I Cannot Love You More


I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences. This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you. I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure. Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved? I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come. There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

6 thoughts on “I Cannot Love You More

  1. thepianist20 says:

    Keep promising, you’ll be single till you are 100

    Or, to be more specific,, till you die!

  2. Diva says:

    “How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years.”

    Ten years????? I would guess that the adoration stage wouldn’t last more than 10 weeks if anyone was watching me…..ahh well…..I am safe enough so…….Diva

  3. Erin says:

    Sounds like a source got “promoted”…I wish her good luck.

  4. Connie says:

    I never realized what this was until now. The ex N told everyone for years that he wanted to marry me but never made me aware of it. We were friends, so i thought, for 8 years before dating. But I moved out of state for awhile. When I came back it was non-stop love bombing, I know now. Crazy…hindsight.

  5. Fiona says:

    I think my Narc may have provided HG with this text, fit perfectly with my story.

  6. MLatst says:

    Hello HG,
    So I am pretty sure I am dealing with a mid-range narcassist. We were in an emotional relationship disguised as a friendship. I am not sure he would say it is emotional an affair, but for me it is as I am married. When i first experienced the love bombing- I rejected him because I love my married life and couldn’t reasonably cross that line without losing everything. We decided to be friends and the friendship love bombing continued. Which I accepted and initiated at times. This, developed the emotional relationship without the physical. After time I grew to want more from him and even expressed my feelings of wanting more on a few occasions, only to be rejected by him, but he insisted we remain really good friends- that he needed me. In a final plead I expressed that my feelings for him were too strong to just be friends and since we couldnt have more I had to end the friendship and I cut him off without chance to respond and then I completely disappear from his radar for some time as I knew he would convince me to stay. I did explain all this to him in a message. I needed time to reduce my feelings. I recently return to the place where I see him and tried to make amends, and he said that we were good but was not pleased with how I ended it. When I saw him again after he said we were “good” he is now giving me the silent treatment. I don’t understand as he is the one to reject me, shouldn’t that be ego boosting? Why the silent treatment? What is the best way to proceed? I am not interested in “winning” but I miss my friend- and I am having a hard time believe it was all false.

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