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20 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 97”
I am so used to being the scapegoat that it doesn’t surprise or phase me anymore. It’s like water off a duck’s back.
Just courios, did you just learn to accept it or you don’t let yourself get in those positions anymore?🌸
The narcissists (mostly family & 1 boyfriend) would scapegoat me and I learned to completely ignore them and it stopped for the most part. Sometimes I would quip, “Yes, everything is all my fault; tell me something I don’t know.” I have developed a thick skin from years of narc crap, it is a lot like a coat of armour.
Good for you K! Good to know!! 🌺
Hi K…ive ignored my mother too who keeps triangulating me with my brother despite going nc 11 yrs ago. Its a sickness on their part and i dont give it attention.
Good for you! I never understood what was happening but I didn’t let it bother me. Now that I know what gas lighting and triangulation is etc., I find this behavior amusing sometimes.
William Holman Hunt’s painting of the Scapegoat always haunted me as a child. Once I’d learnt what the Scapegoat represented, I knew I was looking at myself.
Hi HG. This comment is not related to this post but I wanted to let you know I have just finished reading your “50 things you should not do with a narcissist.” I have previously read about a dozen of your other books but this one has really stood out to me. Brilliantly written. Insightful, moving, thought provoking, impactful, impressive. Made me speechless. Your brilliant mind really shines through. Incredible!
Thank you IL, I hope you have posted a review on Amazon in similar terms.
Ive seen this so many times in the workplace where theres a pecking order and there always needs to be an odd man out thats picked on and bullied along with blamed for things. Ive also seen the bullys get bullied when someone new is introduced into the picture and they are pushed to the bottom. They dont look so self assured.
Theres always a scapegoat. Ive gone out of my way to back the underdog and it always bites me in the butt so i stay out of it unless its extreme. Its difficult to watch 🙁
I sooooo understand what you are saying. I was the scapegoat in my family, grade school and at work. Seeing what I’m typing sound like I’m being a martyr but it’s really true. Lol
It seems like people Who find themselves in the position of being a scapegoat , are people that long for acceptance. And bullies know exactly how to attack that in a person.
I have a very hard time sitting back and watching someone get bullied or made a scapegoat.
Me too about bullying. We teach at my school ways to stop bullying. One is to never stand by and watch it. Our students form groups and step in as a group to intervene when they see another student being bullied. Fits with my thinking. I never just stood and watched bullying at school, either. I butted my unemotional, narc-dealing self right in there and the bullies always backed off. I think when you grow up used to narcissists, childhood bullies are just minor annoyances.
Bullies sensing fear give them their power to continue. I can see you coming thru pinging them off like an annoying gnat. Lol You have no fear whatsoever.
Sue/windstorm…bullyings always really upset me. I recently seen a video of three teen girls kicking and beating another girl and it was awful! This happens in the adult world too where people pick on that one person and tear them apart. Its heartbreaking 🙁
Sorry to hear you were a scapegoat sue. I was the scapegoat/ black sheep between my mother and brother. Luckily i was able to walk away but in a work type/school scenerio its difficult to do that. Fortuneatly ive not been in that situation but ive seen others and its hard not to step in. I respect the people that step up to the plate to end bullying and expose the ones bullying.
Its nice to see in the school system that they are taking bullying more seriously and that there are laws being put in place to protect children.
Although it was a long time ago we had a bully teacher, Mrs. Ciallela. She was a grade A bully. No one liked her. I was in fifth grade and she left us alone In The class room for about 15 minutes. I had to go to the closet for something and I saw an ashtray filled with cigarette butts. When you’re kids that’s like a scandal! Lol. A few days later I mentioned it to my Science teacher. Apparently he told her. She literally ripped me out of the classroom. Put me up against the hallway wall and berated me calling me a little bitch. Then called me a liar when I told her that my mother couldn’t come in for a conference because she was an ICU head nurse and couldn’t leave early. True story!
It is a sad reality that many teachers keep order thru bullying. Having taught for 25 years, I have seen it often. Usually they try to bully other teachers and make everyone’s life more difficult. If it is any consolation, they are almost always riddled with insecurities, self-doubt and unhappiness.
I feel very sorry for you and all children who are hurt that way. As an adult my strategy in dealing with these people is to feel sorry for them for their own misery and show them extra kindness. Often they will really respond to this kindness because it is so atypical to what they usually receive and fills a deep need within them. But most people I share this strategy with just think it’s crazy. It seems counterintuitive to return abuse with kindness. But I’ve found it to be a successful strategy.
That was me! One of my narcs explained to me once that every family had to have one so everyone else could feel good when bad things happened.
I don’t see a scapegoat, WS2, I see an amazing, beautiful, strong woman.
Thank you, Scout! That was very sweet. You’ve made my morning! 😊
I have metamorphosed with time, just like a caterpillar. Nobody ever tries to dump on me anymore. I think there comes a time in a woman’s life where we just start saying “no”. When we stop putting up with being in roles we don’t want to be in. I hit that point at about 45. That’s when I realized that other adults expecting me to put their desires before my own needs was stupid. As HG says, I seized the power.
You’re very welcome WS2. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I tried so hard to please family members and failed. Now, like you, I’m concentrating on myself.
I glad you’ve seized the power!