Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?


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20 thoughts on “Fuel : What Makes The Narcissist Function?”

  1. I was reading a review in the paper about a honeymoon survivor story titled Ruthless River and I think this quote is a fantastic example of thought fuel. “Facing death Holly comes to know she wants to have a baby. It’s one of the things that fuels their will to keep living.” It worked. They both survived their ordeal on the Rio Madre de Dios.

  2. Ha. Are some of these comments in support of narcissistic tactics / abuse? I’m new here. Trying to catch on. So yes, on the topic, I wiped out on my bicycle once when I was in about grade 3 ….on a sharp corner, with lots of gravel. Didn’t know. Road rash. A block from my house. Hurt bad. Walked the bike home, crying, so much pain and blood on my bare skin, summer time……got home, found “Mom” for hopefuy comfort…crying my eyes out in pain. She promptly slapped me rigidly right across the face as hard as she could.

  3. No real relevant place to put this, but thank you HG, for what you said about a Narc parent who didn’t discharge what they ought to have as a parent and therefore, there is no familial relationship … and thus, a child has no obligation to a parent despite the sense of obligation.

    I have been struggling with this one as she ALWAYS guilt tripped my resentments for her failure as a nurturing, loving mother. Our problems were ALWAYS my fault and picked up on by my siblings.

    I just don’t want to care anymore for her and what she did to all of us, her children. I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it without it echoing that resentment I was not entitled to according to her. So I liked the actual words you used.

  4. I am just listening to your interview about when one tells a lesser it’s over. And it just hit me….

    If a narc blocks you from communication in a fight.. is this almost as if he is Blocking you from leaving because he feels in control this way by doing so?! As an empath, my experience was to feel cut off and the message to me is that yes, it’s really over, but in your world, by blocking US, is this a way of conveying, “No, you do not leave on your terms, but mine.”

    And is a reflection not actually of indifference but really, the depth of the wound by our fighting and how you feel threatened that we are leaving? Is it just a way to have a sense of control over who leaves?

    If so, is this why I started to instinctively know that if I started new accounts, and never contacted him again, then I have actually taken away that control by saying, “I am still here, and no, I am no longer talking to YOU.” It really is over and here is proof of MY indifference? Its like taking away his sense of the upper hand?

    1. He used those words, too once, to describe how I should be in relationships. “Be the one doing to, don’t be done to”. Think like a man. You mean a narc?

  5. HG, when you fell over or had accidents as a child, did you cry?
    How did your mother react if so?
    Were you comforted?

    1. “I do recall once catching my hand on the edge of the grill and instantly a sore red weal appeared. I presented myself to my nearby mother as I felt the tears forming in my eyes.
      “No tears HG,” she announced firmly, “tears show fears, be fearless,” she instructed me as she cast a cursory glance over my injury and directed me to the cold water tap. Tears came from physical hurt but it was not to be for me.”


      1. My mother did the same to me. I endured alot of pain silently because there was no compassion. I began to pride myself on how tough I was to endure pain and I had alot due to an injury. Pain and fear were not allowed. Once, later in life when i was doubled over in pain from a cyst, she said in her condescending arrogant voice, “I think you make much to much pain.”

        Imagine how that played nicely into the hands of a narc once one is so numbed out from ever connecting to one’s own real experience pain?

        “I can take this!” Bam! “No really, I am strong, no problem here.” Bam! and on and on.

        When I look back on his first most twisted devalue, I felt the pain all through my body like a cold searing pain. I WANTED to slam my computer shut and never speak to him again. Then the voices started ringing “You are too sensitive, you take things too seriously, you take things too personally, you and your shit, this is not happening …” So I ignored my gut intuitive reaction and my mind clicked to phase 2… what can I do to fix that pain that I must have caused that I am too weak for having felt. Then the narc really picked up his puppet strings…..

        But get this… when she would experience pain… everyone needed to offer sympathy and compassion and fawn all over her. Center of attention. Poor me. Oh, so much pain….

  6. Thank God HG carried on! The interview was sublime and it seemed like Bree and Athena gained a great deal of insight regarding the narcissistic dynamic. Of course, all of us here have been well schooled; now if the experts would care to join us, then Mr. Tudor, and many of his students, would be more than happy to disabuse them of their misplaced ignorance straightaway.

  7. hahah, nobody talks over HG… only HG talks over people. God, what a nightmare that was when the psycho spewed talking over me with horrific things. He really needs to rot. Sorry, your comment just caused a flashback.

  8. It is good to see you are back, HG! I enjoyed the WNAAD interview very much. I am sure it was a great surprise for the hostesses to speak to you and to have precise and honest answers to their questions. They did not know about the different schools and cadres of narcissists and they also seemed to be speechless at times! 🙂
    I am sure this interview has surpassed all their expectations. It would be nice if they would let you include it on your YouTube channel.

    I hope more and more people realize that the knowledge you provide is accurate, easy to understand and extremely helpful and that they come to this blog to educate themselves on narcissism.

    1. Thank you EB. Yes I will be ascertaining if it can be posted to my YouTube channel once the week is over.

      Post interview they both explained how they had wanted to speak for far longer as they had so many questions. I expect there will be more to follow.

      Did you notice the interview length?

      1. I did! Haha – 01:10:09 !! 🙂
        My internet connection is slow but I was able to download the *.mp3 file.

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