Fury is the instrument of the narcissist. It is a tool that we deploy in furtherance of our aims. The narcissist’s toolbox is a thing to behold. It contains many devices, objects and instruments that we deploy in order to secure our objectives. Other people may use these devices in a similar if diminished form but they will not be anywhere near as dangerous and effective as the ones that lurk in my toolkit. Some of these instruments are used to subjugate, others are deployed to control and yet again there are others that will be used for the purposes of manipulation. The placing of fury in this toolbox recognises its use to the narcissist as one of his prime instruments.

All of our kind bring the fury but what is it? It will be instructive to start by considering what it is not. Fury is not anger. Anger is below fury on the scale of violent responses. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It is greater than vexation, it is something more than feeling cross and it is beyond exasperation. Notwithstanding this, it is less than fury. It does not contain the unbridled vitriol that is synonymous with fury. Nor does it contain the violent hostility that one finds with fury. What is most important to know about anger is that it is a normal emotion and thus by comparison, fury is an abnormal emotion, hence why fury sits in our toolkit. Anger is an intense emotional response that is normal in nature and arises as a consequence of real or perceived provocation. Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It can be used for either purpose and it is down to the manner in which that particular person handles it. An individual may direct it into violence towards another person in order to protect him or herself from a threat. Alternatively, it may manifest in the destruction of property. You as a normal and empathic individual become angry. Indeed, as part of our mission to obtain fuel we strive to provoke anger in you, either through angry gestures or through angry words on your part. This provides us with fuel when you react in this emotional fashion. It is an acceptable and understandable response for an individual to become angry.

It is a normal response to a threat or harm. It also releases pressure that builds up inside a normal person. The expression of anger enables people to dissipate this pressure and thereafter feel spent but better for having been angry, as opposed to suppressing the sensation and allowing the pressure to build even further. Some normal people can only take a small amount of pressure before they blow a fuse whereas other people may be regarded as slow-burners who take a long time before they express anger. In either instance the response is an entirely normal one. People become angry for a host of different reasons.

You may agree that anger certainly serves a purpose and concur that helpful and beneficial consequences can arise from this normal emotion. I should imagine that you will also venture to suggest that there is a downside to anger, that results in destructive behaviour and violence. That is not anger. That is fury. That is when something beyond anger is experienced and this fury is more prevalent amongst my kind.

Interestingly, anger also results in a suspension of empathy by those who behave normally. The individual, through anger, becomes focussed on his or her own needs and requirements. This is not applicable to me. There is no empathy to suspend. That is why we do not deploy anger. We have no need of a device to suspend our empathy because we do not have any. This is a further reason why anger serves no actual purpose to us and why we must deploy fury instead. Anger is a normal reaction. We operate outside of the usual normative values. This normal anger serves certain purposes. None of those purposes are of any use to my kind and me. Anger can be regarded as a force for good. That is not something that we are interested in.

Fury is beyond anger. It is wrath, frenzy and savagery. Someone who is furious has gone the extra emotional mile. One might even consider it to be madness. The wild nature of fury causes it to surpass anger and fury is not to be found in the responses of the normal person. I will emphasise that point. You will not find fury as a response of a normal person. Anger? Yes. Fury? No. The deployment of fury is the hallmark of the abnormal. If fury were a normal reaction there would be chaos as explosions erupted everywhere. Most relationships would disintegrate, more people would be injured, and property broken and destroyed and the repercussions for society as a whole would be severe. The cost in terms of money, emotion and well-being would be enormous. Consider the number of times you have been angry. It has happened has it not? You will also be able to recall when your parents or at least one of them became angry, a friend, a stranger, a colleague or a partner. You have seen anger in everyone and that is because it is normal. They may have used that anger for some purpose, kept it in check or let it flow over them and dissipate with no consequence. For those of you have had an encounter with fury, you will also know it. It will have happened amongst fewer people than the categories that I have just mentioned. This is because the development of people has been such that fury cannot become the norm. If it does then society would begin to break down. You may have seen many instances of fury from one particular individual. That is because that person is not normal. They are the exception.

33 thoughts on “Outrageous

  1. K says:

    Sorry, I am being tedious and repetitive. It is exactly what you stated in the consult. They are super nova events. Light is dawning on Marblehead and it is time to move on. (reflective)

  2. K says:

    When blame shifting became confrontational, I fought back with rage and hatred, no guilt, no apologies, and my narcissists would back off or retreat. I considered it a win. And some midrangers seemed wary around me. My MMRN jumped into his car and drove away many times (what a waste of fuel). Some of my Narcs called me crazy, wrapped too tight, or psycho and it didn’t bother me at all. I just wanted to be left alone. That was my experience. (My mood is pensive)

    1. K says:

      I don’t think I have fury, but my anger can escalate into rage within seconds depending on the circumstances. Bullying would be one of those circumstances. (Pensive)

  3. Diva says:

    I have stated before that I only saw fury briefly once, but somehow he managed to contain it, put a lid on it and walk away. It was like looking at two different peoples faces in a split second…..one I recognised and one that I did not. I do recall him stating about a particular person (that had aggrieved him regarding an unpaid debt) that if he thought he could pay someone to kill them off and he would get away with it, that he would have no hesitation in doing so. I can’t imagine ever having those kind of thoughts. Diva

  4. Anne says:

    I’ve been very angry, but I’ve seen fury from mine. It’s out of no where, scary, insane, and sometimes over nothing. Oh, I’m sorry, i asked about our relationship and wouldn’t shut the f up!!!

  5. June says:

    From what I’ve seen at least, when normal people get extremely angry, there’s usually a good reason for it. Like if someone flies into a rage because they found out their partner cheated on them.

    My father and brother can descend into a screaming, cursing, throwing-things rage because they lost a game on Madden, because someone didn’t understand their instructions, because I spill some of my drink, etc.

    Ha, my brother really needs a 12-pack of Xbox controllers given how often he breaks them throwing them against a wall after losing a game. 😀

    My father told me growing up that that kind of rage was the norm for men and had to do with their testosterone levels being higher. But from what I’ve seen myself, it seems to be the exception.

  6. K says:

    My ex smashed my car windshield, it was awesome! I enjoyed pissing him off.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. K says:

        Absolutely! Laughing as I type.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      K you crack me up! Lol

      1. K says:

        Thank you Dr. Q PsyD! It was fun and he deserved it for all the rotten things he did to me.

    3. Twilight says:

      Now that is funny
      Mine cut my brake lines and then let me drive, I got him back the next day as he was dropping me off I looked him in the eye and as cold and heartless as I could be I told him he would die alone. He did two hours later. He had a heart attack, he did get the last jab he called and went to my voice mail he never hung up. I got to listen to a three minute voice mail of him dying,

      1. K says:

        Now that is epic, Twilight!

        1. Twilight says:

          I don’t promote violence yet I will defend myself
          I broke his nose once to. I stopped him in a full blown rage. Accuracy saved my tail. If not he would have killed me. Dropped him straight to his knees. He never threw another object at me ever again either.
          I would have left, fear kept me there. He threatened my children’s lives. I couldn’t take that kind of chance, people looked the other way.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        What!!!!!!???? He cut ur break lines???!!

        1. Twilight says:

          Yes he did, there is much I don’t speak of. He did much worse this was minor. I just don’t see the point in speaking of things. It never mattered to anyone before. I am just stating a fact.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        So bluntly stated: your ex attempted to murder you?

        1. Twilight says:


    4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      You sound like me 😂…

      Speaking of smashing things…

      Maybe I should be a little alarmed that my mom and my undergraduate college roomies used to joke around and associate me with the following song….


    5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      When they start to realize you’re more badass than they thought 😂……………


    6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      Yeah, I enjoyed pissig him off sometimes because he was just such an ass.

      I have this unfortunate talent for pushing buttons… it’s the ODD in me lol.

      Excuse me while I let my ODD and narcissistic traits shine like a diamond lol.

      I feel like I should get “my presence is a present so kiss my ass” on a pillow…. 😂

      They come to find that I can be a monster too lmao


      1. K says:

        Dr. Q PsyD
        Twilight almost gets murdered and the bastard that tried to kill her dies the next day after she tells him he will die alone, now THAT is epic! I had a donnybrook in the driveway with my ex and wished I had a Louisville Slugger at the time. I Love My Chick, now that is some real passion! I miss that! The woman in the video reminded me of Michonne from the Walking Dead, and Monster was like an episode of AHS. AHS is twisted! Remember, Dr. Q PsyD, being an outlier or a Heather is better than being dull; passion is sexy. So many feisty empaths here!

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I knew you would appreciate my little dedications lol….


        That is scary as hell. What timing…

        Maybe I should start going to temple? Shit … you were so lucky….

        I actually have a strange story that is kinda similar in a way which I will share some other time…

        I’m happy you are here and not an episode on investigation discovery….

  7. Scout says:

    Real, mouth- frothing fury paralysed me with fear, and I tried not to let it show. Other times I’d shout back. Ironically, he would sometimes look thoughtfully at me with cold eyes while I was in full yelling mode (about his transgressions). This calm demeanour confused me into thinking I was winning the argument, but I guess I was simply providing fuel and giving him time to counter-argue my pov, HG.
    I love your posts, HG, they keep my feet on the ground.

  8. Rachel says:

    I had many rages, he just sat and looked at me , never opened his mouth, it made me think I was the crazy one. He only went crazy at me twice, the first was when he was blind drunk and I asked him not to get our daughter out of her crib, the second time was the day before he left our relationship, but before he did leave he took me to bed. I can’t get my head around how he could do this to me. How could he never have a conversation with me and then now be all loved up with the new supply, taking her out for meals but would never take me!!! I’m at a total loss. 6 months he’s been gone and I am still in limbo

  9. Mona says:

    I am sorry, but I disagree. Fury is only a flood of anger, which is out of control. I believe that many normal people know fury, but they have a conscience and they control their aggressive feelings. Your kind does not because your kind sees no need to do it. I really know that malevolent anger too, but I control it or leave the situation as fast as possible, before it becomes dangerous for other people. It is only a question of conscience for me. Nothing else. Anger and huge anger up to fury is a normal trait of people. Some are more aggressive, some less. If there was no fury in “normal” people, war would not function. People would hesitate to kill each other. They do not, if there is a war. Even “normal” people kill children, women, old people in wars without any reason and in a very cruel way. They do not do it because they have to defend themselves ! In a war things are allowed, which are not allowed in times of peace. I agree that your kind sting other people to do malevolent things, but – if it was not inside of normal people – they would not do it. After a war many people try to forget what they have done – because they remember their conscience.

    It is only the lack of conscience and the lack of control about aggressive feelings and the thought that your kind is entitled to do so that let your kind behave like your kind does. It is only an unlucky combination of different aggressive traits and strange thinking. This is the part where it becomes a character disorder.

    Look at your own polls. There were a lot of people who wished to see their narc dead. Are they all narcs? I do not think so.
    I believe, it is not the aggressive trait inside of you, which makes your kind so dangerous or “special” , it is only the lack of conscience and your lack of empathy and your lack of control about dark feelings.

    The french woman- I forgot her name – killed her husband after 30 or 40 years of torment with some shots in his back. I did not read that she felt any remorse for that. That was cold fury. And I believe, it was justified. There is no need for a bad conscience in that case.

    So – in the end- I believe – you are responsible for your fury. Do not excuse it with the hint you are a narcissist, or you are born or made this way. As long as you have a brain to think logical you are responsible for your deeds.

    I understand that you want the people to go, if they recognise some kind of this fury and should not look for any excuses. That is right and I support this thought.

    If someone is not able or minded to control his dark feelings, leave him – the earlier the better.

    If that was your intention – I agree.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for your opinion. There is a world of difference between wanting someone dead and doing something about it. The instance you referred to with the French woman is a reduction of empathic traits (remorse) the heightening of narcissistic ones (selfishness) manifesting through anger, not fury.

  10. Sarah says:

    At the end as his DLS I went into supernova mode with my mid range narc. Had enough of his lies and I did not hold myself back confronting him about this. I always stayed very clam but firm. I know that I’ve ignited his fury several times but he has never lost it with me. He never showed me his fury. WHY NOT?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You weren’t wounding him because you were fuelling him with your response.

  11. mistynolan01 says:

    Then I’m not normal. I’ve unleashed fury once. I was so furious I blacked out and tore his office to smithereens in a matter of less than a minute. I started with his desk, sweeping everything off onto the floor; then I turned to his legal statutes ripping the books off the shelves, but within seconds I was onto the potted plants strewing them all over the plush carpet as I raced through the office. He managed to get me out of the door, but when I realized I was into the hallway alone and he had locked the door I put my 3-inch-heeled boots through the glass door and reached in and turned the knob. He met me at the door and put his arms forcefully around me, to contain me. At that point I was totally spent and breaking down in tears.

    Don’t fucking break my heart!

    Maybe a narc is the only kind that can keep me and my emotions in check.

    Something else for me to mull over.

    1. Cindy says:

      Or maybe a narc is the only type of personality that can poison your life that much that your emotions hit overload.

      I believe there is no power in this world…narc or otherwise….that can match a woman whose been hurt…and is pissed off about it.

  12. Cindy says:

    Isn’t fury simply an outburst by an individual who’s emotional growth is so severely stunted that they never learn empathy or self control? Kind of like a two-year-old’s tantrum?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are correct that empathy has not been learned. As to self-control, that is partially correct because of course the schools of narcissism do have varying levels of control.

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