The Narcissistic Truths – No. 37

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185 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 37”

  1. All the time I was a little bit surprised, that no one talked about your meme anymore. The image of the little friendly boy is your protection. As long as we believe there is a friendly young boy inside of you, you are “safe” and able to do what you want without any bad consequence for you. I understood it that way. And your kind feeds this image all the time and everywhere, when people should forget, what you have done all the time. I cannot see any tragedy in this picture. Only a smiling boy. A smiling face often covers the malice of people. People look at the friendly smiling person and do not listen to the incredible cruel words, which come out of their mouth. And it works much more when it is combined with the image of a child.

  2. “Hi Indy,
    I am 30 and I’m in the US. Do you go to conferences?
    Do you do a lot of psychological, psychoeducational, neuropsychological assessments?
    I think you’re awesome and clearly a talented therapist. I would love to learn more about your experiences.”

    Hi Doc,
    I just got your message today from 6/10. Thank you for your compliments. I am always learning. I do about 4-5 assessments a week as part of an autism diagnostic team. I used to do some side work doing psychoed though a lot less so now. I used to specialize in dyslexia and LD/ADHD until about 10 years ago when our facility moved to specialize in autism diagnostics and research. 1 in 68 kids have autism in the US!! Thus we needed to focus on autism and address the need in Georgia. I used to do neuropsych stuff, but no longer. That was how I got trained in testing, by a neuropsychologist in the 90’s. Long time ago. I am an old lady. LOL Currently, it’s autism and dev. delays. My therapy gig is primarily DBT with teens. Love it!

    Not many conferences lately. I have been in healing mode since I left my ex and focused more on that. However, I have had posters at INFAR (autism related) over the years consistently and may try next year when it hits in the Netherlands.

    How about you, do you hit the conferences much? Assessment stuff? I would love to pick your brain on how you assess for ODD/CD. I know we do the clinical interview and rating scales when screening for it here, though wondering if you had preferred measures/techniques or if you did it in therapy….it is a fascinating field that you work in!! And so needed as many go on to develop narcissism or sociopathy.

    Hope you are doing well!! Have a great weekend!
    Indy

  3. Love,

    I don’t know how to reply on your comment. Yes, i think they hes one of Solomon sons. Ethiopia majority of the nation is Christian.
    Matrinarc is a Christian when its convenient for her.

    I believe and trust in the Lord.

    😊

      1. My experience in Jamaica is like Las Vegas, its been at least 10 years, Bahamas 8 years. I went with girlfriends in hindsight i realize there were lots of narcissist but aa a tertiary source it was all.good.

        I am looking forward to going this winter. (Ocho Rios ) sandals resort.😊

      2. It is narc central! I would even label many as sociopaths (not high functioning ones though). Ocho is awesome. I am partial to the sands of Negril.

      1. ….you mean you manipulate people to build your dream situations….or you mean architect building codes, space plans, steel beams and gypsum board…?

  4. Everyone,

    Just a general statement…

    We have an interesting opportunity here to learn from the wonderful HG and share our experiences and support each other. We all (im including myself for those who think I’m a greater narc lol) should try our best to refrain from aggressive attacks and just elevate one another and not be so cruel, nasty, and judgemental.

    I think we all should at some point have our own HG conference on narcissism and have a range of topics directly related to narcissism. It would bring awareness to narcissistic abuse, would give everyone an opportunity to network and to educate themselves, and to spread HGs work because honestly let’s be real it’s brilliant, educational, and entertaining.

    1. Let’s all write a letter to the Olympic Board of Directors and ask them to allow Empaths to compete in…

      The long jump (across the emotional sea)
      The 500 meter relay (passing on our knowledge to triangulation pieces)
      The Javelin (retrieving one from our backs that the narcissist put there)
      Fencing (solo sport, fighting the demons)
      Hammer throw (of the new primary source)
      Long distance (no contact and silent treatment)
      Triple jump (over the lesser, mid-range, and greater)
      And the Hurdles (jumping over cups and plates left thrown on the floor by HG)

      1. Count me in for fencing and triple jump. I have a edge opps we all have a edge over our competitors. Lol, we have the best trainer/ tudor.

    2. I never thought you as a Greater Narc. Where did you come up with this? Did many on here think this? Hmmm I just thought you had very good insight most times.

      As far as being mean to others? Well if they post something I disagree with, it will be up to them how they choose to interpret it. This is where it can get sticky as it is not always clear the connotation of the words.

      I am nice to everyone…………unless I am not. Bullshitters will be open season for me.

      You, Dr H.Q., are interesting.

      1. Ah oh,

        Thank you! It appears interesting is a common adjective people use to describe me lmao 😂! Some people on here believe I’m a phony because I choose not to always speak in clinical terminology, am playful, and am acting like a human. I’ve been labeled a greater narc as well lol.

      2. in my opinion and what I have learned from HG and my own research, a greater narc would not be on here for long too compete. There are too many other sources for narcissistic supply without competing with our Host to win over his very VERY loyal fans.
        I hate to admit it but I am one of them and I get furious when the others flirt with him. I have learned to deal with it. When I get enraged I put myself in timeout and stay off the blog.
        I enjoy my fellow bloggers and I try very hard not to lose my shit. 😉

      3. I had a long response and it must have been typed with invisible print. I am not digging the new changes to the blog at all.

      4. Ah Oh, you seemed cool when I flirted with Mr. Tudor. You didn’t say anything mean to me. Even added me to the sisterwives club. ❤

      5. Hello Love! Oh I stomped my foot a few times! But who is Queen Bee of the Sister Wives Club? It is me of course.
        I like you and you are very nice so if I have to share it will be with you.

    1. jenna, I know you addressed HG but I think she tried to portray herself as a Narc and only regurgitated what HG posted most of the time. I called her out on it and we had posting battles on here. I became tired of it and most of the times I just ignored her.
      I can smell a bullshitter as I can engage in this game very well when I choose too. On here I can be Veneer, as HG puts it, but most times I write the truth.

      1. Oh! I had no idea she is not a narc! In fact, i evolved to find her intellect fascinating and her directness an asset which i wish i had. Goes to show you i cannot detect a bs-er. Thanks AH OH. Love you. 💗

      2. all she did was rewrite what HG wrote. I complained to him in private as it made me furious. I also called her out and told her to get her own blog and stop riding on his writings. I did get in trouble for a moment with HG for being so mean about it.

  5. Jenna is your narc from a foreign country or culture? External circumstances, What is that? If you don’t mind.

  6. Matilda and dr. Q, pls try to get along as i love you both💗
    Btw, dr. Q i love how you add ‘lmao’ to most of your comments. You seem fun spirited. I am enjoying your posts!

    1. Jenna,

      Thank you! I’m very energetic and goofy. I like to find humor in things.

      I’m all about the peace I can let it go if she can.

      1. Dr. Q
        No , i am not social worker, fortunately that didnt work for me. Temporary worked with CPS for about 6 years. Then another 15 years with one of the worlds largest non profit. There i work with youth, veterans, ex offenders, dislocated worker’s, foster care, and other at risk groups.

        I read ” the mind unleashed 30 traits of a empath and I can relate to most of the traits such as siding with the under dog.

        My need to consider other feelings and take them on
        Health issue’s in my stomach.

        HG, has the same information but has made it reader friendly.
        .
        I highly suggest this post in addition to HG post regarding empaths.

    2. Jenna,

      Thank you for your kind words. I will not address her any further. All is well. 🙂

  7. Matilda,

    I will kindly ask you to never try and force feed me your idea of ethics and morality ever again.

    1. Dr.Q

      You are using the character name, the jokers side kick. However, I assume you are a practising medicine as a psychologists.

      Its nearing the end of 3rd season. Do you watch Agents of Shield or even Supernatural and Gotham? Very good shows. To each his/her own.
      My middle cerebal/ victim platonic friend introduce them to me.

      BTW, where are you from? How old are you? What type of Dr are you?

      1. Hey yolo!

        I’m a PsyD (that means I cannot prescribe medication) a PsyD is more clinically oriented while a phd is more research oriented however both can move in and out of different subfields of psych.

        Harley Quinn is a psychiatrist (an MD) but it’s close enough lmao 😜

        No I don’t watch those shows but I would definitely give it a whirl lol!

        I’m 30 and I’m from the US – what about you ?

        😁

      2. Yolo,

        The name was chosen because I have been entangled with quite a few psychopaths and I try and make light of it – not because I’m a supervillian lol. Thank you for pointing that out though because it’s very possible some people don’t understand what my name means.

        Hugs from afar!

      3. Dr Harleen
        30? Youre young! I thought you were in your 40s. Its funny how we get impressions of people over the net. You seem very down to earth and a therapist that can admit areas in their life they struggled with is a good therapist in my books!

      4. NA,
        God bless you (in my pagan witchy way), I’m 47 and needed to hear that hehe!!

        Hi Doc,
        Oh to be 30 and have the knowledge of recognizing those narcissists and psychopaths! You are armed early!!! 👍🏻And, you are a greater? 😂 Well, at least you were not labeled a garden variety Narc, then the impossible primary-tertiary source of HG, and **gasp** a NORMAL 🤣😂🤣

        Welcome to the labeled club. *said in jest*

        I agree, I think we all need to hold off on labeling each other (and ourselves). It can get in the way of healing and giving support to one another. And, labels shifts our focus on the most important fact, we were abused by some type of toxic ass in the past and need to heal and avoid more down the road. If we can validate ourselves that we do not deserve toxic treatment, the diagnosis doesn’t matter. Just leave. Be it a drunk, a narc, a sociopathic, or just a total jerk. We do not need a label to leave.

        HGs blog and the peeps here was more helpful (and healing) to me than almost anything else. Props to the gang here. I’m humbled and on my way to healed ❤️

      5. Narc affair,

        I went into this field because I wanted to help people – especially people like me. I am adhd which is why I specialize in ADHD, executive functioning and externalizing disorders and obviously adore cluster b personality disorders lol!

        I am so far from perfect but I’m okay with that. I pride myself on not being that type of mental health professional who is uptight and tells people how they should live their life. Although I am eclectic I am at heart humanistic, existential with some cognitive behavioral therapy sprinkled in there lol!

        I believe we can all learn from eachother. I learn from my students and clients just like they learn from me.

        Narc affair – thank you for accepting me for the goof ball that I am.

      6. Dr harleen
        Ive had the type of therapist you describe and it didnt work for me. The uptight unfeeling therapist. I can appreciate a therapist having to be detached to some extent but the clinical psychologist i had was so far removed from human emotion i could no longer relate or even open up to them anymore. I switched to a registered psych in the same bldg and found them to be very helpful. The clinical pschs approach was one of helping to give the tools to change thought processes which did help but i needed more. Compassion is so important to healing and if you feel your therapist doesnt feel that and you cant relate to them at all its difficult to tell them your inner most thoughts. Two different approaches. Thats why its wise to find someone you feel comfortable with.

    2. Dr. Q
      Thank you for responding I wasnt speaking of Harley Quinn. I think you fiqured this out based on latter statement.

      My therapist have the same degree, he still have to study under a phd. He spent most of his time in clincal settings similarly to capstone. He was uncouth and very remissive. I am not aligning him with you.

      During one of our sessions while sucking on his electronic cigarettes he told me the narc was a narc he was very non chalant and his description of them still amuses me today. Although, i am easily amused. That was the catalyst that lead me on my search of the disorder.

      I am in the US, sociology, 45, and desperately seeking 😊

      I would neglectful not to give HG his due respect for his work. This blog has help me in ways I could have never imagined.

      I came here angry, confused, lacking boundaries, with poor cognitive skills but now I am starting to see a shift. I hope it will continue. Most of us had our identity stolen from the narcs in our lives (literally) it’s a struggle to find our true identity afterwards and the process is not pretty.

      When posters come here and smear or attack HG, it has less to do about him and more about them and their involvement with the narc.

      Allow them their freedom to choose to be a super hero, villian, princess or whomever.

      I know if the content violates WP or HG guidelines he will deal with it😊

      Study, rehearse, and application of the knowledge he is providing is key to healing process and moving forward. Lastly, we can pay it forward especially those that work in the arena.

      Peace

      1. Your psychologist was a ballsy dude lol I wouldn’t be smoking anything during a session even an electronic cigg lol! You’re awesome!

        Are you a social worker? I heart social workers!

      2. Yolo, there is a large Ethipian community where I am in the US. When I was in Jamaica, I thought it was very interesting that the Rastafarian religion sees Selassie I as God.

      3. Love,
        I don’t have much knowledge of rastafarian and their religious beliefs. Are you on the East Coast ?

      4. West coast. The Rastafarians believed the hand gestures of Selassie I were proof that he was the returned Christ.

  8. Matilda,

    You know nothing of ethics as it pertains to my field. You are speaking beyond your understanding of matters and it looks quite silly.

    This is the last and final time I will ever address this issue with you because it’s truly pointless, ridiculous, unfounded, and I hate wasting time.

      1. You flatter me lol. If I’m gonna be labeled a narcissist I’m sure as shit gonna be labeled a greater 😂

        This is just getting ridiculous lmao!

        I’m a lover not a fighter. I’m sitting here laughing at this point come on now.

        This is so unnecessary – what a waste of energy.

        We should just be supporting eachother.

  9. Matilda,

    I’m not sure why you feel the need to attack me.

    Unprofessional? Normally I would just brush that off but what I don’t grasp is why you fail to understand that I am a person here. I am not here in any professional capacity.

    I stated an opinion along with some observations.

    We were jumping off the BE topic and you felt the need to chime in and attack me. You have this idea and overall schema in your mind of how a therapist is supposed to behave in and out of the workplace.

    I will respectfully ask you to desist from your personal attacks especially because they are incorrect. I also do not appreciate you telling me how I should conduct myself in any capacity.

    You are out of line and more importantly incorrect in you faulty assumptions.

    1. Doc,

      Ethical behaviour is not workplace-related, it is paramount and all-embracing. That is what you fail to understand.

      You do not just state opinions, you try to manipulate public opinion in this space. I can see that.

      I revealed your true colours and you are now trying to deflect, playing the victim. This does not work with me.

      Henceforth, I will desist from addressing you. You are not worthy of my time.

      1. Matilda,

        I think you hit a nerve. Ouch…if it doesn’t apply let it fly.
        Never argue foolishness onlookers might not be able to tell the difference and when you speak not of their language they say things they think matters to you.

      2. Every forum, every blog that hosts a community comes with their own regular rats who will try to control it. The trick is to identify them and stay away from them.

      3. Thank you, Ms. brown. It was not enjoyable, but it needed to be said. And that’s the end of the matter 🙂

    2. You’re not here in any professional capacity, yet your ID is Dr Harleen Quinzel PsyD?!

      Get a fucking grip.

      1. Sarah,

        Are you familiar with the comic series Gotham City? If not Dr. Quinzel is a character in the series. Fyi..

      2. Yolo,
        Yes, I know the character which is Harlequin. It was a joke.

        Honest. 🙂

        *Shit, must do more extensive research when cracking out blows in future. I hope nobody can see this. Shuffles behind a corner*

        *Wonder if anyone’s still looking*

      3. ha I could almost guarantee she’s not a “Dr”, in any capacity… doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

      4. Doc:

        You can’t play both roles at the same time in the same sandbox. You should know that. Ethics 101. No, no one here is a patient of yours but you switch from acting like a victim to an arrogance of intellect that is off putting.

        If you are here to learn and heal, drop the title and just be a regular woman. But at times, you hold yourself above everyone and then share your stories as a ‘civilian”. It makes you come across as untrustworthy hence that switching experience of you that I certainly experienced. And like anything, just because you may have a professional liscence doesn’t mean a whole lot. You could actually suck as a therapist but are good on the jargon. So if you want people to trust you and not feel its a witch hunt, leave your diplomas behind.

      5. Sarabella,

        I ABSOLUTELY CAN play both roles at the same time. You really have no idea what you are talking about – especially regarding ethics and my field.

        The PsyD was attached to my name because Harley is a psychiatrist I didn’t want people thinking I was an MD. I also attached it to the name because when I write about research findings or bring other information to the blog I didn’t want people thinking I was talking out of my ass because there are some people that have done that here previously.

        That is the last time I will address this issue with anyone on the blog because this topic is boring me.

      6. Doc, I feel you. Lots of Hatarade being passed around. Not sure what the issue is with the name Dr. Harleen Quinzel but I SERIOUSLY encourage everyone to watch Suicide Squad! Great movie.
        And Doc, in the words of Taylor Swift:
        “the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
        Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
        I shake it off, I shake it off”

      7. Sarabella,

        Exactly!

        I won’t be lectured to, EVER, let alone by someone who has no answers.

      8. Love,

        Thank you for supporting me and recognizing just how ridiculous this all really is.

        I have a serious issue when people speak and have no clue what they are talking about. It’s pretty evident I am what I say am and don’t have bad intentions yet certain people can’t admit they were wrong and won’t cease to continue such unwarranted and unfounded nastiness. It really is a reflection on them and not me lol!

        It’s unfortunate that some people havr misdirected their anger and are poisoning a group that should be supportive.

        What’s even more mind blowing is that I think some of these women are like my mothers age! It’s pretty absurd.

        Thank you for being so understanding and supportive. You have my loyalty new friend 🙂

        Hugs!

      9. Regarding “everything you’ve said”…. anyone can have what I call a “google degree” and claim to be an expert. come down off your high horse and get a grip in reality

      10. Doc, ain’t no thang but a chicken wang 😉
        Lol we would have been mortal enemies fighting over Joker. But luckily Mr. Tudor came on the scene. Now we can fight over him.

      11. Lol ah oh, Doc. I guess that’s our cue to start fighting 💪
        I don’t box. So you’ll have to settle for hair pulling. 😉

      12. Love,

        omg I love your response lmao! What’s even funnier to me is I’m published and I certainly don’t have a degree from the internet lol. Look at this – the woman is grasping at whatever she can trying to belittle me with ridiculous and baseless claims. I’m not even gonna acknowledge her comments anymore – sucha waste of time.

        We wouldn’t fight over the joker silly. I never fight over men anymore. I’d fight for him not over him lol!

        😜

      13. let me narrow it down further and be more specific, if I may….megalomania

      14. Since you’re into posting YouTube music… back at ya..
        STEP DOWN, “dr psyd” and hear ME…

      15. Doc, I think our hair pulling contest has to wait, cause there is WWE going on in the ring. Somebody just lowered the boom. Get your bat, and get in there, girl. Holla if you need me.
        💚 Poison Ivy

      16. Love,

        Oh hell to the yeah lol!! You are totally my poison ivy! Love I must say you are very lovable !

  10. Matilda,

    I can see why you perceive things that way but you really are coming at the wrong person. I call it like I see it and BE just wasn’t genuine.

  11. Matilda,

    You need to get your detector fixed because it’s very much broken lol! I can understand why you said the comment abot me trying to cosy up to her; however is hard if not impossible to hear tone and sacrcasm through the computer via blogpost.

  12. Hi HG,
    BE was outed as not a sociopath? I had no clue. Glad I’m here still learning, feeling a bit silly now as I believed it. Needing some BS detection in me!!

    Hi Doc,
    I totally missed all that! Man. I love smart asses, so perhaps that was my weakness.

    Hi Love,
    She was mean to you, I totally forgot that. I thought it was part of her antisocial traits and that was not cool at all.

    I’m still learning…

    1. Indy,

      I’m sure your bullshit meter is just fine. It’s much harder over the Internet to feel people out obviously – I’m more of a face to face gal. I wanna hear what they are saying how they are saying it watch their body language etc…

  13. It is extremely important to understand that you can empathize and be compassionate but you do not have to put up with someone’s abuse.

    Let them self-destruct…don’t let them take you with them.

    No one can save them they have to save themselves.

    No one can save you … you have to save yourself.

    Everyone has a point where enough is enough. Mine unfortunately came four years down the line.

    For me… I can say… that as horrible and fucked in the head the experience was… I finally learned I would rather be alone by myself than alone with someone else.

      1. Hi Doc,
        Did you mean Bloody Elemental (BE) from months ago? I actually enjoyed BE. Did you think she was BSing a lot? Her and I never crossed one another negatively, though I can’t speak for others as I know there were some heated exchanges.

      2. I do like talking to psychopaths 😊 My very first client was a lower functioning one and sexually very deviant(necro). Learned a lot from that person. I realized after that I really preferred adolescents with signs of BPD and emotional dysreg. However, nonprofessionally, I did having convos with psychopaths…in public 😉

      3. I have some awesome sociopaths and psychopaths males and females who are more than willing to contribute to discussion if you would like 😜

        Don’t need any pretenders here.

      4. Yes indeed! She was disingenuous. I felt that from the beginning. That’s why she was very mean and disrespectful to me. I didn’t buy into the image she wished to create. I’ve been around enough female narcs to know they have 1 element that she was missing. Charm. She lacked the magnetic draw that mid-range and greaters have.

      5. Indy,

        I wasn’t a fan and am clearly still not a fan. Didn’t she want my joker too? lolol

      6. Come on now you don’t actually think I’d let someone like that try to take my psychopath? Lmao 😛

        First intro to the pretender and she was spewing haterade and bullshittery lol. That just doesn’t roll with me.

      7. Hi Love,
        Yeah I totally missed it. You are right, I think she was researching. I thought of it as looking for a debate. Given that I love debate, I fell for it. I’m sorry you went through those attacks back then and do glad you are here still!

      8. Aw Thank you Indy. I’m here because of Mr. Tudor’s brilliant work. I believe her intent was to gain the same credibility and status by riding Mr. Tudor’s coattails. Also, she wanted to have a similar fanbase. Impossible goals for her to achieve.

      9. Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, and borderlines are my favorite. I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you that I adore the ODD and CD kids too lmao!

      10. Indy,

        Wait did you have a client that was necropheliac?

      11. Hi Doc,
        Yes, my first training experience as a therapist. Necro/pedofile (fantasy based, not convicted though confirmed arousal to such stimuli) A year long in an institution. Learned a lot, mainly about myself as a therapist.

      12. Love,

        I think she had a go at you if I remember correctly?

      13. Indy,

        I wish I could like sit down and talk to you in real life. I imagine we would get along very well. I would love to tell you about my ex narcs TAT responses lmao!

      14. Hi Doc,
        I agree! I think we would too. Haha, you did a TAT on him. Projectives are fun. I’m into dreams too…

        My ex would have never let me do tests…even just for practice. And he never dreamed 🙁

      15. Thank you Doc, I do read nonverbals really well though my lie detector is admittedly low. I used to talk in supervision about it (especially with the pop was trained in therapy wise-) and they said to me not to worry. They reminded me that Lies only hurt the client themselves, focus on behavior and nonverbals. It helped 😊

      16. Love,

        I can’t remember if it was the pretender or not but someone said something to the effect of like I don’t speak like a doctor.

        What I find extremely amusing is that I do when I have to lol. I speak to my audience. I’m not going to go on and on as of people understand what I’m talking about when it isn’t their field. I am mindful of others. When I write my reports or I am speaking to certain people I change my casual tone and adopt a different vocabulary – not because I am fake but the situation calls for it.

        Even in the situations with other professionals and what not I still at pretty casual that’s the funny thing.

      17. Doc,
        BE would go at me quite often. I had to ask her to cease further communication with me. Most often I would roll my eyes at her comments. Even though they were well worded and insightful, they were repetitions of others’ work. Namely Mr. Tudor. She would reference her own ‘real life experiences’, which coincidentally were an exact copy of something Mr. Tudor had written about.

      18. Love,

        She sounded familiar to me lmao…

        Some of her comments on the blog line up to ME Thomas’ sociopath world blog posts.

      19. Indy,

        That’s so interesting…

        Are you in the US?

        How old are you? (If you don’t mind me asking)

        You sound like you have a great deal of experience.

      20. I totally understand Doc. You are comfortable and confident with who you are. You don’t need to wear a sign stating ‘I am a doctor’. I have worked with some of the best surgeons in the nation and they were down to Earth. Always wanting to be called by their first name.

      21. Indy,

        He didn’t know what it was really looking at lmao

      22. Hi Doc,

        I am in the US. I’m 47. I have been very lucky to have had a lot of great teachers and varied experiences. its a calling and love with fully. I’ve been a diagnostician for over 20 years (in labs and hospitals/clinics) and a therapist for only a hand full of years. I feel fortunate.

        How about you? US? How old?

      23. HG

        It would be interesting if you did a poll on the professions. I’m curious to see what field everyone is in and how many are in mental health.

        Love,

        Don’t mind my Brain fart …. are you a nurse?

      24. Doc,

        To add some balance here:

        I would like to remind you that you tried to cosy up to BE, and quickly denied it when she rebuffed you. And now you are smearing her. So very classy and *professional* of you!

        I did not get along with BE… but my BS detector is working very well, and it’s ringing loudly in your case, too.

      25. Doc, no, I only play nurse in my personal life 😀
        I do work in healthcare. I used to be exclusively in surgery. Now I cover all aspects including mental health.

      26. Hey Indy,

        I am 30 and I’m in the US. Do you go to conferences?

        Do you do a lot of psychological, psychoeducational, neuropsychological assessments?

        I think you’re awesome and clearly a talented therapist. I would love to learn more about your experiences.

      27. Love,

        You sound like you have some interesting experiences to share. You seem like a very sweet person. How old are you and are you in the us?

      28. She scared me. She was one of those people I instinctively lay low and hope they don’t notice me. May sound cowardly, but sometimes hiding is a good strategy.

      29. Windstorm,

        You aren’t cowardly at all. You are intelligent and you followed your intuition.

      30. INDY, Not sure if this will show up where it should but I called out B_E often. She was a fraud and I like to call it as I see it. She is not a narc at all but she does have some sort of delusional thinking.

  14. Indy, we lived with each other for almost one year. That’s how long the formal relationship lasted. It ended due to external circumstances. We continued to see each other and show affection in the form of cuddling, kissing, hugging, and occasionally non-pentrative sex after that. This lasted another two years.
    In my experience, it takes less time the more years i’ve been with someone. I was with my ex before my ex-narc for longer, and i had a much easier time letting go of him. I believe it’s because we had passed the honeymoon stage long before i let him go. Previous ex is the most loving man i’ve ever met but it did not work out due to external factors. We both regret that. He is still in love with me, and keeps in touch.
    With my ex-narc, we were still in the honeymoon stage. Maybe that’s why it’s so difficult for me. The oxytocin levels were still sky high.

    1. hmmmm I understand your logic here. Totally. Though here is another thing that may be happening to consider that just popped in my mind: he hasn’t been so severe in constant abuse to stop loving him to allow you to fully detach? Sometimes people that have difficulty with healthy attachment (me included) have to come to a line in the sand before fully detaching, even though they may be treated poorly for a long time and excuse it until a severe breach occurs. So, for some they may have been distrespected for years and still love him until he cheats. Or until he punches them. Or whatever your line is. I had to start learning to stop doing that and draw a line closer to my self respect and self love. Does that make sense?

      We teach others how to treat us.

      1. Makes sense to me, Indy. I’m a “line in the sand” person, too. I think it comes from second guessing ourselves and not trusting our own judgement. In my case I keep thinking, “maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe this is typical of other relationships.” Until something happens that I KNOW normal people wouldn’t tolerate. I have often made my family members aware of my lines in the sand and they generally don’t cross them.

        My daughter gives me grief over cutting an aunt off after she crossed one of those lines. She talks about how I should forgive this aunt and visit her, how old and sick she is, how lonely she is, etc. But I just can’t do it. I can visit her with my daughter, but it’s very uncomfortable and I just can’t do it alone. I think if you’re the type of person who does the lines in the sand, there’s just a huge mental block about going back into a relationship with someone who crossed one. Deliberately giving someone who has hurt you deeply the power to hurt you again is detrimental to your mental health and self respect.

      2. Yes that makes sense. Thank you indy.

        And thank you HG for everything you do here. If i’ve ever misbehaved on the blog due to my bpd traits, i apologize. That’s the prblm with bpd. One minute i’m happy, next minute i’m sad, next minute i panic and say things i regret later, next minute i feel guilt, next minute i cry uncontrollably. Well, maybe not minute by minute, at least half an hour time gap, or an hour’s time gap, or a few hrs time gap, or even a day’s gap, depending on precipitating circumstances. It’s a disorder just like npd is a disorder. I get hurt very easily. It’s debilitating at times.

      3. Windstorm2, i have an aunt who crossed that line with me. I’ve gone no contact with her. My mom wants me to patch up, but i won’t do it.

  15. It seems like they have all the power because of how overwhelming the emotions are. My ex dip shit used to say to me all the time “I feel like you have all the power” and I would say “I feel like I’m always doing what you want and you have it”

    The truth is you take the power back once you realize you have the power to stay or to go. You have the power to put boundaries up and state what you need and what u will and will not put up with. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

  16. It’s that inner child trapped inside that pulls my heart strings too. Realizing that I had no power over him and his behaviors, I had no power over anything but my own behavior was important and broke the binding chains for me. We can ask them to get help but only they have that power and often times it becomes yet another game in therapy as well. It’s frequently more abusive in sessions unless the therapist knows what a narcissist looks like.

    No contact is the key to start the healing detox and end the nonsensical abusive dance.

    1. You have power. You always have had power. You can only control yourself.

      Hugs from afar

    2. “No one else can ever upset you. You only allow yourself to become upset.” Took me years to internalize the truth of that.

  17. Funny thing about my ex-narcissist is that he DID seem to have different faces and different eyes, I can see that even in pictures …

    1. My ex Narc never looked the same in any pictures. The scared little boy was who I actually fell for. My wounded child thought it found a friend. I am healing my child. Something he will never be brave enough to do.

  18. Though christian bale is handsome, and so is david beckham, matthew mcconaughey, ben affleck, channing tatum, zayn malik (many age grps included here), i find no man more attractive than my ex narc. There’s no hope for me😞
    This is one of the reasons i no longer meet him in person. In person he is sweet, kind, polite, pleasant, affectionate. He never devalues in person. His past abuse consisted of 3 day silences and cancelling at the last minute sometimes, but he always reschedules and has never broken the reschedule promise. He also tries hard to mend his ways when i tell him what hurts me. Sometimes i have to remind him again though after a few months. And i am too attracted to him inside (his real self which he shows to me since i know he’s a narc) and outside to trust myself not to be intimate again. I will not allow that to happen.
    Pls i request readers not to judge me. We are all at different stages. This is as much as i can do for now. And i am at peace with it.

    1. Jenna,
      No judgement here. Trust me when I say that with true no contact and doing the Exorcism by HG, that attraction lessens. It takes time. 30 to 60 days it starts to happen. You have to detox from him. I had to, the recent ex was very attractive to me and that was hard for me too.

      How long were you in this relationship formally? Did you live together? Sometimes it takes more time the more years you had with him.

    2. Jenna i definitely dont judge you! Youre situation is so similiar to mine. Youre actually further along in the process in that youre not actively involved.
      I too could never find any man more attractive than my narc and its not bc hes the best looking but bc im just that attached to him! Ok, justin trudeau i must admit might possibly be my hope 😂😄😥 lol seriously tho even narcs voice affects me. When you are that hooked by someone and youve given your heart fully its a scary thing. Its hard to break free yet hard to stay knowing youre vulnerable to any of their behaviors and tactics. Believe me i know only too well how you feel. No judging here only sympathy 💓

      1. Jenna…not many men do i go wobbly knee for but justin omggg if i met him id collapse 😂🤗😍hes so yummy!!!

      2. NA,
        Justin and Raphe Fiennes for me….sigh. I watched The Prestige for the first time this morning and WOW. Not only a lot of eye candy (men and women), but an amazing movie of magician narcs. My recent ex Narc always referred to his lies, gas lighting etc as “magic” and “illusion” and tried to get me to see his tactics as acceptable because we “all love a good trick”.

        It is all about perspective. And, a lie is a lie; a dead dove is a dead dove.

    3. Glenn Tilbrook from Squeeze
      All of Duran Duran
      Adam Ant
      Colin Firth
      Gordon Ramsay
      David Bowie
      Rik Mayall
      Rob Lowe
      Matt Smith
      Christian Slater

      1. I actually had an encounter with Rob Lowe. Long story but I will give you a quick bite. Standing in line at the drug store, hot, cute man in front of me. He turned twice to smile at me and I ignore him, third time he turns completely around to stand facing me full on. I raise my hand to my shoulder to show my ring (6 months newly married) and look away. I hear his name being called to step up to the counter to get his prescription. Yep!

        WTF!!!! UGH! I can’t talk to him now after he tried. In my mind the entire time, I thought He is hot, He has been out all night, He is vogue in his dress, He is thin, He is really not very tall but very very good-looking, He has the most beautiful blue eyes. I did not want to tempt myself. If only I was not newly married.

        This is my crazy life.

        Living in Las Vegas, you never know who you will run into.

    4. Damn HG, right again. No judging, i just find it odd you do the very thing HG told you would guarantee your being ensnared by a npd again.

  19. It’s as though my XN had a pretty good injury around age 10…stunted and frozen at that age. He alluded in a very minimal manner that he was violated by an adult male in that age timeframe. Could something like that cause these narc behaviors to begin?

  20. Very heartbreaking but true. Not just narcissists but anyone traumatized in the past and who hasnt dealt with their damaged inner self.

  21. This is such an incredibly tragic photo…it just is – it renders you speechless the tragedy of it ..

    It pulls at every heart string we have .. yet …

    We must accept that it cannot be fixed …in spite of our sympathy and empathy

      1. Deflecting are we? I think i just saw a glimpse of how you are like in your personal life. You’re a meanie pants! 😫

      2. I understood it Mr Tudor. THE Demon, as in (thee) the only one, the one above all others.

        Do I get a prize?

      3. Yes, thank you and I realized this now. I have not seen the movie. Too crazy for me to watch alone.

      4. NM I looked up the line in the movie. I have not watched it as I do not think I want to see all the killing.

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