The Overload
Intriguing. Curious. Interesting. Exciting. Fascinating. Absorbing. Compelling. Gripping. Riveting. Captivating. Magnetic. Engaging. Enthralling. Alluring. Diverting. Distracting. Titillating. Tantalizing. Stimulating. Thought-provoking. Amazing. Brilliant. Magnificent. Scintillating. Astonishing. Mesmerizing. Hypnotic. Happiness. Joyful. Elation. Stunning. Alluring. Ecstasy. Uplifting. Empowering. Glowing. Buoyant. Overjoyed. Euphoric. Blissful. Exhilarated. Enraptured. Cheerful. Merry. Gleeful. Carefree. Smiling. Jovial. Fascinating. Unique. Breathtaking. Glorious. Beaming. Shining. Glittering. Sparkling. Blessed. Jocund. Exuberant. Gregarious. Charismatic. Sensational. Thrilling. Startling. Staggering. Lovely. Handsome. Beautiful. Caring. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Bonny. Radiant. Unforgettable. Unmissable. Enchanting. Entrancing. Bewitching. Wonderful. Exquisite. Remarkable. Outstanding. Impressive. Memorable. Arresting. Eye-catching. Masterful. First class. Delicious. Delectable. Scrumptious. Formidable. Virtuoso. Swell. Awesome. Fabulous. Divine. Heavenly Majestic. Noble. Engaging. Loving. Passionate. Ardent. Zealous Fervent. Encompassing. Intense. Impassioned. Vehement. Fiery. Sexual. Sensual. Mysterious. Animated. Spirited. Consuming. Burning. Mercurial. Vigorous. Athletic. Energetic. Erotic. Lustful. Amorous. Sultry. Torrid. Steamy. Electric. Devotion. Tenderness. Intimacy. Adoration. Endearment. Doting. Attentive. Idolization. Worshipping. Ardor. Desire. Adulation. Infatuation. Friendly. Besotted. Obsessed. Beloved. Perfection.
Distant. Aloof. Remote. Detached. Unresponsive. Unapproachable. Isolated. Formal. Cold. Icy. Stand-offish. Stiff. Austere. Withdrawn. Reserved. Indifferent. Unforthcoming, Uncommunicative. Unfriendly. Cool. Chilly. Unsociable. Disdainful. Frosty. Frigid. Supercilious. Haughty. Cut-off. Separated. Removed. Reticent. Taciturn. Forbidding. Introverted. Retiring. Private. Reclusive. Diffident.
Furious. Enraged. Raging. Infuriated. Inflamed. Fuming. Boiling. Incandescent. Irate. Irritated. Incensed. Seething. Mad. Ranting. Shouting. Violent. Ranting. Raving. Angered. Livid. Outraged. Indignant. Wrathful. Explosive. Destructive. Riled Apoplectic. Aerated Turbulent. Tempestuous. Fierce. Wild. Howling. Roaring. Insinuate. Blame. Label. Castigate. Accuse. Demean. Belittle. Disparage. Denigrate. Downgrade. Deprecate. Trivialize. Deride. Mock. Ridicule. Criticize. Scorn. Condemn. Abuse. Malign. Revile. Decry. Reprimand. Censure. Control. Harm. Hurt. Maltreat. Wound. Decry. Injure. Damage. Cripple. Disable. Maim. Mutilate. Scratch. Hit. Punch. Kick. Throttle. Strangle. Beat. Assault. Molest. Damage. Torture. Maltreat. Imprison. Misuse. Pervert. Exploit. Maul. Oppress. Bully. Insult. Grope. Manhandle. Push. Pull. Slap. Curse. Jibe. Tease. Rebuke. Upbraid. Slight. Disrespect. Defame. Segregate. Foul. Terrible Horrible. Unpleasant. Awful. Dreadful. Abominable. Loathsome. Vile. Frightening. Terrifying. Scary. Petrifying. Revolting. Repulsive. Odious. Sickening. Repellent. Nauseating. Repugnant. Horrendous. Hideous. Appalling. Atrocious. Offensive. Objectionable. Obnoxious. Unpalatable. Unsavory. Filthy. Off-putting. Noxious. Rank. Ghastly. Gruesome. Diabolical. Dangerous. Bad. Nasty. Severe. Alarming. Painful. Ugly. Muzzle. Suppress. Stifle. Gag. Grotesque. Unkind. Grave. Critical. Serious. Annoying. Unwelcome. Frustrating. Aggravating. Maddening Vexatious. Pernicious. Mendacious. Toxic. Poisonous. Virulent. Deadly.
Jettison. Discard. Scrap. Hurl. Dispose. Repudiate. Abandon. Leave. Drop. Relinquish. Reject. Axe. Fling. Dump. Ditch. Trash. Shed. Forsake. Vacate. Disappear. Vanish. Flit. Evaporate. Dissipate. Retire. Retreat. Pass. Ebb. Fade. Silence.
Appear. Hoover. Surprise. Pester. Stalk. Harass. Surface. Arise. Materialize. Occur. Emerge. Visible. Apparent. Reveal. Badger. Hound. Harry. Plague. Bedevil. Smear. Slur. Persecute. Bother. Annoy. Worry. Disturb. Trouble. Ghost. Haunt. Vex. Stress. Agitate. Provoke. Nag. Chivvy. Bait. Hassle. Bug. Pressure. Interfere. Mither. Regretful. Penitence. Contrition. Repentant. Rueful. Remorseful. Abject. Guilty. Apologetic. Sorry. Sheepish. Shameful. Ashamed. Pitiful. Pathetic. Woeful. Lamentable. Tragic, Wretched. Miserable. Plaintive. Forlorn. Promise. Pledge. Honour. Assurance. Vow. Oath. Guarantee. Chance. Commitment. Undertaking. Covenant. Swear. Change. Convert. Transform. Adapt. Modify. Rebuild. Remake. Refashion. Reconstruct. Beg. Plead. Beseech. Entreat. Implore. Ask. Request. Adjure. Exhort. Enjoin. Petition. Humble. False.
Repeat. Parrot. Recurrent. Regurgitate. Replicate. Duplicate. Restate. Reproduce. Again.
Exhaustion.
Overloaded.
25 thoughts on “The Overload”
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Hi Giulia,
If HG will permit me I’ll see what poems of Narc’s I have and post it here… 😀
*Affect*
I’ve had one of those ‘nothing ever happened’ hoovers this morning, after several weeks of hearing nothing due to a discard. I have him blocked on WhatsApp, yet he did not block me along with the discard (and still hasn’t).
I must admit, reading it hasn’t had the same effect as it used to (now that I grasp the understanding behind it all). And now my NC journey begins.
A big thank you to HG.
Good for you Sarah and you are welcome.
👏🏼
Absolutely brilliant! You’re so very talented!
So cleverly written. I like very much.
Brilliant. I love it. HG you are quite the literary talent.
It’s the ultimate narcissistic trick (and all victims please take note): say I’ve won when I haven’t.
It throws people off balance that a loser can be so arrogant as to change the story and it causes helplessness and the lack of humanity we are witnessing. But yes, it is what the narcissist does. If you are strong and brilliant and happened to have been pleasant to a narcissist, yes they will go ahead with their vicious storytelling and write as HG has done about codependents.
You must accept the failure of them in forming a relationship and value your true self without listening to narcissistic garbage. They’ll go as low as low can be. Your ticket out is to stop worrying about their version and stick to yours.
yes, I am really learning to stick to mine. Any time even now a drop of doubt comes up, I remind myself. I know what happened and how he engineered it all. I know the truth.
Because doubt doesn’t always mean you don’t believe yourself. Doubt is a natural way to tell a real friend or lover you want to bond with them and want their support. It is normal when you trust. Unfortunately applying the trust worldview to the abuser is double-whammied as they use your doubt against you. The only thing we need to doubt is them!
Wow this is perfecr. Another puzzle piece. When I expressed doubts to him about what we were doing and what was going on, his responses always puzzled me. They were tinged with guilt, defenses and more.Later, became outright attacks. Never once did he properly address my doubts and respond to fears with warmth, or reassurances. Instead it was “and tou doubt me? a man tells you his feelings and you doubt…” My doubts were turned into ME reassuring him. How the fuck did that happen? And was it all to engineer all the focus on him?
🙂
In fact I’m pretty sure that a codependent (in the real sense) must be a very, very weak individual with no desire to think critically. But there must be another class (in my case and others on here) in that the victim has traits such as compassion and a willingness toward teamwork and nurturing, who endures a narcissist’s projection of dependency. I believe this dynamic sees the victim take on codependent behaviours to survive or simply out of curiosity because they haven’t learned what a narc is.. For instance running decisions by a narc when they have already made up their mind. It is very dangerous for this kind of person to seek answers from a narcissist about themselves because the narc will give them a weaker version.
Spit… In my face… For some reason, this act bothered me the most.
poor Henry G. Tudor..
“The normal person has no umbrella beneath which the codependent might shelter. It is us that hold those umbrellas and the codependent has no choice but to come to us and seek the use of this umbrella.”
Each clue you are giving is helping me unravel my story.
I do not find this statement to be true in my case but reading your perspective confirms how my mother enforced this narrative until she saw signs of it becoming true. The overload was her method of creating such distress I needed some kind of calm, or was looking to have a real family.
The arrogance of the narcissist is such that a victim may not need them at all, but the narcissist will persist and persist until they see dependent behaviour. In reality I kept the peace while getting on with my activities, but her ego told her the kind of story you have written. My brother too retold the story exactly as you write, even though I didn’t need him either. I did things to get along with him and keep the peace but certainly did not need his construct. He lied to himself.
It really shows just how much you have to fight them and every manipulation to defend what is true for you and maintain your self respect. She used her assumed parental role and my nature against me to create the codependent story, even though I didn’t feel at any point I was behaving in a way that was natural for me. All I had to do was accept that I didn’t have a family.
I’ve sat and listened to narcissists as I mentioned, and they will outright edit reality about a victim to suit their ego. This is why I think you should not entirely trust your own judgment.
I compliment you on this post HG, I enjoyed the word play. Talking of dumping and dropping can you help? Narcypants has removed me without warning from the poetry page we set up together on facebook. What is the meaning of this action? Is he telling me I’m worthless and he’s over me or is he trying to provoke me to react?
Provocation.
Thank you.
Scout….please….share some of his narc poetry with us!!!
“I will not eat green eggs and ham, I’m much too busy perfecting my scam.”
If HG will permit it I will happily find one of Narcs poems and post it here… 😉
Hello Giulia,
Here is one of Narc’s poems. I’ve removed the title because I’m keen to know what you or anyone else think the poem is about… It’s certainly is not Shakepseare or Larkin but it is insightful… This poem has been published. I hope he never finds out I’ve posted it on here!! 😛
by PH
Sometimes it hurts deep, sometimes it don’t
Sometimes I’m drifting floating on hope
Sometimes I’m silent like the grave
Sometimes I’m angry surging with rage
Sometimes there’s voices I hear and obey
Sometimes I’m childlike just longing to play
Sometimes I’m noisy, I blaspheme and bray
Otherwise to you I seem quite ok
But most times I’m just praying
To get through my day
March 2016
I’m afraid this may count as pornography and I aspire to be a Saint. I can’t read it. I’m not allowed to.