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30 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 2”
But mine seems so liked by everyone. He seems so happy….My life in comparison to his is quite boring.
Apologies, I know you must be busy counting right now, but what time can we expect results, Mr Tudor?
It will be tonight, my time.
Do you think that you are an actor in your own life? That you pretend to be what you think people want you to be? You chameleon into what is necessary to blend in to be well liked by others?
Through your blogging, I realized my first boyfriend from long ago was also a lower Mid-Range. A few years after we broke up (he was still my boss at work), he told me he was marrying a young woman because he wanted to hang around with her Dad. They’d go to games, auto races, go fishing and do other outdoor sporting activities together.
That never made sense to me until now. He literally didn’t know how to make a real friend – because all he did was mirror people in the past. He didn’t know how to make true connections with others. He actually married this woman to get to her cool Dad.
(Didn’t last long, they got divorced a few years later.)
my latest narc showed me a wounded, unlucky in love, wouldn’t hurt a fly, all round good-guy, people pleaser……. yep….. it was a mirror all right! 😉
I sometimes wonder, is it truly “empty” or it “numb”? I guess either, depending on who it is and one’s own experience. …..I, too, experienced emptiness, especially during depressive episodes. I felt eviscerated of soul, torn internally til hollow…like death walking. That was my beast, my depression, my “Noon Day Demon”. Though, I also experienced numbing as empty too. I used to like the numbing as the pain of being “torn internally” was not there and I was more apathetic. Now I know that it is sometimes not healthy and I lean more into my pain now, to grow from it by using my pain. My episodes of emptiness and numbness are lessening in this part of my life now, due to this pressing into the pain, if you will. I am no longer scared by this feeling either (I used to be). Though, the thought of a depressive relapse is terrifying at times.
I do understand that the emptiness is likely different in those with full personality disorder (unless perhaps there is a co-morbid mood disorder with it in someone as well) given the difficulty many of those with various personality disorders with identifying true “self”, the source of some people’s sense of emptiness….. I know myself far better now than I did say in my teens and early 20’s. I think that is probably typical development though.
Just rambling…though it is an interesting overlap…
Indy… (from what I have experienced hands on with others and also within myself) I would tend to say that emptiness in personality disordered is quite different than the emptiness/numbness one “feels” when suffering from mood disorders. One can be treated (mood disorder) the other can not (personality disorder) Further, according to HG, I would venture to say the emptiness in NPD is due to lack of fuel, not any true emotion…. That is what I understand now.
Yes you are correct. I was more pondering the actual internal experience and how comparable they were. And you are totally correct that one can be medicated. While the other cannot though I will debate with regard to treating both with differing therapies. I actually think one can develop their sense of self, perhaps not to the same degree as someone that never had issue with that, however I do think it’s possible to increase with certain types of dialectical behavioral therapy and trauma informed therapies. With depression, that sense of emptiness and anhedonia is. Also very tough to treat. It was usually the leftover piece in my treatment for my depression. It is a red flag for me when I start feeling it. The emptiness is not only experienced when there is a lack of fuel but it is an underlying experience when self identity is lesser developed.
I’m not sure if I was being clear in my response below, lol, now that I reread it. What I meant to say is I am very curious in comparing the two experiences internally, if they are comparable. I know they come from differing sources and are addressed differently. Some of what I said below about developing a sense of self, admittedly, is controversial in the psych world so I wanted to preface that. And, to reiterate, I agree with your position just adding more questions. 😊
This is what I’ve been wondering about lately too.
There are maybe one or two days every so often, usually just before pms when I feel terribly empty, depressed, and such. It’s probably caused by hormones, and may be similar to the post partum depression, where the chemical hormonal sea is washed out temporarily.
I wonder if narcissists don’t have that state of being every day.
Fact is that they don’t experience love, empathy, joy, grief, happiness. Just stop and try to imagine that. It’s comparable to sitting on the moon, and staring into space with no atmosphere. There is no sunshine, no clouds, no sunset, no sunrise, no color. Everything is black and white.
The sun is suddenly a globe of white energy, it’s no longer the sun, but a star like billions of others in space.
There is a video by HG on YouTube, a rather poetic one that attempts to describe the experience of a narcissist.
I imagine, our emotions are like a bit of sunlight, or blue sky to them.
mine always told me he “felt” empty…. never “got” that till I became a Tudor student…
Lol Ms Brown , Tudor student 👩🏼🎓:) I like that, it’s true that’s what we are! I’d really like to graduate someday and stay out of dysfunction ⭐️ A+
i concur, shantily
Hmm this is so accurate! I was just thinking about how very little I actually knew about my N. When I reflect back on our interactions it was always him responding to me…responding to my questions, giving me snippets of his past ..when questioned… !!! it was very rare for him to be forthcoming about anything. I really don’t know him at all. No childhood stories (well very few), not many stories about anything in fact Lol a few work related things but …. I’m drawing a blank I couldn’t tell you much about him if pressed for answers. …his emotions never seemed individualistic either it’s as though it was always about something I did or didn’t do, otherwise he was emotionless my son used to call him no emotion man lol I never saw that until now . ..How creepy and eye opening ! It’s like I made him up – total fiction!! did I imagine most of it ?? Lol crazy – thought provoking indeed HG! 🙂
I think they are guarded about giving out any personal information because they have a tendency to use anything you say against you.
So, they assume you will do the same to them.
you are correct. My ex always said, “Be careful what you tell people because it can be used against you.” I thought it was odd, but now it makes so much sense.
Yes, I hear all those kind of comments said to other people in front of me. Probably to troll me.
And then you show us what we don’t want to see
It’s not that simple.
Sometimes a picture really does say a thousand words…
I could easily add a few more thousand.
You’re not empty HG!! I will never believe it!
I don’t know personaly HG, but if he says himself that there is the void instead of the heart…
The head surely is not empty.
But where is the soul?
Astute observation Salome.
They have the IQ, but lack the EQ -emotional intelligence? Although they seem to know how to fake it.
“THEY TOLD ME I HAD NO SOUL….
SO I ATE THEIR HEART”
Salome, good point. Perhaps the mind is full but the heart is empty. It now makes a little more sense to me. But still, with an intelligent, rich mind, why the need for mirroring? You can show everyone your mind – your skills, your likes, your dislikes, your passions, etc.