The Spheres of Influence
There are numerous factors which govern whether we will attempt to hoover you post-escape or post-discard. Some of these factors determine the style of the hoover, whether it will be malign or benign and also how often the attempts will be made. There are several considerations which have a material impact on whether a hoover will occur and one of the most significant ones is the sphere of influence and your relationship to it.
Imagine if you will, me. Now I know you do this often as your guilty little secret but we haven’t got time for that at the moment. Here I am sat at home, or in the office, or walking between bars. Let us take an instance of me being in a bar. What is my sphere of influence? To be accurate there are actually several. They vary in applicability and range. The first is the physically proximate sphere, namely those who are within earshot. That is the closest sphere of influence and unsurprisingly the most dangerous for you. It is within this sphere of influence when the full range of charismatic and magnetic charms can be deployed in order to pull you back into my influence. Anybody who I can speak to or listen to, be sat with, or dine with, stand next to or be near is in this sphere of influence.
The second sphere is the eye line sphere. This is the sphere where I can see you or you can see me. We may be across the street, on the other side of a field, up in an office, walking across a plaza, across from you on the piste. If we can see you or you can see us, then you are in this sphere. I may not be able to communicate with you other than to shout or wave but it remains a sphere of influence. Accordingly, this is why when we seek to hoover somebody we may not be able to speak directly with them but we can position ourselves stood across from your house on the other side of the street or waiting across the square from where you leave work.
The third sphere of influence is our reach through our coterie and our lieutenants. Whether these people are our friends (inner or outer circle), colleagues, minions or family, if they operate as our lieutenants or our coterie they form part of a sphere of influence. If you speak to these people (therefore operate in their first sphere) or they see you or you see them (therefore in the second sphere) you are caught within my third sphere of influence. Rest assured that news of your appearance in the spheres of my lieutenants and my coterie will be relayed to me. This may be in person, by telephone, text or e-mail message, but the news will reach me. This also allows me to send information to you by proxy as my coterie and lieutenants tells you about what I am doing, who I am with and so on and so forth.
The fourth sphere of influence is our reach through the telephone. I do not mean by text messages or FB messenger but actually speaking on the telephone. Whilst we may be thousands of miles from you, unseen and not physically proximate at all, the fact you are speaking to us allows us to extend our reach in an effective way through the use of the telephone. Facetime and Skype and similar applications fall within this sphere as well.
Next there is the fifth sphere of influence which manifests through the sending of text messages, e-mails, letters, notes wrapped around bricks thrown through your window, smoke signals etc. There is no actual speaking to one another. There is no third party involved. There is no physical proximity. This is the fifth sphere.
Finally, there is the sixth sphere of influence which is my mind. You may pop up in my mind for no reason whatsoever. It might be I hear a song which reminds me of you or I walk past where you used to live and I reminded of you. In all other respects I have deleted you from my mind post discard or post escape but then something happens, either triggered by something or just a random recall and there you are, in my mind and in my thoughts and therefore you have entered the sixth sphere of influence.
Following your escape or your discard we will operate all five of these spheres in an attempt to hoover you. Once you appear in any or all of these spheres of influence this will encourage us to effect a hoover (bearing in mind other factors as well which I will detail on a separate occasion). Thus if you have been effecting no contact and then I see you on a bus travelling along the high street, you have entered my second sphere of influence. You have come to my attention. You are on my radar. This may cause me to wave at you and get your attention or run along the road to catch up with the bus and board it so I can bring you into my first sphere. I may be minded then to make efforts to contact you in some other fashion, but the fact you have sailed close to me, appeared in my sphere does two things.
One, it alerts me to you. I may have been distracted with other sources of fuel but you entering my sphere of influence makes you game for a hoover.
Two, it awakens the mixture in you, that addictive quality that we imbue in you through our nefarious seduction of you, which then causes various memories to awaken inside of you, thoughts and feelings which make you vulnerable to our overtures once again.
Thus we will then look to hoover you. We are reminded of you and this calls into mind the potent hoover fuel that is on offer. Secondly you are at a heightened risk of the hoover succeeding because of the effects of the mixture that lurks inside of you, placed there by us some time ago when we seduced you.
Sometimes we seek to draw you into our sphere of influence. If we wait around outside where we know you work, we are trying to draw you into our sphere of influence. More often however it is you that enters our sphere of influence, either deliberately or inadvertently.
For example, you may decide you need to return some of our property and you call round to drop it off. You have entered our first sphere of influence through this act and you will be hoovered. Alternatively, it is late at night and we are on your mind (but you are not on ours) and you cannot help but send a text asking us how we are doing. By doing this you have entered our fifth sphere of influence. Any step or act which brings you to our attention, whether in person, on the ‘phone, through others or through technology is you entering our sphere of influence and triggering a likely hoover.
You of course can influence how many of these spheres of influence operate with regard to you. Stay out of our way and ensure that we do not know where to find you and you will prevent spheres one and two from working. Ensure that you are never mentioned to our friends and that you avoid any contact with those who are our lieutenants and our coterie and you destroy the third sphere. Avoid that temptation to ring us and you destroy the fourth. Ensure you never message us, do not send e-mails or even an application request and the fifth sphere is countered. The only one which you have no influence over is the sixth sphere. You may just pop into our minds from time to time and there is nothing that you can do about that. You should draw some slight comfort however from the fact that post escape and post discard, if you have survived the initial grand hoover then there you will not pop into our minds that often. We will have eradicated you from our mind and be focusing on alternative sources of fuel. There remains a risk of a hoover (that is why we never truly go away) because of this sixth sphere of influence, but the risk is reduced. Liken the spheres to zones which if you stay out of you do not alert us to your presence and do not activate the mixture. Step inside one and you trigger the risk of a hoover for the reasons outlined above. Your aim to ensure that you remain free of post-discard and post-escape hoovers is to know these spheres of influence exist and to stay away from them. Of course we make it harder than you think to do so, but that is a different matter for discussion.
28 thoughts on “The Spheres of Influence”
Need to share. Hope that’s ok HG as it isn’t a response to anything but it does fit into spheres of influence.
So today for the first time I saw the ex husband. My biggest fear. It’s been almost 8 months and it’s the one thing that has kept me inside my house time and time again. But today I felt strong. I ventured out on my own. I went to the supermarket on my own. And there he was! Omg thought I and I quickly dumped my pasta salad and walked swiftly out. And then! I thought fuck this! Ive had enough of being scared So I went back in retrieved the pasta and paid for said pasta. I saw him whisper something to his new gf and she turned and looked at me and then laughed with him. Did that bother me? Not in the slightest. After I’d left i almost went home but then something inside me wouldn’t let me so I carried on into town where I’d origionally planned to go. Half way I stopped to sit on a bench and ring my sister as I was shaking and the adrenaline was flowing. And then there he is again, walking towards me. My sister convinced me to face it and not get up and go so I did. And guess what…he didn’t say a word, didn’t stare at me with his menacing eyes, he didnt stomp towards me, he just passed on by as if I was invisible. Perfect!!! Now I know. It was always fear of the unknown. His unpredictability. Now I know he can’t get me anymore. And do you know what…he looked like a normal person out having a walk with his gf and kids. He didn’t look like the monster I have always seen in my minds eye when he comes into my head. He looked WEAK! Weak and pathetic. I saw him for what he REALLY is. Without control over me he is nothing but a weak, pathetic bully.
I’m afraid I just entered the third sphere of influence. 🙁 I’m at work and saw a man come in to interview with our CEO. I was wracking my brain but couldn’t place him at first and then, to my horror, I realized it’s the brother in law of my ex narc. We attended the wedding where his sister married this man. My ex narc didn’t like his family (and I don’t think they liked him) so we didn’t see them much. I was getting coffee and bumped into him on his way out. I tried to look down and rush by, but I’m pretty certain he recognized me.
So, what do I do know? Just be extra vigilant? I hope the man doesn’t get a job here…I don’t want my ex narc to know anything about me. Shit!
HG thank you so much for all your writings on this blog !!! Honestly , this is amazing .
I live 60 + miles away from him after he discarded me almost 2 yrs ago , but I work in the city in which is closer to him. Being that it has been so long , am I safe from a Hoover ? I’m thinking I don’t have to worry about him coming up here out of no where ( he used to live with me when we were engaged before the discard, also he gave me a fake ring 💍) didn’t find out until after he left me because I trusted him . But long story short , am I safe from him appearing up here?
It depends on whether there is a hoover trigger and the relevant hoover execution criteria. I would need more information to provide you with a full and proper answer and that is best achieved through a consultation.
I could easily enter sphere 1&2. But I don’t want to. He could react maligne way. It has to come from him. Only then the control will go back to me. I’ll wait.
Thank you. I just listen to your advice.
For you to try and draw us into your sphere of influence like waiting outside our work ( 2nd sphere) is subjected to the 6th sphere right? So the one operates with the other? Unless you didn’t deliberately try to see me but you did?
That can happen, yes.
Thank you HG,
“Knowledge IS king”
Indeed it is.
Wait, what? I thought Your Love was King? Sade got it wrong.
Oh, that’s my song..❤️
Ikr? Love Sade. Kiss of life is on the wireless receiver right now. Babyface’s Whip Appeal then Breakin My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes) by Mint Condition….in case you guys are following along or HG needs to add to his playlist for older women…lol!
Well, I’m still young and beautiful!
Just reading ‘Horns and Halos’, the part with hilarious messages (Dr Agadagodo et al.) Soo funny
Thank you for reading Amy, humour is important but he cannot be called a good doctor!
I know HG, the whole thing isn’t funny. I have been given a silent treatment for asking a question another guy in the office, without even realising I was doing this. Not that I care that much as I understand what it is all about now. I wish he wasn’t a narc, but thats only a wish. I’m working on getting him out of my head. Since returning to work he has been ‘programming himself’ back into my brain. Haven’t slept much.
No, he isn’t a good doc. He is obviously bad at counting. Wouldn’t count on him.
Hi HG, hope you are doing well. You are saying that in the event of a discard (or escape), the appliance is erased from your mind and thus a hoover is controlled by the hoover trigger and HEC. What then happens with the appliance placed on the shelf, who, as you wrote elsewhere, is not deleted, but may just not be required for some time? What is the process at play? Thank you!
Also governed by HT and HEC, IL.
I appreciate the prompt response! Thank you, HG!
Three months. Three. Sweet. Months. Without anything. No call, no email, no text. Three delicious months since he found his new primary and left me alone. And then last Thursday a call from an unrecognised number saying “I can see you. You should close your bedroom curtains. I watch you all the time” etc etc. Not his voice but I knew.
His way of making sure he was in my head.
So this was the 6th sphere HG? For whatever reason I popped into his head?
“Imagine if you will, me. Now I know you do this often as your guilty little secret but we haven’t got time for that at the moment.”
Hahaha, this guy is funny. Yes totally correct. We think of them.
LADIES!!! as much fault as these aholes should get, I hope through your experience that you learned something about yourself, I did. I don’t blame solely the guy. I consider him a gift.
He recently came back after two whole months of texting me and me not replying. Bc I find him to be stupid and a moron now.
But then I replied once. And now I had my rent paid for.
You can learn ALOT. Non attachment for one.
Do I have to actually get a WordPress account to see the replies? Can someone help please.
I love all of you. Yes, even the aholes.