Total Collapse Of Your Heart


Music. One of the most powerful ways of conveying feelings and emotions. From the tension inducing strings used in the shower scene in Psycho, to the ominous double bass as the shark theme from Jaws (my ring tone incidentally) and to the uplifting melodies of Walking on Sunshine, music has a formidable power to instill sadness, joy and fear. From the earliest days of our existence as we delighted in the sung nursery rhymes of Three Blind Mice or the excitement of a toddler recognising the theme tune to his or her favourite television programme through to the regal Entrance of the Queen of Sheba at a wedding or the accompanying sounds to a funeral,music is all pervading and all powerful. Music creates the urge to dance and to sing. It inspires and motivates. Think how much further you can run on that treadmill when you listen to some up tempo dance music or your favourite pop tunes.Supermarkets alter the music played over the tannoy to influence the speed at which shoppers move about the store, advertisers look for that annoyingly catchy jingle that is always associated with a particular product and if you are placed on hold some soothing strings are played to you in order to maintain its patience (although I must concede that does not always have the desired effect). Music has the capacity to change moods in an instant, to heighten feelings and manipulate emotions and of course it is this last characteristic of music that is so useful to our kind.

We use music extensively in the way that we manipulate. We may exhibit our proficiency with a musical instrument to lure you to us, this being a particularly favourite step of the cerebral of our kind. Our somatic brethren use the breathless excitement of a frenetic and popular entertainer at the sold-out concert to draw their prey. We ensure that we create a catalogue of songs which will generate Ever Presence when we have discarded you or you try to escape us through the application of no contact. Every time you hear the opening strains of The Power of Love, your mind is taken back to the times we held one another as we listened to that song and I pledged to ‘protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door’.You are engulfed in sadness at such a memory and music has taken you back to that time in an instant. We of course always look to create ‘our song’ which we use at first as a device to hook you, hold you and then repeatedly remind you of what we once had and torture you in the months and years following the cessation of our relationship. Naturally, when assessing you as a target, I had regard to the songs you posted late at night, perhaps when you were mulling over a previous relationship, on your Face Book news feed. I worked through your social media, making a note of the songs you refer to and the context as I begin to compile that playlist for use when I commence my seduction of you. I may use a Lieutenant to gain access to your CD collection or to scroll through your Itunes list. He or she will have particular regard to how often certain songs have been played, when looking on itunes and feeding that information to me. I make use of your list of songs and then supplement that list with the stock lists which I have and repeatedly use. I have such ready-made playlists of my favourite songs dependent on your favourite genres, accordingly I have a pop one, a rock one, a dance one, a classical one, a soundtrack one and so on. All except rap. Rap is no use when trying to seduce.

If you revel in the disposable joy of pop music I will have a set of tracks for use with you when I seduce you. I know these are effective because I used them with my last pop-loving victim. One of my favourite methods of seduction is to not tell you how I feel about you directly but always convey it via the power of music. I will send you a text with a song title which will implicitly suggest that you look it up on YouTube or Itunes and in so doing you will sit and smile as the music washes over you and the seduction begins to envelop you. I may send you the link for the song, or I may purchase the CD and leave it on the passenger seat of your car for you to play. I may feign that I was so hurt by my last relationship that I struggle to tell you how I feel and can only do so through the medium of music. This makes you feel special and each time I provide you with the details of a song I provide you with a concentrated blast of delicious and addictive seduction.

By contrast, during my devaluation of you I will deny ever liking certain songs that I once professed to love, in order to confuse you. I will change the type of music that I prefer and claim I have always loved that music. I will denigrate your music choices, complaining loudly if you play certain music or leaving the room. When I know you are struggling and feeling weak I will then revert to the seduction tactics and suddenly fill the room with the sound of a particular song which is so very significant to you and just stand and stare at you waiting for the inevitable tears to start to flow along with the fuel that I desire. Music is a powerful tool in our hands, it allows us to seduce, it allows us to denigrate and it allows us to seduce once again. It lifts you up, it makes you feel cherished and special because we know exactly the right pieces of music and songs to  play to you. We know, just like that catchy song, how to ensure that every time you hear certain songs you remember us and the pain and longing flows once again. Music is a major weapon that we are able to use. As Bonnie Tyler sang, “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.”

20 thoughts on “Total Collapse Of Your Heart

  1. blondie says:

    As i was reading this i heard strains of a song coming from the TV in the other room “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…”
    But he used to decree the most ridiculous things: your favorite song is The Pina Colada Song”! (I find it disgusting) I said no this is what I feel like:
    Not sure he was paying attention,”Yeah that’s a cool one”

  2. Twilight says:

    My last words to him

    The first time I read this one it took me to that which he played for me, this time what I sent him.
    Thank you HG, I mean this in the best sense. You bring light, where those like you dare not shin it.

  3. nevermore says:

    The Cure sings “Just like Heaven” but what people don’t realize is in the end he leaves her drowned so she is there totally forgotten…he gave me the shelving discard by cowardly posting “Careless Whisper” on his FB news feed ..”Sweet little lies” made a “Gypsy” of me…thanks for explaining it wasn’t my fault HG!!!

  4. My ex narc liked country music (which I hate. No offense to those of you who like it). He’d say just listen to the lyrics. I said “I can’t because it makes my ears bleed”

  5. Karma says:

    He ensnared me by music.. followed me on Spotify to ensure he knew exactly what I listened to.. and then always sent me songs. Took one year to be able to even have the radio on … ever presence … damn it! I still have the lists from back then but they will now be deleted.. signed in to Spotify for the first time in two years today!

  6. ANK says:

    “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.”

    Err….yes that’s how it feels.

  7. Mary says:

    My narc said “Hey Mama” by Nicki Minaj and David Guetta reminds him of me. Anyone familiar with that one? I never figured out if this was an insult or a compliment.

  8. C★ says:

    Music was used during devaluation, from mid ranger, to terrorize….Waking up to lights flashing and Rob Zombie at 3am anyone?

  9. RS says:

    One of the first things he did when he came to my house was look at my i-pod and exclaimed “Oh, we have very similar tastes in songs”. He ruined so many songs that I used to love because when I hear them now, I just cry. That really pisses me off because, how dare he ruin my favorite songs?! The one I loved the most (don’t judge me) is Barry Manilow “Where or When” from his album “Showstoppers”. I was playing that in my bedroom and he tiptoed in, I didn’t even hear the front door open. He stood beside me naked. all clean and shaven with a huge erection and smelling wonderful and we had the most wonderful, romantic sex ever. The next day, the silent treatment. (Bastard!) During devaluation, anytime he happened to be in a “giving mood” and had sex with me, I would play the music he said he loved but all of a sudden it was “you always play the same songs over and over. Don’t you ever play anything new?” I can’t tell you how happy I am to be rid of that piece of shit!!! (but damn it, I miss the sex soooooo much! – and the kissing – I hate him!

  10. Diva says:

    Listening to music helped me immensely post narc…….Beyoncé….”Best Thing I Never Had” …….on repeat…..full volume….until I was brain washed……best line in the song “Thank god I found the good in goodbye.” Also…….Quote by Dalai Lama XIV……..”Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” So very true when you live in Narcland……..

  11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Thank god my ex and I hated each other’s music.

    No problem in this department lmao… there were no songs he would or could send me lmao.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am with your former narc on this one Doc!

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        That works for me lol.

        You wouldn’t have liked his music…that I can ASSURE YOU.

        I actually listen to everything but country.

        One minute its metal and then I’ll listen to pop the next.

        You would be surprised at what I listen to on the regular.

        It all depends on my mood.

        Yesterday it was everything 90’s pop. The day before that I had an 80’s day lmao.

  12. Katey says:

    I was going to ask about music too. It’s been years and I have a hard time with the music. He always had music playing. From the beginning he would get mad, get silent and play a song loudly with words he ‘wanted me to hear’. For some reason he played ‘forgiveness-even if you don’t love me anymore’ randomly-Like he knew the outcome from the beginning.

    My favorite artist was learned on the guitar and he would serenade me during love bombing.

    I later learned he dedicated cd’s to girlfriends before me, playlists to girlfriends after our 20 year marriage and now his new wife has songs dedicated on Facebook.

    I’m just curious why a lot of times he is not original. He takes her to places that were ours: restaurants, locations, my favorite wine, dedication of songs and even the movie ‘the notebook’. It’s like I was disposable and nothing was held sacred…

    1. Peaceful says:

      Katey, I can relate to the taking the new supply to the same places. I later discovered he’d take me to places he’d take his other supplies and vice versa. I don’t understand this concept either. Maybe HG can give us some insight?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You are all the same to us, you are appliances and if it worked to seduce someone else then we will do it again because it saves energy and is proven as effective.

  13. M. says:

    “Always pay attention to the lyrics”, he said almost right after the story started. And I did. The lyrics of the songs he posted. The lyrics of the songs he liked. I did nothing but pay attention to the lyrics. I got sick because of the lyrics. And it was also the music, of course. My best defence was doing something completely opposite to what I had been doing since I remember myself: I stopped listening to music. I banned it from my life in order to get my life back. I haven’t been myself since, but music was always connected to being in love and I cannot afford love , not at the moment.

  14. Peaceful says:

    This is such a great post. My Nex sent me Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by the great Diana Ross just 2 days ago. And in his hundreds of benign email hoovers he has sent me about 20-30 youtube videos… “Our” song was of course, How Deep Is Your Love by the Bee gees. And note, there’s a fantastic version by the Bird and the Bee. I am ever so grateful to say that being a musician, I loved these songs long befor I met that twerp, that his attempted malign influence over them is overshadowed.

    1. K says:

      I am listening to How Deep is Your Love by the Bird and the Bee as I type this. It is awesome! Thank you, I love it!

      1. Peaceful says:

        So glad K! I love the innocent sound of her voice.

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