Fuel Me Once

fuel me once.jpg

Fuel is the very thing that I must have. It is through fuel that I function and exist. I regard all emotional energy as sustenance. A lack of emotion causes me considerable concern and this will ultimately result in my detachment and me seeking the same from an alternative and more reliable source. There are those that suggest that I derive fuel from certain inanimate objects, for instance, status symbols. I drive an expensive car, wear the tailor-made suit and live in a large house and all of that apparently provides me with fuel. It is true that we covet these things as they accord with our sense of entitlement. They also enable us to demonstrate to the wider world our success and achievement. We crave such materialistic representations of success. However, my kind and I do not desire the Rolex watch, ipad or diamond encrusted mobile telephone in themselves. We want those items because of the responses that they create in other people.

Those who see us drive by in a Bentley convertible invariably stand and stare open-mouthed. That reaction to our prestige provides us with the fuel we need. The admiring glances that we draw when we walk through the department at work in one of our excellent suits, provide us with fuel. The compliments we receive for the style of shoes, the holiday cottage we own and the extravagant party that we have laid on are all sources of fuel to us. Inanimate objects are the platforms for the provision of our fuel. Whilst some people will marvel at our choice of motor vehicle, there are others who will express jealousy and envy. Those reactions are most welcome as well. The cutting comments that accompany a green-eyed stare are lost on us. The words evaporate because it is the emotion that is bundled up inside those words and the baleful stare that we want.

Our fascination and reliance on the inanimate object and the part it plays in the provision of fuel does not end however with what you may regard as traditional inanimate objects. The most effective inanimate object which provides us with fuel is you. How can we regard a person as an inanimate object? In the same way that the words in a scathing comment dissipate as we seize on the emotion, the identity of those providing us with fuel, slips to one side as we savour the fuel that we can extract. Those of you who we seduce and draw into our world where we can draw deep on your fuel stand to be regarded as nothing more than an appliance. We see no person. We recognise no identity. We see a machine that has one purpose and one purpose alone. The provision of fuel for us.


37 thoughts on “Fuel Me Once

  1. Noname says:

    Oh, I forgot about my own Patrinarc. Lol. It is because of my indifference toward him, I guess.

    He is a “womanizer” and according to what he once said to me, his mother was “cold, heartless and cruel woman”. I’ve never seen her, because she had died before I was born.

  2. Noname says:

    I’ve read this article before and I was thinking about “types” of Fuel. I don’t mean just Negative and Positive types of Fuel. No.

    Considering the Narcs’ social behaviour, it seems we have several subtypes for both Negative and Positive Fuel… It seems that different Narcs prefer different subtypes of Negative and Positive Fuel for themselves…

    For example:
    1. My Grandpatrinarc never “dealt” with women to get the Fuel from them. He never abused my grandmother, his daughter, me or other grandchildren. He never cheated on grandmother. Yes, sometimes he was “moody” at home, but it wasn’t something substantial. Women just were some sort of necessary and pleasant “decoration” for him. But, he got his Fuel from men! He was pretty tough with them at home (to my uncle), at work (he was a military surgeon) and at other outside activities (he was a Head of various “men’s clubs”). Everyone knew his “tyranical” way of dealing. He was a Big Dog and he fiercely protected his status and destroyed his competitors.

    My uncle and second husband are almost the same. They prefer to get their Fuel, like my Grandpatrinarc, from men through various manipulations. Yes, my uncle and my husband had several relationships, but women weren’t their “meal”. If relationship didn’t work out, they devalued and discarded them quickly in cold manner and never “hovered” them after that.

    So, in that case we have a “Man’s subtype” of Negavie and Positive Fuel for Narcs.

    2. My cousin, my first husband and several colleagues are “womanizers”. They prefer to deal with women to extract the Fuel. They don’t fight with men in a way my Grandpatrinarc did and my uncle and second husband do.

    So, their “meal” is a “Woman’s subtype” of Positive and Negative Fuel.

    3. One of my colleague’s subtype of Fuel is a “Possession of things” type. He isn’t interested in women and men, but he is interested in things. He collects rare things and his home looks like a museum. He is extremely proud of it and he gets his Fuel from the fact of possession, from his “museum” admireres and from many envious collectors. If he wants something, he gets it (manipulations, theft, even murder). There was a rumor, that he burned another collector’s home, because he wanted something and that collector didn’t want to sell it to him. He is “married” to his “museum”.

    So, his “meal” is a “Possession of things” subtype” of Positive and Negative Fuel.

    Perhaps, there are other or mixed “subtypes” of Fuel also. But anyway, the difference of Narcs’ social behaviour suggests that we have something more complex then just simple division into Positive and Negative Fuel.

    Also, I was thinking about why all “my” Narcs behave in such way. I guess, that their childhood trauma is the key point!

    1. “Man’s subtype of Fuel”:
    My uncle was rised by my Grandpatrinarc and he was abused by him. Grandpatrinarc had his Patrinarc also. My second husband, apparently, has a genetic origin, because he has a wonderful, caring, and loving family. Once he said “When I was born and opened my eyes I knew that I hate this world already…”.

    2. “Woman’s subtype of Fuel”:
    My first husband was rised by Matrinarc. My cousin (as I discovered recently) was rised by Matrinarc. My colleagues were rised by “cruel” women.

    3. “Possession of things subtype of Fuel”:
    My colleague was rised by very poor family (6 children!). Sometimes, he didn’t have even elementary things (clothes, school items). He is a self-made man. Very smart and talented one.

    So, what “abused” the Narc in his/her childhood, now is the “object” of his/her abuse. You “punish” your “punisher”.

    What do you think about all of this, Tudor? Is it a viable suggestion?

  3. RS says:

    HG, I wouldn’t trade places with you for anything in the world!

    1. Miss Teri says:

      Thanks RS. Sir HG Tudor done ‘Started’ something here in the USA. WWE can’t compete with ‘Who’s ‘ going to get ‘Sir HG Tudor on their ‘Leash’! Promise ‘All’ Candidates’ that I ‘Got’ this! Don’t ‘Apply’! He is ‘Mine’. Love Him. Thanks Sir HG Tudor. Please come to the ‘USA’. Stop ‘Teasing’ Us!…Gotta ‘Test’ out ‘My Skills’!…

  4. Miss Teri says:

    Meant to ‘Say’ Miss Twilight’ keeps sticking on PC due to ‘Heatwave’ going on here right now. My Apologies Sis…

    1. Crazy hot in Seattle too…!

  5. Miss Teri says:

    Thanks ‘MIss Twilight’ ‘Adorable’ comment. Love You Sir HG Tudor, however the ‘Party’ goes ‘My Way’, not ‘Yours’ or ‘Anyone’ Like You from now on. Lesson ‘Well’ Learned’. Love You ‘Most’. Thanks for ‘Keeping’ it ‘Real’….

    1. Twilight says:

      Miss Teri

      What on gods green earth is up with the quotation marks?
      I am also trying to figure out what the hell you are talking about what party goes your way?

      Cause the only thing I have ever gotten out of your comments is you telling, if this is true
      Then please enlighten us when That man listens and does, I do believe that will be the day he develops “true” empathy, soooo I am not holding my breathe.

      If I am misinterpreting your comment, my apologies.

      1. Jody Allen says:

        Good Morning Twighlight:
        It sounds like she’s bit of jealous because you flirted with H.G, (your statement above hers)…If you scroll down
        Miss Terri is laying stake to her claim.
        Sounds like She’s H.G.’s #1 fan (at the risk of starting that whole conversation again) and H.G. has another new Love Devotee. I could be wrong, but that’s my interpretation. β™‘β™‘β™‘

        1. Twilight says:


          That is not HG#1F. Your looking through a perspective that was seen through an emotional lens. She made it real clear her standing when she responded back to me on another thread.

          There have been a few with lose ends that have become very jealous whenever anyone flirts with HG. My advice sit back and observe, you will start to see this.

          This person is making it real clear she tells, she has been making comments for awhile. I am not sure what she believes she possess that would catch HGs attention in the way that would draw him to her, but telling isn’t going to be one.

  6. Twilight says:


    Hmm fuel, yes I know of a way
    The question is want to play a game πŸ˜‰

  7. I prefer a Lamborghini Veneno, but the Bentley will suffice…

  8. Saw this today

    β€œNever wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”

    – George Bernard Shaw

    1. Mary says:

      Perfect, Wendy! Thanks for sharing this. So true.

  9. Karma says:

    HG … come with your Bentley and I’ll give you all the fuel you want πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See you there.

  10. Mona says:

    It is still sad, that nothing else counts. I wonder what kind of man you would have become with other parents.

    Maybe a superempath?

    1. Twilight says:

      I don’t believe Super Empath would be what he would have been…if he had gone down a different path. Just my opinion

      1. Jody Allen says:

        The Narcissist that never was? The Codependent.. Chained is a phenomenal and eye opening book by the way, if you haven’t read it just thought I’d throw that out there. β™‘

        1. Twilight says:

          Yes it is a fantastic book! One of the first I read.
          I would disagree…..not a Co dependent.

      2. Mona says:

        Jody Allen,
        the Codependent normally only develops, when you are raised by narcissistic parents. Codepency is only another result of narcicsstic parenting. No, I thought, if he had other parents,if he was adopted by someone else. He would still have his inherent traits, but more control about it and maybe he would have all kinds of feelings. We will never know.

    2. Lisa says:

      Mona, I think with different parents he would be exactly the same minus the demons and warped mindset. In other words all his achievements all the positive would be the same and non of the crap stuff that he deals with daily and he would not be in trouble and would not be in therapy and would not be writing this blog . He’d be busy enjoying his life . Let’s just hope that he is the man that overcame narcissism despite his parents and brought it to the attention of the masses and not the man that brought it to the attention of the masses but sadly never overcame it despite his insight .

  11. Lisa says:

    Hi HG, have the good doctors ever explained Fuel to you ? What do they believe the reason is that people with NPD need this ? Thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fuel is my creation, we have discussed the topic with them and they understand the need to be as I have explained in Fuel and in Fury.

      1. Lisa says:

        Ive read fuel I need to read fury now , thanks

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Good, you will find it will answer a lot of your questions listen, it is an important book in terms of understanding the nature of then narcissist it should be read more in my view.

      2. K says:

        I read Fuel 3 times and I will read it again. It is the first book I ordered, in tandem with Revenge, of course.

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        You need a constant, steady flow of admiring emotional reactions at all times. Like oxygen. If it slows or stops, you’ll get the negative flow as long as it’s an emotional reaction.

        1. Lisa says:

          Clarece, it’s interesting when you read In the middle , HG’s extreme reaction to the Dr when she did not allow things to go his way in that line of conversation that she was leading . Whether she had no idea how strongly this would effect him or whether she was deliberately not allowing him to control the conversation to try and break these habits . He always tries to control the conversation in some way and she was not allowing that but also it’s interesting how he sees that as such a betrayal because she did not keep her promise . I mean you would think that she tried to murder him with his reaction and his sense of how she betrayed him. It just goes to show that walking on egg shells doesn’t even really describe it and no one can live like that . The slightest thing sets off their paranoia. They claim to be happy living like this , such denial .

          1. robins359 says:

            WOW! I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole!

          2. Lisa says:

            Hi Robin , I don’t understand your comment ?

          3. RS says:

            They claim to be happy living like this , such denial .


          4. MLA - Clarece says:

            I see your point and had actually brought up when some readers were coming down harshly on Dr. O that she was pushing him too hard and was incompetent, that no, she was trying to conduct a session with a line of questioning and really wanted HG to follow along to see where the discussion would go. Honestly, I wish my therapist had asked more questions. I think HG knows he is in a safe space in Dr. O’s office. Meaning he will not come under physical harm. That conversation on that day definitely triggered something else to lead into an anxiety attack / blackout.

          5. Lisa says:

            Oh yes definitely and I’m sure the Dr knows it had very little to do with what she said . It’s also interesting that this would not happen to him in another setting as he would not let it. So some barriers must be down during these sessions whether he realises it or not .
            I’ve never visited a therapist , did yours not ask questions , I thought that’s what they all do

  12. Jody Allen says:

    I may be an “appliance” or a “machine” but I sure have great fuel mileage. πŸ™‚

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