Why You Should Fear The Smear




It is highly likely that you have been on the receiving end of a smear campaign. It is unusual if such a campaign is not used by our kind when dealing with the person who holds the position of primary source of fuel. The benefits of instigating the smear campaign are numerous and indeed in many instances the smear campaign is a necessary device for the maintenance of appearances, fuel and control. Since we are creatures of economy when it comes to the expenditure of our energies we operate those manipulations which are the most rewarding in terms of energy versus effectiveness. Smear campaigns rank high on such a list and this is for the following five reasons.

  1. Conviction

The smear campaign is rolled out in a convincing fashion. It is done with speed, it is done for the most part without your knowledge and it is effected by us in a manner which suggests that our words are undeniable truth. We are very good at persuading and portraying something as correct and the truth when it is not. We will seize on some element of your behaviour, some aspect of actions on your part or things you have said which are recognised by people. Perhaps you once got drunk at a party and kept falling over (it was a one-off and not helped by the fact you hadn’t eaten beforehand the copious amounts of alcohol we plied you with) but this forms the basis of creating a picture of your abusive alcoholic actions. You may be known for getting over emotional, especially when tired and therefore the picture is painted of you as histrionic. Taking some germ of truth and then applying it out of context, exaggerating and magnifying is a skill we utilise in the creation of the smear campaign.

“Yes, I am afraid I am at my wit’s end with Jenny, her drinking is out of control. I have kept a lid on it so far for your sake, I didn’t know want you upset, but I do not know what to do. You remember that party at Jonathan’s? Yes, that’s right when she could not even sit up, that’s a nightly occurrence now.”

We speak with such conviction and confidence that people do not challenge what we say. People usually accept the truth of what they are told by other people. This is a necessary social device because if it was to the contrary nothing would get done if people were suspicious and question everybody’s motives and comments. We play on this default setting and our confident and superior nature allows us to create a convincing smear campaign and thus guarantee its effectiveness.

  1. The Façade

Our façade of respectability that we have carefully created whereby we are seen as good, reliable, dependable and kind to the outside world provides us with serious support when doing out a smear campaign. In the similar way by which we point to evidence of your drink problem, temper tantrums and neediness as the basis for a much larger and wide problem, we rely on the existence of the constructed façade to demonstrate that we are not the issue. How can we be? We are seen by your friends, the neighbours and your family as that generous, pleasant and helpful chap who must be a good husband and father. He always says hello, is polite, holds down a good job, is seen out and about in the community and so forth. The creation of the façade is not only important for us to draw fuel; it is a fundamental part of why our smear campaigns are so effective.

  1. You Don’t Help Yourself

You fall right into our trap with a lot of your behaviour when you discover that you are being smeared. Rather than consider obtaining some independent and impartial evidence which you present in a calm and measured manner, allowing people to reach their own conclusions, you charge around, wild-eyed and upset, declaring repeatedly that

“It is him, not me, can you not see it? You must be blind or stupid if you cannot.”

This will not endear you to anybody. Nobody likes to be criticised. By slating their ability to make a decision you make them defensive and it becomes easier for them to make a decision which favours us. Do they believe the calm individual who has presented as such for the last year or so and who has come to explain you have a problem and we need help to deal with it or do they believed the swivel-eyed, tear-stained, histrionic person who keeps protesting it is not them? It is not a difficult decision to make.

Of course we encourage you to present in such a manner through our steady manipulative treatment of you. Moreover, we know that it mightily offends you to be thought of as something that you are not and in your frazzled and highly-strung state, you will not approach the denial of the smearing in a rationale or constructive fashion. This heightens the effectiveness of what we are doing. To some extent, you are proving our case for us.

  1. You Are Eroded

Linked to the above is the fact that when the smear campaign starts you will in all likelihood have been subjected to a sustained period of devaluation which has taken its toll on you. You will be exhausted from our tactics of preventing you from sleeping. You are anxious. You are hypervigilant. You cannot think straight owing to fatigue and the gas lighting to which you have been subjected. Your confidence has been whittled away and your ability to think in a critical fashion has been damaged. The combination of all these ailments means that you are ill-equipped to fight the battle with us for the minds and hearts of those observing. We got in first and you will always be fighting an uphill battle with few resources to rely on. You will have been isolated by us from your support networks. At best this means you cannot call on help when you most need it. At worst this results in those people you thought you could rely on, taking our side. This ineffectiveness of your ability to cope – caused by us – result in our campaign becoming more effective.

  1. Aversion to Conflict

People do not like conflict. People hate it when a couple divorces. It is not so much about feeling sad for the fact that two people they like are splitting up. Instead, it is more about the selfishness which means they have to choose on over the other and they would rather not do so. They want people to get along and when we present to those observing that we have tried to make things work but you have not allowed this to happen, the observers’ inherent desire for people to get along causes them to prejudge you. You become labelled as the troublemaker. People have their own lives to lead and they want everything else to run smoothly around them. If you are preventing this state of affairs from existing, then this will result in those supposedly impartial observers taking our side and not wanting anything to do with you because you have breached the peace. Knowing this to be the case of course will cause you to react even more and it becomes self-fulfilling. Again, this backdrop of the mind-set of others has this impact on the effectiveness of our campaigns.

45 thoughts on “Why You Should Fear The Smear

  1. Yolo says:

    Awe.. you guys care about the earth. How noble to concern yourselves with the environment by lessening your carbon footprint. I am sure it doesn’t make the victims feel better.

    “Since we are creatures of economy when it comes to the expenditure of our energies we operate those manipulations which are the most rewarding in terms of energy versus effectiveness.”

  2. Rhyming Fun says:


    1. Who Knows says:

      Most drugs (for a brain that has zero ability for doctors to measure the amount of cells out of sync with the others caused by stress, life in general, major life event) are going to lead to a path of then more drugs to counter balance the effects of the first one they thought you needed in the first place. Maybe just needed some understanding and time to heal. I know, getting out of line here. I’ll stop, literally.

  3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Keep you in the dark
    You know they all pretend
    Keep you in the dark
    And so it all began

    Send in your skeletons
    Sing as their bones go marching in, again
    The need you buried deep
    The secrets that you keep are ever ready
    Are you ready?
    I’m finished making sense
    Done pleading ignorance
    That whole defense

    Spinning infinity, boy
    The wheel is spinning me
    It’s never-ending, never-ending
    Same old story

    What if I say I’m not like the others?
    What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
    You’re the pretender
    What if I say I will never surrender?
    What if I say I’m not like the others?
    What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
    You’re the pretender
    What if I say that I’ll never surrender?

    In time our soul untold
    I’m just another soul for sale, oh well
    The page is out of print
    We are not permanent
    We’re temporary, temporary
    Same old story

    What if I say I’m not like the others?
    What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
    You’re the pretender
    What if I say that I’ll never surrender?
    What if I say I’m not like the others?
    What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
    You’re the pretender
    What if I say that I’ll never surrender?

    I’m the voice inside your head
    You refuse to hear
    I’m the face that you have to face
    Mirrored in your stare
    I’m what’s left, I’m what’s right
    I’m the enemy
    I’m the hand that will take you down
    Bring you to your knees

    So who are you?
    Yeah, who are you?
    Yeah, who are you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I’m HG Tudor. Who are you?

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I thought you were going to say “god”

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Since I clearly support neurodiveristy – I thought I should mention it is officially ADHD awareness month.

        This disorder is often comorbid with a lot of the disorders we speak about on your blog – especially antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy…

        So…. happy adhd month lol!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Interesting. Most ’causes’ get a day, but ADHD gets a month, is that because it would be too difficult to stay focused all day?

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I’m Dr. Harleen MOTHER FUCKIN Quinzel….😎🤓😛

        Nice to meet you lol.


        1. HG Tudor says:

          Are you sure you are not Miss Potty Mouth?

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I am whatever I want to be lol.

        I feel like today im going to be dirty mouth doctor…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Only today?!

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Hardy har har …. lol 🙄😜🤡🤣

        It’s also domestic abuse month and Alzheimer’s month.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It’s tempting, but I will keep it at one gag today.

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Oh and yes…

        I would find it difficult far too difficult to stay focused all day because I have a need for higher levels of mental stimulation. 😎🤓😁

      7. ava101 says:

        Haha, that’s funny, HG (about the whole month). “Neurodiversity”, … yes, not everybody functions the same and I’ve been bored to death in school, university, etc. most of the time. But I daresay that the causal connections are totally different. Some “disorders” have more to do with microbiology than anything else. E. g. Ritalin is very harmful stuff, which does not address the causes at all.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Interesting Ava101, in what way is it harmful?

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. I am a supporter of medication for various reasons; however I understand why some people might not be in favor of medication use. All medications have side effects (I could list them all re the ADHD medications but I don’t want to bore anyone). ADHD medications do not “fix” the cause of the problem – it simply helps control some of the ADHD symptoms so that the individual can be more functional in their life.

      9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        ADHD is much more than simply being bored in school.

      10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I have taken Adderall since the age of 15 (I’m 30). I am extremely thankful that my parents (who are both psychologists as well) put me on medication. It changed my life. It literally changed my life.

      11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        The best approach of course would be medication and strategies that help address various areas of executive functioning (ex: planning, organization, time management, initiation of tasks – for those who are in school add cognitive strategy training and study strategies etc.)

      12. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        Look at you…all extra spunky today!

        I’ll be fair – I always have a dirty mouth.

        There is no shame in my game lol.

      13. ava101 says:

        Hi HG, I just recently read about ritalin again, when I was doing research on the effects of chronic stress. Ritalin is a stimulant and a potent drug, on the same scale as meth, morphine, and others. For this reason it damages the body’s stress response, and also heart & blood vessels (permanent!, also through increased blood pressure). This includes lots of micro metabolism connections. More common are liver and kidney damage, of course, severe effects are brain damage, strokes, …
        Also very common: insomnia, anorexia, nausea, decreased appetite, weight loss, headache, abdominal pain, irritability, seizures, psychosis, hallucinations … These are just a few of the side effects. There have been deaths reported.

        I know well about personality changes and depression because of ritalin, because one of my non-narc(?) boyfriends had been diagnosed with ADHD and took ritalin. He was incredibly creative and smart when off the drug, and just flattened and staring into space when he took it. He then self-medicated with other (illegal) drugs. Those depressions can lead to suicide.

        Not to mention that many children are mis-diagnosed and put on those heavy drugs immediately. While alternative medicine and microbiological approaches offer different paths (also for autism).

        Why, did you or one of your girlfriends take it?

        No, I don’t have ADHD, Harleen, I was just bored because the lessons were not designed for how my brain processes information. Funnily enough, this is one thing I have really in common with my exnarc, I enjoyed his fast thinking and communication, speediness and need for constant stimulation, and taking in information from several directions at the same time, and giving me information I was searching for within a very short time.

        PDs are something completely different of course.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, I was interested to understand your comment further.

      14. ava101 says:

        And did you understand it further?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes I did.

      15. Noname says:

        Interesting discussion.

        I advocate the non-drug therapy for many reasons. The dangerous and unpleasant side effects is one thing. Another one is the “lazyness” of patient. In that case, the patient thinks “I don’t need to work with myself at all, I just take my miraculous drug and it will do all work for me instead”…

        One time, my husband wanted to try neurodrugs and I told him about all pluses and, especially, minuses of such treatment, but he was determined to try them no matter what. I called to my friend Psychiatrist and asked him to prescribe the neurodrugs.

        He tryed them for one month during our summer vacation (we both needn’t to go to work and our son was at his parents) and then he said “I feel like a zombie”. I said “You look like a zombie also”. He said “You were right. They aren’t effective at all. Let’s stop this treatment”.

      16. narc affair says:

        Hi Dr. H.. Ty for sharing about your adhd and meds. Ive felt tremendous guilt over this with my daughter. We have her on vyvanse. It has helped but ive kept her on a low dose bc i found any higher made her moody midday and stop eating and shes already stick thin. Its good to hear how its helped adults yrs later. Im very much into the naturopathic end and dont trust the pharma but there are situations where you have no choice and it is the best option. Adhd is very much genetic but also diet plays a huge role. My childrens pediatrian thinks sugar has no affect but i know first hand it makes adhd way way worse.

      17. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        The majority (NOT ALL – let me stress that) of the medications used to treat ADHD symptoms fall into methylphenidate or amphetamine. Ritalin falls into methylphenidate – Adderall is Amphetamine. Medications that fall into the amphetamine class work for me NOT methylphenidate. I personally have had adverse reactions not to Ritalin but a drug in the same class. Methylphenidate like legit made me nuts for a hot minute. My ADHD is not necessarily the same as another individuals adhd. Certain medication can target areas of concern. What you unfortunately come to find is that doctors often will start someone off on a drug and it becomes more trial and error – when that doesn’t really need to be the case. I believe that is also why some people give up on medication so quickly – because it isn’t targeted to the specific areas of concern that are the cause of certain symptoms. For example you have this doctor name Dr. Amen who has identified various different types of adhd – different areas of the brain are effected in each one and you can ultimately have a combination of different types of ADHD. He has done a ridiculous amount of scans on ADHD individuals. I fully support his work – I think it is fantastic.

        There are side effects to every medication and it is possible that your ex boyfriend wasn’t medicated properly – It is not uncommon for people to say they don’t like the way they feel on medication. There are some people who take their medication everyday and others who take it when they need to get something done. In my opinion it’s about what are you willing to do to get to where you want to be and what is important to you – for me – I wanted a doctorate and I wanted to be able to function effectively in my life without struggling – so you can clearly see why I chose to stay on my Adderall. The last time I checked there were no longitudinal studies on Adderall but the effects of Ritalin and Adderall are similar. I could go into the research at the moment – and I will if you want me to – but for now I will keep it on the surface because it would take up too much space on the blog and take away from the topic of narcissism.

        When children are small it is very important to not instantly jump to medicating them. I always suggest that parents wait a little while – because it could negatively impact the growth of the child – and developmentally – what little kid isn’t all over the place and doesn’t have the attention span of a fruit fly lol? When a child hits middle school I often suggest that the parent consider medication because to be completely honest with you these parents are negatively impacting their child by not medicating them – it’s a complete disservice to the child – then the parents wonder why every intervention hasn’t worked and their child doesn’t achieve and/or struggles.

        I agree that it is often misdiagnosed and it is often over-diagnosed.

        I’m not sure what microbiological interventions you are talking about. Can you expand on this?

        Again if you would like me to further elaborate on the research re medications or the various brain regions and neurotransmitters involved in ADHD as well as how symptoms would manifest in different settings I would be more than happy to do so but I don’t want to take up too much space or bore anyone. You often see interesting profiles (neuro and cognitive testing) with ADHDers – but again I’m just being a huge nerd right now.

      18. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I am extremely passionate about ADHD and whether to medicate people with ADHD. As I’ve said in a previous post, Adderall changed my life. Levels of impairment fall on a spectrum and if someone isn’t that negatively impacted by their ADHD and they function just peachy or they are satisfied with their functioning – power to them lol.

        It is also important to note that it isn’t uncommon to see comorbidity with depression, anxiety disorders, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder (there are more but I will stop there)…

        There could have been more than one thing going on with your ex – but you could be right about the Ritalin because once upon a time I was very depressed in adolescence on my Adderall but it be perfectly honest with you it may have been a product of the drama and well…adolescence than simply the Adderall. Regardless I felt the pros outweighed the cons and here I am.

      19. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I bring a unique perspective to the table because I am a psychologist and I have ADHD and I take medication. I was not a “good kid” and I was never in special education and didn’t have testing accommodations.

        ADHD medication does not make it ALL better. The individual needs to learn strategies as well. The medication helps the individual stay alert – sustain and focus their attention.

        It is so easy to say “don’t medicate” and “try harder” or “stop being lazy” when you don’t have the disorder. You don’t have it so you don’t understand.

        Try taking some benedryl and doing some math or attempting to read some serious academic material and tell me how you feel. Try doing this while you have a head cold and then tell me how it feels.
        I bet you don’t enjoy reading the same sentence over and over and staring at the page blankly.

        Let me grant you some access into the life of an aware ADHD individual.

        Off of my medication I cannot control my mind spacing out – your eyes blur and your brain goes numb – you often don’t even hear someone calling your name when you space out. I often space out in conversations – I honestly cannot help it.

        I put things down and I blink and they are gone. Where they go…nobody knows.

        Being late – forgetting things – missing appointments – that used to be a specialty of mine.

        Time management – what is that? I would blink my eyes and time would just fly.

        A project? A test? Study? What’s that? Hmm…SURE TOMORROW….that turns into- fuck it – or ill look the material over for ten minutes and take the test.

        I’ve been punished over and over again because I just can’t follow the rules because I just can’t do what is expected of me – sure it seems so simple right? Punishment doesn’t work on me.

        Let me tell you how shitty it feels to know material but have difficulty producing it in the was that someone wants you do – but you do actually know the material…..

        It’s also pretty annoying when you have difficulty retrieving facts and words from your long-term memory.

        I’ve been punished for sitting incorrectly over and over again.

        I lose my shit doing tedious tasks. It makes me want to rip my skin off and smash things – even as an adult. Emotional regulation can be an issue for me at times – especially because I have very low frustration tolerance (for certain things).

        Star charts to try and motivate me to do things – NOTHING motivated me – it all felt like a prison and people were trying to control me and telling me I was a essentially a defect.

        My whole life I was told “Why aren’t you working to your potential” – “She is so smart but she doesn’t do any work” – “she is so lazy” – “try harder” – “you should know this” – and then I used to hear statements that implied I must actually not be that intelligent because I didn’t fit into this stupid little box that all my peers did.

        I have on days and off days – when I’m on…I’m ON – when I’m off I’m really off. I cannot control this. This isn’t a matter of me TRYING HARDER. I’m the most articulate individual in the world one minute then the next I wanna smash things.

        Oh all of this is a little disorganized and disjointed? I’m off medication and sleep deprived – welcome to my life.

        I have evolved in all of those areas I mentioned above because I learned strategies and because I am medicated. Off medication I can’t pay attention – you can tell me all you want to try but I can’t help that the problem is neurological.

      20. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Oh and I love when people say “well he/she can focus on video games for hours” – I’m not even going to comment on that – I want you to sit there long and hard and thing about that statement and why someone would be able to do that.

        Things that interest us and come easy to us we can become totally engrossed in and it is difficult to shift attention from one task to another. Shifting – that is another area of executive functioning.

        People with ADHD also have issues in various areas of executive functioning; however someone with executive functioning disorder does NOT necessarily have ADHD.

        When I am focused on something I can assure you there is no pulling me away and that has clearly made its way into my relationships. When I am fixated on someone – It is all consuming and obsessive.

      21. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I am not only misunderstood and stigmatized often by the general public but by many people in my own field.

        Yes, I am an adult female who is a psychologist with ADHD who also has oppositional defiant disorder – NO I have not grown out of it – but I am not always defiant – I am not defiant just to be defiant. My actions are often misunderstood and misinterpreted as being defiant when I’m not actually trying to be defiant. I am just different.

        I am simply different.

      22. Noname says:

        Ohh… It was really painful to read your comment, Doctor. It touched my heart on very deep level.

        It seems, that drugs are real and necessary helpers in your life. It isn’t an easy way to live, but I see how strong you are and how positive you are about it. Be careful and detox your organism regularily. I wish everything good for you. Big hug.

      23. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        That was really sweet. You give me some hope in the human race. Lol

        Seriously though that was very nice of you to write 🙂


    2. Rhyming Fun says:

      Dr. Harleen

      Cool poem! I have ADHD!

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I would love to take credit it for it but it’s a foo fighters song lol!

        Thank you though 🙂

  4. Sillyolperson says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I’m going thru as we speak. My dear friend’s 85 yo brother has gone troppo! He has twisted the truth on a few issues about me …… and finally my friend stood up to him and defended me … they are no longer talking! Everyone knows the brother has always been a bully and not many people like him… only the worshippers he’s conned!
    Armed with your knowledge, I am handling it! I always thought him to be a bully, bossy, his way or the highway and an attention seeker! Until I came across your true meaning of “narcissists” … I had no idea!
    I have been able to help my friend with your knowledge, as his brother has all the traits. His brother harbours “anger” and his eyes reflect murder as well as looking mean and ugly!
    I find it quite amusing really, to see this 85 yo man carrying on like a 5 year old and at the end of the day, they never ever change! No contact is the only way and you would be most proud of one of your students!
    Heartfelt thanks Mr Tudor

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome SOP.

  5. RJ says:

    As Shephard stated, the truth will emerge. After you move on ( or after a discard) and do no contact they will do the same to others. Over time a pattern developes and those that believed the pretty ,sweet, cute, handsome, so nice person (in disguise) see through their façade and have that oh my god or ah ha moment about them and you the victim get some reprival and credit back to your character. Their deceptions come to light and it shines brightly. All the while they are continuing with the same actions the NARC escalates with new deceptions, new victims (sometimes kids or ex husbands/ wives), adding to their resume, furthermore showing that something is not right with this person. It won’t happen over night. It may be years before its realized.

  6. Recovering Narcoholic says:

    I now know my MMRN was pre-smearing me to family and friends for about a year during the lonnnngggg devaluation (while he searched for a new IPPS). But Shephard is right — those people have no business in my life anyway.

  7. Shephard says:

    Aside form additional evidence, I understand the best way to handle this is by simply doing nothing. The truth will eventually emerge, and thank the narc for filtering out folks who shouldn’t be in your life to begin with.

    do not feed the troll 😉

  8. Twilight says:

    Why should I fear something I can not control? People believe what they want…

  9. Rhyming Fun says:

    This is exactly what the problem is with me; I cannot think straight due to the Narcissist! I am eroded.

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