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31 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 240”
Why cant I see the actual article? All I see are the comments but I cant find the article itself anywhere?
Sarabella, I knew before that there are conscienceless people around. I was a little bit arrogant and thought I would never be in such a mess. I would never engage in such a kind of relationship with someone of his kind. We lose our “innocence” because we must learn to manipulate, to be dishonest to defend ourselves. That is really sad. I think, it becomes easier, when you learn to recognise them and adept your own behaviour towards the people you meet. Nice and friendly people = nice and honest behaviour . Narcs = manipulative and dishonest response with high walls. After a while you recognise them very early. If you can avoid contact, do it. If it is not possible, smile, don`t talk too much about yourself and manipulate him/her by some kind of admiring behaviour. Then they are satisfied. It becomes critical, when you are a witness of his bullying or mobbing of others. Then you and me have to make a choice. I have no bad conscience when I am dishonest or manipulative towards people like him. It is integrated in my worldview and my conscience now. Never forget- they are the disordered ones. I was surprised about me that I am so aggressive. I did not know that before. There must be some “warrior genes” ( I just read Fallon) inside of me which were activated through his behaviour. They were always there, we were only lucky, that we did not come in close contact to such a human creature before.
I read all these comments and I keep up with the posts but there’s still the lingering questions…. am I really dealing with a Narcissist? Or just a mentally screwed up person?
Hey Amy : It’s so difficult to accept I get it. I don’t think anyone can definitely say whether or not someone’s a narcissist, not even a professional it’s only an opinion and a label …what’s important is how his behaviour is affecting your life.
The only control we have is over our own choices and reactions. I know that was totally not helpful but …..I believe it’s true. Hugs S 💗
Hi HG, Can you give us an update on your book “Awakened”? Thank you.
Being edited at present Elise.
LOL yes it does seem that way… deny. deny. deny…
my ex denied something for a month, I found undeniable proof, shoved it under his nose (I regret to this day not making a copy of it because he destroyed said proof) and still denied it for a whole week until he woke up one morning turned his denial into “yes, ok I did it but it’s your fault…” and then proceeded to spit out an entire rhetoric of BS about it being my fault… too bad at that point guilt no longer had any effect on me. That ship had sailed and sunk.
@sarabella I feel the same way. Once you know what they are and all hope is lost it’s just worst feeling in the world. I would use his disorder against him and play with him and wind him up because I could predict what he was going to do and how he’d react.
I was so mean I’d even call him my little lab rat I just wanted to punish him for all the horrible things he did to me and my family. It’s just left me feeling like shit for all of it.
So ya while knowledge is definitely power I wish I would have used it in a more constructive manner. 🙁
One of the last things I told him was how sad it is and how he just won’t understand the value to fixing this with us. He just can’t see it. That came from “that worst feeling”. If only he could leap over that fence he would see all that he is missing. But he can’t see that. His response was there is nothing to salvage. There is nothing between us. 🙁 🙁
Yes, I did go through a phase of unconsciously using his disorder against him, and then consciously. It got me and him no where in many ways. Except I did learn alot bout myself and him in it. But it cost my own soul alot. And I wounded him big time. Oddly, in ways he had wounded me decades ago, and allegedly wanted my forgiveness and said it was a gift. I was on the way to forgive, believing in him, only to find out it was only half true. And then when I delivered the same reaction to him, he had no forgiveness or understanding. It was always so ironic to me how that one worked out. He cut me to my core ages ago and without taking time to for real earning my trust, he played with me. Then, when I ‘cut him’, I was not to be forgiven. Very disturbing experience because I was only thinking of forgiving him because he had seemed like he changed and he never had.
HG I think I am being malign hoover without me causing a trigger, but I can’t be certain. I see on his Twitter page memes of names he used to call me. He knows that I am on twitter and even though I do not follow him I do secretly check out his page from time to time. Do you think these posts might be meant for me or does he call all women the names he called me? In that case it can be for anyone he has or is devaluing right?
I am not reacting. What can I expect next?
And it’s our reflex act when we are clueless as to what we are dealing with and that it’s as bad as it is.
Sorry to spam but I find it therapeutic to share my experiences here. Narc-saga update: last night we had a pub quiz in the office and I left without saying ‘bye’ to my narc. To be fair he went for a smoke, and I though I’d slip out. I knew he would go mad if I left early. Well now he is trying to make me jaleous by talking to another girl, which he thinks I get jaleous about. I really don’t get jaleous. but he thinks that, poor Narcissist.
You are always welcome to do that Amy, one of the functions of the blog is the sharing of experiences for the greater accumulation of knowledge.
Narcissists are simple creatures really. Once you know they manipulation tricks, they can be easily manipulated.
Some are. I would also advocate a distinction between manipulating the situation and manipulating the narcissist. When you know what you are dealing with and the likely behaviours, you can use this to protect yourself. It is better to use this information for defence than attack most of the time. Only certain victims should engage in looking to manipulate certain narcissists, it is not for everybody.
I see. that’s good to know, HG.
I hate the fact that he treats me like his possession.
Naturally, but that is how it must be.
Yeah, not for everyone. I learned to manipulate him and the situation to various degrees. Its a road I wish I had never gone down though I have learned alot. I didn’t use it for defense but rather to attack and I have paid the price in my own internal life. It corrupted me in its way. I am wiser for it, but now I have a real mess trying to integrate this knew ‘knowledge’ into a working view of life. It comes with a loss of innocence that maybe was for the best but it’s a sort of loss.
Only because you say so. Ha.
Hi HG, i have a question, how does the narc identify which gender to victimize? Why do they victimize people of the same sex too? what drives them to victimize gay men?
It is those individuals which will fulfil the Prime Aims and have the relevant traits as identified in Sitting Target which are the ones who are targeted. Gender is irrelevant for example with non-intimate tertiary and non-intimate secondary sources, save unless when a person’s gender might be used for the purpose of devaluation, for example, telling a woman she should shut up and get back in the kitchen, or to say to a man, are you a man or a mouse?
With regard to selection for intimate victims, with some of our kind, gender again does not matter because the narcissist’s sexuality is fluid. With others a choice is made for the purposes of maintaining a particular appearance. Sexual orientation of the victim again would be relevant for the purpose of using it against that individual during devaluation.
My narc husband has a few times boasted about his gay friends wanting him and once commented during one of my devaluations that next time he will be with a man. Do you think he has perhaps already done this?
I would say he has.
I read sitting target last night. I inadvertantly appeared in my ex narcs 3rd sphere of influence yesterday and would be grateful for your wisdom on the topic (I sent a post that’s still under moderation). Can I do anything except for just being extra vigilant? It affected me more than I would have hoped at this point so realizing I have lots more work to do.
It depends on other factors SW which impact on the HEC, such as what was the last interaction between you, how easy it is for him to contact you and how, can he contact you in person, are there any obstacles, did you wound him last time there was interaction, are you with somebody else and so on. This is best addressed through consultation.
Ok, thank you.
I discovered ads on Craigslist he posted in the m4m section, and a male lover who’s openly gay in our little town, but he would never admit to it.
In order to have a sexual orientation you need to have the self, self identity, which is missing in narcissists, this is why sexuality is fluid. It extends in some cases to family and children. I believe narcissism is the single source of incest and pedophilia.
Listful, or, its a Two-fer: Gets to get fuel from feeling wanted by men who he may never sleep with but likes the power to dangle “availability” in front of them AND he gets to totally devalue you by basically attacking your sexuality and femininity by implying you have totally turned him from women he would even stoop to men. Or he has, and its a Three-fer…. gets to devalue you, toy with his friends and get off on sleeping with them and never coming out of the closet. A sheer fountain of supply.
According to the Narcissist Constitution…yes it is.