Shall I Deploy A Follow-Up Hoover
The follow-up hoover. A staple method of gaining fuel from you either post discard or post escape, whether of a positive and/or negative nature. How though does the follow-up hoover come about, how do I decide whether to do it or not and what are the circumstances that can cause it? Here is an instance which will assist your understanding of our methodology and mind set so you can identify the factors which put you at risk.
I discarded you. You failed me and you had to go. You had no idea of course that this was the case. You tried to see me, speak to me, plead with me and you were rebuffed and told to stay away. The teeth were bared at you and you saw that look in the eye, the one that still unnerves you and you backed away. You slid into misery and confusion, unable to comprehend why I flung you to one side, why I wouldn’t at least do you the decency of explaining. You do not realise that our kind are never beholden to the obligation to explain. We are above that. You however operate by differing standards and regard it as a common courtesy to explain why something has been done and it certainly applies when the situation is one of romantic entanglement. You believed that you are owed an explanation. We operate from the position that we owe you nothing because once upon a time we gave you everything.
I have the new primary source of fuel of course. She was from a shortlist of individuals who were being cultivated as I embarked on my cruel devaluation of you. When I slipped away to my bolthole, when I made repeated excuses to go to the bar when we went away on holiday, when your back was turned I was extending my electronic tendrils as I engaged with these prospects. The fuel flowed from them as they readily connected with someone as charming as I. How could they not? A couple of these prospects have been kept in reserve, contingencies as they became outer circle friends who will wait in the wings, suitable brainwashed and conditioned so that they will jump at the chance of being promoted to the primary source at some future point. I know as well that they will not hesitate to hand me the dagger which I will plunge in that primary source’s back at some future point. There is no sisterhood here in the battle to win my affections and favour. Thus two find themselves admitted to the chain of fuel providing appliances and like two growing plants, I occasionally tend to them, cultivating and maintaining their interest, keeping alive the hope of promotion. It is reassuring to know that if the one who eventually saw off the others on the shortlist has to be discarded then there are ready and waiting appliances who can be plugged in without much more effort. It is not always possible to find those appliances which will wait around but it is far from impossible. You may be surprised at the number which will readily accept a role as an outer or even inner circle friend, possibly an acquaintance too in the right circumstances. Content to have intermittent contact with me in person. Happy to have more frequent contact through electronic medium. These reservists will smile at the primary source, appear to even be friendly but they are only doing it to maintain my favour. If I give the signal they would rip the throat from the primary source in order to replace her. That is what we bring out in people.
Still, those are the reservists but for now an excellent primary source was chosen and thus you were surplus to requirements. You heard no more from me as a wall of silence greeted your attempts to contact me. Your position as primary source came to an end. You were made redundant and you were cast aside. I drew fuel from imagining your distress at this state of affairs and your repeated attempts to contact me provided similar fuel until I decided that I wanted to concentrate on the new primary source and therefore you needed to stay away. Thus, as I mentioned, the teeth were bared, you were warned and for once you listened and backed off.
Life has been sweet with the wonderful, new and shiny primary source who has lived up to expectations in her admiration, adoration and love. All is well and I cannot say that I have really given you any further thought since I made it clear that you were to “stay the hell away from me, understand?” I have been drinking deep from the new, potent fountain and enjoying all of this fresh, succulent fuel. So much so, I soon moved her in and why not? I may as well ensure that such a precious source of fuel is on tap.
Then one day I was moving some things around in the study and I found a book which belonged to you. I picked it up and you flared in my mind. I know that if it was the other way around, you would have been consumed by emotion as you triggered this ever presence. That does not happen with me. There is no charge of emotion but instead there is the spark of opportunity. The appearance of this book has caused you to enter into my sphere of influence. You did nothing did you? No telephone call, no text message, no driving past my house, all of the usual things which victims do in the aftermath and which will invariably result in a hoover. The appearance of this book has thrust you into my mind again. I have plenty of fuel from the wonderful primary source but a dash of hoover fuel would be welcome also. I feel no need to re-engage you as my primary source, your replacement is functioning well, but I am fuelled, powerful and I want to taste your hoover fuel. You have entered the sixth sphere of influence and caused a Hoover Trigger.
Moments such as these are delicious indeed. I have taken a bite of the succulent cherry that is the new primary source but here I am with a delightful opportunity to take a bite of another cherry and apply a hoover to you. What I especially like about it is the fact that because I do not want to or need to rekindle our intimate relationship again, the effort required will be minimal in order to get a taste of your hoover fuel. I pull out my ‘phone and look up your number. I kept it of course. I felt no need to block it. You rang and you rang but I never answered and eventually you gave up. I wonder for a moment whether you have blocked me and feel a twinge of irritation if that proves to be the case. Nevertheless, I have the energy and inclination to want to hoover you,, I perceive that there is a good prospect of gaining fuel from you, I have no reason to think that your fuel will be diminished, I have considered whether there may be obstacles but do not regard there as being any which would mean the attempt is likely to fail and I have not perception that you will reject me and thus criticise me and cause wounding. The Hoover Execution Criteria has been met and I have surpassed the bar, it is thus time to hoover you.
I jab your name and smile as I hear the ringing noise and within just two rings (two rings! Someone remains keen!) you answer. Your voice is tentative.
“Hello? HG?”
“Hi Tabitha, how are you?”
There is a pause. You are trying to work out what is going on but I know you will want to talk to me. You answered didn’t you? You spoke. You want some answers. You need to know. I have seen it so many times before and therefore I know that no matter how much you may think that you need to end the call before it gets going you will not do so. I know that the emotion is surging through you, hope, expectation and no doubt the glowing embers of the love that has not yet been extinguished for me.
“What do you want?” you ask but it is not said in a hostile tone.
“I was just thinking about you and I thought I would give you a call and see how you were doing.”
“I don’t understand. Why call me now when you made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with me?” Ah, a bit of a fightback from logic here. Fair enough.
“I know, I know, that was some time ago, I was in a bad place, a lot going on and something had to give. I know I didn’t handle it well, I am sorry.”
Like hell I am but I know those three words will have a magical effect. I stop speaking. I can picture you trying to hold back the tears, fighting with the competing emotions that are washing over you. I can feel the power rising inside of me at this image as I gather the fuel.
“You hurt me, you really hurt me,” you say voice cracking slightly.
“I know, I know and I am truly sorry, I know you must hate me, listen if it is any consolation to you, I hate myself for what I did to you, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” That should hit the spot. A bit of self-flagellation always goes down well.
“Well you won’t hate yourself as much as I hate you,” you answer with a little steel in your voice. It’s good. It is all fuel.
“Trust me Tabs,” oh yes the shortened name for added familiarity needs to be used here, “I know just what I did and I am not proud of myself. I just felt it was only right that I call you in order to explain…”
I hit the end call button after saying this.
Five seconds. She will call back in five seconds.
Sure enough her name appears on the ‘phone as she returns the call.
“Hi,” I say enthusiastically.
“You went off.”
“Yes poor signal I guess.”
There is another pause. I say nothing allowing the silence to be used to compel you to speak. I know that you want to talk. It was always likely and your behaviour so far is laden with indicators that you want to continue to talk.
“You said you wanted to explain,” you say and I hear the hope in your voice and the fuel drips from you once again.
I know that I can dangle the prospect of answers in front of you for weeks now. I don’t want you back. I do not need you back but I have tasted your delicious hoover fuel and I like it. I have managed to cause you to speak to me and then call me back after everything that I did to you, including my callous discard. That highlights the power I have and that is why when remembering you through seeing the book it was too good an opportunity to miss and I applied a benign hoover. Not to win you back, but to get you to respond and to provide me with fuel. And it has worked.
I lick my lips before I speak.
This cherry is mighty sweet as is the fuel from this successful follow-up hoover.
28 thoughts on “Shall I Deploy A Follow-Up Hoover”
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HG,
My mid range cerebral ex fiancé discarded me about 4 months ago and he has already tried to hoover me once. I have remained NC and did not respond to his hoover attempt which was about 2 months ago. Does the fact that we were engaged once make him more likely to hoover me again in the future? I am the only girl he was ever been engaged to and he claims I am the first girl he ever dated continuously without breaking up for more than a year. Does that make me more likely to enter into his 6th sphere of influence? I am NC with him and have moved and changed jobs.
HG what would make you not want to resume the formal relationship ever?
Why did you not want tabitha and why did you not regard her as fixed after being on the scrap heap for a while?
Really disgusting and again no regard for other people. This is such a good example why complete no contact is crucial! So many want their narc to hoover but are assuming the hoover is to restablish the relationship which in itself is so wrong but many hoovers are to gain ego boosting and toy with the victim. To see how much they can still affect that person. Its all about mattering and feeling so special that you can abuse someone and have them still want you. The thing is the victim doesnt feel good about themselves and there were issues within them why they were suseptible to a narcissist in the first place. How good is it to know your ego boost is the result of someone vulnerable. Any person who loved themselves and respected themselves would not stay or go back to a narcissist.
If you want to be rid of a narc block them every angle you can and know that a hoover isnt them missing and wanting to reinstate its about them boosting their ego and feeling special to someone they absolutely Do Not Deserve! Dont give them the love that you should be giving yourself. They dont deserve any of it.
So cruel… I feel for Tabitha . I wish her co-dependent chains been removed..
I think for Tabitha, she will always have that tiny crack with HG’s mixture in it with him imprinted on her. She’ll always respond to him.
As far as HG, reading this, needing the fuel fix after being reminded of her from the book, I interpret it as him needing all of those old appliances like a child clings and needs their security blanket (or prized toy). Their reaction validates his presence and connection in their life.
He opens her wounds for quick fuel fix , for few moments of his own pleasure and satisfaction, also to confirm ‘you belong to me , you are my property..’
You are probably right about Tabitha Clarence.😔
Has her discard been described in any of Mr. Tudor’s books or will this be covered in one of the new ones ?
HG talks about his relationship dynamic with Tabitha in “Chained”.
Yes , I read Chained but from what I remember her callous discard wasn’t described there.
Mr. Tudor,
Will you tell us about how your relationship with Tabitha or Karen ended in one of the new books?
( sorry if you have answered similar question in the past and I missed it).
The Asylum of the Grotesque.
I’ve been waiting to hear what happened to Karen for over a year now…
I’m guessing we are going to be told to wait for “Asylum of the Grotesque” to come out. lol
Thank you.
Hello HG Tudor,
My ex narc sent a message to me 4 months after our breake-up. During this message, I’m in no contact. And also I discarded him. He wanted his pen which was given to me by himself as a gift. He wanted me to deliver it to his adress. Then, he called me and he talked so sympathetic on the phone. Was it a hoover? If the answer is yes, will he call me again and want to see me?
Hell Cansu, yes that was a hoover. If there is a hoover trigger, I suspect the bar on the hoover criteria is low because he can easily reach you by phone and the last time you spoke it seemed to be amicable and you gave him fuel, therefore he is likely to try again.
HG
Man, this is good and accurate.
My narc made sure to tell me I was blocked in text after his raging at me (I haven’t text since so I don’t know if I’m unblocked)
I was also blocked on Facebook 6 months later AFTER his raging (obviously he knew I would notice ) ….
I’m still blocked on Facebook… I get this is a ‘silent treatment’ …it’s been 6 months since he did that now… when will he undo ?
It’s not impossible for me to contact him, he just likes to make a statement.
Elle, my Narc blocked my for a month after his final rage – I stopped answering his phone calls and responding to messages. I think he wanted me to get desperate, but it didn’t work – I didn’t react to him blocking me. I even posted my pictures looking happy during that time. After a month I think he realized it doesn’t work anymore. So he unblocked me and started to post his new relationship happy pictures. Doesn’t work either 🙂 You never know what’s going to be next!
I suppose you are right. Mine isn’t speaking to me all together. But i stopped reaching out after he told me to die and to burn in hell. I was afraid of him and of another rage. But sadly, wish desperately to see him at the same time. I haven’t seen him in person for a year in a half now…
Damn. Reading this sent shivers down my spine as I have been there where Tabitha was. You calling her “Tabs”…..
My nickname has always been “Gabbs” with everyone. But not him. He never EVER called me Gabbs. Despite many friends always calling me that. He always called me Gabrielle. He never used nicknames with me.
When he began pulling away and disappearing and avoiding me (yet still being nice and charming) he would cheerfully say “Hey Gabbs! How are you?” Suddenly, it bothered me. And he could tell even though I did not say anything. He even asked “Shall I not call you that?” I pretended I did not mind even though I did. When he ended the conversation he said cheerfully “Talk to you soon!” and I said “Last time you said that I did not hear from you for a month….”
The final time I ever talked to him the last thing he said to me was “Talk to you soon, Gabbs”.
And it has been 3 months of silence ever since.
That is interesting! It’s almost like since he knew he was putting distance between you two, he subconsciously (or maybe intentionally) followed suit then with what secondary tier people (friends) in your life to call you your nickname with them rather than addressing you as he had when you were an IP. There is something telling in that his choosing to refer to you by your nickname now showed a drop in your ranking with him in his mind.
Clarece,
He did have a nickname for me. Paloma (means dove in Spanish). I am not Spanish nor is he but he chose it because he liked the way it sounded and because doves mean peace, peacefulness, that I made him feel peace…this just what he said to me, I am sure it was recycled from my predecessors). That was my only other nick name, pet name, etc. He is a mid range cerebral. My nickname for him was Georgia Sunshine.
He stopped calling me by my nickname/pet name and then later on came the “Gabbs” out of nowhere. It kind of stung. And some of my best friends call me Gabbs too! Yet when he did it, it hurt, it was like I was demoted, less important, etc. Yes a drop in ranking indeed. And that I told him (before knowing what he is) that “talk to you soon” being said was hurtful when he didn’t mean it and did not “talk to me soon”. I think he took my nickname along with THAT to combine a subtle sting of “Talk to you SOON, Gabbs”. The last text he ever sent me. And the day before that text was the last email he ever sent me where he said, “I will always love you too but if you love me you will give me space and leave me alone”. He did not address me with my former Paloma pet name but he signed the email “Your Friend, (yes “friend”) Georgia Sunshine”.
What an haughty ass.
Yep, we’re all 10 steps behind their decisions when we’re in the fog and trying to maintain.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Bugga! I wish you hadn’t said that …..
I gave my narcissist friend many books, one he uses “daily” as a reference book. He also lives close by. Looks like I’m doomed for all eternity! Haha!
Another enlightening article, Thankyou
You are welcome.
This doesn’t sound like fuel. To taunt someone you do not love, need or value is simply sick fun.
Hi HG. I’ve been enjoying the videos you recently uploaded on youtube. Your voice sounds different though – less dark and gravelly. I’m in Europe currently, closely to your stomping ground!
Different microphone so it distorts less. Or maybe it is because my brother is filling in for me at the moment.
Classic
HG-
Thank you for arming me with this information. While its hurtful to know the truth its good to know that I have a heads up and can respond accordingly. I was fortunate enough with my ex husband for a couple of years without a Hoover, until our son got into some legal problems and even then they were very innocuous and “innocent”. I never knew it for what it was and it irritated me.
Although I have been dealing (not really well) with the loss of my current Ex-SO I have not had the Hoover, because I will not quit contacting him, but I hope to eventually stop breaking No Contact, and if and when his call comes, I want to be as indifferent and irritated with him as I am with my Ex-Husband.
It’s very good to know that when that time comes my Ex-SO will not be doing it to “win” me back but just because he can..I know it may sound strange, but that knowledge makes this a little easier for me right now.
Well this is certainly why no contact is the only way to go.