star says:

        This site has been incredibly helpful with the residual pain that seems to linger long after the fact that I have accepted I no longer want to be in that situation again. And you are right about vulnerability being the key to resolution:)

  19. Windstorm says:

    Well these are spot on. I can identify strongly with all except number 5. That one never entered my mind. It always seemed apparent to me that mine never really we’re happy. Maybe number 5 only applies when there was a golden period to long for.

  20. Patricia says:

    This is so accurate. I appreciate this site and the clarity that your perspective brings. I just finished Exorcism and it was quite helpful as well. I feel as though I have finally begun to learn the secret code that has baffled me for most of my life. I thank you from the bottom of my foolish empathic heart 🙂

  21. IntelAvatar says:

    The self importance of the empath (she might be well paid for her sub skills) could leave a blind spot, where the narc enters.
    As you say, a nod, a wink, a poke, a friend request, an accident, a sale, a knock at the door, the contractor, the retired handyman, the fitness trainer, the yoga teacher and all the other unethical snakes.
    They have moved in under your radar and lurk. Ever so patient for the trigger.
    No need to be afraid now miss riding hood. You know they’re out there. Learn how to journal and make intuitive classifications of types. Figure out ahead of time what you hope to gain. It is a shock to realize the empath has a gain also (purpose? Self validation?)
    It’s ok. Reduce your co dependence to zero and step onto the next carousel.
    Except this time do it deliberately – To identify your part, learn and help the others.
    What a gift this resource is.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Youre interesting. I wish was cerebral enough to understand most of your posts. I feel Im missing out.

  22. A.R. says:

    Are feelings of suicide in the partner of a narcissist still considered fuel?

    Is it only the expressions/responses without inflection that offer no fuel?

    Is there any means of communicating with a narcissist without being the fly on the spider web?

    In all your articles, you have answered many questions on multiple levels…

    I have processed through a lifetime of pain beginning with my father & notedly I would be healing at a much slower pace if it hadn’t been for your imparting knowledge.
    No matter the reasons or agenda behind the “why” I thank you for making the decision to write.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes if those feelings are shown in an emotional way.
      Yes by doing so without the provision of fuel. Short written communications are the best for this.
      You are welcome.

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The Pursuit of Revenge