The Stolen Case of No

the-stolen-case-of-no

 

No is a familiar word from our lips and I have explained its extensive use and important value to our kind on a previous occasion. We use now to exert our hold over you. It is not only used in that sense but also as a reminder that you have lost the use of no because we steal that from you and then, when saying “no” to you on a repeated basis we are flaunting what we have taken from you.

We steal your ability to say no very soon into the entanglement. We pluck it away from you with ease and subterfuge so that it seems as if you have placed the use of the word “no” into retirement when actually it has been carefully and quietly spirited away from you. During devaluation, the theft is far more apparent. It has been a brazen burglary, a smash and grab as each time we metaphorically hit you over the head (and in some cases also do so literally) and make off with your use of the word “no”. It is removed from you forcibly and then waved around in front of you on a daily basis, a vicious reminder that we can use it and you cannot. Therein this underlines our superiority over you. The acquisition of the word “no” is an early and key aim of when we ensnare you. We set out to take it from you, acquire it for our own extensive use and deny you the opportunity of using it ever again. Inevitably the questions of how and why we do this manifest. First of all, how do we achieve this pilfering? What forms does it take?

  1. You lose the capacity to say no to our advances during seduction.
  2. You cannot say not to spending time with us.
  3. You cannot say not to the suggestions we make.
  4. You cannot say no to the places we take you.
  5. You cannot say no to the gifts we shower you with.
  6. You cannot say no the first time we take your hand.
  7. You cannot say not the first time we move closer to kiss you.
  8. You cannot say no when we take you to bed.
  9. You cannot say no when we keep staying at your place.
  10. You cannot say no when we invite you to stay with us.
  11. You cannot say no when we turn up unexpectedly and invite you out for lunch or coffee.

Think back to your seduction (or if you are still inside this period consider the ongoing situation) and how readily you accede to all these requests. It is easy because there is always an upside. You cannot say no, because you do not want to say no, because you do not want to miss out on the experience of being with us and being bound closer to us. You do not realise this but we have already stolen your ability to say no. Just in the way that a totalitarian state tells you what to think, say and do, we do the same but it is all wonderful, golden and benign. This is because when we take away your capacity to say no during the seduction of the golden period we are governing you through love. This regime is as controlling as any other but is uses love to achieve governance.

What then of devaluation? How then does the theft of “no” occur?

  1. You do not say no to our demands that you run around after us.
  2. You do not say no to our command that you stay in and do not go out with your friends.
  3. You are forbidden from saying no to our demands in the bedroom, no matter how degrading and humiliating they may be.
  4. You do not say no to our sudden explosions of rage but rather you must deal with them and ride you out.
  5. You do not say not to the repeated crossing of your boundaries through our invasion of your personal space, the occupation of your accommodation, the use of your resources such as time and money.
  6. You do not say no to our coming and going as we please. We are entitled and we remove your ability to say no in order to further this sense of absolute entitlement.
  7. You do not say no to our erosion of your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem as we whittle them away through the repeated applications of our manipulations.
  8. You do not say not to our isolation of you, as we ensure you spend time with us and do not socialise with friends and family.
  9. You do not say no to the frequent manipulations that are applied to you, but rather you suck them up and deal with them as best as you can.

The totalitarian regime that we implement is no longer one which used love in order to govern. That has been replaced with fear. Fear of repercussions, of responses, reactions and consequences has the word no evaporate from your vocabulary. Even if you try and say it, it will not come naturally, but rather sticks in your throat until we seize it and pull it away from you once again leaving you with no option other than to say “yes”.

The theft of “no” continues even after you are discarded as well.

  1. You do not say no to our smearing of you to third parties, since you are bewildered and do not have the energy or coping mechanisms to fight back;
  2. You do not say no to our hoovering of you by saying no to our home visits, no to our telephone calls or no to our messages;
  3. You do not say no to the memories of us but rather allow them to fill your mind and continue our infection of you;
  4. You do no say no to wondering what we are doing and who with
  5. You do not say no to spying on us, trawling our social media profile and asking others about us.
  6. You do not say no to the reinstatement of the golden period.

No is denied to you repeatedly. It is taken from your lexicon of words and if you ever try to take it back, it is soon whipped away from you once again. We own your use of the word “no”. We understand the power that comes with its use and that is why we take it by any means possible. At first through the false love and then through the imposition of fear, intimidation and threat.

Why do we do this? Why do we make it our aim to remove your capacity to resist, refuse and thus say no?

  1. The word “no” is powerful. More so than “yes”. It is harder to say but when used it is powerful. We want to remove that power from you and have it ourselves.
  2. By preventing you from saying no to us we can control you and have you do what we want.
  3. Only the great have the ability to say no. We have it. Therefore, we are superior. You do not. You are therefore inferior.
  4. You know you should say it but you cannot. This damages your self-worth even further.
  5. Watching you try to say the word we have taken causes you pain, frustration, upset and anger, all of which lead to the provision of fuel.

The removal of “no” from you to us is a lynchpin in our manipulation of you. How ought you to deal with this theft? It is simple enough. Always remember where you have placed the word “no”, take it out, use it, practise with it, say it to yourself in the mirror and remember that the more you use it the harder it is for us to steal it from you and keep it from you.

19 thoughts on “The Stolen Case of No

  1. echo says:

    Definitely this applies both romantically and in a familial sense to me. It started with parents for sure, the ex(es) just took that conditioning and ran with it. I never had a good frame of reference for either boundaries or “no” in the first place. Just as you said, it feels unnatural and I’m awkward and clumsy when trying to assert myself. I know I’m disappointing people and it makes me sick to my stomach.

    Thank you for posting this. It’s a good reminder especially now as I try to carve out time and space in my life to focus on healing and growth. I’m practicing saying no and asserting myself in a calm, adult way. Coworkers and friends even help me sometimes.

  2. MICHELED2005 says:

    MARRIED 11 YEARS…ALWAYS AFRAID TO SAY NO…DIVORCED 4 MONTHS NOW AND STILL AFRAID TO SAY NO TO HIM. UGH…. I NEED TO FIND MY “NO”

    IT’S JUST SOMETIMES EASIER TO DO WHAT THEY WANT CAUSE THEY PRODUCE SO MUCH DRAMA IF YOU DON’T!

    IT FEELS IT’S A LOOSE – LOOSE SITUATION NO MATTER WHAT!

    NARCS WILL ALWAYS WANT THEIR WAY AND WILL ALWAYS MAKE YOU FEEL YOU ARE WRONG IF YOU DO NOT AGREE OR GIVE IN!

  3. Nat says:

    What if after discard I said NO to his hoovers and stopped answering his phone calls?
    What if I said: “NO, I’m not going to cry and beg you to stay anymore”.
    What if I said NO to him stating “let’s stay friends, I will probably want to get you back one day” ?
    What if I say NO to watch his social media profiles?
    What if I say NO to him trying to watch my social media profiles by blocking or excluding him from contacts?

    Does it affect him at all? A minimum? Anything?

  4. Mbrooks says:

    Wow. Again thanks for the insight. This explains a lot and provides some preparedness for future relationships.

  5. B says:

    He wanted sex and money while being married to someone else (which I didn’t know of initially when I fell in love with him). I said no of course. Guess who’s being completely in shock, and shockingly CANT get over it.

  6. jenna says:

    “You do not say no to our coming and going as we please” – he used to come and go whenever he pleases. That’s for sure! 😣

    “You do not say no to the memories of us but rather allow them to fill your mind and continue our infection of you” – but my ex mid-ranger wants me to move on. He gets frustrated when i remember the past. So he set a new rule – no talking abt the past 😂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He really does not want you to move on.

  7. Silence says:

    To be superior is very good position, but when you can take care for somebody and love him in a proper manner. Otherwise is not very dignified when you simply torture a women, who is in love. Is it strength? No, it is big distortion of the picture. And I am sure that many narcissists know pretty good that the woman is not in love with them, real them 🙂 Who is in the better position? 🙂 Of course, the woman who will move on and doesn’t give a shit anymore 🙂 And, no, I said many times “NO!”
    Thank you for your articles. I have learned so many things and yes, I will beat him. Yes, I will 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. I sense your resolve.

  8. Oh yes, thank you for that! I didn’t realize how much the word has already been refrained from my vocabulary in regards to him. It had not been pointed out, before now. I just realized when the last time I did tell him no, even with an explanation on my answer, it was turned around to yes. I’m in awe, Still, in awe with what is happening to me.

  9. abrokenwing says:

    This is my problem. I have to learn how to say No without feeling guilty or being afraid of the consequences.
    Great article 👌

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      1. KT says:

        And also after the discard you ask please can we try again and he says No. Or please can I see you again he says No. Etc etc . During devaluation and the discard everything you ask is No

      2. jenna says:

        Oh🙆
        Then why the new rule abt no mentioning of the past?
        Thank you HG.

  10. Ms brown C★ says:

    I said “NO”, frequently and was annihilated 💣

    1. K says:

      Ditto, Ms brown C*.

  11. Robyn says:

    My narc owned 3 vehicles, 2 porsches and a Land Rover. He decided to sell one of the porsches, I asked if we could use some of the money to buy a camper for summer vacations with the kids. He said no, he was buying a Ferrari. He ended up leaving me shortly after, so I don’t think he’ll ever get that Ferrari (unless my replacement is super rich) but I’ll never forget how easy it was for him to deny me that one little request.

  12. lizbeth says:

    totally

  13. strongerwendy says:

    No.

    Just practicing.

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