Five Myths About The Narcissist



I always read views propounded about me and my kind, with considerable interest. I see many intelligent and well-reasoned observations about what we do and why we do it. Many carry considerable force. Other views are purely driven by the understandable anger and hurt that is engendered in people by us, although as I have repeatedly sought to explain, when one operates through emotion, poor decisions are made and the clear picture is not observed. I also come across comments which are made about us which are inaccurate. I am not referring to the disagreement one might have in terms of an ad hominem attack against us. Many people consider us to be arseholes and bastards. I understand that viewpoint, many of my kind would disagree, but it is not that kind of value judgement that makes its way to becoming a myth about us. There are other more important misconceptions. As part of my ongoing work in explaining what we are, why we do what we do and your involvement in this narcissistic dynamic, it is just as important to explain what we are as detail what we are not. With that purpose in mind, I turn to five myths about our kind.

  1. We have no emotions


This view has gained some traction owing to the fact that my kind function with a considerable emptiness inside of us. The existence of this void can cause people to believe that because we are a shell and a husk that we are devoid of emotions. The fact that we feed off other people’s emotions also supports the view that we have none of our own. We need to steal the emotions that other people experience to enable us to feel.

The fact is that we do experience and feel certain emotions. We experience annoyance, anger and rage. Indeed, the churning fury which is always there beneath the surface, ready to be ignited, is a prevailing emotion of ours. We know boredom, disgust and loathing. We are very familiar with jealousy, envy, shame and hatred. Malice, malevolence, anticipation, contempt, aggression and power are further ones. Our stable of emotions is dominated by negative emotions. These are the ones which have been allowed to develop and that is because the force behind these emotions has been harnessed to allow us to achieve our aims. Our hatred for being devoid of fuel, drives us on to extract it. Our disgust at weakness causes us to always want to maintain superiority and strength. It is these emotions which make us effective and ruthless.

By contrast we do not experience joy or happiness, sadness or regret, serenity or love, remorse or guilt. These are alien to us along with others. We either have never known them or they have been stripped from us in order to allow us to operate with greater effectiveness, free from encumbrance and hindrance. We understand emotions because we want yours directed towards us. We understand how to mimic them and we understand when they should be exhibited (although some of our kind are better at this than others) but ultimately we do experience some emotions, just nowhere near as much as you.

  1. Copying us infuriates us


No it does not. If we are angry with you and shouting, if you decide to mirror this behaviour, all you are doing is providing us with fuel. If you parrot what we say to you, if there is any emotion attached to it, even if it is said with sarcasm, a sneer or contempt, it is fuel. If you decide to fall silent because we have, we may realise that the silent treatment is not reaping the fuel that we expected, but it does not infuriate us. Instead, we will just switch to a different form of manipulation in order to cause you to provide us with fuel. You find it hard after a while to keep mirroring what we are doing, your emotional capacity is such that it usually breaks through in some form and thus fuel is provided. We also recognise what you are doing and if you are giving us fuel, we will let you continue to mirror us. If you are not, your mirroring is not a criticism therefore there is no wounding, but we will shift to a different behaviour to bring forth the fuel.

  1. We miss you when you are gone


No, we miss your fuel, not you. That is what we miss most of all. We may also miss the traits that we were able to steal from you and also the residual benefits that you provided. It is something that victims of our kind find very difficult to accept. Surely some of what we said and did was genuine? It seemed that way, so surely it must have been? It must be the case that we liked somethings that you did? We did; the fuel, the traits and the residual benefits. We did not care about whether you were humorous, save that your sense of humour was appropriated by us for the purpose of making us seem better with other people. The radiant smile is only missed because it gave us fuel. Your extensive knowledge about wine was again another trait which made us look better.

Not only is it only these things that we miss when you are gone, the simple fact remains that if we discarded you, we decided that you were no longer worth the effort in keeping around and in most cases, we had identified and seduced a replacement. With this person in place, we focus on them, only turning to you to dole out Malign Follow-Up Hoovers (or Benign ones later when the replacement begins to turn stale). There is little doubt that you loved us with everything that you had, that you thought the world of us and nobody could have done for us what you did, but that is all from your perspective. Once we have discarded you, that all counts for nothing. You became a malfunctioning appliance and you have been replaced. We miss nothing about you.

If you escape, we will miss the three items that I detailed above and indeed we will look to recover them through the Initial Grand Hoover and Follow-Up Hoovers but do not think that our protestations of being unable to live without you, how we cannot imagine another day with you and we miss you so much, have anything to do with you as a person. They do not. We are unable to live without your fuel, we cannot imagine another day without using your traits and miss your residual benefits so much. All of these declarations, pleas, begging gestures and so forth are only designed to recover the three principle reasons we attach you. You can tell yourself that we miss you terribly if it makes you feel better but you are misleading yourself.

  1. We hate being alone


We need people. There is no doubt about that. We need people because we need the three principle benefits, chief amongst which is fuel, but that is not the same as saying we hate to be alone. In this instance, there is a degree of truth in the above statement but it requires considerable qualification. If we have been well-fueled we are able to be alone, engage in solitary activities and spend time in our own company without difficulty. Of course, the longer this goes on, eventually our fuel level drops and we will need to seek out people, but we do not hate being alone in such a situation.

Furthermore, the advantages of technology mean that although we may not be physically proximate to somebody, the advantages of Skype, text messages, telephone calls and even hand-written letters allows us to be on our own but in contact with many fuel sources. Add to this Thought Fuel and you have a situation whereby we can be physically isolated but with such connections we can manage perfectly well extracting all of these variable fuel types.

Remove such connections however and in a situation when our fuel levels are already low and we are physically isolated with no means of contacting people and that is when you shall see that we hate to be alone.

  1. We have a conscience

We do not. We think only of ourselves, our needs and how each situation can benefit us. We may appear to exhibit a conscience in order to con people and this is something more witnessed with the Mid-Range and Greater Narcissist, in order to fit in to a situation and people’s expectations but we have been created without a need for a conscience. If we had one, we would not be able to trample on people in the way we do. We would not be able to always be moving forward, never caring for what has gone before us. If ever you witness a situation where one of our kind appears to have had our conscience pricked, all it means is that we see an advantage in pretending that this is the case and we wish to dupe you and others for our own benefit.

67 thoughts on “Five Myths About The Narcissist

  1. Becoming Observant says:

    HG, would a highly-intelligent, self-aware N be able to fuel himself adequately via online interactions? An occasional face-to-face, one-on-one, but no events, crowds, gatherings… Just reclusive altogether (for years)? Would one or two obscure (not even mainstream) social media accounts really do it for a narcissist? Not much adoration or praise there. All of the other criteria seem to fit. The lack of audience stumps me.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. Dee Mac says:

    HG why are you giving us all of this valuable information if you are a narc? Are you trying to get into heaven? Or are we fuel too? You can’t clear your conscience if you don’t have one…so, what do you say? Whatever the answer, glad ya did.

    On a spiritual level, I’d say you are working with what you got. You own it. If you gotta live with it, might as well use it for something that other narcs can’t get out of the box to do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please see the About section.

  3. Cher says:

    Good morning H G Tudor. If i am correct, than fair enough, it is a give and take. I appreciate you for arming me with your knowlege, although i felt no desire to thank you. I thought it was the least you could do in return for the lives that you have affected. The more knowledge I gain listening and reading the more I start to recognize My-Self. Prior to the narcissistic bomb. Today I would like to THANK YOU, H G Tudor. Thank you for removing the veil and the noose that i have been wearing for too long.

  4. Joyce Navolynski says:

    All ready knew all of it…Glad you have NOTHING NEW to teach me.

    1. HG is very well mannered, perhaps you could learn from his example. <3

  5. paul says:

    “We did not care about whether you were humorous,…”
    She was always telling me she liked my sense of humour, whilst giving a kind of silent laugh. She particularly liked it when I mimicked accents (probably not very well!). “It was a gift,” she said. It got quite annoying when she’d keep asking me to put on an accent – seemed very childish. “Can’t we just talk about something?” I thought.

    “…to always be moving forward, never caring for what has gone before…”
    That was one of her favourite phrases, “Got to keep moving forward.” I would try to tell her stories from my past, but I could sense she wasn’t really listening, and never making any comments or questions. When I asked anything about her past, she would skim over it, and was clearly reluctant to say much other than,”…got to move forward.” Once, she showed me a photograph album. I thought, “This might be interesting?” But, all it had was a few wedding shots of her parents; lots of photos of a dog (crazy about dogs and small children!); none of her two brothers and a sister – though, apparently, she sees them very occasionally? Actually, I got the impression that they’ve distanced themselves from her! One photo caught my attention: it showed her standing with a man’s arm around her waist but half had been torn off – literally. When I asked who the missing figure was? Of course I got, “Long time ago…got to move forward.” Any other photos there may have once been(?) were long thrown away!

    She’d say, “You’ve got some good qualities.” I remember, it sounded a strange remark and…trite. As I came to realise, those qualities were just being added to a database!

  6. Cher says:

    You are empowering me with this information. What do you get out of it?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Cher says:

        You gain knowledge about us that you can use to your advantage later?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          To my advantage and yours.

  7. Kim michaud says:

    I finally know what’s wrong with my sister as a child she held me down and collected bugs and frogs and put them on me also put them in my bed and the tub while I was in it she told a neighbor boy his sister died and held mY mouth closed while he screamed so I couldn’t tell him the truth she pushed me down a hill into oncoming traffic my first time on skates another time caused me to get dragged down the street by a car while playing jumpprope as a teenager we shares a room and she went months without speaking a single word to me threw fruit at my mother dumped everyboyfriend she ever had in the cruelest way imaginable left her first husband with her toddler son with him not knowing where they were moved out at sixteen and didn’t tell my mom where she was for two years says on Facebook she’s a single mom when she’s been married for nine years to secibs husband just cuz he travels for business posts pics of him sleeping and mocks him says she has it so hard but has two live in nannys for her youngest two daughters works as a maternity nurse at a prestigious hospital and described her first day at work when a woman delivered her baby still born into the toilet thinking she in needed to have a bowel movement described with great annoyance not empathy everyone thinks she’s a struggling single mom when she’s a cold hearted bitch with a husband she abuses and two nannys and only works one day a week

  8. Diva says:

    I once employed a lady to come into my house and assist me with my children…..I thought she was a life saver and she had the experience having grown up kids of her own (I later found out that they do not speak to her)…..however, in short order this lovely kind woman that I met at the interview stage disappeared and she resurrected herself as a military leader. My kids quickly transformed into characters I did not recognise…….Jane and Michael from Mary Poppins. My kids did not like her and in their minds she had to go and being so young they could only make themselves heard in one way. Thankfully I finally saw through this façade, as she tried to regiment our every move in the house (mine as well as the children) and have everyone and everything running like clockwork to the nearest second. It was like living in an army barracks. Any deviation from her plan of control and regimentation was not tolerated….it was her domineering way or no way. There was not an ounce of real compassion in that woman. She seemed to have little to no patience with the kids and could not handle if they defied her….which all children do. (I find that trait very amusing.) It almost seemed like she was extremely uncomfortable within herself when around the children. I dispensed with her services………inner peace, our quirky mayhem and happy demeanour was restored over night. I was initially fooled by this woman, but my kids, as young as they were, (5 and under) were not so blinkered……..I now trust their judgement more than my own…… where people are concerned my record is extremely poor……although I think I am finally learning!!!! Diva

  9. Kim Michaud says:

    I’m completely confused how do u not feel happy when ur getting potent fuel and power. What’s the point then if it doesn’t make u happy. Also I didn’t know narcs had no conscience whatsoever like sociopaths and psychopaths I thought they just lacked empathy there were so many occasions I saw him cry over the death of his father I saw him freaking out when his baby nephew drank gasoline and almost died this was all an act I’m getting more confused I’m so frustrated by my lack of ability to comprehend this material and I was a straight a psych major in college I don’t know if I should leave this blog I’m so horrified that I was in a relationship with a sociopath and didn’t see it I’m so triggered now

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      I went thru feelings like that. Hearing HG describe greaters used to confuse me because my greaters weren’t at all what I think of as sociopaths. They seem to have a social conscience and don’t do horrible things to others. Then I asked my exhusband would he kill someone if he knew he wouldn’t get caught? His answer, “of course. I’d do whatever I wanted with no concern for anyone else, if I believed I could get away with it.”
      That really shocked me! I said, “wouldn’t you feel bad to hurt other people like that?” He laughed and said, “of course not. Why would it bother me?”
      I’ve asked him since then if he thought murders got away with their crimes very often (he is a prosecuting attorney). He said, no there are just too many variables involved to be able to kill someone and not be caught.

      That was a very disturbing conversation! I’ve had to conclude that in their hearts they are all sociopaths. They just have concluded that committing heinous crimes is not in their best interest. My exhusband does a lot of good for others. His father, also a narc, was the greatest philanthropist ill ever meet. The outpouring of love and gratitude for him at his funeral was amazing.

      Smart narcs do what will best accomplish their personal agendas. You don’t have to have a conscious to do good or even to be what most people consider a good person. You just have to make it your objective to appear that way and be smart enough to stay consistent.

      1. Kim michaud says:

        It’s completely horrifying u were married so many years to a monster thank god your alive and sane how did he appear when u met him how good did he disguise this what made u fall in love how did he treat ur kids sorry for so many questions its just the idea of this monster sharing ur life for so many years I just can’t wrap my head around it god bless u

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          You’ve taken a completely different meaning from my story than I intended. 😄
          He’s not a monster – at least no more than any of them. He keeps his selfish, thoughtless evil under control for the most part because he is incredibly logical and understands the consequences of his actions. I guess what I wanted my point to be was that just because they have no conscience and dont care at all how they hurt others, they can choose to live their lives in what to all intents and purposes is a moral, upstanding way.

          My exhusband is a prosecuting attorney in family court. He does a lot to help women and children who are the victims of narcissistic abuse. Does he do it because he cares about them or cares about justice? – No. But he does it all the same. He likes to say, “it’s the bottom line that counts.” Regardless of what he really thinks and feels, his bottom line adds up to a pretty good person. Now true he does good for his own personal benefit, but it’s good all the same.

          And in answer to your other questions, he was the first and only person I ever dated. I systematically picked him because I thought all men were narcs and so that’s what I was looking for. I wanted a cerebral one (although I didn’t know the terms back then) because I knew the romantic, sexual ones would not be faithful and couldn’t be trusted. I was 16, he was 17. We neither one of us knew for sure what we would turn out to be back then, but I knew he was supremely confident, highly intelligent, college bound and wanted to marry and have children. That was enough for me. While life with him was hell in many ways and for many years, I have never met a man I’d have rather been married to.

        2. Windstorm2 says:

          Looking back at your questions I see I left some out. He never disguised what he was at all. I didnt know what love was, having never experienced it, so I wasn’t really “in love.”

          He was a decent father. Not a good one – very hands off, but he came home every night, was not abusive to them in any way. Never showed any love, but then he can’t. All the kids get along well enough with him, but they’ve always seen him for what he is – faults and all. He never pretended to be what he was not, never really lied to them. They always knew he didn’t really care about them, but they also came to understand that that’s just the way he is, he’s just not capable of love although he does care about their welfare and is very proud of them.

          1. Diva says:

            Windstorm2…..I don’t say too much about my past life with a greater narc…..but every time you write about yours…..I find myself being able to relate to virtually everything that you write about him in some shape or form….. Diva

          2. Windstorm2 says:

            That’s one of the beauties of this blog. We can see how other people went thru similar things. It’s very affirming for me to see réfections of my experiences in what others share. For me at least, the truly horrible thing was always feeling alone, feeling that others couldn’t see things for what they are, feeling that I must be wrong and crazy for not fitting in and being “normal.” It’s incredibly helpful for me to be here and hear other people’s experiences and share our commonalities. I’m very thankful that HG has such an interest in learning that he is willing to moderate all our comments and put up with us!

          3. Diva says:

            “feeling that I must be wrong and crazy for not fitting in and being “normal.””…………..not fitting in is normal for me!!!!…….Diva

          4. Windstorm2 says:

            Diva, Everyone who knows me would agree that not fitting in is normal for me too! But it is nice to not worry about being too crazy. I think we must be matching feather dusters!

          5. Diva says:

            Windstorm2 ……I think you are correct……I always say that I will worry more if I start fitting in!!!……Diva

      2. Kim michaud says:

        Hi windstorm ur replies were very interesting my narc managed to keep his evil under wraps for the most part too I’ve come to discover I believe my sister is a greater narc I wrote about her later in this post she has everyone fooled too thank u so much for sharing so much it gives me a lot to digest I see good in mY narc too he belongs to an equestrian club and even though he can’t ride anymore he goes nearly everyday to visit and brush the horses confusing people I guess I’ll just never understand lol

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Thanks, Kim, hang in there with your eyes open and keep learning. One of the greatest joys of my life is to constantly learn and experience new things. It keeps life fresh and interesting. Have a great weekend!

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Kim M

      Dont leave Kim. If you keep reading it will become much clearer. I was here a while before the pieces started clicking into place. I had to remember that HG writes generally about narcissism. Not every article will apply to all of the schools or cadres of narcissism. You will see by peoples comments that although many of the narcs display similar behaviours that they can vary greatly in other respects. Windstorms posts are a great example of that. HG doesnt do happy-he feels power, so youre not really confused so much as just using different terminology. Stick around-youll learn much and be glad you did.

      1. Kim michaud says:


    3. Diva says:

      “Also I didn’t know narcs had no conscience whatsoever…..”

      Hi Kim……it is strange but when I realised that narcs had no conscience whatsoever it made things easier for me……it made everything that had happened less personal……it was no longer about me and what he had done to me……I could have been anyone and the outcome would have been exactly the same.

      I was just smiling in the wrong place at the wrong time………Diva

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Diva I agree with you. When you know they’re a narc and you understand about narcissism, you stop taking it personally and it’s much easier to deal with. It takes so much of the emotional pain away. It’s a lot like dealing with the vagaries of the weather. It is still damaging and hurtful, but nothing to take personally.

    4. Tappan Zee says:

      …psych major in college I don’t know if I should leave this blog I’m so horrified that I was in a relationship with a sociopath and didn’t see it I’m so triggered now

      ^ me too kim (ugotit)

  10. Diva says:

    “We have a conscience.”………This is the one that is the hardest to fake and the easiest for an empath to see through, albeit after time and only if you are looking for it. I only ever realised that narcs have no conscience once my own children came along…….the way I saw them treat and react to children just in every day normal basic life, is what gives the game up to me. Young children can see through it too after a while…….not that they know what it is …….but they know something is not how it should be. It is difficult to explain without going into detail and I am not even sure that I can adequately explain it but I now know it when I see it……there is something false about it. I noticed the same kind of thing when they hear news of a death…….Diva

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. gabbanzobean says:

      Mine used death as an excuse to give me silence. “I was so sad that I was depressed and withdrawn but I feel better now”. All done to make him look like the caring person he thinks he is.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi Gabbanzobean….he must be a mid range narc……….always some pitiful excuse, reason to mope and blame others in the process. Mid range narcs are so easy to spot, now we are in the know……when I think back….the silence was the best bit……..Diva

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Yup! Cerebral mid ranger.
          The cerebral part was quite yummy though….his intelligence (real or fake) had me entranced.

          1. Diva says:

            Hi Gabbanzobean……Entranced is an interesting word…..and I can understand from my own experience how that can be so, when meeting someone of great intelligence……however I have been equally as entranced with someone with little or no real intelligence……although not for too long before it all went pear shaped……I don’t really understand it…..but the word entranced definitely sums it up in either case for me………Diva

    3. NarcAngel says:

      1000 likes for your comment about the children. On the money.

      1. Diva says:

        NarcAngel… is interesting to me that others think that this rings true. I have witnessed that as adept as narcs are and as comfortable at putting on a façade for adults ……..they seem uneasy around small children……it’s almost like they don’t know how to act and even though they have no doubt seen others do it, it is still uncomfortable to them and it is not so easy to mask or copy. From what I witnessed, they tend to relate to children as adults rather than kids…..they can’t seem to relate to a child at the child’s level…….it’s so difficult to put into words. I don’t understand it but I know it when I see it and the kids sense it too…….Diva

        1. NarcAngel says:


          Perhaps because children are direct and see someone as they are and not as they would like them to be. They dont make excuses for the target and have no filter in the way that they deliver these observations, which can cause them to be received as criticism. They can be tiny little grenades to a Narc and in the way at the very least. They are of course used all the same and their observations usually dismissed as confusion, lack of maturity, jealousy, or unable to adjust in the case of introducing someone new. They should not run your life and decisions but their observations should be examined all the same.

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Oooh! That’s a good point, NarcAngel! I’ve often seen narcs flinch at a child’s brutally honest remark. They often are critical, but where we would just correct them, a narc would be wounded.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed and their remarks are usually posed as questions and devoid of fuel, thus they cause a wound. Another reason why they should be seen and not heard.

          3. NarcAngel says:


            Seen and not heard.

            Haha, yes. Heard that a time or two (more like everyday) growing up, along with speak when spoken to. Oh the irony of being heard but unseen here now.

            Did you hear these phrases also?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Yes and more besides.

          5. Windstorm2 says:

            Oh come on, HG! Do you really want to have to see them? 😄

          6. Windstorm2 says:

            That reminds me of my FIL. Any time he was around a child he’d give them a dollar. Sometimes he’d give one 2 dollars when the others only got one and say, “that’s because you’re cuter (or smarter) than they are.”
            At gatherings with lots of small children he’d have his pockets full of gum or candy and hand a piece to any child that came up to him,- no matter how many times they came. Some kids might have both cheeks full of gum like chipmunks! They all loved him and the only question they ever asked was, “Can i have one?” So you see, you can get fuel from them and avoid their unwanted questions/observations!

        2. Windstorm2 says:

          Diva, I wonder if it’s because children are so unpredictable and change moods so quickly. Hard to know which façade to use and always worried about what unexpected thing they’ll do and then you may be outed to any adults present by responding incorrectly. Also narcs abhor having to take care of anyone, and children are subject to need hands-on care at any point in time.

    4. Recovering Narcoholic says:

      Diva, your observation is spot-on. I always thought it odd that my mid-ranger was so inept at relating to his grandchildren. Surely someone so “kind” and “empathetic” should be good with children… But they were afraid of him. Now I realize they saw him much more clearly than I did!

      The odd thing is that he was determined to have a lot of children. He tried to bully his first wife into getting pregnant again after she’d had an extremely difficult birth with their daughter. She refused, and they got divorced. Then he married a woman who had two small children — and persuaded her to have another child. I suppose it was all part of his façade. The children were just props in his self-directed drama. No wonder his now-grown children and stepchildren have somewhat strained relationships with him, and his grandchildren are uncomfortable around him.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi RN NarcAngel and Windstorm2….The way I see this is that young children are sort of mini narcs in training……it’s all about them and what they want and what they can get…..many do not aim to please others but want to please themselves…….it’s a case of I WANT I WANT I WANT……and when confronted with an adult narc….they see something relatively quickly that we don’t see. The adult narc equally see a little of themselves in these mini creatures…..neither knows how to react with each other…….it’s awkward…….the child initially questions the narc and they realise that the narc answers or reactions to the questions are unusual…..the child then gives the narc the silent treatment and moves to triangulate with someone else whilst watching the narc from a short distance……….that’s what mine do in any case. They may even go back for a second crack to further test out the water after giving it further thought, which usually leaves the adult narc squirming. Many young children also need to be coerced into doing something…..the narc likes to bark out a few orders and their demands are met but small children are not good with demands, they need sweeteners and bribes…..whilst adult narcs understand this philosophy they can not relate to having to give this kind of power to toddlers. I am not saying that all kids are narcs I am saying that there are similar traits with small children and adult narcs and therefore the conflict arises and the kids see it before we do. A further narc test is when you say to the child “Go and give HG a hug”……….it’s debatable who will recoil first…..HG (the narc) or the child………Diva

        These are the toddler rules……

        If I like it……it’s mine
        If it’s in my hand…’s mine
        If it looks like mine….it’s mine
        If I think it’s mine…’s mine
        Everything else is mine too……


  11. Merripen says:

    Your ability and desire to convey this information in so many ways is such a benefit to us. As much as I enjoy your expressive posts, this one is strong and succinct, reduced down to exactly the truth (motivation) behind the actions. Wringing the emotion from this knowledge allows me to absorb it cognitively in a calmer way that sticks. Your writing skills are so good, you direct us to your intent every time. It helps so much. I’ve saved this and will revisit often. Thank you for this one, HG.

  12. Lebey3115 says:

    Since you mostly experience negative emotions. What does it feel like in the seduction phase when you get potent fuel? Is it more like a relief of anxiety?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        HG, I presume you also feel power when you know you have control over someone, correct? Thank you!

        1. HG Tudor says:


  13. Sillyolperson says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    One thing I’ve noticed with all the narcissists in my life ….. none of them were any “fun”, knew what “fun” was, or “fun to be around” in the true sense, or possessed a natural “Joie de Vivre” ! Sad really !
    Again, thank you for explaining “you” and excellent as always

  14. analise13 says:

    Fantastic blog article HG.
    Number three was of particular interest to me.
    The statement is real, the reason we are told is false.
    It is: I miss you(r) fuel. Not you, but, instead what you give me.

  15. gabbanzobean says:

    My mid range went on and on and on about his “conscience”. 🙄

  16. Rhyming Fun says:

    We really are nothing to Narcissists even though we love so deeply, and give our everything. After all, they can always get their fuel from so many other hundreds of suppliers. Because Narcissists do not really love us, as a person, we are wholly replaceable and interchangeable, as are “material things”. Never are we special, important, or even valuable to them. It is a painful realization, especially when we do/did regard them as such 🙁 We loved them beyond that which words can even begin to describe.

  17. Kim michaud says:

    Is it possible that midrangers or lessers do have some conscience

    1. HG Tudor says:


  18. Findinglife11 says:

    I used to be afraid of u… bc of my experience w your kind… and u r 1 of them… but i love u for this blog…. and u r far away.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      FL11— I used to be afraid of u… bc of my experience w your kind… and u r 1 of them… but i love u for this blog…. and u r far away.

      ^very sweet. tender. agree. 100%

  19. Kim michaud says:

    The lack of a conscience puts u in the same category as a sociopath in my opinion

    1. delaney laurelson says:

      Well …that pretty much is exactly what a high spec narc IS in my little ol’ humble opinion. If anyone would care elaboration on the actual distinctual differences…that would be jus fab 😉

  20. Windstorm2 says:

    Can’t argue with any of those. I would add though, that your more intelligent narcs learn how to have a sort of cognitive conscious. They show this by limiting their atrocities because of legal repercussions or maintaining their facade. It’s not really used to trick people, per se, but because behaving decently is in their own best interest.

  21. Pinkfire says:

    Wow, HG. I’m am absolutely floored-this is magnificent information! Thank you so much!!

  22. susan says:

    Hi HG. A hard pill to swallow. Like I said on another comment my ex is now trying to get me to go to couples counselling with Dr David Hawkins a psychologist who has a lot of you tubes on how he can cure a narcissist. My narcissist is going out with a young girl with 2 kids 30 years younger than him. He just plastered this on facebook. At the same time he is texting me that he wants to give that girl up and for us to go to counselling to Dr. Hawkins who is quite expensive. that commitment would cost thousands of dollars and wed have to go to therapy the rest of our lives. I know who he is. I don’t let him get away with those behaviors. Thats why were broken up now. Hes all of a sudden owning up to the hurts hes caused. Very strange hes doing all of this now.

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