A Stolen Love

a-stolen-love

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

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47 Comments

  1. Aint that the god dammed truth… just bought a couple of your books from amazon HG… thank you for all you are sharing with us destroyed souls.

  2. Yes, the betrayal and mindfuckery hurt like hell and I too felt like I’d never recover. But let’s be very honest here. These subhuman, mentally sick people are put in our lives to teach us a lesson. They can only break you if you let them them. Have the courage to be very honest with yourselves, the strength to grow and heal. You have the humanity, the empathy, the soul. They are empty, and eternally damned. Play the silly sad narc at his own game. They really are not that clever. I will love again, life and people. The never will, they’re black, dark, and damned. Holes of oblivion. They never win.


  3. ” We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.”

    Unfortunately true for some after the entanglement with a narcissist but fortunately not for all. Some have the ability to recover from this traumatic experience with an amazing strength and a more enriched personal growth at many different levels opening different paths that lead to a healthier life and most of all to a healthy and giving romantic relationship with a non-narcissit.

    1. …which side will you chose: the former ( unfortunately) or the latter(fortunately)? The narcissist makes you believe you do not have a choice,but you do have a choice: make it happen..

  4. You pulled me in
    You won my heart
    it was not difficult for you at all
    I was so attracted to you
    physically – intellectually – emotionally

    I gave you my heart
    You gave it back

    Then you took it from me
    then you threw it back at me

    Then without my even knowing
    you snuck in and stole it one more time…

    You stood before me with My heart in your hand
    you laughed a wicked laugh
    you squeezed My heart until all the life
    bleed upon the dirt
    then
    then you stomped upon it while saying,
    ” You are pushing me away…. I understand your feelings and needs. My needs are more important to me at this point in time. I have done most everything in reaction to your needs this has been very unhealthy. I am now focusing on my needs. We are moving targets….. the process is at times excruciating……..”

    I truly believe I will never love another again. I do not think I can.
    I believe you Tudor
    There is nothing…..
    no LOVE left within me
    My heart is lying on the ground
    dead
    dead back there
    lying in the dirt

    Never to beat again……

    Again I ask, do I go on numb to life
    Knowing I still LOVE you.
    Knowing you have me and I give up on fighting
    My heart was last in your hands
    My heart beat for you
    Love unlike another
    for you
    only You

    do I go on numb/pain/broken forever
    or
    or
    or
    do I just let the rest of life pour from my body and let the pain finally end?

    Either way you win
    You always did
    You always will

    Always
    Always I love you
    Always and forever – I promised you this
    and
    I Love you
    always and forever
    even now………..
    still
    why?

    what do I do
    I cannot think without you
    I do not even want to ….

    Addiction
    yes
    you are my addiction
    My toxic love addiction

    please tell me what to do……………..
    today is a bad day
    I’m not sad
    I smile remember you
    but I am numb by the pain

    Numb missing you
    Numb without your touch
    Numb without your voice
    Numb without you

    Why
    should I go on?

    without you?????????
    why?

    1. You will love again, Dragonwisper. The empath’s heart is infinite. It may feel like they win but over time you’ll see that they don’t really. They’re stuck in the same loop of trauma and pain, while we have the ability to use this pain as a catalyst to further growth if we allow ourselves to. Don’t give up, the toxic influence will fade and you’ll gain knowledge and clarity 💜

  5. I was doing something I knew I shouldn’t be, from the start.

    I am married. I allowed a married man to seduce me into an extra marital affair. My platonic friendship wasn’t enough for him and the only time I ever caved in my life–married or not–was to a narcissist??? WTF is love bombing and mirroring?

    He absolutely stole my love. And I have victim’s shame.

    I sit here and feel like I got everything I deserved.

    1. Hi Sandra……it does not matter to me what you believe you have done….I do not blame you……in my opinion no one “deserves a narcissist.” I once read…..that if a narcissist decides that you will be their next victim, there is precious little that you will be able to do about it………short of what I now call “Going Amando.” In other words……disappear off the face of the earth.

      Be kinder to yourself…….we are only human. Maybe now that we have found this blog, we can avoid the narcissists grip…..whereby we stood no chance previously, however I am still not sure of myself……there is only one true way to find out!!!!!……..Diva

    2. I get it. The dirty empath. It’s because we are empathy first. Then the self flagellatinh ensues. It’s how we are hard wired. It’s ok. You are still a victim. You aren’t a “tramp” but I get the wish to punish oneself. Blah.

    3. Sandra,

      I also allow a married man to seduce me into an affair. Never in a millions years would I have even contemplated it. But it happened.

      Don’t blame yourself. You were duped, like the rest of us.

  6. The love will come back. I didn’t think mine would, I felt like I hit a kill switch on all of my emotions as well as on my ability to connect and empathize. Just bleak and numb. Eventually that fire did slowly start to come back. Maybe not in the same way, but hopefully more cautiously. more wisely. Especially when imbued with the knowledge gained here. We will shine bright again with a renewed, stronger inner light.

  7. Tired and wounded though I am at this place in my healing, I cannot, I WILL not, accept that I am forever denied the ability to again experience genuine love and joy. I was able to appreciate them before him. Though I’ve been snorting his emotional cocaine for three years, I HAVE to trust that once I detox from him, restore my chemistry to some semblance of normalcy and continue to reveal how my codependency brought me to this place; the universe will still take care of me, even after what has happened to me. HG’s words are (of course) dark, defeatist and very much the infusion our narcissists injected into us, under perfect conditions, knowing it would thrive. I believe his intent is for us to take his words as a personal challenge, to prove them wrong. The light that we bring can be absolutely be directed at ourselves, though we are not in the habit of doing it. Empaths do not live in darkness. We pass thru it.

  8. 💔🖤 So profoundly affected by this one as it speaks directly to my shattered heart and bruised soul 😢

  9. “We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.”

    “Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained.”

    I would go as far as saying it is YOU that is the love addict or devotee and not just us…..YOU strive to maintain it……YOU will not let it go……it is YOU that keeps coming back hoovering even when we have had enough. Why can you not just let it go and move on to the next victim, other appliances and fuel sources?…….you have no shortage of those…..so why do you need to keep the old victims?……there is more to this than just fuel…….if you are truly a greater elite you will have no issue refuelling elsewhere.

    I often say……you don’t miss what you never had…….but I think in your case it’s the opposite. You just want everyone to love you to infinity, without ever hurting you or letting you down and with no conditions attached…..which is usually exactly how a mother loves her child……but unfortunately, not in your case it would seem. You want to rip out our heart and steal our love, but it will never suffice……because the person that you really wanted that from, will never be able to give it to you……………Diva

    1. Diva,
      Easier to go back and hoover because they know that we are addicted, so it takes less time and energy to get fuel from an old appliance.

      A bit like buying the latest gadget because it’s supposedly the dog’s bullocks, keeping the old gadget just in case before throwing it out, finding the new appliance doesn’t work as good as hoped, or breaks down so out comes the old appliance again.

          1. Well in that case it is making me laugh even more!!!!!…….Good to know you are from England though……birds of a feather and all that!!!!!!! (I am reminding myself of Sharon Tracy and Dorien now!!!!) Sharon’s favourite word was Bullocks!!!!!!…….. Diva

          2. OMG Diva,

            I am at home today and guess what I was watching earlier – Birds of a Feather! 😁

      1. Hi Ank…..I believe you are correct in part to what you state about the easiest fuel scenario and I have read an article whereby HG makes a similar statement. I believe that this applies to the lesser and lower mid range narcs more so, because they are not as fuel equipped as the greaters and faced with little or no choice, they venture back to the most convenient alternative if fuel desperation calls. I believe there is certainly truth and merit within this scenario, however, I do not believe it is the complete truth with regards to their behaviour just being related to a fuel requirement. Specifically I question why the greaters and greater elites cannot release victims EVER, even though they really do not need them for fuel, as they are never in any short supply of fuel and are never likely to be. I state this whilst being aware that I was with a greater narc that was definitely not short of fuel from numerous sources, he did not need me in his life for fuel or anything else, but he did not want to let me go………. I believe there is “a need” in the narc that lurks behind the fuel requirement……..and although victims are initially ensnared for fuel, the fact that they are subsequently not allowed to ever be released from the narc until death, is due to a different warped need and scenario completely………..Diva

    2. “…so why do you need to keep the old victims?……there is more to this than just fuel…”.

      You are right, Diva. Their hoover is more than just desire to get fuel…

      “You just want everyone to love you to infinity, without ever hurting you or letting you down and with no conditions attached…..which is usually exactly how a mother loves her child…”.

      You are right again, Diva. That’s what my Patrinarc, my cousin and my first husband want from their women.

      Yes, the MOTHER’S love is unconditional and very supportive, but often it is not a motivator for self-grows. You do nothing to get it. It is given. Gift. One time, my son got a bad mark and I asked him “Are you upset by this fact?” and he answered “Why, no, because I know you would love me no matter what!”. I said “Yes, I would”. Gift…

      The WOMAN’S love is conditional in one or another way and it is the stimulator for man to grow, to achieve something new. Having the love of the special (for him) woman, the man doesn’t want to lose it and he does everything to keep it.

      This rule works for women also.

      1. Hi Noname….I found your comments about self growth motivators, a mothers love being a free “gift” to a child and conditional love as an adult interesting……I will be pondering on those topics further throughout the day!!!!!! Diva

      2. Diva,

        Because it’s about control… And if they cannot control you they will smear you to everyone.

        Narcs are frozen in childhood emotionally. They do often try to get what was lacking in their childhood from others. This is why what they think is love is merely infatuation. And infatuation doesn’t last. It’s like middle school love, literally!! The deep unconditional love is faked. They hear of it and think they want it during the infatuation stage, but once the infatuation begins to fade, they lack the ability for true love so they move on to the next person who will provide the infatuation. Cycle, cycle, cycle. I believe mids and greaters can see their pattern, but they’re powerless to stop it. They know this isn’t how the rest of the world functions (normals). They pretend the best they can, especially in marriage but they cannot say no to their urges inside to be adored and feel that infatuatory love again, hence affairs.

        Our best revenge is to move on and find true love with a normal. I see my narcs as counterfeits. They were sent into my life to show me what I really long for. They’re just the fake version. The real version is out there, without the silent treatments and fury and fake BS. I now look for men who seriously have nothing to prove. No need to impress anyone. That to me is incredibly sexy and attractive.

        1. Hi Ajo………”they lack the ability for true love”……….I am starting to wonder if I lack the ability for true love too. I have spent so much time in narc company that I am wondering if I even know what it is…….would I even know the real thing if I had it????? My problem is this….. the only “normal” that loved me …..I didn’t love them……..and now I am realising that the narcs that I loved ……didn’t actually love me………so in effect I have not experienced true love at all?????? This will keep me up all night…….but I appreciate your reply,,,,,, it is certainly something to think about!!!!!!! Diva .

    3. You’ll love again. Forgive him. Easier said than done, I know. But, it’s the only way to move on and break that psychic connection. It will also protect you from the toxic things he may be saying to you. I have to check in a forgive every few days. It’s a choice. Eventually, it sticks and you don’t care anymore what they’re doing or who they are with. You become grateful, so grateful that they’re not in your life anymore.

      Keep an eye out for red flags and really take time to self heal. It takes a lot of time. But most of the time the wounds originated in our childhood and the narc just picked off the scab. Heal the original wound and you won’t find narcs so darn appealing!

      A normal kind man who is geniune sounds incredible. Narcs can impersonate, or imitate, but there are always red flags and your gut will always tell you. Empaths have an innate ability to discern. Use it, don’t ignore it!!

      1. Hi Ajo…….”Empaths have an innate ability to discern. Use it, don’t ignore it!!”

        Yes you are right…..I know exactly what you mean…..I have this ability…….just by looking at someone……words are not even required……..but I always hit the override switch……when I should be shutting down…….Diva

  10. I wish this were not true; but unfortunately, I think it is, in many cases. I told a friend that my ex-narc killed something in me. That “something” was the capacity to love and let myself be vulnerable again. I think that part of my life is over. And I’m probably safer without it.

    1. Recovering Narcoholic, please know you are so much more than what he has done to you. The very qualities that drew him to you will also heal you, giving you the wings you need to rise up out of the dark place where he left you. I am there, too, so we can grow these wings together, as a community of freed souls. I believe if we combine HG’s guidance and tutelage (bitter medicine though it is) with our inherent empathic powers, we will, in fact, be better than we were before we were damaged. There’s something to be said for living in a place of thankfulness and awareness. While we may have been empaths before him, I wonder that we were wise or thankful empaths. That place is there for us. Peel the onion another layer or two, and he will be more gone from you than before. That’s where we need to move toward. Let’s move slowly into the sunshine, allowing ourselves the time we need to heal, recover and rediscover our forgotten sense of peace and happiness.

      1. Very well said Merripen,
        there is hope in healing, lessons to be learned yes and the strength and resolve to move forward…
        myself I yearn for peace and to be free of the guilt and shame that I feel though intellectually I know it wasn’t my fault. If we can learn to love ourselves we won’t seek it from outside sources, though personally I fear I will never know that love. I wish everyone the best in their healing and recovery ~love and light~

        1. Thank you, cantevergoback. Isn’t it funny that (yet) another similarity has revealed itself in the journeys of the narcissist and the empath. This one seems to be about change. While HG is discovering new understanding of our side of the experience, as well as his own workings, he has admitted that fundamentally, he remains unchanged. And while he brings us a previously unknown understanding of the narcissist’s behaviour and motivation, here we are, ultimately left to heal our broken pieces, best we can. I suppose, at the very least, we all have the company of one another as we experience the journey, together. ~hope and goodwill~

    2. Feel the same. Not sure that I will let anyone near me. My brick walls have gone up. All trust gone amd constantly questioning motives now.

  11. As I read articles such as this, that explain why I was the target, I feel insulted. I feel like I have the character flaw for believing in love, for believing that two souls can connect in a way that is unique to them. I still believe that but will definitely be far more cautious and pay close attention to my gut feelings. I consider myself a strong person along with being an empath and until recently, I never considered that to be a bad thing. Kindness is not give someone a license to take advantage but somehow I feel like I asked for this — that I got what I deserved.

    I guess that’s why I was so easily manipulated?

    1. I am also strong , intelligent , well educated woman . Makes me crazy why he could manipulat me so easily

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