Never Enough


I will have told you that I only have eyes for you, that you are the one, that I am completely dedicated to you and that I only ever want to be with you. You make me say these things. It is your expectation of such faithfulness to you and you alone, indoctrinated into you by the world, that causes me to have to say these things. I need to fulfil your expectations in order to capture you and then keep you. It is a ridiculous state of affairs. Since when can a person be sustained on one thing alone? It is impossible. At its most basic, you are given only water to drink and nothing to eat. You will starve. Then if you are given just bread to eat your body will be malnourished as it is not getting the nutrients it needs from fruit, vegetables, meat and so on. One food stuff alone is not sufficient. Take your job. If you had to do the same thing over and over again, the absolute same task you will go out of your mind with boredom. Either that or you would lose your job to mechanisation. One thing is not enough.

Have you only ever had one relationship? Unlikely. How else would you know whether this is right if you have nothing to compare it against? Can one man win a football match? Of course not. He needs his team mates. Where does your stimulation come from? Are you confined to reading just one book repeatedly? No. One film seen countless times? No, you like and prefer a variety of silver-screened entertainment. Do you have just one person you interact with on a social level? Again the answer is no. You draw your social nourishment from different friends, family members, acquaintances and so forth. One is not enough.

I am no different. The thing that sustains me is fuel. I must draw this from several sources. Yet, my necessary actions in acquiring this fuel subject me to moral indignation and disapproval. How is that fair? I do not tell you that you must only eat one kind of breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, why should I be expected to gather my fuel from just one appliance? I need the variety. Not only is this necessary to ensure that I have fuel on tap at all times, it is necessary to provide the catalyst for the provision of fuel from my primary appliance. If I have nothing by which I can provoke a reaction from you, your free-flowing fuel will soon dry up.

The result is that you and I are never alone. There is no singularity despite all of my words asserting that this is the case. When I first ensnare you there will be another who is being subjected to my vitriol. You are most likely warned of this psychotic ex. What I am less likely to tell you about is my ongoing campaign of denigration in order to harvest further fuel from this harlot who has let me down. I will be faithful at first. Yes faithful by your understanding of the concept, namely that I will not physically consort with another. I am not faithful however in just being solely committed to you. I will be reaching out to others in order to bring them into my sphere of influence, most likely whispering the very same things that I have said to you. My lips may not lock with these new opportunities but that is more by accident than design. I have certainly locked with them in order to draw fuel from them. As I walk through the day those invisible fuel lines reach out and attach to most who I interact with.I am sure, judged by your standards, you would not be overly concerned about the methods by which I draw fuel from some. In other instances you would be most concerned. Yet, you must understand that I am only doing what everyone does. I am seeking variety. In your instance you do it because you prefer it that way. It is interesting. Maintaining a variance keeps things fresh and stimulating. In my case I have to do it. There may not yet be any lipstick on my collar but there are scores of fuel lines attached and in ways that you are always going to find distasteful. That is of course if you ever find out.

60 thoughts on “Never Enough

  1. Nomore says:

    YOLO- I don’t know how to reply to you directly so hope you see my post above. I spoke to a current Marshall and formal police officer today over lunch and he offered….I didn’t even ask….he offered his own observation and opinion that psychological abuse does more damage usually. There are the really bad cases, of course, like Nicole Simpson where it’s both and just tragic. But I have wished I could die at times, it’s been so brutal. Happy Friday is right and strength to all. We need to come together and show enough proof of the damage. It just takes one influential person to get things rolling.

    1. Yolo says:


      Thank you for your response. Usually , in my state we provide local assembly members or Congress with our concerns before August recess. Some based their decisions before presenting a bill based on biased
      stats or media coverage.

      Funny, they just responded that they don’t provide actual services and if I wanted to present media (advertisement) I would have to wait however, in the interim please contact ABC company.

      It amazes me how so many organizations are paid to refer desperately seeking people to other organizations that do ” the hand off ” game. Millions of dollars are wasted for supposed resource centers.

      I was 22 and when I was promoted from receptionist to resource coordinator that catapulted my career. Once I learned how to follow the monies and services woohoo I was unstoppable. ,😊 Stressful, but gosh some days I miss working in social services. As a volunteer I don’t have the power.

      1. Nomore says:

        I think HG is right in that anything yuou try to do exposure wise while still in the mix of the mess…even if currently escaped or discarded…is a waste and can only hurt you more. You need to get to a place of calm and clarity in your life….that’s when you can think things through and do some good for yourself and others.

        1. Yolo says:

          True . I don’t know which is worse those who fail to recognize it was all fraud and manipulation. Or those that know and is obsessed with trying to exposed or save maybe one person. Tv and reading some of the bloggers comments doesn’t help.

          I have so much anger towards them. You right I need to chill, everyone has their cross to bare and hopefully we find purpose from the manipulation and fraud.

          There is purpose in our pain..we dress it up so well it’s often never discovered.

          Thanks for your advice.

          1. Nomore says:

            I love your last sentence. So well put. I don’t know when the anger goes away. I really need to work at keeping thoughts out of my head. Now that we have all this info, thinking back is like reliving a nightmare with 20/20 vision and all the answers to the test but not any less difficult or painful.
            Take care and have a nice night😊

  2. K says:

    Thank you,Violet. NPD is very serious and the abuse is largely hidden and is widely misunderstood.

  3. Nomore says:

    This blog HG provides isn’t for “Normal” relationships. Of course you leave when you see infidelity. If you’re dealing with an elite NPD, they know this and so wil lie and manipulate to draw fuel, especially to gaslight. They know you will leave if you know….that’s the fun. Watching the torment of you trying to figure things out, making you doubt yourself, etc. Overtime, the sheer mental and emotional exhaustion of that on you just makes further abuse easier. NPDs are out to make it look like you’re crazy and they are wonderful… when they know you’ve caught on and could potentially be exposed. the elites put you through a very insidious, yet intensely severe, psychological torment. Sociopath in my case. Luckily, in England at least, as of 2015, psychological abuse can send you to jail just like domestic violence bc it’s extremely damaging to your life. No different than a broken arm, leg or concussion. It’s like 100s of concussions without ever being physically touched.

    1. K says:

      That is awesome that you have the potential to send someone to jail for psychological abuse. During devaluation, I ended up with short term memory loss. Once I found this site It started to improve, it took a while but it is almost all gone now.

      1. Nomore says:

        I’m in the US and that law is in England but I think if there is awareness, we can do something. You can use the psychological abuse in America but it’s usually as an adjunct to the physical abuse. It should be able to stand firmly on its own. It may be harder to prove than a black eye but it’s not impossible…today, there’s always a trail of some kind….texts etc. all the best to you…to all of us!

  4. Violet says:

    I add, before my brother became a narcissist he had an inability to be in the moment. He asked me if I had it and described it to me. At this point I was in a golden period and didn’t know what fear or stress was. I noted after this stress and instability is then carried in the sense of self.
    I felt confident and secure because of consistent positive feedback. He couldn’t sit still because our father visibly showed him hatred. He was trying to run mentally but he was trapped. Our mother whom he trusted, was also lying to him about our father. My brother would calculate ways to be liked. His ticker was trying to eliminate the stress. I managed to point out the problem. I distinctly remember our father saying to his face “I just don’t like you.”

    After the damage was done I noticed that my father had been jealous of his extroverted personality. My father couldn’t relate to people and had no joy. But my brother was also disobedient as a way of being himself and our narc father was threatened.

    My brother seemed to change into his cold dead arrogant self. He then became my enemy and bully. He had lost the connection to me and ability to see me as human. I was his pet.

    So all of you in relationships remember that they have forgotten the ability to be a self and see other selves. We are all strangers to them because it got rid of their terror.
    I still cry because I wish I could have made him see our father was just jealous. I later relinquished my golden child status by throwing down my crown and I was abused. Unfortunately by then my brother was too far gone and enjoyed this. It was my first lesson that self sacrifice isn’t worth it.
    My observation is that narcissists invest too much importance in their family story.
    They don’t feel they can survive without their parents. I used to argue with my narcissistic mother all the time about it. Her whole personality revolved around her family. It is just an illusion.

    1. K says:

      How old were you and your brother when he seemed to change? If you don’t mind my asking. And your statement: “an inability to be in the moment.” makes sense to me in my experience. Thank you.

      1. Violet says:

        He was someone who constantly ran around chasing “good” feelings. He used to analyse everything with me. It was through all his constant questioning that I started observing for him. Because he wanted to know why he wasn’t like me. I noticed he ran past my father instinctively because he kept getting bad reactions.
        It would have been my earliest memories so extremely young, maybe it had happened to him by 5 years old.
        He was so anxious. He just jumped right into our mither’s highly strung energy. He was almost too open and vulnerable. He was open to everything and anyone. Then he kept getting kicked around or put down. We used to talk about everything and we did a “test” to see our farher’s dufferent reaction to confirm it all.
        My mother told him to ignore it. She was enjoying the drama and my brother trusted her fully. He couldn’t see she was lying.
        So he couldn’t be with himself, his father didn’t want to be sad with him or help him as he did with me.
        I told him it was because I was a girl.
        But he got enough horrible words to know it was personal. He wasn’t just unloved. He was hated for who he was. That kind of terror meant he could never come down.
        And my mother was pleased so she could have control of him.
        I think he asked me to help him but I was too young to know what to do for him. I just felt it all was so sick.
        He gave into the sickness and made his bed there. I think I remember him saying to me “you have what I don’t have. He likes you,” as if I had been given a golden ticket to life. He looked so, so heartbroken. I saw that he hated himself.
        My father wanted him to hate himself. He didn’t want any reminder of vulnerability or joy.
        I didn’t realise the gravity of what was happening.
        I think my brother just went mad from the hatred and mixed with overbearing abusive mother.
        Now he is a narcissistic psychopath, a victim of our parents’ cowardice.
        I used to say “you’re not the same” and he’d say “don’t worry, I’ve forgotten that person. He was weak. I’m strong now.”
        My point is that NPD hides very very serious abuse that cannot be undone and hiding it protected them.

    2. shantily says:

      Threw down your crown …we are all strangers they can’t see themselves or us ….wow what an incredible insightful and sad story… the picture of your brother trying to run away mentally from your father words for that 🙁 thank you for letting us hear it Violet

      1. Violet says:

        I wanted to emphasise that as adults when we are expecting them to feel vulnerability or sadness, those are things I saw them skip when I was tiny. They jumped past anything threatening.
        Then. When they started to feel it in a situation, they would go on the attack and start abusing. Or change the subject or leave the room.
        They thought the “self” was an enemy.
        My brother was so hyper vigilant and that I think was he was missing a paternal bond and could not trust anyone with his vulnerability. He just left it behind.
        It sounds like a lot of relationships on here.
        In all likelihood these men had the combination of an absent parent and one that was so intrusive she or he knew every single thought before he had it, and used them to humiliate or halt him. He then started doing the same to protect himself.

    3. June says:


      Wow, that must have been terrible for you-giving up your golden child status for your brother only to find out it was too late and your sacrifice didn’t even mean anything to him anymore. 🙁 It sounds like a Greek tragedy almost.

      I’m sorry.

      With my brother, I don’t think that he hates me…though you could be fooled by some of the things he says. It’s a negative fuel thing though, not personal. He definitely feels a large degree of contempt for me…but that’s not quite the same. Like…he probably considers me weak, pathetic, and incompetent…but I don’t think he’s plotting to ruin my life.

      It’s like that with my father too…he doesn’t HATE me…he thinks I’m an incompetent spaz that he’s burdened with taking care of, but he doesn’t actually hate me. With both of them it’s like a…condescending and disdainful fondness. It’s the strangest thing. It’s why at first I didn’t think I could be the scapegoat…because I wasn’t despised, I wasn’t an outcast per se, I was/am just constantly looked down upon. Like to them I can’t do anything right, but they still enjoy my company…and even sometimes, in their great benevolence, help their poor hapless daughter/sister out.

      Also, I’m curious. Your brother’s inability to “be in the moment” that you mention…so, do YOU really just focus all your attention on what’s happening right in front of your face? CAN you even? I’m always thinking about something else, even while I’m doing something or talking to someone. Bar my life being in danger or me receiving a literally life-changing revelation, there are precious few things in life that demand the entirety of my focus.

      My mother thinks it’s inconsiderate and antisocial, and thinks I would enjoy myself more if I could “get out of my head.” I don’t know, I always thought our ability to plan and think about something other than the moment we’re in is what separated us from lower-order mammals. 😀

      Or maybe I’m just being a little arrogant. Apologies if I am, I’m not trying to offend. 🙂

      1. Violet says:

        It’s tongue in cheek. Greek tragedy? Sounds almost (almost) like a misinterpretation.
        I meant that there was danger no matter the move in the chessboard.
        I’m describing the stages of safe to dangerous to mental illness. And I believe he didn’t stand a chance, jumping headfirst into our mother’s unstable psychology.
        I had a hesitation button that saved me. I even remember concocting facials for her before she walked in the room and that was at cot age.
        I’d go for the first signs with someone now. If there is arrogance, insecurity, jealousy empathy gone, it will never be there.

  5. Ali says:

    The point is the Narc is lying! We were all duped, scammed. Of course none of us would hang around knowing the Narc is doing 20 others at the same time FFS! You Narcs are all SICK, DISGUSTING, LYING, CHEATERS… Go Narc yourselves, leave us ‘normal’ people alone! There is no excuse in this world for what you do to people NONE!

    1. K says:

      “Go narc yourselves,” was hilarious!!! Thank you.

    2. Lou says:

      “Go narc yourself”…. Narcking A!

      Love it!

  6. Kami says:

    I remember the first time he said something so terrible and disrespecting to me that I still can’t believe I didn’t leave for good and stay gone. I can remember asking him one day why he didn’t want to ever have sex anymore? Everytime i would make a move he would make up some excuse. Then finally after a few days he said “you know this is the only way I can think to say it so you will understand. Your like a video game. So much fun at first and then one day you say ok I passed/ Concord it and now it not that fun anymore and you find a new game to try and beat.” I just stood there and was in such disbelief. But of course I went back for 12 years off and on. After I finally kicked him to the curb right before our last daughter was born and the fight he picked with me the night before I was being induced and ended up driving myself to the hospital. I played his game right back. I told him after all these years of him ruining every fun event or trip or some memory, it was his turn to lose something. I said very calmly “you will not ruin the birth of my 5th and only daughter. I will text you when she is here, I will not take that chance so you will not be able to see your only daughter born.” Well last minute i caved and let him stand in the corner but he got me back. When it was time for me to be released he called and asked “since you are already going to be driving home can i just drop off the 3 boys at the hospital with you and then I can see my daughter again before you drive them all home alone?”
    Well I just laughed and told the nurse no more pain meds and what the new plan was. The look on her face was kinda sad but I was use to it but then she said I will be the first ever ( patient) to be wheeled down to the car and then walk to the drivers side and drive away with all 4 kids. Again I laughed and said no big deal he had a date with his new lady/victim! So I once again I played right in to his hands.
    And your right enough is never enough!

    1. K says:

      Christ! That was sad to read. And I am amazed at the video game reference; we are all objects and that was an excellent example of what we are learning here. I hope you are doing well and thanks for sharing.

    2. ANK says:

      That sounds awful.

      Re video game – a good analogy. Once all levels have been completed time to start a new game.

      Been there, done that. Next!

  7. Violet says:

    I think a proneness to NPD is a kind of character that wants to engage a lot with the world to achieve a sense of self.
    When I was tiny and used to compare myself with my brother, he judged himself based on what he could be stimulated by or external events. My mother was the same.
    All of his motivation came from this stimulation.
    Contrarily I found this overwhelming and stressful. I didn’t change my sense of self based on events.
    My family was very curious about this and although they judged me for being boring and put me down, later thought I was stronger and in better health because I didn’t chase empty pathways for gratification.
    In truth I did need others but I didn’t like my family or their behaviour.

  8. shantily says:

    Hi HG I don’t know if this is something that you’ve personally experienced or if anyone on your blog has but …. I recently spoke to my abusers ex wife (he’s been arrested for assaulting me) and she said he’d never even raised his voice to her in 7 years of marriage. That they’d never even had a heated argument. And the gf before me ? Same thing not one sign of abuse or aggression…this man is WITHOUT a doubt a violent abuser I’ve lived through it. I have the scars to prove it. I believe they’re telling me the truth …

    Makes me feel so much worse. I’m more confused than ever. I know that once a narc leaves an IP that the personality he constructed dies and he becomes someone else …but to become a great guy ?? A narc that doesn’t poke his IP for negative fuel not once in 7 years ? Come on … bizarre

    Lol why ?!?!


    1. shantily says:

      ps. The gf before me wasn’t only before me she was at the same time as me for a brief period … that’s why I’m asking this here ….

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Plus the girlfriend may well have been an IPPS to you as IPPS and therefore less likely to suffer a severe devaluation.

        1. shantily says:

          She was!!!! Omg that’s absolutely correct she was his band-aid and his texts to her were my words, my idioms, my humor! She was temporary and then I came back!

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Have you considered they might be lying?

      1. shantily says:

        Clueless or lying! Yep! :/

    3. Kimi says:


      Did the ex-wife relationship occur after yours? So it was the GF, you & the GF and then the ex-wife?

      I was the first wife of my Narc, married 15 years and at 25 yo (dated 1 year). My Golden Period lasted about 10 years. He had what I called “anger issues” that were rarely and only directed at me when I was defiant or inadvertently wounded him. The anger was not physically directed upon me, until our 13th year of marriage and during De-evaluation. I think he lost control that day; a Somatic MMR. It was only upon the occurrence of the physical abuse that I was able to recognize the mental/psychological abuse that had preceded it. I found the psychological abuse to be far more insidious and damaging than the physical abuse.

      Perhaps, the GF and ex-wife were unaware of the psychological abuse or perhaps it never occurred or maybe they were in denial or lying, as HG suggests. You know your own truth and that is what truly matters. I do believe that Narcs become more abusive and manipulative over-time and with experience, more honed in their practice of Narcism.

      I’m glad you’re out!

      1. shantily says:

        Hmmm Kimi his ex wife is kind of a clueless social climber, she’s terribly shallow and actually may not have even clued into his assholery ….whereas I saw or believed I saw every nuance, every change in temperature of the conversation….the double speak ….my sister is oblivious to people being rude to her so maybe the ex wife was the same. My ex says he decided to divorce her ahem ? because everything about her was vanilla. She probably wouldn’t take the bait. And then there’s the likely probability, as HG pointed out, that she’s just plain lying to me as in “oh well no no dear that never happened to moi.! ”

        10 years of a golden period? My goodness my ex couldn’t behave himself for 10 days straight! I appreciate your input xo!

      2. Violet says:

        HG who do you see as the more dominant or higher cadre out of Prince Harry and his girlfriend?
        And Will and Kate?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t regard them as narcissists Violet.

          1. Violet says:

            Is that because there is something in it for you by not accusing them?
            How could they not be? You can definitely tell with Harry’s girlfriend’s eyes. A somatic – typical story etc
            I can definitely hear covert narcissist in Harry and Will’s interviews.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not at all.
            How could they not be? Because Kate, William and Harry exhibit emotional empathy, that is why. As for the Meghan lady, she is not in the firm yet so I have not formed a view.

          3. Yolo says:

            If you don’t mind me adding Harry recently did an interview regarding struggling with i believe it was depression and I didn’t see it as him attention seeking more as awareness. They both appear empathic. Narcs would take every opportunity to garner sympathy as well as exploit their own mother and anyone else for that matter.

          4. Violet says:

            Because, particularly if there is sociopathy, there would be depression and they would have been trained to show what needs to be shown.
            Even my psychopathic father had some emotional empathy.
            They are so skilled at what they do.
            And in my experience, narcissists watching narcissists are easily fooled.
            I think they are narcissists.

          5. Yolo says:


            You may very well be correct. But, I dont believe a narcissist can feel empathy. They can mimic, even then it feels fake to us or off.

  9. Patricia J says:

    The Only Winning Move Is Not To Play.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Loved that movie.
      War Games.

  10. Kimi says:

    I too would have never put up with his infidelity, but I’m sure now that it did happen. Perhaps, that is why he was certain to keep it a secret! The marriage was so long ago, yet I still feel so duped and so very angry!

  11. K says:

    It is posts like this that force you to think differently. This is awesome; I love and hate it at the same time! This is way better than my crappy catholic school education.

  12. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


    I don’t deal with infidelity. I’d leave the relationship so fast and never think twice about it. I wouldnt even entertain having sex with the person anymore. They would be dead to me.

    If I had known for sure my ex was doing dirty shit behind my back I would have walked out the door and never looked back.

    Everyone has their deal breakers…

    1. Jody Allen says:

      Dr. Q
      Like you, infidelity or even the suspicion of it was not a problem in my relationship. I am not saying it didn’t happen, because anything is possible.
      Definitely an absolute deal breaker.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I can’t stand disloyalty generally speaking – in any which way.

        I get grossed out and I’m over it.

        1. Jody Allen says:

          Dr. Q
          Oh, I know exactly what you’re saying! The 2 cheaters before the current narc I had absolutely no problem with “what ifs?” I never went back and didn’t feel bad about it at all.
          I had to be in the presence of my exnarc husband for the birth of my first grandchild and a family reunion for 3 weeks last month.
          My Ex begged me to come back the very first day I arrived because the woman he left me for had left him and filed for divorce ( a month prior)… It was completely disgusting, and made me dislike and disrespect him all the more.
          I Turned him down flat. Then he proceeded to tell me about the new girlfriend that he had already been talking to for over a month. (coincidence?)
          It was very interesting to watch all of this unfold and see him in action, especially knowing what I know now…he begged a few more times throughout my time there but knew he wasn’t getting anywhere with me.
          If only I could be so tough on the current one… 😉

    2. Nomore says:

      I don’t think you’re getting it and why HG provides this blog. It isn’t for “Normal” relationships. Of course you leave when you see infidelity. If you’re dealing with an elite NPD, they know this and so wil lie and manipulate to draw fuel, especially to gaslight. They know you will leave if you know….that’s the fun. Watching the torment of you trying to figure things out, making you doubt yourself, etc. Overtime, the sheer mental and emotional exhaustion of that on you just makes further abuse easier. NPDs are out to make it look like you’re crazy…the elites put you through a very insidious, yet intensely sever, psychological torment. Sociopaths in my case. Luckily, in England at least, as of 2015, psychological abuse can you send you to jail just like domestic violence bc it’s extremely damaging to your life. No different than a broken arm, leg or concussion. It’s like 100s of concussions without ever being physically touched.

      1. Yolo says:

        Nomore it good to hear in England they recognize emotional abuse a crime.

        I never had any evidence the ones i were involved with cheated. You are right of you questioning the gaslighting, blame shifting and other manipulation will drive you crazy of you aren’t aware of what you dealing.

        One of the idiots accused me cheating and being with his dad and brother. The first he would draw ugh. The triangulation was crazy but sense that is such a childish attention seeking act to me at the time. I would reciprocate and was more effective than all of them.

        I recognize based off H.G. poll the ones that participate where affected one way or another however, it is interesting to see some say the would never allow this and that. When all have some deal breakers but maybe not ready to open up here due to trust or lack of honesty.

      2. Yolo says:

        There’s little to no focus on mental abuse committed by sociopaths and narcisst. The devastation after being entangled by a disordered person which has the potential to be deadly or irreparable mental health.

        These people lack empathy or the ability to love and intentions are to commit fraud bu deceptions.The behaviour is covert and most are unaware of what they are dealing with.  I would employ to do more research in this area. The site I found to be most valuable although the host is a self confessed malignant psychopath narcisst. 

        His blog post and books are by far the best for gaining knowledge in this area. He delivers the information in lay man terms which makes it easy to identify the manipulations of a narc. One of his most noted post is one about the current potus. The post was listed in January, it explains the behaviours we have witnessed over the past 8 months.

        I am a survivor of both physical and mental abuse. I have stab wound and a plate in my eye
        to remind me daily. I must say my relationship with the non physical abusers have caused anxiety, PTSD and exaggerated other disorder. This is much harder to heal from.

        Please look into ways to bring more awareness to this issue. Most victims are made to look like the crazy person due to the mind games the narcisst play. Whilst the covert narcisst smears the person reputation. 

        In the US we need to send emails to

        I sent this email the other day, after reading the disturbing facts of physical abuse. The website only focused on physical abuse, stalking, and the effects on children. They definitely lack knowledge of how devastating the effects can be when dealing with a disordered person.

        Insomnia is a bitch. I literally was up a 3 am emailing from my phone in the dark.

        Happy Friday

        Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

        1. Violet says:

          I agree with you and I’m happy to do this in Australia.
          The problem is I can talk about my symptoms and my perception of their behaviour. But they are not accurate in the sense I see right and wrong and not the disorder.
          For instance HG’s girlfriend sitting alone trying to erase her instincts brought a flashback of me doing the exact thing as a child. I didn’t fit in in my house.
          The three worked in a gang to psychologically abuse me 24/7 and I believed, BELIEVED they were right- I deserved it because I’m a failure.
          They made me recite that all the time.

          I come from a textbook domestic violence family and I would have never described them as abusers. That is how effective they are at obliterating people. It was constant, intentional cruelty and he sickest thing was watching my father try to gain one up on a female toddler. The only thing that saved me in life was biting back and covering for them.
          Many times I felt I had no identity, foundation or even a culture. I’ve come to realise that was me imitating them.
          I don’t believe living well is the best revenge. I believe exposure is the best revenge.
          HG would they sue for defamation?

          1. Nomore says:

            Wow Violet, my heart goes out to you. I’m amazed you’ve come so far in awareness. That’s really the hardest part. I agree with you on the exposure bc it goes beyond our struggle and helps those in the future not need to suffer…bc the awareness of this type of abuse will be clearer and can get help faster.

          2. Violet says:

            My heart goes out to everyone on here.
            In regards to revenge, I’m not seeking to hurt myself but I am uncomfortable being in a world that allows this horrendous level of abuse. One that says “too bad, fix your own life and never mention it.”
            I disagree with this kind of moving on. Everyone who is not a narcissist should be able to identify them and take measures to stop them from being harmed. I will not be satisfied until law enforcement, public health and education publish information and provide support to victims. We have the knowledge and not to act is the negligence, it’s our crime.
            We knew and didn’t say anything.
            And if you tell me it can’t be done, well that is what three sociopaths told a toddler who outsmarted them on her own to create a successful career and good mental and physical health.
            Narcissists – fuck you.

          3. Nomore says:

            I’m with you on that. 100%.

          4. Yolo says:

            Exactly…f^$^k them. Once we realize what they are we can see right through they B.S. I am entertaining a lesser victim I’ve know for about 4 years. I am tertiary source. He has discarded the IPPS or she caught on finally and left.

            I can insert his name in any of HG lessor posts. The only difference is hes upper lesser so he didn’t originally smear her. Hes attempted to triangulate her now. He doesnt know exactly how to handle my backhanded insults. He starts to deflect when I suggest maybe its him that wrong with the marriage. He claims she tricked him into marriage took advantage of how sensitive he is and full of love. Lol, I am contemplating on posting one of his messages just to show how they mimic everything we say we are or want in a person. Hilarious. He text I dont respond for 30 minutes he put on thr pity play. Lol,” i dont want to bother you, i am always there for others, but nobody for me”. I put happy face and say i am surr theres plenty of people. He’s texting now. Lol, i kinda feel bad.

      3. Lou says:

        Hi Yolo,

        I am a NISS of a midrange N at the moment. He is good; everybody thinks he is an angel, goodness and kindness incarnated. He had everybody going to visit him in the hospital recently because he was claiming he was about to die. Big shock for everybody except for me. He suddenly escaped death and is now considering playing golf again. LOL.

        It has been both interesting and fun to see him in action. I have also done things to see his reaction. I wait days before I answer to his WhatsApp’s, I do not listen to him when he speaks or I interrupt him (I use to listen to him attentively), I insinuate that I do not believe him or that he is the problem when he is smearing the girl he pretends to be in love with. I do not fall for his manipulations. As far as I am concerned, he can go narc himself.

        I was really tempted to send his IPPS an anonymous email with the link to HG’s site but I was waiting for her to go out of the drama mode his illness put her in. Also, I haven’t done it because I would have to create another email account so that she does not know who sent it to her (she hates me because he triangulated her with me for some time). But I need to create that anonymous email account as I have a list of people to whom I would like to send the link to HG’s work (and hope they get it)

        1. Yolo says:


          They are ridiculous. I apologize to anyone on hear that may not see the humor in this. I completely understand I was there once.

          Lou, the longer they have been entangled with the narc they are probably going to be more receptive. Write something like are you experiencing lies, silent treatments, disappearing acts and ??? Please visit for help or further information. Save them the time of googling the signs😊

          I left the victim hanging earlier, he was lost for words and you words come a dime dozen for them. He attempted gaslighting and I was crying I laughed so hard. That was my most hated manipulation tactic. He denied, I screenshot his words, he tried to switch the entire meaning. 😂😂😂. The fury…he would lie I ask him to expand ” long story” he kept trying to deflect.
          The mimicry was the worse I went horse riding, he has a horse. He’s a Christian because he think I am a Christian. I believe in God.. I told him everyone claims to be a Christian and it’s not biblical he switch gears. I told him if I was to sit in my garage it wouldn’t make me a car.
          I told him a man is expected to be the leader of the home. And, he couldn’t expect his wife to follow him because she lacked confidence in him as a man. He had not authority and was operating out of order. Wow, thank you H.G.

      4. Lou says:

        Thanks Yolo. That is a good advice (writing about the “signs” in the email).
        Have a good day.

  13. Diva says:

    Just so you know……we may not find out exactly who, when and where……but we do always know. Well I have always known……call it a sixth sense, intuitiveness, gut feeling, intuition, instinct, intrinsic, innate reaction. It wasn’t logic, it wasn’t emotion, it wasn’t fact…….I just knew…..yet I turned a blind eye…….I pretended it wasn’t happening. Maybe I did not want to lose what I thought I had ………however now that I realise that I didn’t actually have anything to lose, as it was all fake, there is no point in pretending anymore. Diva

    1. ANK says:


      I too had a suspicion and ignored it when I saw him chatting to a woman and try to ensnare her. I dint think he had any luck with her. And so moved on to the next potential victim.

      But I did find out in the end. He was so in thrall with the new appliance that he couldn’t help but text her while I sat next to him. Thought he could lie that he was texting his mate and get away with it.

  14. Jody Allen says:

    LOL! I love the blinking eyes! How creepy in the best possible way!

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