Total Collapse of Your Heart
Music. One of the most powerful ways of conveying feelings and emotions. From the tension inducing strings used in the shower scene in Psycho, to the ominous double bass as the shark theme from Jaws (my ring tone incidentally) and to the uplifting melodies of Walking on Sunshine, music has a formidable power to instill sadness, joy and fear. From the earliest days of our existence as we delighted in the sung nursery rhymes of Three Blind Mice or the excitement of a toddler recognising the theme tune to his or her favourite television programme through to the regal Entrance of the Queen of Sheba at a wedding or the accompanying sounds to a funeral,music is all pervading and all powerful. Music creates the urge to dance and to sing. It inspires and motivates. Think how much further you can run on that treadmill when you listen to some up tempo dance music or your favourite pop tunes.Supermarkets alter the music played over the tannoy to influence the speed at which shoppers move about the store, advertisers look for that annoyingly catchy jingle that is always associated with a particular product and if you are placed on hold some soothing strings are played to you in order to maintain its patience (although I must concede that does not always have the desired effect). Music has the capacity to change moods in an instant, to heighten feelings and manipulate emotions and of course it is this last characteristic of music that is so useful to our kind.
We use music extensively in the way that we manipulate. We may exhibit our proficiency with a musical instrument to lure you to us, this being a particularly favourite step of the cerebral of our kind. Our somatic brethren use the breathless excitement of a frenetic and popular entertainer at the sold-out concert to draw their prey. We ensure that we create a catalogue of songs which will generate Ever Presence when we have discarded you or you try to escape us through the application of no contact. Every time you hear the opening strains of The Power of Love, your mind is taken back to the times we held one another as we listened to that song and I pledged to ‘protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door’.You are engulfed in sadness at such a memory and music has taken you back to that time in an instant. We of course always look to create ‘our song’ which we use at first as a device to hook you, hold you and then repeatedly remind you of what we once had and torture you in the months and years following the cessation of our relationship. Naturally, when assessing you as a target,I had regard to the songs you posted late at night, perhaps when you were mulling over a previous relationship, on your Face Book news feed. I worked through your social media, making a note of the songs you refer to and the context as I begin to compile that playlist for use when I commence my seduction of you. I may use a Lieutenant to gain access to your CD collection or to scroll through your Itunes list. He or she will have particular regard to how often certain songs have been played, when looking on Itunes and feeding that information to me. I make use of your list of songs and then supplement that list with the stock lists which I have and repeatedly use. I have such ready-made playlists of my favourite songs dependent on your favourite genres, accordingly I have a pop one, a rock one, a dance one, a classical one, a soundtrack one and so on. All except rap. Rap is no use when trying to seduce.
If you revel in the disposable joy of pop music I will have a set of tracks for use with you when I seduce you. I know these are effective because I used them with my last pop-loving victim. One of my favourite methods of seduction is to not tell you how I feel about you directly but always convey it via the power of music. I will send you a text with a song title which will implicitly suggest that you look it up on YouTube or Itunes and in so doing you will sit and smile as the music washes over you and the seduction begins to envelop you. I may send you the link for the song, or I may purchase the CD and leave it on the passenger seat of your car for you to play. I may feign that I was so hurt by my last relationship that I struggle to tell you how I feel and can only do so through the medium of music. This makes you feel special and each time I provide you with the details of a song I provide you with a concentrated blast of delicious and addictive seduction.
By contrast, during my devaluation of you I will deny ever liking certain songs that I once professed to love, in order to confuse you. I will change the type of music that I prefer and claim I have always loved that music. I will denigrate your music choices, complaining loudly if you play certain music or leaving the room. When I know you are struggling and feeling weak I will then revert to the seduction tactics and suddenly fill the room with the sound of a particular song which is so very significant to you and just stand and stare at you waiting for the inevitable tears to start to flow along with the fuel that I desire. Music is a powerful tool in our hands, it allows us to seduce, it allows us to denigrate and it allows us to seduce once again.It lifts you up, it makes you feel cherished and special because we know exactly the right pieces of music and songs to play to you. We know, just like that catchy song, how to ensure that every time you hear certain songs you remember us and the pain and longing flows once again. Music is a major weapon that we are able to use. As Bonnie Tyler sang, “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.”
108 thoughts on “Total Collapse of Your Heart”
Re:sex change and Frank
Theyre not easily deterred. He’d probably still hoover you.
Wow ! I personally on a more positive non wrist slashing note finally am feeling great enough to pick up some instruments and get to playing again. I never seemed to be able to when he was in my life or in dealing with the aftermath. He had to be better than me even in that. He was , in fact, but had many more years iinvested but I swear he was afraid I would get better than him.
Thanks. I miss M. H.
Me too, NA.
Is it just me or have a lot of songs sounded like bands from the 80’s to early 90′ to you lately? I heard one the other day that had a Pet Shop Boys vibe.
Theres only so many riffs and we used them all, so the yuggins have no choice but to recycle. Just my theory. Or theyre lazy. The former is kinder I think lol.
Indy. It isnt just you. I was listening to a time warp inspired music show. When it was over the “new” music similar. Cant beat originals.
OK, just heard this song and thought…wow, the lead singer has a sound, IMHO, a LITTLE like one of my fave singers (Michael Hutchence of INXS). Anyone else hear it? And, the addition of Love being Mystical….could not help it!!…
Listening to music on my mp3 player brings back memories of very difficult times… the following songs helped me, they might soothe others’ pain, too 🙂 If it’s not too off-topic, I would like to share my playlist:
1) Trying to get through to him:
*Full Of Grace – Sarah McLachlan
*Say Something (I’m Giving Up On You) – A Great Big World, Christina Aguilera
*Frozen – Madonna
*Bring On The Wonder – Sarah McLachlan
*Say Something – James
2) Feeling numb:
*Bring Me To Life – Evanescence
*Time – Sarah McLachlan
3) Preparing to leave:
*The Power Of Good-Bye – Madonna
*The Path Of Thorns (Mirrorball Live album) – Sarah McLachlan
*Take A Bow – Madonna
*Sorry – Madonna
*Stand My Ground – Within Temptation
*Angels – Within Temptation
5) Abyss past-escape:
*Angel – Sarah McLachlan
*Calling All Angels (Jane Siberry & KD Lang) – Pay It Forward OST
*Sit Down (Live, 2001) – James
*Mad World (Instrumental) – Donnie Darko OST
*That I Would Be Good – Alanis Morissette
*Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright
*Suite No.3, BWV 1068 in D Major: II.Air (Academy of St Martin-in-the-Fields/Sir Neville Marriner, Emi Classics, Red Line, 1986 Digital Remaster) – Bach
*My Immortal – Evanescence
*Sonata No.14 in C-Sharp Minor, Op.27, No.2 ‘Moonlight’: I.Adagio Sostenuto (Arthur Rubinstein) – Beethoven
*Pale – Within Temptation
*Mary Jane – Alanis Morissette
6) Longing past-escape:
*Memories – Within Temptation
*Song For A Winter’s Night – Sarah McLachlan
*Dante’s Prayer – Loreena McKennitt
*Do What You Have To Do – Sarah McLachlan
*I Will Remember You (Mirrorball Live album) – Sarah McLachlan
*Against All Odds – Mariah Carey
*My All – Mariah Carey
*Amazing Grace – Hayley Westenra
*Thank U – Alanis Morissette
8) Not going back:
*You’ll See – Madonna
*Cry Me A River – Julie London
9) Pure Joy!:
*Canon in D (Academy of St Martin-in-the-Fields/Sir Neville Marriner, 1974 Digital Remaster) – Pachelbel
10) New beginnings:
*Let It Go (Idina Menzel) – Glee OST
*Wild Child – Enya
*Try – Pink
*Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (Mirrorball Live album) – Sarah McLachlan
*May It Be – Enya
*Hero – Mariah Carey
*Book Of Days – Enya
*Peer Gynt Suite, No.1, Op.46: I.Morning Mood (Academy of St Martin-in-the-Fields/Sir Neville Marriner, Bayard) – Grieg
*Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day
*Rise – Gabrielle
*Leaving Wallbrook, On The Road – Rainman OST
Let the healing commence! 🙂
Wot no Gloria Gaynor?!
Interestingly, over half of your playlist I have used as part of seducing people through music. Works both ways, Matilda.
Nope, no Gloria for me… my hymn of salvation was ‘Let It Go’! 😀 I listened to every version mankind has ever brought forth, played it on infinite loop for days, and sang my heart out with lovely Idina… until catharsis set in! 😀
Thou shalt not use any of these songs, demon! 😀 They are meant for healing, not for furthering your dark arts, HG! Grrr!
They were all mine before he came into my life, and they remain mine forever. The few he contributed are mine now, too! 🙂
Let It Go really ought to be let go.
“Let It Go really ought to be let go.”
I completely missed the Disney film craze, just stumbled upon this song much later, in a time of need. The universe was on my side that fateful day. And I will be singing this song in the shower for years to come! 😀
I have to correct myself though: the version I was referring to was sung by Lea Michele (Menzel’s daughter in ‘Glee’)!
No more of it. Promised! 🙂
I posted this song on the feed in the wrong place, so here it is again. Which is just as well as it is a great song. She is fabulous in concert, high energy and sounds exactly like her recordings. And she is this hot in person.
Girl crush for me.
Her style is completely different, so upbeat! I’m always interested in listening to something new, so, thank you, AH OH! 🙂
I know you have got me onto her. She’s brilliant. Thanks
No Phil Collins- against all odds?
If we have sent our narcissist a YouTube link with a song during the Golden Period, after discard if they hear this song played anywhere, can it be enough to trigger a Hoover through entering a sphere or does it even remind them of us? In other words, does this work in reverse including on a Greater?
Yes it will be a Hoover Trigger.
We used to cuddle while he would play music from his phone. He would caress my face, my arms, my shoulders during this time. He was so gentle and romantic. Then after he left that day, i wouldn’t hear frm him for 3 days. Those 3 days were very difficult for me. I would miss him so much post intimacy (no sex, just affection). But i would never contact him first. I wanted to give him the ‘freedom’ (which he craves so much) of contacting me when it’s convenient for him. I also didn’t want to appear needy. There seemed to be alot of waiting games being played, which i couldn’t handle, and eventually left him.
My non-narc ex, prior to my narc ex, was not like that at all. Post intimacy he would call an hour later, and again in the evening, telling me he loves me. This is the pattern i was accustomed to.
My exnarc hated “you’re so vain” very much.
But did he think the song was about him?
Haha. He took it personal when I sent it to him. 😉 Great fun.
Hahaha! He probably thought the song was about him
😂😂😂 Awesome question HG… LMAO!!! Thank you for that… 😂😂😂
Sorry ladies, forgot our national women’s anthem ;)))
Love it. 😃
I had once a virtual friend who was a narcissist, whenever I remember him Scooter comes to mind, he posted his songs a lot.
How do you embed a video on here?
And why do you keep all my comments in moderation?
I don’t. Many of your comments have appeared on the blog as you know. There are lots of comments in moderation, not just yours.
So how come other videos look embedded in a comment and mine doesn’t?
They are not embedded. They are the links.
So why do they display and mine doesn’t?
Must be the filter.
Must be HG.. (smile and a peck on the cheek for you) 😘
Is a peck not enough? Ok, it follows today with my hug…
And that assault on the ears will not be posted here.
lmao… i just know you love Scooter
No I do not.
Of all those who read my blog, you know me the least.
Of all the thousands?? How did you reach that conclusion?
Oh I just did what you do and made it up.
So you ARE mirroring me.
And you just admitted you make things up. The Tudor wins. Again.
I didnt realize until you mirrored me.
I guess I get nervous when it comes to you.
That’s not made up, it’s a considered thought.
You need not be nervous, you are safe in this forum.
That’s not what I meant..
I read this series of books about witches and demons and congering for the thing you most want but the only thing powerful enough to mak it happen was a demon. But it’s beautiful and everything you want…and then he says it’s time to repay.
Today I am broken because it is Mother’s Day and for the first time he went there. And mommy why can’t you stay is echoing.
These writings makes me know I’m not crazy and that the surreal is real.
I’m not amazing or special or brilliant but I am okay to take up the space I do and there is good because of it.
I found my long lost mp3 player… among the 400+ songs, this one struck me like lightning…
Sarah, lovely lady btw, will have you cutting your wrist if you are not careful listening to her songs. Here is one for you to dance to as you heal. https://youtu.be/lITwUQMuBQc
But did she mention about her dog dying?
No, there’s no mentioning of dying dogs in her songs. [See? I’m addressing you first, even though your comment appeared second. I am in a jolly mood today, and lenient. haha]
Listening to her songs has always comforted me on a very deep level… she probably has saved quite a few from slashing their wrists… but we’re all different… peace upon the struggling!
And me, pacing, waiting for my hoover…
I too, await for mine. Mainly to see if it will ever happen. As I have expressed before I know it will come when I least expect it and have finally forgotten him. I am sure that they have a 6th sense and they have it forever.
Shouldn’t you be dreading it? I’m at that stage now I’m being hoovered thick and hard with NC in place. Please do some Gabbanzobeany things and shine.
The world is not enough!
Haha. Thick and hard may not be the best choice of words in trying to deter someone awaiting a hoover.
The narc I knew had the biggest one I had seen but oh my god he most certainly did not know how to use it.
All on all he was the biggest Dick I have ever met (that’s not his appendage I am referring to).
Please ladies don’t wait for a hoover. To be taken of and put back on the shelf at someone else’s will is pretty gross. Think of all the women he is going through. I always remember a drawing from my youth that had a couple and one of them had slept with one other person in their life. The other had slept with ten. So that’s 13 in the bed, ooohh yuck!
The one running your ship is you. Take your power back bit by bit and there will be times you will stumble frequently. Recovery is like being on a pirate ship. You are walking the plank and on the way yout lose your footing, you manage to grab the plank before that cold, mucky water takes you but you pull yourself back with your strong arms (why did you do that? because you don’t want to die, you just want peace). Here you go again you are being prodded and pushed (emotionally, psychologically as well as physically) and further towards the end of that plank you go. On and on it goes until one day you say Enough is ENOUGH. You realise something is not right, you listen to your instinct (boy is it happy as you have been deaf to it for so long) and you fight back. This is your life not the abusers. Deprogram and each step back onto that ship to find land. There you get off and begin your life for the first time. If the truth be known you never wanted to end up engulfed in that murky water. It’s now time to break the chains and find out who you really are. Introspection is the key. Go find that key and unlock so that you can find a life you deserve.
One last word if he hoovers remember he is the dirt so since you are shiny and clean you do not require a hoover. Goodbye Narcs forever. That narc you fell for was mirroring you, you loved him. Why? Because you have not learnt to love yourself. That narc reflected you back to you and you loved it. Now it’s time to love yourself.
I wish you well.
Thank you HG for your valuable input.
Ha ha. There’s always sexual undertones with me. I’m depraved.
I will show you depraved.
This excites me.
Excites you. Whatever floats your boat. There is much to learn here from that statement for me. Thank you. It fills me with something entirely different.
You’re right SVR. I don’t know what came over me.
I do hope for your sake it has left you. Take care.
Sarah if this is not how you really wanted to reply to svr then don’t. This is a free forum say what would want do not appease anyone. We have done that long enough with the narcs in our lives. 😉
I mean ‘gulp’ HG. whatever could you mean?
Ha ha ha ha ha.. fab.
But hey! Don’t wait for a hoover, get on with your life. Unless off course you are going to play a little game with him. I did with the one I knew, then how rude he blocked me. Well that’s job done so now time to enjoy life.
SVR… If I so much as say one word to him again after the information HG has provided on this site, I promise to have a sex change and call myself Frank. Just like you, I am truly done.
I wish you well. 🙂
Comment of the day.
Fuel be in my heart.
Unless of course you were joking with each other! 😜😉
Joking, you must be kidding.
No very serious. I have not heard one thing about him or from him and the female friend I also had.
It took those two to almost contribute to my fall (never happened as I had an awakening). Then I get on a flight and some tall Jamaican singer chatted to me throughout the flight, he was trying it on and he was a singer in a big band he said. Indeed he is online and was telling the truth but I was alert to not get caught again, he said he would write a song about this meeting and gave me his cd and email asking me to contact him. I smiled, politely said thank you and then thought not a bloody chance. So I never did. Go me 😉
Why thank you. Yes go me 😂😂
It took me a good while to get to this stage but I am so pleased that it’s happened. An awakening is fantastic.
So go you too 😉
I wish you well also. Nah! Who wants to be a man. We were born women to bring life into this world, that’s what men forget. They would be lost without women. No sex change 😈
Narcageddon will destroy procreation.
This song sums up the narcissist for me. Also, the song played on one of the Twilight Zone films, where James Woods tortures this man who’s supposed to be giving up smoking with his agency. A classic.
The person I was with, that was the last song he played for me before, I haven’t thought about that in awhile. Nice to know it doesn’t affect me.
That’s good news, Twilight. Alec Empire’s On Fire song is a darker one, but it reminds me of how the Narcissist feels when he/she is fuelled.
I used to find that Police song so romantic too….Duh
“Mr. Tudor, welcome aboard Narc Airways flight 666 to New York. I’m your steward, Justin Timeiescaped”
HG, you’re about to spend the weekend with either:
1) A Super Co-Dependent (a new hybrid empath you want to ‘test drive’ for two days of fuel galore as Kim is being devalued), or
2) Dave Gahan at his condo, but…with very low fuel opportunities…but…it IS DG!.
Who do you pick?
Shortly after takeoff, your fuels levels dip. The passenger next to you is fast asleep, useless. You’re wide awake.
The wi-fi and telephones are not working due to high winds. The seat belt sign is on. Even you are forced to obey that insidious rule, unable to go drill the leggy blonde three rows behind for some potential fuel.
Narc Airways is a bitch! Too bad Air Empath kicked you out after you lashed out at the crew for not serving your dinner tray first! Treacherous ITPS! (International Travel Primary Source)
The nose against the window, what do you do to stop the gauge needle from nearing the red zone?
A) Scroll through past texts for old fuel?
B) Watch a movie?
C) Listen to your ipod?
Can anything distract you from low fuel when you’re temporarily unable to lap some?
Now times all of that by about a billion for someone like me. My goal is to still be able to listen to certain songs and not think of him. Tie ultimate challenge for me.
I live and work listening to music. Most of my friends are musicians. Of course he used music but I used it too.
I love Bonnie Tyler and all those heart breaking songs. It’s not me but I enjoy them very much.
Another jucy one is Insensitive by Jann Arden… ahhh :)))
Some years ago, my mother bought a record player to play a selection of records she had not got out of their case for around twenty years. She had long since been divorced, and my father had long since died. She entered into a severe depression because she had only just realised on getting the records out, that my father, after the divorce,had packed her off with the Sound of Music which she hated with a passion, and he knew it. He was laughing at her from beyond the grave. If she wasn’t such a narc herself I might feel sorry for her. Goodness mother get a grip, he’s the dead guy. You win. In fact, knowing what I know, I find this story hilarious now, my mother, is the antithesis of Julie bloody Andrews.No wonder she freaking hated it.
I use to send some to him so he eventually sent me a song back. It was Adele. I said I hate Adele and his reply he does to. This made me giggle at tge time and again right now 😂
Now I know why he was so angry. At the time of my escape and his following hoover he gave me some Cd’s with his “favourite” songs. Songs with men (melting voices) singing about how disappointed they were about their “soulmates”. I said “Thank you” and put them regardless to the other Cd’s. I did not like the music and also I did not like the content of the songs. Men with self-pity. That must have been a huge attack against him. He always tried to persuade me to listen to his music. I was very often bored, because I had a different music taste in many cases. I did not tell him, but he noticed it. No success for him. And I don`t know why, I never told him about my favourite songs. So he could not use that knowledge against me. From the beginning on I tried to avoid to have a “special song” with him. He often said that he could not come close to me, there would be a boundary he could not break through. Now I am happy that I instinctively created that boundary. He caused enough damage.
Oh but I do really love that song! And besides, it goes something more along the lines of:
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
As well as “Forever’s gonna start tonight”
It’s all subjective really 😉
Ps. According to Mr. Wikipedia,
Steinman said in an interview with Playbill:
“with Total Eclipse of the Heart, I was trying to come up with a love song and I remembered I actually wrote that to be a vampire love song. Its original title was Vampires in Love because I was working on a musical of Nosferatu, the other great vampire story. If anyone listens to the lyrics, they’re really like vampire lines. It’s all about the darkness, the power of darkness and love’s place in dark…”
It seems rather fitting if you ask me… which you’re not. But meh.
I’ve always had a weird thing for vampires…except Twilight. Ugh.
Ain’t that the truth. Total collapse and becoming something that is made of nightmares. All for your sickening glory.
The shark song from Jaws your ringtone…epic. Is it on all 4phones or you change it up?
LOL. I cant picture you calling DM rubbish…or can I? Perish the thought.
HG– is it at all possible that the narc will put someone else’s benefits ahead of his own? My narc said he is getting a new girlfriend because he needs a mother to his two boys- one a toddler, the other not born yet. He was saying he wants to marry, and I didn’t but now, I don’t hear about marriage plans just living with the girl. He ensnares his victims by giving them false of splendid future. I knew him too well to believe any of his promises, nevertless it hurts anyway knowing that I wasn’t good enough. This is the first time when I’m actually being honest with myself- before I always said I’m not going back and always did in the end. Now, I finally see myself breaking away, thank you for all your post. You do say you have your own reason of doing it but it does not change the reality. You are helping us all.
Both of us did this. But me more than him. Does that make me a Narc? I made him 3 mix CDs. He dedicated one song to me. Just one. “Beautiful Mess” by Jason Mraz. He said it described our relationship. He sent the lyrics and analyzed it and everything. Later on he laughed about it like it was funny. His favorite thing in the car to listen to were all the superhero theme songs and the theme from Star Wars.
He is a musician (composer) and was more into orchestrating/arrangement rather than lyrical interpretation. He frequently send me pieces of his work, asking what I thought. Of course later on in the relationship he stopped doing this. He also told me I needed to “delete” all the stuff he sent me. He said it was “better that way”.
Of course when arguing with me out came the pity play. “After all I have done for you Gabrielle! I have shared myself with you, physically and creatively. And this is how you treat me?”
If I could rewind it I would say back to me “Oh really? You told me to delete all of your work!”
A Hoover from my ex husband ..
Here is a clever, low-brow song to mock a loving and caring woman. Don’t play it during a romantic dear with one of your victims, HG. Ha ha.
Does HG stand for Her God? If not, what does HG mean?
No I play one of my theme tunes instead
Perfect song for you!! Great way to start my day! Put a smile on my face. Thanks HG.
You are welcome.
do you play computers games?
Hard to believe..
in fact i think you do not.
I do not have time to do so these days. I have done in my past.
This video is much better than the concert video. The audience is smiling in a comatose fashion as Dion sings about boning multiple partners…lyrics, people. Thanks for the laugh HG.
Pleasure. Boning is a good word.
Video fits, even the gun in hand
Such is my imagination this morning
Such a coincidence HG . My new Theme tune 🙂
Top♬ tune too..🔝✔
She didn’t write that diary. The “Holocaust” was staged in order to cover other crimes. That’s what the media DOES, that’s what it’s for.
History has been re-written so many times, no one knows what the truth is anymore. I’ll go ahead and say these things because it’s become obvious to me that people will attack anyone who speaks truth or voices an opinion that isn’t popular.
My oldest daughter’s custom ringtone for me was Psycho.
Haha. The ringtone for my parents was circus music. Chris Rock from Madagascar 3.
I played a rather obscure and beautiful song for my ex douchetard Narc which he loved and went on and dedicated to me on various occasions. He would say that it would be out wedding song one day. After our breakup he used “our” song as his wedding song knowing that I would be told of this. I cannot even listen to a single song by that singer who had been one of my favorites for years,