Hush

 

hush

 

Hush. I don’t want you to make any sound. None at all. If you do you will spoil this moment. This is not a time for noise, of any kind. Yes, I admit I normally like you to be making some sound. Whether it is your words of admiration, your scream of terror, your murmurs of delight, your shouted anger or moans of passion. All the noises which you make for me are welcomed, so long as you coat them with your feelings. I do not care for bare comment, neutral and anodyne, that does nothing for me and may even harm me, but you won’t do that for me will you? You do not want to hurt me, ever, do you? You are not like that. Your kind are not like that, you care and you love and you give. No, no, stay silent. You have no need to speak. Just lie there. Be still. I want to allow my eyes to roam over your naked form as you lie there next to me, exposed, vulnerable. I know you are looking at my eyes, I can sense it. My gaze is not meeting yours at the moment though as I am allowing my eyes to slowly move across you. I regard your toes, pointing upwards, bare and free of varnish. You rarely apply such gloss to them but you do ensure they are clean, cut and presentable. I know you can see me looking at them. I know you are wondering whether I am going to lower my wonderful mouth to them and suck them or bite them. I am not going to do either of those things but you are uncertain. I can tell that you are because your apprehension is flowing from you and I am drinking that in. That tiny shudder you just gave was not from the cool air that permeates this twilight space. No, that was indicative of the apprehension which has taken hold of you. I know you are stood at a fork in your mind. I know what you will be thinking. I know because I make you think this way, why else would I do it? I do it for control. I control everything about you. You stand at that fork wondering whether I will lead you down the line to explosive pleasure or down the dark road towards hurt and pain. You have no idea which it will be because as you have come to learn these last few months, I am capable of both. Should you feel excited? Should you feel nervous? Which is to be? Hush now, do not speak. Oh I know that you want to speak, you cannot help yourself. You want to ask. Always the questioning isn’t it? Ask, question, query, challenge and so forth. Not now. You want the answer but you are not getting that answer. Not yet. I make a gentle shushing sound. Is it a noise of reassurance, that which the doting mother provides to the new born offspring or is the noise of patronising chastisement, treating you like a child? You do not know. How I revel in your confusion. I know you are looking at my face desperately looking for some kind of clue, some hint, some acknowledgement of what is going on in my delinquent mind. You are denied. My face is frozen, mouth set straight, brow neither raised or furrowed, eyebrows unyielding and then there are my eyes. You cannot see yourself anymore in them. I have stopped that for the time being. Usually you get to see exactly what you want to see in them. Whether it is joy, hope, love, passion, excitement, intrigue and so much more. You are only seeing what I know you want to see because I reflect from these eyes what is showing in your eyes. You do not look upon me. You look upon yourself. That has changed tonight. Now two impenetrable black orbs are all that you can see. The place where you usually lose yourself has become lost to you. You will find no succour for you there. You will find no reassurance or indication of what is about to happen. That is hidden from you now.

You make to issue a further sound and a shake of my head halts you. My fingers trace the red weal on your thigh, the pads of two of my fingers running either side of this mark. Another shudder and I can sense you are desperate to speak buy hush my dear, hush my love, this is not the time for speaking. I know you will wonder why my fingers trace this mark. Am I soothing you or reflecting on its origin? You have no idea have you? I allow my fingers to move upwards across the tender flesh of your thigh. Is it now that it will happen or will I wait? You lift your left thigh in anticipation and I continue to allow my fingers to drift northwards. I hear your intake of breath and know that again you are making so as to speak. My hand leaves your thigh and I place one finger against your lips. The gesture clear and unmistakable. The moment where you might have broken the silence passes and I wait and wait a while longer before I move my finger away. Your body beside me is ramrod straight as you are unable to relax, every nerve-ending alert and bracing itself for whatever comes next, whatever that might be. The outside of my hand brushes your soft cheek, your impressive complexion noticeable even in this half-light. A cheek that sometimes glows red from the consequences of my endeavours. Is it the glow of shame which will coat your cheek? Is it the surge of a passionate flush that will linger there? Or something else?

Now I look at your eyes and this is when I begin to derive the true benefit from this enforced silence. My eyes convey nothing. Yours tell me everything. They flit back and forth, scrutinising my face for some kind of signal, some kind of sign. I am not transmitting. I am only set to receive and receive I do as I drink in the earnest anxiety flooding from your eyes. I see the attempt to mollify me as you allow those beautiful, expressive eyes to reach out to me. I see the look of apprehension cut through the attempt as the nervousness returns. You are obedient now. Remaining silent, my repeated exhortations, soft and low, for you to remain silent have been heeded. Now you are trying to speak to me using your eyes and you are doing so magnificently. The lack of noise, the absence of speech, now makes the emotions in your eyes a hundred times more intense. I absorb those feelings which flood from your eyes. I drink them in, consuming them for my own benefit. This is why it works so well. Complete control of you as you lie there, still, unmoving on the bed, slight and occasional tremble from your limbs as you wait in conflicting anticipation for what may come. What will it be this time? How will I deal with you? There can be no spoken protestation, no elucidated request for confirmation, only this continuing silence, punctuated from time to time by my hushing you.

My eyes remain locked on yours as my left hand once again begins to glide about your body. The lightest of touches which glides from throat, to breast and to stomach. Back and forth moves my hand, like some wizard commencing the gesticulations for his spell-casting. My spell is already working as you remain frozen, barely daring to move, only allowing your chest to rise with your breathing and your eyes to dart left and right, still probing, still seeking those answers.

Hush my darling, hush my dear, hush my love.

My hand rises and then clamps over your mouth.

Your eyes widen. Fear and excitement fighting against one another and all the while giving me what I need.

Hush.

Now it begins.

 

69 thoughts on “Hush

  1. NarcMagnet says:

    HG,
    Has the download button always been there ?
    Regardless, you have just made my night!
    😀

  2. Burl says:

    I’d like to start off by saying I’m new to this site, and new as well to reading about, and studying narcissism. I really didn’t know that it had a name, or that anyone else was suffering the same type of abuses. I’m a male, 50, and have some traits it seems of both narcissist and codependent, as well as empath, although I think I’m closer to a super empath. As you can see, I’m still quite confused. I’m currently being completely ignored by my narc, she is 34. Because we live in such close proximity, and have some of the same acquaintances, I I’m fairly certain that she moved on to a new man, or power source As It Seems you refer to them. I know now that she has cheated on me, although I refused to see it during our active relationship. Since I’ve started reading here and talking to a therapist I believe she did it more than once or twice. I am crushed. Seriously trying to avoid suicide. I almost can’t breathe without her, and she hasn’t spoken a word to me in a month and will not return or Listen to As far as I know any calls or texts. What actually made me respond is I just finished reading HUSH… you seemed to specifically use her feet, or toes, to make a particular point of control. I wondered why. And the reason I wonder, is because I have an intense foot fetish, and I revealed that to her early on. In the entire two years we were together we had the most intense physical relationship that I’ve ever been a part of, and I have literally been with well over a hundred women. My point is this, she took great pleasure in keeping my secrets, although I know now that it was nothing to be ashamed of, but I still didn’t want anybody to know, as I’m sure you understand. At any rate, she reveled in the attention that I gave her feet, and as you mentioned in the article, always kept in clean, and very polished and beautiful for me and made mention of it when she wanted sex. I gave myself to her completely and responded as I’ve never been able to respond to another woman. I am in the grip of an obsession right now and I know the best thing is to not contact her. I’ve only been able to do that for a day or two at a time. Please explain some of these things to me and help me. Thank you

    1. NarcMagnet says:

      Hello Burl,
      As someone who is in the same leaky boat with you I can probably help you. I myself am highly empathic and co-dependent. Left to our own devices we’re fairly “neutral” at the very least, or particularly good at best. However, in my experience, the more we are around narcs is the more narc traits we exhibit. The more we are around other empathy is the more our empathic traits are defined. This is because we are akin to an emotional sponge. We absorb and take on the emotions of those around us .
      HG has a somewhat different view on our kind. I’m not saying he’s wrong at all. There are simply elements of our nature, nuances of our being, that he hasn’t picked up on.
      We co-dependents suffer a similar initial wounding/trauma to the one which creates a narc, but due to our innate overwhelmingly good nature, or perhaps because the wound was created by someone other than a primary caregiver, or wasn’t a sustained assault, then we do not fully turn within to protect ourselves .
      HG likes to view us as stuck midway or somehow incomplete in our transformation. I prefer to think of it more as being the best of both worlds. I am empathic, so much so it’s almost like being psychic. However, I can also understand narcs on a different llevel. And yes, I do have Empathy for the “Devil” so to speak.
      I’ve come to realize that what I have been searching ffor wasn’t so much an understanding of narcs, but an understanding of myself . HG has definitely helped with that.
      What you need to do is turn inward and learn to love, respect, and accept yourself. Learning to control your natural tendencies on both sides is paramount .
      And don’t worry about your foot fetish. Apparently I have a Narc-fetish. Lol.

  3. Reading Hush does leave me trembling………..but it doesn’t feel like pleasure

    Perse

  4. Gabs,

    From pottermore

    “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:Luna Lovegood
    Luna Lovegood is quite frankly, a delight!

    She’s open-minded with a dreamy disposition and a distinct flair for fashion. As J.K. Rowling herself has said: ‘She’s slightly out-of-step in many ways, but she’s the anti-Hermione. Hermione’s so logical and inflexible in so many ways and Luna is likely to believe 10 impossible things before breakfast.’”

    This is how he sees you?

    He does have you believing impossible things.
    If you have to be a harry potter character, be hermione all the way………..

    “Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have!” Hermione Granger

    1. Gabrielle says:

      Perse….
      I have no idea how he sees me. I have never seen the Harry Potter movies. I was just dropping the reference to how he compared me to that character, wondering what it meant. Whether it was an insult or a complement. He might’ve compared the same character to his other DLSs’ ….. who knows!!!
      At first I wanted to understand what he meant by that but I guess it doesn’t really matter now because he’s nothing but fake anyway.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    Not able to send you emails. Wanted to order another book, since your last one was so great. Are you blocking me? No biggie.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why would I be blocking you? I don’t block anybody. Must be a problem with your e-mail provider as I have been receiving many e-mails without issue.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I’ve been sending emails to others without issue, except yours. Doesn’t sound like a provider issue. Had to ask. Strange.

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. Isn’t sedation for sex above you?

  7. Jane Hall says:

    Like something from a racy novel. Woooooooooo sexy.
    But I aint interested AT ALL now. Cant even bear to kiss my narc.
    We have to share a bed however. He cant raise a smile due to health problems. No loss. ZZZZZZZZ
    HUSH = don’t snore.

    1. Jody Allen says:

      Lmao, Jane Hall…Woukd So want that in my life. If the rest of him woukd shut the fuck up!
      ♡♡♡♡

    2. Jody Allen says:

      I have no idea why my “would” auto corrects to “woukd” but it sure takes the fun and meaning out of just about everything I try to say…

      1. Narc affair says:

        Jody allen…gaslighting lol

        1. Jody Allen says:

          Lmao~ You’re right Narc Affair!

  8. Scout says:

    Cor blimey, HG, that woke me up after a busy day!
    Narcy used to put his hand over my mouth, he knew I hated it; I was aware it was about control.
    Well anyway, I’m going to blow the dust off my battered, well-thumbed copy of Lawrence’s Lady C for this evenings entertainment…

    1. Narc affair says:

      A hand over the mouth during sex i find hot nearing orgasm but outside the bedroom would be irritating and rude. All in the context of how its used.
      We need some more HG erotica lol the best distraction while conquering narcissism 🤗

  9. Flickatina says:

    I’m at work – definitely can’t listen to it here 🙂

  10. Stephanie Day says:

    This pisses me off . I remember him putting his hand on my mouth. I’m so glad I walked away. Stayed away. Blocked from my world. And will stay blocked. I smile as he scrambles for new supply. Having to eat sushi, country music etc. I’m the one laughing loud now!

  11. Cathulhu says:

    Thank you, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  12. Jody Allen says:

    These are the things I miss the most..too bad

  13. ion333 says:

    Beautiful H G…just beautiful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  14. Bliss says:

    A treat! Just what I needed tonight. Audio doesn’t do it for me though, sorry!😄

    Mary, same here. I never knew until I was with the latest narc and now I could never again be with anyone again unless they are dominant and controlling. He constantly threatened sexual deviance and was surprised when he learned I did want him to “abuse” me that way and no surprise, true greater narc that he is, he didn’t do any of it – because they just want to do the opposite of what we want. So in effect he ended up emotionally abusing me by deliberately not abusing me as I had wanted. If that makes sense!

    Not great having that sort of craving as there’s high probability of ending gagged and bound to another narc!

  15. PhoenixRising says:

    HG, every time I start to question whether my narc is really a narc, I read one of your posts and it always hits home in some way. Even the way you reply is similar to the way he replies to things. One of the things he loves to do is to mute me. He just says mute and makes a hand gesture like I am to shut my mouth. I really do think he relishes being in control in that way.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct.

  16. gabbanzobean says:

    Dr. Q, Harleen,
    Every time I see your screen name I flash back to my mid ranger saying “Be the Harley to my Joker….embrace the madness”
    (he is a huge Batman and all things superhero fan)

    And yet he does not know what he is. LOL.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Gabbbb!

      I’ve gotten that line a few times myself (also probably because of my profession) lmao!

      I hope my name isn’t a negative trigger. Embrace the madness eh? Don’t we all wanna do that sometimes? Everytime needs some excitement 😜

      1. Gabrielle says:

        Dr. Harley Q….Nah no negative trigger. Everything can be labeled a trigger since something always jogs my memory of him anyway. He was a huge superhero nerd. He often called himself “Superman” and frequently gave himself the “Clark Kent” nickname saying shit like “I am Superman you know…” A little boy in an adult body. Oh he also called me “Luna Lovegood”….he said I reminded him of her. She is a character in the Harry Potter movies, which I also have not seen. So I have no idea if him giving me that nickname is a compliment or an insult. Oh the joys of dissecting Narc behavior in regard to the stuff they are interested in.

      2. Doc, When I see your name I think of Harlequin, the romantic clown, who easily thwarts his master….LOL

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Gab,

      Unfortunately this Harley is joker-less…

      1. Gabrielle says:

        Me too.

  17. gabbanzobean says:

    P.S. HG is that actually your voice? If so well….damn. LOL.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course it is, who else would it be?

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Hahaha I don’t know. Hired narration help? I’m busting you, lol. 😉
        I find your voice sexy and also creepy. Kind of like that fairy tale where the empath in the forest was “intrigued yet repulsed”.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I know you are.
          Thank you. You are best to keep ‘intrigued yet repulsed’ as watch words to your heart.

          1. RS says:

            Good advice HG, I will remember this.😉👍🏻

    2. Mary says:

      No kidding! It’s not surprising that empaths line up and tilt their heads to expose their necks, for a chance at being devoured by the Great one.

      1. RS says:

        That was perfectly said and so true… Kind of sad and scary that we do it though. Hmm

      2. Gabrielle says:

        Mary, I’d probably let him take me to bed. LOL. He could help get my mind off my cerebral mid-ranger. But something tells me that he’s a whole lot more dangerous than a cerebral mid-ranger. Oh the grass isn’t always greener it is just fertilized with a different type of bullshit!

  18. gabbanzobean says:

    Mary,
    This will sound odd as it is the opposite of what you say but my Narc seemed to be the opposite of dominating. He often wanted me to boss him around in bed, tell him what to do, etc. He was never controlling in this regard. I wonder if this was all fake on his part. There I go again, always wondering what is real and what is fake. It is all fake though.

    1. Mary says:

      Hi Gabbanzobean,

      My narc interactions were almost all online so I don’t know what he’d have been like in real life. He knew I was into the idea of my lover being dominant, even forceful in fantasy. So it’s possible the dominant stuff was just feeding the fantasy I told him about. Not sure if that’s just harmless fun or if it was destructive, since he fed me being emotionally attached too, said he liked me needy and desperate.

      Your narc may have wanted you dominant so he could continue painting himself as such a nice guy. Didn’t he act all guilty after sex, all “this cannot happen again”? If so, having you boss him around lets him be passive and assuages his guilt to a degree. That’s just a guess. Or maybe he just liked it! But I know what you mean. I obsess over what was real and not real constantly. And he wasn’t even an in person lover.

      1. Gabrielle says:

        Mary,
        Good memory, yup! He did. He told me to boss him around in bed and he would do whatever I wanted. He roled out the pity party and the guilt. “Oh we need to stop having sex, it is wrong. I do not want to solidly commit to doing the wrong thing….that cannot happen again!!!”

        Then the next time he saw me…..back at it. Then the guilt again. Finally I said “You can tell me no…” (he did one time….with held it that is) But that was negated the next time I saw him. When I said “tell me no, I will respect you”…..he says “ohhh I cannot say no to you…..I have no willpower…..”

        Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

        So….let me get this straight….all of that assuages his guilt? How? Now I am even more confused. He used to tell me he felt SO GUILTY as it took him a long time to climax with his wife. He said that because he keeps cheating on her that the guilt from that caused climax issues. However he did not have those issues with me at all. If anything he was super quick. So he cannot climax with her because he is guilty but he has no issue with me which means no guilt? So that assuages his guilt? That makes no sense at all. Is it Narc opposite day again? Geeze it is always Narc opposite day.

  19. Mary says:

    This, by the way, is where I’m torn with whether my narc was really that bad. Much of what HG says here is how he made me feel, and it was like he was dominant and I was submissive. That dynamic alone is not abusive, and I even liked it. The fact that he was in control, that I wasn’t completely sure what he would say next or what might happen if we were completely alone together. I liked this. Loved this. So why did I complain? He took it too far sometimes, I think, but it was fantasy. Was it really bad?

    HG, this post, makes me really want him again. Thanks! :-p

  20. Mary says:

    Sigh. I’m headed home, where my hubby could reap the benefits of me having just read that. But even if I told him I’m completely ready and no prep is needed (thanks to you, HG), he would not do a damn thing about it!

    1. Narc affair says:

      Mary …who needs him just have a listen and have your own party 🤗👌💥

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You rascal NA!

      2. Mary says:

        Narc Affair, that’s an excellent idea. Last night, I wasn’t able to…But tonight.

        Tonight it’s a date with HG.

        1. RS says:

          I’ve had a few of those myself. 😉

      3. Narc affair says:

        Lol well a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do 🙊

  21. Very distracting post…

  22. lolalestrange says:

    Sexy…

  23. RS says:

    Hearing you SAY the words is a whole different experience than reading it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You get the best of both worlds from me, RS.

      1. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        I was never silenced, not with “love” words, not with money, not by the stare, or uncertainties; the ex narc tried what you describe here on me and he fall asleep while I was talking.
        I have two questions:
        1. Are there seconds while playing your narc “part” with someone when you feel/think “what if..?”, only to immediately “come to your senses” and remember that letting down your armour (for any woman) could be your end (not physically, you understand…getting yourself controlled, as you’ve seen in your family)?
        2. Is it possible for a man to become a narc after a failed marriage in his youth, if damaged? I heard that “explanation”, I couldn’t “buy” it…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Not in the engagement. My recent work has caused such consideration, as a consequence of the questions raised.
          2. No.

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        So…you can be “that man”, but not to a woman you are with, only when feeling save and “at a distance”, just in order to better understand what “was like…” so you are able to answer our questions. (I can see why, my husband was physically and emotionally abused by his mother all his life, it took me years to get past “the wall”, he used to ignore/stonewall me when I was showing fellings because he saw his Matrinarc in me, trying to always manipulate him and his father into believing/doing what she wanted; only when she hit us both, in our 30’s he remembered all he kept inside and hidden from himself).

        I made a joke about NC because I got no response from you, now I see it could be that you didn’t get my post. Sorry about that and thank you, you also helped my husband with the Matrinarc issues- I told him he’s not the only one, hard to believe they were “the cause”, when a mother should provide a safety/home/love feeling.

    2. Star says:

      Agreed RS!:)

      1. RS says:

        Goosebumps everywhere!

    3. RS,
      I found it disconcerting at first that HGs wonderful voice caused both intense fear and intense longing, It reminded me that I had actually enjoyed hearing my narcs voice so much at one time.
      I have semi gotten used to HGs voice now.
      I rip his videos to MP3 and carry him around in my pocket, now.
      Can’t be dangerous, right? 😉
      Perse

  24. Narc affair says:

    Speak of the devil lol my fav!! Cranking my air conditioning 😄

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Like someone like me would be able to hush… 🤣

        I don’t stfu! Lmao

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Everyone can be silenced Dr Q, even those with a motor mouth like yours!

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        HG,

        That’s what YOU think lol!

        I’d love to see a man try lmao 🤣

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Try? You mean ‘do’.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        HG,

        It’s cute when you put me in my place…;)

        I’ve figured it out…you would sedate me! lol

        That would be the only way LMAO…

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