The Crying Game – Part Three

the-crying-game

Hitherto I have mentioned how I have learned to mimic the expressions of upset and pain in order to force tears to flow for the purposes of drawing sympathy and getting my own way. I have witnessed the tears that appear as a consequence of pride, admittedly an alien sensation to me and it is whilst I raise this point that I turn to another aspect where tears are seen. Joy.

The earliest time that I remember seeing tears of joy was when I was at university. One of my girlfriends at that time was a young lady called Trish. It was during the early stage of my seduction of Trish that her birthday arrived. I think we had been seeing one another for a couple of months and along came her birthday. I was keen to impress and ensure that the delightful and vivacious Trish remained bonded to me. Back then I did not know that she gave me fuel, I only knew that she was kind and attentive and that I relished being with her because she looked at me with her round blue eyes as if nobody else in the world mattered to her. It was always an edifying experience.

I purchased a beautiful silver necklace, set with a delicate arrangement of small diamonds around a larger sapphire, which reminded me of her eyes, from Tiffany and Co. I knew this would impress her. Elegant, expensive and scintillating. She could not fail to be delighted with this gift. On the evening of her birthday I took her to dinner in one of the university city’s restaurants. Just her and I. I wanted her undivided attention on this special day. Since what I came to now as the golden period remained intact there was no need to upstage her on her birthday or cause her to be upset by forgetting about it as I have done with so many others since. I can still picture her sat across the table from me, by the window, her sky blue dress and her slender shoulders on display, shoulders that I would always kiss tenderly and cause her to tremble in anticipation. Her eyes shone with excitement as she knew a gift awaited her and I felt her excitement as it flowed over me, it was especially edifying. I had arranged for the waiter to bring the gift over once we had finished our meal and I watched him approach from the corner of my eye as I continued to look at Trisha, both of us smiling. The waiter placed the green-blue box with the white ribbon in front of Trish and she pulled at the ribbon, letting it fall as she lifted the lid on the box and then looked at the contents with her mouth falling open. She lifted the necklace from the box as it glinted and it was then that I saw her eyes were welling with tears. Her mouth was still open, caught between a gasp and wanting to say something but her eyes were filled with tears. I watched as she stared at the jewellery, the sapphire spinning and flashing as it caught the various lights, both candle and electric in the restaurant.

“Don’t you like it?” I asked puzzled at her reaction. A tear trickled down her cheek.

“Oh HG, I love it, it is so beautiful. Thank you, thank you so much. It is the best gift that I have ever received.”

“Why are you crying then?” I asked perplexed. Her words seemed genuine to me, laden with appreciation and thanks, but the appearance of tears cast some doubt on this. It was important to me to ensure that she was delighted and thrilled with the gift that I had purchased for her.

“Because I am so pleased with what you have given me, I’m not upset,” she said smiling as she gave a short self-deprecating laugh and brushed the tear away although it was soon replaced by another.

“These are tears of joy, happiness, I am so overwhelmed,” she explained.

I remember the surge that arose as she told me this. I had heard of people crying tears of happiness but I had never seen it. I was naturally pleased that she was so delighted with my gift but what I remember most about that evening was the effect on me. Once it was confirmed that these were indeed tears of joy, the sensation that shot through me was immense. I had made someone cry because they were so happy, so joyous and so delighted. I had only ever previously seen the tears that came from pain, misery, upset and chastisement and this was something new.

“You like it then?” I asked.

“I love it. Oh I love it so much, you are a wonderful boyfriend, thank you,” she gushed, effusive in her delight.

That moment, when I first witnessed tears of joy has always remained with me. Not only because of how it made me feel, how powerful and invigorated I felt that I had made someone cry in circumstances which I had never witnessed before. New ground was broken that evening. It also, however stayed with me because I have never shed tears of joy myself. Indeed, I often got Trisha to recount to me how she actually felt as she opened the box and looked on the gift. She articulated the sensations which washed over her, a sense of amazement, disbelief at first and then a warmth which spread across her.

“It was as if an angel had touched my heart,” she explained, “and I just felt really happy, really delighted at how the person I love the most had chosen something so special for me. It made me feel wanted, special but above all I felt elevated, you know, as if I had been lifted up.”

“Did you feel powerful?” I asked her.

“No, not that, just excited, with a jittery sensation in my stomach but not from nervousness but from being so happy and pleased.”

Ever since then when I achieved my superlative examination results, when I received various job offers, when I have been promoted or a recipient of industry awards or accolades I have never felt the joyous sensation that Trish spoke of. Indeed, I recall when a job offer arrived through the post I read it and did not feel anything as I read the words offering me the position, couched as they were in a straight-forward and business-like manner. The only thing I felt was the sense of anticipation at the reaction of my then girlfriend when I telephoned her to tell the good news. It was her response that I was looking forward to which made me actually feel something. When she squealed down the phone and congratulated me, it was then that I felt the familiar power surge as my achievement was recognised. I was not able to feel that as I read the emotion free letter on my own, I needed the interface with another.

Thus when I have stood on a stage and accepted an award after being voted number one in my industry and the generous applause is ringing in my ears and I shake the hands of the representatives of the award sponsors and smile at their “congratulations”, “well dones” and “thoroughly deserveds” I have felt that familiar surge of power, but nothing akin to what Trish described for me. There is no joy. There are no tears of joy.

I revel in bringing forth those tears of joy for other people during my seduction of them. Indeed, I must always try to achieve this because the power that arises from knowing I have achieved this is considerable. To move someone to tears as a consequence of happiness is power indeed. It still fascinates me. Whilst I of course draw fuel from the tears of upset and frustration and they are potent indeed, they do not hold the same fascination for me as witnessing those tears of joy. I saw tears of sadness and upset many times in the past and understood how to bring that forth, but the experience of seeing those tears of joy was quite the revelation to me and all the more fascinating because I am able to cause something in others that I can never feel for myself. Such is the twisted nature of the power that I wield.

29 thoughts on “The Crying Game – Part Three

  1. mommypino says:

    Did you feel the joy from Trisha vicariously? Or was the elation that you experienced caused by discovering that you have the power to cause someone to cry because of joy?
    I’m wondering because I have seen some comments in the crying game 2 about narcs making us feel the emotions they can’t feel. Is it purely to feel powerful and superior to us or is it also to give them a glimpse of the emotions that they don’t have?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is fuel. Provoking that emotional response in you is to gain fuel. Although some of our kind learn from witnessing the relevant emotion (in order to understand it, ascertain how we are expected to react to it and replicate it when necessary) the primary purpose of causing that emotion is to gain fuel which in turn has the potential to make us feel powerful (dependent on the existing fuel level at the point of gaining the additional fuel).

      1. MommyPino says:

        Thank you Mr. Tudor. I was hoping that narcs might have the capacity to at least feel the emotions vicariously. Thank you for clarifying that.

  2. Kitkat says:

    It isn’t your power. You are not unique. It is the amazing capacity to feel varied emotions which is unique to our species. You could have been any number of suitors she could have bonded with, only they would have the ability to reciprocate proper emotion. You gave her a gift which made her feel special. Any man can do that, and DO do that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have missed the point.

  3. Scout says:

    ‘It was her response… which made me feel something.’ I suppose elation is suspended because, HG, anything you did as a child was never good enough?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct

      1. jenna says:

        So sad hg 😔

  4. Diva says:

    “I needed the interface with another”……..so simple so clear…….before you stated that, I am reading what you are saying but not truly understanding how your mind works…..it is alien to me….but that one statement clarified many things.. This article and the mention of the interface, also clarifies (for me) other points you have made in previous articles which have been virtually impossible for me to relate to. Such as, why you truly believe you would not survive without fuel, why you need the extensive fuel matrix and why you need numerous appliances and fuel sources at different stages…..(golden period, devaluation discard etc). As you are unable to feel certain emotions for yourself, it made me wonder if maybe you need to feel the variety, through the interface, several of these different emotions (fuel) from others, all at the same time? Although I think you have stated the main aim of the fuel matrix is to ensure the fuel doesn’t dry up. Diva

  5. Diva says:

    I don’t like opening presents whilst people are watching. I have a face that does not lie and if I don’t like what I have just opened…..it’s written all over my face…… no matter what my mouth is gushing…….Diva

    1. windstorm2 says:

      So do I, Diva! I just don’t know how to react in such situations. The best I can do is keep quiet and a neutral expression. My daughter is forever fussing at me for this. She’ll never let me live down one gift from her that when I opened it, I actually said, “What the hell is this?” And it was a lovely black ruana that I am very fond of! I just couldn’t tell at first what it could be, and the words blurted right out!

      1. Diva says:

        Hi Windstorm2….funny story……you are definitely more direct than me……if I am put on the spot I usually say…….”how interesting”…….this translates to……this present might interest you but it’s definitely not interesting me, do you want it back? Diva

  6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Mayb ex was the shittiest gift giver I would show him what’s I like and want and the ass would get something completely different that was even in the same price range….

    I just got so fed up I told him to give me his credit card and that’s how I got my holiday gifts and what not he never remembered what he got me because he had no part of it lol

    1. They hate being told what to do so if told what to get, it’s not likely to happen (except perhaps in the golden period). Getting what you didn’t ask for and seeing the disappointment is fuel.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Generally speaking and Logically speaking…

        Why the fuck would I wanna give someone anything when they don’t give me anything…???

        Not only are they taking but they are hurting while they are taking and giving nothing…

        Fucking stupid and pointless!!!!

        Give me something and u bet ur ass I’ll give back…

        Give me nothing and abuse me ….it’s only a matter of time before I go kaboom or poof

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Mine was so useless…. sooooooo useless he couldn’t manage a mutually parasitic relationship …

        Like really?

        I can’t … 🙄

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Wendy,

      Problem is I never got what I wanted from him… ever…

      Useless

  7. Indy says:

    I’ve enjoyed reading your analysis of emotions in others as well as what you experience as emotions. With regard to tears, I have noticed I’ve changed this summer. I used to hardly ever cry, and usually only when I was angry..and that just frustrated me further as I felt shame for my tears. Like your home, as I have shared here before, I was not comforted when I had tears and it was discouraged. So, I hid when I cried as a child and as an adult. No happiness tears, no shown sad tears, and rare anger tears. I do recall tears from “being fully seen”, understood. And another time when I felt at one with someone. Like a soulful oneness, once after very intimate sex. But this summer, I am crying over everything. Even stupid commercials. What the hell? Maybe I’m healing? Maybe I mixed the brownies wrong? Or those crystals and oils have gone to my head? Or….is it the HG effect? (Kidding) In all seriousness, it is a new experience I’m having and I’m wondering if anyone else has had some shifts like this while healing? I know sometimes people report emotional opening while healing, it is the first time for me personally experiencing it.

    1. jenna says:

      Hi indy, nice to see u back! I’m a crier too.
      I think we go thru different stages of healing. The crying stage is miserable. I hope it passes soon.
      I noticed u were not present in the article ‘I’m the Real Genius.’ If you get a chance, pls read it, including the comments. It was a heated discussion and wud value ur input.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      Welcome to my life

      Everything makes me cry lmao

      It’s def worse these days

      But i tend to cry when I’m frustrated or angry not always because I’m hurt or depressed…..

      1. Indy says:

        Yes that is my usual too, Doc. But lately, even an auto insurance commercial will have me tearing up 😂 My ex that passed away last fall always used to comment that I never cried. He actually said he wanted to see tears from poems and cards he gave me (no he was not a narc, he was a romantic with bipolar and high creativity and sensitivity and addiction). Shit, he tested up when he proposed (each time 😂 Bless his heart, he proposed twice. I accepted I deeply loved him, as did my family. My only Empath in my dating life. He felt vibes like me and introduced me to so many journeys. And he had to be addicted, sigh 😔 I still miss his calls on Sunday mornings, over coffee, even after we broke up. We remained friends for a good decade after we split. He was family and a step dad to my son. Shit, now I’m tearing up. Ok, change subject….

        Let’s get this Fury live feed scheduled soon, I can’t handle more tears 😂

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Indy,

        That legit made me tear…

        Sorry HG I know you are probably dry heaving right now lmao

  8. ANM says:

    I had an experience not to long ago. It was post Narcissist abuse. I learned how to turn off the fuel. I learned to become monotone with all of my responses with the narcissist and my family as a protective mechanism so that I would always have my poker face on with the narcissist, and so my family wouldn’t know if I was distraught, etc. One Tuesday early afternoon, I had a meeting with the top attorney in my city to talk about my case against my Narcissist Ex. She was very wise, but very cold in demeanor and response. When I left the meeting, I just felt empty, like I would never laugh or be happy again. Right across the street was a very old Polynesian Bar that was tucked into a corner, had been around since the beginning of time, and is often filled with college kids on the weekend. I hadn’t been to that bar in 10 years. A bit of nonstalgia swept over me. So decided to go to the bar. I open the door, it is very dark, and cool, which was a nice contrast to the heat and smoldering sun from outside. In the USA, it is often looked down on to go to a Pub or the bar in the middle of the day. I sit at the bar. To the far right of me, was older men, probably in their 60s, looked slightly burned out on life, but minding their own business. To the far left of me, looked to be two men, mid 30s who had just gotten off work early and enjoying drinks. I looked at the drink menu, all island drinks. I hadn’t had rum in ages. I am “sophisticated” now, I drink wine with dinner. I ordered a coconut rum drink. I took a sip. It was a bit too sugary to enjoy on a daily basis, but delightful for the occasion. The two younge men to my left very politely asked why a pretty lady was drinking alone at the bar, and asked if I wanted to sit with them. I very politely declined, and went back to my drink. Some ten minutes later, they asked again. I said, “absolutely not”. I had to have two cell phones on me that day. One for work, and my personal one. I pulled out my personal one, to send out a text message. One of the younger men, yelled at me, “That is a *insert phone model and year*. What are you doing with such an old phone?!?!” I said, “my cell phone broke. I had to pull out an older spare one until the newer one arrive from the phone company. How are you able to see that much detail from where you are sitting?” “No. I’m not knocking it.” He said, “That phone actually has a fantastic camera. Better than the Iphone for sure.” He then told me it was his birthday tomorrow, and him and his friend got off work early to start celebrating. He then said since I wouldn’t sit with them, if he could just sit with me and talk. He had a smooth, look and charisma, like a young Will Smith (Actor). That normally wasn’t my type, and I wasn’t in the mood to get hit on at the bar by a pick up artist, so I said, “sure. But I am only staying for 10 min more minutes.” So he came over and we ordered one more round. I would have to say, he was very refreshing, and very very good at talking. He would make a very funny joke, but then go into a very serious discussion of topic, then say something sad, then say another joke again. I could start to feel this internal tug of war with my feelings and emotions. I was letting my guard down, but him directing the conversation in so many emotional directions, made it so unpredictable. I couldnt keep my “poker face” and reserved energy steady for long. I suddenly started crying right then and there, but I was also smiling, and laughing a little. He looks at me and says “I don’t know what that guy did to you, but he is missing out. You are a delight to be with, and I am sorry if I just made you cry.” I said, “I’m not upset. I’m crying because I am happy.” It felt so good to feel alive. Now the burned out old men to my right, are staring over in our direction wondering what is going on. We continued to talk a little more. I started to radiate with happiness and laugh and laugh. I said, “I really need to go.” He said, “come celebrate my birthday tomorrow. I will give you my phone number”. I said ok. He gave me his number. I insisted to walk out of the bar alone. As I was leaving, and got to the exit door, I turned my head back and smiled at the young man. He winked. I was giddy. Everyone in the bar started clapping. It was amazing! I never called him. I didn’t want to get in touch with someone who moved me so quickly after just meeting. Maybe I’ll see him around.

  9. lansealan says:

    Still find it hard to comprehend that you lack the ability and/or (empathy?) to feel the elation of the other persons feelings at a time like these? You say it makes you feel “powerfull” to be able to “generate” feelings and subsequent tears of others? You really are not causing these feelings in others…it is “their” feelings of joy and of feeling so thought of and appreciated. Maybe even undeserving by some. Some might even feel these intense feelings of gratitude, etc. and not be brought to tears.
    I can only theorize that somehow during your early years you did not (or were neglected and not nurtured) into feeling not worthy or were not given gifts purely out of affection and generosity from others? On the flip side…the empathetic giver gets tremendous “pleasure” by making the receiver feel “special” and thought of, NOT POWER. Tears of happiness from the giver as well, are not uncommon.

  10. windstorm2 says:

    This reminds me of a past experience. I never had an engagement or wedding ring. My husband’s family’s church believed wearing jewelry was a sin and he used it as an excuse not to wear a ring himself (although he did not believe it). I wouldn’t wear a ring if he didn’t – so no rings.

    I always wanted a diamond ring, though, and for whatever reason in his head, he had his secretary buy me a nice diamond engagement ring for our 20th wedding anniversary. It came as a total shock and surprise and completely bowled me over. I remember crying tears of joy and just sitting watching the light play in the facets of the central diamond for hours – almost in shock. My husband would sit and watch me, skeptical, asking questions about how I felt and what was it about that ring that moved me so. He seemed truly perplexed and my answers didn’t seem to make sense to him.

    Before that I’d never gotten any real gifts from him at all, not even in the beginning. After that he would pay his sister, then later our daughter to buy me Christmas and birthday gifts. Now I even get Mother’s Day gifts from him that way. Maybe he had learned a new way to get fuel that benefitted us both.

    1. Indy says:

      Was he a terrible gift giver before or was the ring the first gift? Did he hate the effort of shopping for gifts? I know that must have touched you so deeply after 20 years.

      1. windstorm2 says:

        When we were first together I wanted two red roses for Valentines Day. One for each month we’d been engaged. He said he believed all gifts should be a surprise, so he could never get me anything I had asked for. Instead he bought a huge, expensive, garish White Cupid vase with a dozen pink carnations.

        I had a fit. We couldn’t afford it, had no where to put it and I hate Cupid and the colors white and pink. He said it was the last gift he would ever buy me and never got me anything else until the diamond ring 24 years later (we were engaged 4 years).

        He gave me this hideous vase at my mother’s house in front of her. She absolutely loved it, so I told her she could have it. I always wondered if she’d suggested he buy it because pink was her favorite color. She kept that vase in a prominent spot on her kitchen counter for many years and would occasionally comment about how “beautiful” it was. Finally I threw it away one day when she wasn’t home.

        Yes, he enjoys shopping for himself, but absolutely hates to buy gifts for anyone else. He gets very frustrated. I think it’s because with no empathy, he never knows what they would like. He’s got it down now, though. We pick out our own gifts and he pays for them, or he just gives cash.

      2. Indy says:

        Aw Windstorm, that flower game. What an ass. Yes, the recent ex had nooo problem shopping for a pricey car but a damned flower, nope. Your story hit close to me as it reminded me of the recent ex playing flower games too. I adore purple irises. And wild flowers of purples, whites and such. He never ever gave me them, despite having the means, intelligence and the fact he did propose and give a ring I wanted (we’ll sort of, it was HIS favorite stone lol)….the flower was his first game of getting negative fuel and denying me of something I wanted. I was not a person that asked for anything, hardly ever. I earned my own money. I have a lot of pride in that. But the flower meant something to me….and it was his ace. He’d get me weed looking flowers. Green yellow rag weed looking flowers that smelled like urine. Seriously. Dork. He once got me beautiful Hawaiian lilies but they were his favorite, not mine. I suppose I should thank him for not being as charming as a greater LOL I would’ve fallen hook line and sinker for much longer.

        I think you might be right about your mother planting the seed. Good for you throwing it away 👍🏻😊

        Sending you 🌹🌹🌹🌹 for your beauty and wisdom you bring us all here.

        1. windstorm2 says:

          Thank you, Indy! I always wondered if he got me something he knew I’d hate on purpose and if he meant to triangulate with my mother. He is a greater, but he was only 17 then and didn’t have his game down. I decided I was probably overthinking it. One of his sayings that I often repeat to myself is, “Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.”

          Hope you have a great week. Sending you a blessing – May your eyes stay dry, but if the tears come, may they be only of happiness and joy! 😊

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Next article

In The Picture