Poll – How Did You Meet Your Narcissist?
I would like to know the circumstances of you meeting the narcissist or narcissists that you have been entangled with. For most this will be the romantic narcissist, but of course there are those who will have experienced entanglement through a familial connection, through social engagement, work, business and other means besides.
How did this entanglement come about and where was that critical first meeting? Did you happen to meet at a bar one evening or was it your dentist who was providing a service who inveigled his way into your life? Perhaps you met somebody at work and they became the boss from hell or there was a romantic path from that point onwards? Maybe your interaction arose from attending the same church or at the amateur dramatic society? Wherever it happened I am interested to know.
Since you may well have experienced more than one narcissist, you can answer up to five different times to reflect the multiple ensnaring you have experienced.
Thank you for your participation.
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online, but can’t vote because it was not via social media or online dating site… it would have to be “online – other”
I believe both my parents were narcissists. I married very young to get out of the house. He was a lesser Lesser that I met at church. I was with him for 12 years and divorced him after I
began paralegal training.
I met my second husband when my friends took me out for my birthday at a bar. Another Lesser that never seemed like he was actually present in 4 years of marriage. At least I knew how to file my own divorce.
Third/current guy I met at a concert 7 years ago is a Greater. I haven’t done no contact so he continues to scramble my heart and soul.
He was my older sisters best friend at the time.
He cheated on me a few times with women from eharmony. I logged into his account and was shocked to see dates and girls he met. Times when I thought we were the happiest. I often wonder how many women hate that site because of him.
I chose social event because that was my closest match. We met through a mutual friend.
He was a customer at the store I worked in. He kept coming in to talk to me even after I told him I was engaged. He finally broke me down after saying, “I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t pursue you.” I loved that he was (seemingly) a hopeless romantic. I didn’t know until this blog that was actually a red flag. Hindsight.
I am in a helping profession and he was one of the regular customers, that’s how we met.
Being an introvert, it is difficult for me to engage with others in my daily life. It’s easier if you *have* to do it as part of your job, as you can be friendly and helpful without feeling awkward about it. The more he was around, the more relaxed I became in his presence. One day, he took me by the hand…
Matilda…id love to hear how the rest unfolded if you want to share 🙂
Well, Narc affair, we were talking for hours 🙂 … he did most of the talking, I enjoyed listening to his beautiful British accent, it sounded like music… and sometimes, I was elsewhere with my thoughts as the desire grew 😉 … and had to remind myself to stay focused, “for heaven’s sake, what if he stopped to ask you a question related to what he’s just been telling you?” 😀
He was well-mannered, patient, kind, cheeky at times, made me come out of my shell… I had never felt so at ease, so peaceful, as I felt in his presence… as if anything was possible… I believed in a future with him, and took a leap of faith… bitter-sweet memories…
Are you really going to make me re-tell this story HG? lol That particular day had such a “magical” element about it and will forever stay imprinted in my head completely intact and separate from all the ugliness later on.
It was October 2012 and I was freshly divorced for about a year out of my 17 year marriage. It was a weekend I did not have my daughter and I was getting used to that new schedule. My best friend of 20 years who I also work with texted me that her and her boyfriend were going to meet up with her son and his friends to tailgate at the Homecoming Football game at the University he attended which is in the town we both live too. So I went. Because I had nothing better to do that day. If I stayed under the covers that day in my bed, none of this would have happened.
We got to the tailgate and were trying to locate her son’s group amidst the mobs of families and college students all over the University grounds surrounding the football stadium. My friend says, “Oh there’s JN. He’ll take us to where we need to go.” This was her son’s best friend from the University. I look and see this really cute, tall guy coming towards us with a smirk on his face in Aviator sunglasses and an American flag tank top. It was 50 degrees out. I got cold just looking at him, but he stood out. After JN got us to the group of friends we were going to be hanging out with for the next few hours, he just kept coming back to me and asking me why my number wasn’t in his phone. At least 4 times he returned. I would reply with “you can have any girl’s number here, you don’t need mine.” I was really taken aback because of our age difference and I thought it was a bet or a joke being played out on me at first (for fun, but not to be taken seriously at all). He still had his sunglasses on as it was a bright sunny day, but windy and chilly. My friend and I were wearing gloves and huddling together to stay warm.
Two other guys in the fraternity, friends with both JN and my friend’s son, started a conversation with us and they both pointed out that I had the bluest eyes they had ever seen. So JN hears that and comes back around and says “look at me”. So I did. He replied, “Your eyes are as blue as the galaxy.” Corny but cute, to me anyways. I said, “take your glasses off, I want to see your eyes finally.”
He whipped them off, leaned in close and looked right through me with dark, blue eyes. I have never deviated from saying, it was the only moment in my entire life that for a few seconds I felt as though something cosmic happened when we locked eyes. Sound stopped. Everyone around me faded away. There was just his eyes on mine. It seemed the Earth stopped rotating on its Axis for a moment. Fate, destiny, love at first sight, butterflies in the stomach, just washed over me. That instant changed everything. I was meant to be there that day to meet him.
Cute story Clarece! 💘
Thank you abrokenwing! I pass the stadium on campus every day getting my daughter to school. Talk about everpresence especially with football / Homecoming season around the corner.
Clarece
Maybe it was a cosmic event. Maybe meetjng him and suffering all you did was necessary for your personal growth toward your ultimate destiny. Many necessary lessons are hard ones.
– at least that’s the kind of thing I tell myself all the time. Could be. Not at first – no. It’s hell going thru it and hard for several years. But years after the abuse, now I can look back at it and see that I am a wiser, stronger, more compassionate person now because of my experiences. Just an idea.
Windstorm, I believe that too. A part of me still believes the online narc and I were meant for each other for a time. It was the most all-consuming relationship I’ve ever had. I have to think that, in addition to him being so addictive, and me wanting more… there was this feeling that even though he was bad for me, I was learning and that couldn’t be all bad, could it? (Or maybe that was just an excuse to keep it going.) I didn’t know exactly WHAT I was learning at the time, but it felt valuable. And in reading what others share here, I’m learning still, and maybe ultimately I will learn to truly let go of any attachment to even the memory of him and the anger at him.
Mary
Let me clarify. I didn’t mean that Clarece and JN were meant to be together or fated in some romantic sense. I meant maybe Clarece was meant to have to endure that narc relationship in order to grow and develop into the person she was meant to be. Sometimes I believe we are sent suffering and hardship to teach us important lessons and help us grow.
Windstorm,
I knew how you meant it. I was simply agreeing with you, but in a long-winded way. It may not have come across that way. And when I said to Clarece that I could feel the intensity and “fated to meet” I meant I could feel how intoxicating it was. I may have worded it poorly.
Clarece, if it came across that way I apologize.
Hey Mary,
Looks like I was the one to misunderstand! Happens all too frequently. And you had a good point about when we feel one of these connections with a narc it makes it so much harder to break away. I think in many ways we can’t totally break away. Like the narcs, I believe there is a permanent bond.
I guess I was just afraid of coming across as a “love devotee” or a believer in romance. I am neither! I am willing to admit a very slim possibility that real romance exists – very slim. I’ve always thought romance was something invented by narcissists to trap people – sort of like shining a light in an animals eyes at night when your hunting to make them freeze so you can take them.
Over the course of my life I’ve seen so many times narcs in the family turn their charm and romance on and off like flipping a switch whenever they wanted something from someone else. It was so obviously not how they really felt, but people would melt and do whatever the narc wanted and act like it was their privilege to have been used. Watching this would probably make anyone a cynic.
Hi Windstorm2!
Have you heard of the old Chinese Proverb of the Red String of Fate? The legend is that two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances, by the Gods. It is unbreakable. Some people are destined to meet and have a history together whether good or bad.
Clarece
I do remember the red string of fate. I heard about it on this site some time ago. It stuck in my mind because It triggered a mental image of me surrounded by huge mounds of red string all tangled up and making getting thru my life nearly impossible! (Maybe because I crochet and often deal with tangled string or maybe just because I’m 😜)
I do believe in fate, signs from God and people being permanently connected. I remember how irritated I was to read (on some other narc site) that narcs believe in “magical thinking.” They then went on to describe several examples of this magical thinking and I believed everyone of them as well! It reminded me of Arthur C Clarks third law – “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” my personal belief is “magical thinking” is a label people put on spiritual things they personally don’t experience or understand.
Oh no!!! Lol That was me who brought up the red string before. Too funny feeling all tangled up in a ball of red thread. It felt more like an invisible red noose around my neck…
Hi Clarece,
I loved that bit of info. I believed without a shadow of a doublt that fate brought us together. I had never thought much of destiny before. I was convinced that God put me in her life to help and that turned out to be the furthest thing from the truth.
I do wear a bracelet that says ‘everything happens for a reason’ but I’m still waiting to see what that reason is. Lol
Enjoy your weekend.
Haha, I’m in that waiting line with you! Falls in line with that lack of closure you never get with a Narc.
You have a good weekend too! I remember you were feeling… isolated from people (not wanting to deal with socializing and stuff) about a month ago. Is it passing or still lingering? I do get it and experience it too. Just wondering. Hugs!
Lol Clarece!!!!!
I wonder how long we will be in line for an answer.
I had to laugh this morning at the gym. I read your introduction story last night and when I looked in the mirror as I was on a machine I noticed a guy in a flag tank behind me. I was like “HELL NO”!!!!
I will be staying away from all guys in one of those. LOL
The socializing was bad a month ago!!
I was not looking forward to talking to all the people I hadn’t seen in awhile at my son’s grad party and afterwards it was sensory overload.
I sat for two days in the house after that. I have gotten better with my emotions since then. Sometime when they get to that level I can’t bring them back to normal for sometime. It’s hard to explain that to others. It’s frustrating when I struggle to keep it together and everyone wants you to snap out of it. I think thats one reason I don’t want to bother with people. It’s easier by myself and I dont have to analyze what people want.
I even have started to ask straight up to my family
“What does that mean” when they say something that I think might me judgmemental or passive aggressive.
I did just buy some workbooks on C-PTSD this week in hopes that I can control some of my feeling and triggers.
Have you made any new friends since you ended your relationship? Are there any places that you avoid?
Snow White
I have never been able to handle groups of people. I end up hiding out as much as possible. I can sure identify there! I have never been able to pick up on social cues or know what is expected of me. Its almost impossible for me to know what people really mean from what they say. It often seems judgmental and passive aggressive to me, too. I just assumed it was.
I gather you used to do well, but it’s harder now. Hope you learn some useful things from your reading that help. I’ve never studied anything on C-PTSD. Maybe I should. Might help me, too.
That is hilarious about the “flag tank” guy at the gym. Yes, they are trouble!
I’m lucky in the sense that I can live “small” right now which seems to be the best way to handle things. Meaning, I work with my best friend and we run her parent’s equipment company. I have a lot of support there and we laugh everyday. I don’t have to deal with any difficult personalities on the job especially over me. Huge blessing. I have my small circle of girlfriends and my family is in town. So I can optimize outings where I just go out with 1 or 2 friends and that is perfect. I am avoiding bigger crowds, school functions (unless I go with another parent from the school), weddings (just sending gifts at this point).
As far as places to avoid, no need to. As it turned out I was more of a DLS and like I wrote the other day I pass by the campus stadium everyday so that will never change (where we met). I don’t have that factored in for any kind of triggers.
I already have to start back to school shopping this weekend…
Enjoy your weekend Snow!!
Hi Clarece,
Your work situation sounds ideal!!!
I am glad you work somewhere that you can feel safe and not somewhere where you feel anxious about going.
I am so thankful that I no longer have to go to school functions. That would put me over the edge. Way too many people wanting to small talk and ask questions when they really don’t care about my answer.
My son changes schools this year and he is returning to the school district that I loathe and the one my daughter attended. I can feel the emotions already starting.
It’s funny the places that we can go and don’t experience the triggers. I don’t have a problem with the everyday places like you (stadium) but I will never return to the zoos and aquariums that we visited together.
Back to school shopping is depressing. Lol
I did always like picking out my backpack though.
Hope your daughter enjoys it.
I had never heard of the Red String of Fate before, but I’m a believer now. It sounds beautiful! ❤
Clarece
I had never heard that story so glad you shared. It was a different time, but the present me laughed out loud at the thought of a man being sexy in a tank top. I would have demanded to see those eyes too. That was the real undoing.
But NA, not just any tank. He was encased in our stars and stripes. ‘merica! He was all about the pursuit of freedom and liberty! How could I not succumb? Lol
I know I told this story but maybe about a year or even longer in one of HG’s articles on the eyes. It must have been before you joined. I remember HG commenting on how “cinematic” our meeting seemed. 🙄
Awwwww Clarece, that was soooooo romantic!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
I’m probably the 2nd highest love devotee under you, Love!! ❤❤
Girl, I almost swooned from your story! First him showing his eyes and then your eye locking moment where the universe stopped! Ahhhhh! I can’t take it! ❤❤❤❤
I found it nauseating, interesting and amusing.
I was picturing your azure blue eyes Mr. Tudor ✨🌟💥💫
Picture away!
❤❤❤
Aww you two!💞
Oh I bet you were! Exactly in that order! That’ll be some big shoes to fill though for someone else to make the Earth stop spinning on its axis when they look in my eyes.
Amused? I bet you just wanted to pinch my cheeks and pat my head and say “Good, good little Sitting Target”. lol
If it hadn’t of happened that way, I would be completely skeptical of hearing this from someone else and believing it. So I get if anyone read this and needed a puke bag. Lol
I wonder what would happen if HG whipped off a pair of Aviators and looked at me?
You would be done for Clarece. There is no surviving that!
Maybe I have a Gobo Light of love around me to buffer his gaze…? lol
I don’t know. I think his gaze would be hypnotic. You’d be under his trance quickly. Gobo light fallen by the wayside.
Lol Love!
Clarence I have been reading the blog and can really identify with you.
I remember during the golden period feeling so intensely happy and in love. We were leaving a wonderful restaurant and as I turned to say goodbye to the owner I felt as though the sun was radiating through me… As though that love had created an intense positive light and I actually glowed. It passed quickly but the owner actually jerked when he looked at me.
It took me 13 years to actually leave him and be okay with it.
And after 3 years of no dating I am, once again, in the clutches of a narcissist. But at least now I know what these people are.
I am starting the long journey to walk out the door. Those few steps are the longest journeys.
Ty for your honesty.
Hello BV!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am touched and humbled that you reached out and glad you found something that resonated to help you keep moving away from him.
Hi Clarece, thank you for sharing about meeting JN. I don’t know a lot of your story, so am glad you shared it. You write really well about it, I felt butterflies along with you and the feeling that you were fated to meet. He def sounds intense and like someone impossible to resist.
Hi Mary!
It was always intense from start to finish. What evolved to in the middle had many similar parallels that I’ve read with your experience (a few of your stories were real triggers for me) with a lot happening just thru texting or Skype. Since we were both single, and we had so much chemistry and good times together in person (never argued face to face) it was beyond bewildering why someone would prefer virtual and online vs being in person. Incredibly hurtful. So many circular, word salad fights about why can’t we just see each other like normal people? I started learning about msygonistic tendencies and how that would be a way to avoid intimacy. That research ultimately led me to HG’s work.
How cute…them young boys are very charming narc or no narc. They are good with words and see older women as a challenge.
I have dated a few buy have never taking any of them seriously. At one point it seem to be a trend similar to the one were people were carrying around those hand size dogs like accessories.
I still tend to attract younger guys but I ignore most of their advances. The mid was 10 years younger than I. We met because of shared community interests he would use me to triangulate thr women he worked with, family and friends. Later, the tables turned.
His parents seemed like nice people always treated me with respect. Although, he regarded highly in his community for giving back to youth, seniors, and exoffenders his mother would say pray for him.
I later so the dark side behind that boyish grin and charm. Ugh…
Our first meet up would appear to be as magical but then I would be delusional to believe that.
The sex was great and I was able to contribute to his cause in a positive way and later exposed him.
Agreed! It’s hard to fathom such a dark side when they are younger. I gave mine a free pass for way too long thinking it was just immaturity or fear of getting too close to someone.
OMG Clarece!!!
Immaturity and fear of getting too close was exactly two of the things I gave passes on. And I thought I was the one who would be able to reason with her and be the one that could make a difference in her life. Nope.
I never gave a second thought to anyone’s age differences but now that I look back 17yrs younger than me was a big difference. She didn’t even know who the Lone Ranger was. Lol
Even though she preferred older women she loved to comment that I was from another decade.
Wonder how many young narcs like older women.
All I can say after reading that is you’d be my soul sister in this town. I had those exact same sentiments. We had similar age gap. He thought it was hilarious when I went to the Madonna MDNA concert in 2012. Like that was for old people.
Good concert.
Yes. Concert time said 8:00 pm. Madonna came on stage at 10:40 pm. Diva.
You don’t get that from Depeche Mode.
Clarece, I would be honored to be your soul sister!!!
I got that very same reaction to some of my music taste. She didn’t understand Madonna or Prince. Lol
Awwwww…. we all went to see that concert.
It was fantastic.
Interesting reading about age differences. My exnarc was 6 yrs younger than me and very immature. My present narc is 16 yrs older and even more immature in many ways. Age is not an indicator of maturity. I will say he has more charm and manners than the younger narc.
Narc Affair, true, age is not an indicator of level of maturity especially with a Narc considering most behave like they are 8 years old when the mask slip. Manchild😊😊😊
The younger ones tend to do more maturity faking. Part of their facade to target older prey. Men tend to act show lack of maturity when they get with younger women. It’s weird because they mimic what they think is maturity or lack thereof. Observe them in their comfort zone around their friends the mask slips a little and goes back up. Lol…
I chose neighbor, I have been rare for the past few days and can’t relive the moments with the lesser right now. I don’t have any feelings buy it makes me so angry that I dealt with it.
Yolo…i have one of those dogs and theyre the sweetest little babies lol my little chihuahua has been my anchor during the difficult times in my life. I highly recommend a dog for companionship.
Awe, Narc Affair,
I am considering. I am not in a position at the moment. They are just like kids. I have attended a few adoption events at the local pet store. When I am ready it will definitely be a rescue.
Some of my friends pay for doggie care, medical insurance, and have all these other expenses. I just learned they shouldnt eat grapes. 😊😊
Wow clarece thats intense. I think its the fact you were newly divorced and starting new and to have a younger guy interested and flirting that way is such a thrill. Then for him to whip his glasses off and for you to see his eyes up close like that for the first time would take your breath away. This really read like a romamce novel which i used to read many thru the years. Im a bit more cynical now in that if it was a situation like that for me id be super paranoid bc i know the charming over confidant guys are usually players. That said, my narc came off shy when i met him but hes not one on one. Coverts are even deadlier imo. They hide their narc side very well.
Thanks for sharing your memory of jn.
In a bar…originally. He lied and told me he was a CPA. We lost each other that night… I ended up running into him working in a grocery store a couple months later. I thought, poor guy…he was embarrassed. Such a gentle soul, I can help build his self esteem, lol
His current and most of the past secondary sources have been through work, although he is on many dating sites and was on them while we were married. I found out he was on “millionaire match.com”… ridiculous!
He also reconnects with people on Facebook. I have him and his family blocked.
I was never into the bar scene. My friends took me out for my birthday to see a local band. I happened to look up just as he was passing our table. We locked eyes and I was immediately attracted to him. He smiled at me and I was a goner. I was naive about bar etiquette and dating so I must have stood out like a nun in a strip club. He found an excellent source of fuel, and I found the person who would ruin my life.
He literally knocked on my door looking for my soon to be ex husband who I now know was also a Narcissist. Looking back on it he was preying on me and under the pretense of helping me and my kids and saving me from the exes manipulations. He was brilliant at countering My Ex husbands abuses! He was even more brilliant at abusing me before I realized how badly I was trapped.
In the case of one romantic narc, went to school with him, knew him all my life as a good guy everyone seemed to like, but didn’t know him on a close basis until we began dating years later after graduation.
In the case of the other romantic narc, he was my first boyfriend ever at age 14, sweet innocent love from out of town, met at my local skating rink. When I was old enough to date, we dated on and off through my high school years, then he joined the military after graduation. Moved away. I married a normal. Didn’t see him again until age 40, talking via Facebook, met him in his city one night after a work banquet, and the attraction was intense, both of us much improved beyond high school. I’m sure he was thrilled to find that I was still as naive. 😉
First Narcissist I met when I was 8 and he was 10. His father was a Narcissist and his mother overcompensated for his father’s rejection. He became a full blown Narcissist in adulthood.
Second one became my first husband. Met him at the beach.
Third one became my second husband. Met him at work. He was a salesman.
Fourth one became my third husband. Met him through video dating service.
Fifth and final I met on a reputable online dating service.
He was a horrible somatic Narc.
Stacy,
Most would say look at the common denominator in your relationships. Interesting how we really become narc magnets. I am fearful that I would never make it to 3. I am so paranoid I question all actions. It’s a curse and Blessings to being informed. The blessing truly being weaponize with tools to combat these types with.
Now, the paranoia and fear I have to work on, its hard to even trust my gut feelings at time so mt default. (Potential Narc)
Hey YOLO!!!
I still have that paranoia and fear as I walk through my day. I can’t trust my gut either.
For me it’s the real vs fake. That illusion messed with me. I don’t know if my brain is telling me the right things some time. I have to ask my daughter repeatedly “is this real”?
And I can’t stand anyone behind me or to approach me if I don’t see them coming.
I agree with you being a curse and a blessing.
Hope you are having a great summer☀️
Hi Snow White,
Sorry, i am just see your response. My summer is going well. I hope you are enjoying yours with your daughter.
I believe our intuitions is our gut feelings warning us. I feel their presence is near sometimes. Not too long ago I thought i was seeing things. It bothered me so I called the mid that evening he laughed and said i knew you would be calling thats why I unblocked you. He’s a mid but his manipulation and mind games are that of a greater. “Why don’t you walk anymore and why are driving the kids to school?” I am sure you are thinking why did i break no contact. I don’t fear being ensnared by him, i know exactly what he is and what the outcome will be. We are toxic😊 I have a little fear of him because he want retaliation. He basically laughed and told me to stay well. I was off for a few weeks, now i realize that no contact isn’t just about giving them fuel but to protect my own sanity.
The lessor drives by often when ever hes in the area. I don’t fear him and he knows not to try anything it would be worth it. He called a few weeks ago and said he was committing suicide.
I hope we both get to the point where we don’t fear people getting to close. I hate that when i am at the market and someone walk along side me or stand in line and violate my space.
Hey YOLO!
I am glad to hear that you have figured both of them out and they can’t instill fear in you anymore. It’s all the others now. Lol…. people don’t understand the invading space thing. I never ever was bothered or noticed anything before but NOW I’m so aware of it.
In the past two days I have had people come up to me and touch my hair and tussle it and I just am so shocked I don’t even know what to say. My daughter of course tells me to say “don’t touch me” but I need to work in being quicker with my words. She is soo good at it and so many readers here are too. I have always lacked in that area.
I still am amazed at how many stories I read here about their Narc and them threatening to commit suicide. That was one of the big bonds she created with me early on. I was terrified for her life and it was all fake. I won’t fall for that next time.
I always enjoy your posts. ❤️🍎❤️
Snow White,
Again, thank you. I think strangers that walk up and touch you without knowing you are narcs. I have had it happen to me on several occasions. It totally catches you off guard and you just stand their and say thank you. Of course, we feel obliged to do so because most of the time it comes in form of compliments. Once, I thought i was being prank by one of those stupid tv shows but the cameras never came out and I didnt win 100.00 for not blowing up.😊😊😊
I used to think they meant well not anymore. A fee have tried with gkids but I stop them in their tracks and they hide between my legs. Maybe, they feel the evil.
I know we will find true love and happiness despite the fear those evil people have placed in us. 👯♂️❤❤
Nothing “romantic”…
Aside of the whole pack of Narcopaths in my own family (Grandpatrinarc, Patrinarc, Cousin, Aunt…) with whom I had to live during my childhood (because I had no choice):
1. First husband.
We played in the same heavy metal band together and we never had anything romantic toward one another at all. Just friends and band mates.
I was 18 and my father (Patrinarc) found a “proper fiancé” for me and wanted me to marry him. That guy was from “proper family”, very unpleasant, ambitious, career-oriented. My father promised to promote his career in the scientific circles to the very top, if he would marry his “obnoxious daughter”. That “fiancé” was ready to marry even the ugly fat pig for sake of his goal!
My father arranged a lot of “dates” for us (cinema, theathres, restaurants). I remember my “fiancé” embarassed face, when we were sitting in the restaurant. He was wearing suit, tie and I was wearing jeans with holes and black T-shirt “Samael” with bloody corpses printed on it. Also, I had disheveled hair, no make up, and soooo boring face… And I yawned a lot… I did everything to repel him, but he was stubborn in his intention. Moreover, after every “date” he called to my father and told him how bad I had behaved, and my father gave me his tantrum hells then.
One day, my father told me that he had officially arranged the date of my wedding. When I said “No”, he said “Yes. Even if it means dragging you to the court and church using heavy sedative medications and force…”.
When I had a rehearsal with my band at the next day, guys noticed that I was sitting motionlessly and starring blankly in the space from time to time. They asked “What’s wrong, Noname”. I said “Wedding. Damned wedding. I have to find a way to avoid it”. And then my future husband said “I’m not married! Marry me! We can do it quickly! They won’t do nothing then!”. We all started to yell “Excellent idea!!!”… We named it as a “Our Grand Joke”…
For quick marriage, I had to be pregnant. In that case, we could marry in 3 days! I found the gynecologist, who was very fond of bribery, paid to him, and he made me officially “pregnant”. I married my band friend in 3 days. After official marriage, the same gynecologist made the official “miscarriage” to me…
When I delivered the “good news” to my father personally, he was furious and broke my arm beating me…
My “fiancé” married another girl from “propper family” soon. When his wife was 8 months pregnant, she “offended” him somehow and he beat her heavily, and her child died inside of her uterine… He was sent to prison and was raped and killed by prison guys there. It is a common “fate” for women’s offenders in my country’s prisons. So, my broken arm was a relatively good price for my freedom considering the future events…
Initially, my friend-husband and I argeed to be “married” for a while and then we had to divorce silently… Our “for a while” lasted for 7 years… Although he knew that our “marriage” was a total fake, he wasn’t ready for divorce when its time came…
2. Second husband.
We shared the same social circles. No seduction. No flowers and hearts. No promises. No lies. No pretention. Just “adult talk” and mutual understanding that “it will work out”.
Noname you were so right to trust your intuition and fight to not be forced in a relationship with him. I hope his wife healed and was able to have more child(ren) and find love again. That is a brutal and intense story. I’m so, so sorry about what your father put you through too.
Yes, Clarece, I always trust to my intuition. It is the only thing I can trust completely.
In case with my “fiancé”, it was rejection on all levels. Mental, intellectual, physical. And I knew that I had to pay my “price” for being free from him. It was worth it.
That girl, as far as I know, never remarried. Maybe she lives with someone out of marriage. I don’t know. Unfortunately, she’ll never get her own children, because surgeons removed her uterine (it was rupture of uterine and immediate death of her child). Sad.
My father calls me from time to time, if he needs something. I don’t have neither bad, nor good feelings toward him. I don’t judge him. Just polite strangers. I’m indifferent toward him.
Omg Noname… terrible situations you have been through. I am so so sorry. Sending healing vibes to you. Xo
Thank you, Star, for your vibes. No need. I helead all my wounds completely ))
Noname, please don’t answer if this is too intrusive a question but were you in a country/culture that supported your father to choose a mate/husband for you? No offense, but what a complete asshole! I hope you’ve had the ability to get as far away from him as you can get.
Russia and Ukraine (USSR and post-USSR time).
We had had the custom of arranged marriages till 1917. When communists destroyed aristocracy, everyone was free to choose everyone for marriage. But my father is the “old school” Patrinarc. He lives in Russia now.
By the way, if you hear “I’m an old school man”, run away. Not red, but scarlet flag. Lol.
I am so so sorry Noname. That is absolutely horrible.
Thank you for sharing Noname. I hope you are free now and can choose your own destiny. Reading your story makes me realize how lucky some of us are to live in places where families have no right or jurisdiction in determining their adult children’s future.
To be fair though, I have seen many arranged marriages that were happy and genuine love developed over time.
Maybe it is all a matter of luck.
Noname,
You have been through so much hell, I can’t even imagine what that was like. It sickens me that a father could do that to his daughter. I am glad you escaped the marriage he tried to force on you, that you fought for yourself by doing everything you had to get out of that.
That hell and its intensity was absolutely predictable.
The big irony was that my friend-husband’s family and my own family were like a Montague and Capulet. Bloody enemies. And my future husband knew exactly what he was doing saying “Marry me”. I was his unique chance to jeopardize his Matrinarc whom he hated wholehartedly.
When I came to my father to tell that I secretly married his bloody enemy’s son, I had full awareness that it wouldn’t end up well for me…
My husband wanted to come with me to confront my Patrinarc, but I said “It is my problem, not yours. Stay away from this mess”.
We reactivated the dormant “nuclear war” between his Matrinarc and my Patrinarc. It was the war of two Titans and huge social uproar. My husband was on seven heaven from happiness being in the center of all that mess. And I just silently enjoyed my own freedom. We both won.
Romeo and Juliet and Bloody Hell.
We met at former place of employment. I was fairly new to my field of work and was on call.I had a second job as a manager of a store because it provided medical and dental benifits( I had three younger children at home at the time. )I was going through a divorce, and was pretty crushed. Funny at first meeting I thought ” this guy is odd and has socialpath tendencies “. He came on so stong. My instincts knew.I wasn’t even attracted to him. But over time he became familiar, he did sweet things . Brought me little gifts and coffee on me breaks. I always asked don’t you work? Because he was always around.But he made it seem as though he had a great living and only needed to check in once in while( lies) Eventually ( over the span of two years)we became casual friends. Once he had an in to my life everything else happened at lightning speed. I knew better, I did. But I chose not to listen to my gut. Lesson learned.
I met him at a friend’s house.
Met a few on dating sites then one on a Facebook game that had a chat…I will never chat again on those games! They are narc webs.
For more details on my last narc (the nastiest), I would add that we talked online for 3 months everyday for hours, sent each other pics and videos. I knew something was wrong with him when I called him on the phone once (long distance) and he seemed so cold and mocking I even called him an insensitive ****… loll Afterwards, I apologized for saying that (dummy me) and he moved near my house because his gf found out about his little “chats” and threw him out… We started dating and he suffocated me right away, isolating me from my family and friends. It was all about him and being new in town, I had to show him around and help him settle, apply for jobs, etc. It lasted around 2 years in and out since he was very agressive (a mid-lesser probably)…I moved away but he folowed me after some hoovering and now I’m no contact and avoiding him the best I can!
My exnarc…we met thru a fitness type club but thats not what really drew us together. When i met ex narc i was in a completely different phase of my life. I look back at that person and dont even recognize her. At the time i thought he could be cold and he was always sending mixed messages. I now know he was more than likely involved with numerous women. I was drawn to him for similiar yet different reasons than the present narc. Comparing the two are like night and day! The ex narc was harmless and an amateur. He was charming but goofy. Very nerdy and a cerebral. I loved his accent and things he told me about himself. It was more a mesmerizing phase. I knew him for quite a few yrs and seen him go thru a marriage and divorce 2 yrs later. We came back together briefly but a disappear act severed my feelings for him. I more or less lost all interest in him and attraction. He still emails me to this day and i never read them. I do hope he gets his life straightened out. Then along came pesent narc and hes deadly. The exnarc was clumsey and had weak narcissistic skills. This narc is a covert and older. Hes been around the block several times and im certain has longterm supply sources. I really dont want to know until im ready and even then id rather not know details of his secret life. Itd be too upsetting. Then again maybe this would be the catalyst to moving on and ending things.
Both i met offline and thru shared type interests.
I kept running into him everywhere I went. He would approach me and say hello like we knew each other. I kept thinking “How does this guy know me?”
How do you think he knew you Jady Marie?
HG, Jady Marie’s post reminds me of your entry about the girl you held hands with walking on the track. He studied Jady Marie and pretended like he knew her. Is that accurate? Am I learning?
You are.
tried to email pvt but failed to deliver.
The address is narcissist1909@gmail.com
At a bar. One Saturday night I decided to go to a nearby restaurant/bar for a drink. It was crowded, but there were four empty seats along the back of the bar. I sat in seat #3. A few minutes later I noticed this nice-looking man come in and sit in seat #1. Then a couple came in and were looking for seats. He offered them seats #1 and 2, and asked me if he could sit in seat #4. I was impressed by his politeness. We started talking, and by the time I left, he was asking if we could have dinner sometime. We were together for almost 10 years, which now seems like I was in a 10-year coma. Lesson learned: I should do my drinking at home.
Thanks for the multi-select option. Unfortunately, I met most of my narcs in the bar/club. Even worse, the last one was through online dating. He chased me from POF to Match. However, I knew him from many years back because I had dated his roommate. I was resistant to date him for that reason…. oh and also because I had met his son at a club a year prior and we had exchanged numbers. Luckily I never dated his son – I think I stood him up on our first date. My last narc may have thought it a great challenge to win me over his young handsome son.
Hey Love, must have been a keeper if he moved from POF to Match, I mean that guy wanted to pay a monthly subscription. Is that not love?
Lol that was my thinking! And he was not bothered by the fact that I had dated his roommate and had exchanged some racy pics with his son. I guess it is all a challenge. He has 2 more adult sons. I would have taken revenge after the disengagement and dated the other sons too … But I decided it is best to steer clear of everyone in his vicinity.
At work. He would join my co-worker and I for lunch all the time. My coworker transferred and I got stuck with him as a lunch partner. I did not like him at all but I was too polite to tell him that I didn’t want to lunch with him.
HG I will keep this short because of their being so many!
1. Family members, Father, Sister, Husband
2. Neighbor, Teenage boy that lived in my neighborhood.
3. Work (3) 1. Boss, 2. Brother of a friend I worked with. 3. Outside vendor doing work at my job.
4. Face book, Stranger
First actual NARC was my dad. However, didn’t realize it until now 50yrs later, largely due to HG education! He was a overt somatic greater and was only significantly in my life for 9yrs.
My first “known” NARC I Met online dating site.
She was not my type and a foreigner, but I thought I’d go out of my box and give it a shot. Got hit with every textbook NARC tactic and fell hook, line and sinker. I was ignorant at the time.
Hello HG!
As you know I met my Narc at the gym. She was a worker there and then the manager. We casually started talking. It was the death of her grandmother that brought us closer. She pulled on my heartstrings with that story. That was two months in and we exchanged numbers then. The texts and talking 24/7 began. I love to talk and was overjoyed that someone could talk as much as I could. The Pinterest memes started arriving on my phone and I didn’t think anything of it.
She came to my son’s birthday party and from there our outings increased. I saw her daily.
She was my best friend for a year before it turned into an affair. I really believed in fate at the time.
BTW, I enjoyed your YouTube Q&A HG!!
Thanks SW.
Snow white…i know ive said this before but our stories are scary similiar! I can really sympathise bc i think its way more difficult when youre friends with your narc then if its just sexual. You really bond more. Its heartwrenching. Im still going thru it. Making that connection that that person wasnt your friend is very hard to accept! They are basically a frenemy. Im seeing that with my narc. How can he hurt me the way he has and be my friend? It doesnt work that way. Also being in constant contact is a killer bc you have to learn a whole new way of life without them. Youve done what ive not been able to yet. Dont ever lose sight of the ground youve gained 👍
Hello Narc Affair!
You described how I feel perfectly. I was completely heartbroken when she wasn’t in my life anymore. I trusted her like no else and really felt that bond. Trying to understand and accept that it was all an illusion was and is still hard to swallow.
That can still bring on the tears for me.
I felt paralyzed after it ended. When they consume your whole life it’s a shock to the system when they aren’t there anymore. My first week in therapy I had to come up with ideas to fill up “the pie” that she took up. She took up 98%. Even after making it through the first year it’s something I have to work on. My injuries haven’t helped that. Now I’m having to sit around a lot and that’s not good for me. I need to keep busy and I need something to focus on.
How are you doing with your relationship currently?
Thanks for the encouragement!!’n ❤️🍎❤️
Hi snow white…ty for your reply and what you said about filling up the other 98% with ideas of ways to replace the time you spent with your narc is something ill be working on myself. For me thats a big part of it. He really injected himself in every aspect of my life and i allowed it. Thatll be my biggest hurdle. Just remembering what i liked to do on my own without him attached is really paralyzing and thats the perfect word for it…paralyzing. We are numb and paralyzed and lost. Its also been described as emotional rape and id have to agree. Thats not to say i sit day in and out and am in a pity party but it does explain what happened and why i feel so drained and lost. Somethings been taken and it was sacred and that was trust and a sense of self. We lose that after weve been entangled by these types of people. They are scam artists at the core and we are scammed out of so much. Its a huge learning curve. Ive seen it mentioned on here about pain threshold and mines very low thats why i sought out the affair in the first place to escape pain but look where it got me…heaps of pain.
As far as my situation its still ongoing but its unfolding more and more and i cant ignore what i know. Its unmasked the facade but im in limbo how to proceed. I guess time and knowledge will lead me in the direction im meant to go.
I meant to ask are there any types of groups you could join as far as common interests go? I think just being around new people can really kickstart new ways of thinking and spark new hopes. It also takes your mind off this area of your life.
Best of luck! 👍💓
Narc Affair
Volunteering in a school helps me a lot. The energy and emotions of the kids fills me with joy, and there are (usually) compassionate adults there who will really appreciate the help, once they learn to trust you.
Hello Narc Affair,
I always enjoy our conversations. ❤️
Don’t feel bad, I allowed the time consumption too. My husband told me that I jumped when she said and when. I didn’t see it. She would make last minute plans after telling me she didn’t want to go out and then late in the evening she would change her mind and tell me to meet her. At times I got out of my pajamas and bed to go to the movies with her. Just because I couldn’t tell her no. I had a hard time remembering what I did with my time before her also. It all happened when there was a shift with my kids. I no longer had to attend all the school activities like before and when she wanted to go out all the time it was a change that I was happy to experience. Everyone at home was used to me being there for them every minute and suddenly I had a life. I was batting for control and had no idea I was being controlled in another way.
You have learned a lot here and if you decide to take that step I’m sure you will be successful.
Everything is in stages just like the grief cycle, it hurts and you take many steps backwards but it is possible,
I don’t trust anyone and joining any kind of group would not work for me. I liked Windstorms idea of working with kids. They are genuine and I feel safe with them. I even found myself last year not wanting to have any unnecessary small talk with the parents.
My only hobby right now is bodybuilding and that’s enough for me. It’s something that requires only my mind and hard work. It’s a big distraction for me. Meeting new people causes too much analyzing and I think they all want something from me.
What interests do you have?
Coming up with a hobby helps. This blog counts. Lol… it is one of my favorites. 😉
My first “known” NARC I Met online dating site.
She was not my type and a foreigner, but I thought I’d go out of my box and give it a shot. Didn’t know what a NARC was at the time and boy did she use her full arsenal of NARC ploys to pull me in. She must have studied me extensively prior to 1st date…had all the perfect things to say. She even stayed on the date site during GP for 6mnths despite my repeated requests to terminate her profile. I wasn’t desperate at the time, just the perfect naive CoD target.
The most recent narc, the most devious yet least obviously ‘bastardy’ one, which gave me a need to discover what the hell was going on (thankfully I found this blog)…. We met through mutual friends, so I’m not sure which one to click HG.
You can choose more than one before submitting your votes.
sorry, to clarify, I meant I don’t know which category to tick for the recent narc. We met through a mutual friend.
Online at narcsite.com. A cream of the crop Elite that has ruined me for all others and weaponized me to ensure I avoid future ensnarement.
Get schooled with this Elite and there wont be a repeat.
Wise words.
Bravo NarcAngel! Very clever!!
🙂
I was with mine from age 13 to age 17 and got away… our kids went to school together and I ta back into him 19 years later and he hovered me back in… I don’t know what the heck I was thinking! Now I’m struggling with no contact after being emotionally and financially ruined… I’ve broke it twice now… I just can’t seem to help my damn self!
I love these polls! I find them very informative! I chose a society which was thru work.
For narc and i we knew each other from a distance for a few years indirectly thru work. We both work in a hospital setting and would be brought together thru this society. He knew i was married but also knew i was unhappy. I do think he mightve had access to some of my friends for info about me but i cant prove that. I was attracted to him but never made any type of advances. He definitely sensed my vulnerability and unhappiness. Im sure i gave those vibes out knowing more about the dynamics in this. We started talking and found we had some shared interests in history, paranormal and music. We could talk about anything and still can which has been a weakness for me. We eventually started meeting for coffee routinely and it escalated to meeting away from work. Writing about it is a bit difficult bc its like watching a horror movie and yelling at that person to not go in that house or drive down that road. I did tho and now im dealing with more than i ever thought i would. I am spiritual and im trying to embrace it pain and all and take what i was meant to learn and grow from it.
So id say from a society/work/shared interests.
As a sidenote…the narc admitted to noticing me well before i noticed him which took me by surprise but it aligns with all ive learned about narcissism.
Creepy ! Same thing happened to me. My ex narc spotted me over 1 year before I started to work at the same institution. He told me he watched me when I was bringing my daughter to sports activities both our children attended and was able to give examples of what I wore … He was so smooth and charming that fell for his bs
🙁
Jjbk…i know it is creepy! I thought i had noticed him first but about 2 yrs into it he told me instances where he not only noticed me but he was masterbating to me way before we hooked up. He knew things about me id not told him so i do think he was talking to a friend of mine but i have no clue who. Its made me a bit paranoid. I hate spies and frenemies.
I met him at a former place of employment. Funny thing my best friend got me a job with her and he used her to get to me. Telling her please tell her I think she is beautiful get her to give me a chance because I really wasn’t looking for anything. He had me and all of our co workers completely fooled!
☑️ ȬŦḤẸⱤ
A mutual friend set us up…she was the bar manager at a restaurant that we both frequented..he had been watching me for a while and inquired about me when he found out I was getting divorced.
Hello sir, this is both a reply and a question, which I hope is okay. My half brother is certainly a narcissist. At 52 years old, he is in jail for threatening me and my mother, has spent several years of his life incarcerated for car theft and multiple dui’s, is embarassingly grandiose yet transparently insecure and self-loathing, has no empathy whatsoever and cannot even effectively feign empathy, has lived an exclusively parasitic lifestyle that has recently included cohabitating with an unattractive old woman and having sex with her and convincing her he cared for her for the purpose of securing lodging and alcohol, introduced this old woman to smoking crack, fixates unceasingly on the wrongs done to him in life, meddling in others relationships by spreading gossip, etc. In general, he is just a very hateful individual who delights in the misfortune of others.
Is he a malignant narcissist? I believe he is but thought I should ask you.
Thank you for what you do,
Matt
First of all, my father is a narcissist. My ex husband and a previous boyfriend, I met through online dating. I have had two other previous relationships, that I now realize were also with narcissists, that I met through very close girlfriends of mine. I would like to believe that both girlfriends had no idea of whom they were introducing me to.
As I also write in my Blog, it happened “Out of the Blue”. It was a bright summer afternoon, and I was bicycling to my son’s school. Then I got an Sms on whatsapp. A school friend was texting me. I went off my bicycle and crouched in the shadows of a building right before me to read and answer the text message. Suddenly, someone was right behind me, asking me to turn around. A handsome, bald headed man with dark eyes and a pitchblack bicycle and white sports dress.(Note: Black and White!!!!!) In an authoritative way he asked me if he could have a cup of coffee with me. As I said No, he demanded to get my cellphone number and I gave it to him as if I was under police arrest.
Two hours later he started texting me for three hours. Sexual content. He wanted to know everything about me.
Next day: constant text messaging. He called me “Babe” from the first second.
Third day: sexual encounter in an old house to which he had the keys. Mindblowing sex.
Fourth day: beginning of the emotional rollercoaster. He criticised me for things I never did and said during the rendez-vous. Then he wrote it would be better if we didn’t meet again. I was devastated but accepted it. Volte face in the night. New text messaging, asking me if I would like to f…. with him again… and so on and so on.
First silent treatment after two weeks…
It is exactly three years from now… and actually I am receiving a dreadful silent treatment once again.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to relate my story, HG.
1) Met the online narc through a trivia/gaming app called “QuizUp” and then we moved our exchanges to Kik and Skype.
2) Met my husband (possible narc) online as well, but we didn’t really chat there. It was more like we just decided to meet and hang out the next day since we went to the same school.
I met mt narc at a Health Food store were i worked , he came in like clock work when he came back from work ( every two weeks ) and he would ask for some small health item , and just to talk lol!! After several months of this he was driving me crazy so i said to him why don’t you take me out for coffee ? He got flustered and said hmmm . But directly left , after he drove around the block he came in and said to me !!!! ” i hate to be presumptuous but i think you like me ! But i am with someone “My response was ” Iam sorry but please don’t come back around me ! I never seen him not even in the streets for 2 years but showed at my house after 2 years later … how did u find me i asked ? All along he knew were i lived .. of course i thought it was happily ever after … if my goodness was i ever blinded ,. Grrrrr . Iam still stuck hes 70 and iam 56
Hi val…interesting story. After two years he just popped up at your house? How did he find where you lived? Thats quite a span of time 2 yrs seeing you both barely knew one another. How long have you been together if you dont mind?
Yes 2 years , so very true … he must of followed me at some point , cause he never truthfully answered that question !
We have been together 14 1/2 years .. married for 12 . He has only confessed to 2 affairs 2 years ago . , but i so know there is many many more because of the phone numbers on phone records etc ! And the casual friends no longer wave at me … i am stuck for sure !!!! He wont tell the truth and it rocks my world every day …. he says im telling u the truth and God knows the truth .. but u just don’t believe me .. or i have changed ,and or we have to forget the past or we can’t move on … what is next ??? Lost lol
Hi val. …ughhh im so sorry. I felt stuck in my situation but i really feel how trapped you must be. Its never permanent tho. I think most of our trap is from within ourselves. We dont want to let go and accept the truth. At least thats been my case. It really does hurt and its a struggle. As a psychologist said to me rip the bandaide off and itll hurt less than staying and slowly ripping it off. Its true but taking that leap of faith and doing what your mind knows is best is so heavy in the heart. Hope it eases up for you soon and becomes clearer ❤
Can you add school/university classes?
If as a student, put that in under shared interest society.
“Family member” covered a ton of mine, but I’m surprised you don’t have “at school” as a category. I met several there, including my exhusband.
I have two 40 year relationships that I met on public transportation. One on a bus and one on a train. The one on a train I’ve only ever met that one time for 2 hours, but we’re still in contact.
Hi Windstorm!!!!
How are you???
That makes me want to stay away from public transportation and reminds me of HG’s story on the train. Lol
Snow White
Hey! Good to hear from you! I’m doing fine. In kansas to help out with a new baby. My daughter had my new granddaughter on Tuesday, so I’m in a houseful of people (very stressful!).
I had an epiphany a couple days ago that normal people (neither empath nor narc) really make me uneasy. But at least my exhusband is here to provide some narc normalcy! Ha, ha!! 😝
Hope your summer’s going well!
Congratulations Windstorm2!!!!!
That is a very chaotic household right now but I’m sure it’s filled with a lot of love ❤️.
I hope everyone is doing ok.
How long are you visiting? I’m sure your daughter is happy to have you.
The normal comment made me laugh because I’m not sure who the normals are. Lol
Thanks Snow White!
Yes! It was a shock to me. I just knew my son in laws parents creep me out! They just act wrong. They’re not thoughtful and helpful enough, like empaths, but they don’t have the confidence, charm or humor of narcs. It finally hit me that they are normal people (shows how few I know! 😄)
I’ll be here at least another month, maybe six weeks – depends on how the baby sleeps. I always watch and feed the babies thru the night the first few weeks so my daughter can sleep.
Her first one was the hardest. He literally had to be rocked all night long. He was fearful and difficult to comfort. (He’s also the one with narc tendencies. I wonder if that’s related. He never smiled and responded to people like his siblings from the very beginning).
Hopefully this little angel will sleep fairly well. I’m rocking her right now while everybody has dinner 👶🙃.
Hello Windstorm2,
She is sooo lucky to have you there for that long.
Sleep becomes the best thing on the world when you have a baby. Lol
It’s interesting what you said about the first baby being difficult through the night and not being like the others. My son was colicky from day one and never slept. He was diagnosed with autism at three. He didn’t sleep through the night until 8 yrs old. And I know my ex talked about not sleeping at night her whole life. I think the brain waves are very interesting.
Enjoy every minute with your little angel. 😇
Born to the matrinarc who married the pedophile sociopath step father.
Employed at 16 as an after school job by the greater narc trial attorney or as HG puts “ball washing bastard”.
I voted work… However it was at a booth at a conference I was attending (work related???). We had a brief chat. He then “happened” to show up at the bar of my hotel where I was eating dinner. His co-workers seemed to be conveniently having drinks there, before he arrived and immediately sat down next to me.
Well the first N I met birthed me into this world and also her web of confusion and pain. Then I met the one I would spend the rest of my life with through a mutual friend at 16 years of age.
My narc was my high school sweetheart. We reunited after I left my abisive marriage of 16 years. He moved clear across the country for me….and it was 3 years of hell. Found out there was an erie similarity between my situation and that of his 2 ex wives. I know now that is was a perfectly set trap that I jumped into.
A friend of mine set me up with him. I should have paid attention to the very first red flag when he didn’t even show up the night we were to meet, claiming to have forgotten, and then again the second night when he was 3 hours late.
Only let me vote once, HG. What do I need to do to vote again? I closed out of the site and re googled.
Don’t know WS2, I tried it and it worked to allow more than one vote.
Voting multiple times didn’t work for me either.
Most recent narc: online dating site.
Former husband narc: work.
I was able to make multiple selections by checking as many boxes as applied to me. Hope it works out for you.😊
Lolalastrange
Ah! Think I see my mistake. I didn’t select all 5 before I posted them. Once you post, then you can’t post again. Oh well.
Thanks for explaining!
I met him on a dating website. And if all websites “Christian Mingle” what a joke. He really knows where to go to hook Super Empaths.
LD, mine was apparently on Christian Mingle looking for women, while in a long term relationship with me. They of course all thought he was single.
Hi Running Away, maybe we had the same guy?
LD,
I had a Christian Mingle account, having opened it after one of numerous disengagements initiated by my ex-narc. I figured it would be a relatively safer place to meet someone with similar values as mine. Was I ever surprised to receive a profile of an ex-boyfriend of mine from many years back who was now married. Talk about becoming even more disillusioned and jaded. I was hesitant and skeptical of online dating websites to begin with and this just totally hammered the last nail in the coffin for me as far as trying this method for meeting someone decent.
On another note, that ex-boyfriend eventually got a divorce. I heard it was due to his infidelity. Duh!!! Lol!
The lesser was on Christian mingle too I discovered while going through his email.😊 It’s funny how they always seem to target individuals who are associated with religions or charities.
Our kids went to school together. He looked me up after hearing of my divorce