10 Spoken Narc Grenades


1. You never….

The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.

2. You always….

The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.

3. I’m sick of you controlling me.

Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.

4. My ex wouldn’t do this

A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.

5. My ex would do it

Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.

6. I love you but I don’t like you right now

This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”

7. If you loved me….

We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.

8. You are over reacting

A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.

9 I can’t deal with this right now

Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.

10 I don’t remember

The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.

16 thoughts on “10 Spoken Narc Grenades

  1. nykeypad says:

    I’ve been told #4, #8 and #9. By reading your blog, I’ve come to see him for who and what he is. Thank you.

  2. 7 out of 10 of These grenades I got thrown at me on a regular basis. His favourite one was โ€œ you never do his โ€œ when he knew full well whatever it was he was referring to was a lie. You try throwing it back but thereโ€™s no point because you would always end up finding yourself defending something which is false. May as well just take it and let it explode in your face

  3. Lisa says:

    I’ve had that said to me tonight , I love you but I don’t like you and spot on HG with the translation . That’s exactly what it means , he’s telling me he’s raging because he’s lost control of me , I’m no longer the girl I was apparently !!! Translation for the word girl is Door Mat. It’s very true I’m not the door mat that he apparently loved , he tells me he wants that girl back !! But when I was that girl , he was emotionless , an empty shell !!! Now he’s apparently a changed man if only I would be that girl again that he loved but spent no time with and had no feelings for because he was out of touch with his emotions . He doesnt like the new girl , the one that doesn’t pander and pacify him , but he’s a changed man , so there should be no need for pandering and pacifying . I was also told that he’s doing something about his disorder but I’m not doing anything about mine . This is the first time I knew I had one . Then I was told I don’t have one but I have issues !! The main issue I have is no longer putting up with him . I could go on and on and on . The circles of world salad are endless . Good job I spoke to you this week .

    1. K says:

      Right, WE are the ones who have issues and need therapists and meds!?! Honestly, they are such assholes!

      1. Lisa says:

        Hi K, Mine is actually booked in for therapy . So everything I say to him now , his answer is Well I’m doing something about it !!
        Absolute bloody idiot . He then asks me what I’m doing about my issues . When I asked him what my issues are he said He doesn’t think I would go swimming with him if we went on holiday . That was just a complete random comment as we were not talking about anything connected to holidays or swimming . I just hope this psychiatrist is clued up on these lunatics ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

        1. K says:

          He reminds me of my narc mother. She says the stupidest things that are completely unrelated to my questions, just like he did to you. It is like talking to a half-wit. I really do hope the psychiatrist figures him out. Now that I have been here for a while, I can figure them out fairly quickly. All the issues we have, after dealing with these yo-yos, are being resolved very nicely here, thank God!

          1. Lisa says:

            K, Half Wit ha ha that made me laugh , are you in England ? Mine is going to be dumped from such a height he won’t know what’s hit him. I’m in contact at the moment and just playing along but when I move out of the area that will be it . He’s actually being Mr Perfect at the moment but last night he had a melt down and turned back into Mr Narcissist . All he’s doing is helping me get rid of the what ifs !!!

          2. K says:

            I live in The States but my father was born in England and I do have second cousins in Yorkshire. Don’t you just love the games? Mr. Perfect one minute, then Mr. Narcissist the next, what did he do, if you don’t mind my asking? I am glad you got a laugh. Most of my narcs are half-wits, dim-wits or just plain idiots. I feel very smart when I am around them. Your narc will be fuel deprived when you get the hell out of Dodge. Oh, how glorious it would be to witness that.

          3. Lisa says:

            Hi K, I thought you were British just the way you write , sometimes you can tell and sometimes not , in this case not ha . It’s a long story and quite similar to others he’s a lower mid range and is starting therapy but I don’t have a lot of confidence in it unfortunately. He is being and doing everything now that he never did in 2 and a half years , since I finally ignored all hoovers . I’m in touch with him again but I know he can’t sustain it and with alcohol he’s just 100 % narcissist , sober he’s better but it’s still there, now I know what it is I can see it. He’s pretty much what HG writes about a lower mid range. He knows I care less now and goes from being mr perfect to flare ups of mr narcissist because he knows he’s lost control. Everything that comes out of his mouth is ridiculous and makes no sense , I’m just at that last little bit of finally letting go forever finally , but I feel nothing like I did before I actually feel very little about him at all now and I’m moving away to a different area he thinks or says he’s moving with me . I don’t know if this is lies but I don’t care because there’s no way I’d let him anyway

          4. K says:

            Hello Lisa
            Don’t apologize, you are fine. Whatever you do, please do not let him move in with you. After reading your comments, I want you to be free and safe. They are so difficult to handle and nothing you do is ever right. My MMRN drank, too, and towards the end I hated and loved him, mostly hated, and I felt disgust and apathy. They are awful creatures. And, just like you, I put up with a lot of crap too, so don’t feel bad. We have all been there. Don’t beat yourself up about being in contact with him either; it is the nature of the dynamic. I am happy that you are here and know what you are dealing with. Man, I would have LOVED to have been here when I was dealing with my MMRN. He was such a jerk!
            I am glad you thought I was British, since you all sound so magnificent with your lovely accents. My grandmother called the bathroom the water closet, if my memory is correct. She was a narc. Please, do let me know how the move goes, if you don’t mind.

          5. Lisa says:

            K, sorry I didn’t answer your question lol
            He just started shouting and saying nasty things , just lost his temper basically and blaming me for ridiculous stuff. His excuse for this outburst was that he knows I don’t love him anymore (true) but he did that when I did love him. Just all mixed up bullshit . It’s really disgusting what I’ve listened to from him at times and I don’t know why on earth ive put up with it . But I’m really over him , I feel disgust towards him now which I know it makes no sense that I’m in contact with him again but I guess there’s always the What Ifs and just the final letting go forever . The fact I’m moving (not because of him ) will kill it forever .

  4. HKGirl says:

    Well, I’ve had every one of these lobbed at me.. and a few that aren’t on here.

    The first 18 months we were together it was “You knew I was a widower when you met me, you signed on for this.” So I walked away. Told him widower or not, his words & actions need to align & I’m no longer playing house.

    So he begs me back to yet another new counselor (5 visits this time!) and proposed. I moved in officially, and that’s when the true door to Hell opened. But I stayed for 2 more years AND married him.

    Just call me PollyfrigginAnna!

    Well, 3 days before our first wedding anniversary, I asked if he had something planned or should I.. and he says “Why would I do anything for our anniversary? What have you done for me? Besides, Chrissy didn’t nag me for anniversary dates and we were married 22 years.”

    And I replied…”and she was so fk’n happy she walked out to your garage 23 days before Christmas and hung herself. Stone sober. Because she realized that those 22 years of being a doormat meant nothing and you were leaving her for someone you met at a convention a year and a half before.”

    And that was the end of my marriage.

    Just today he sent me texts asking my opinion on decor he’s shopping for. Which cracks me up. Lived in “their” house for 2 years and I was insensitive and cruel to his grown kids if I changed anything. Now he’s selling it and “updating it.”

    Because he thinks that will make some difference to me. Wrong! I live 1000 miles away and I’m keeping it that way.


    Feeling a little venty today!
    *I can wordify anything if I verb it!

    1. K says:

      I like “venty”. BTW don’t feel bad about being a PollyfrigginAnna; I was a “Gullible Tart”. It was awful to read that his first wife hanged herself before Christmas. Thank God you are 1000 miles away. I am happy for you.

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      HKGirlโ€”vent on! once again. all so cray. and eerily familiar.

      who but us would go — yep. to this:

      * I moved in officially, and thatโ€™s when the true door to Hell opened. But I stayed for 2 more years AND married him.*


  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Don’t worry…if you don’t remember…I can assure you I do.

  6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    No one has ever said ” my ex wouldn’t do this” – probably because they knew I would say “okay…take her…bye” LMAO

    The “you’re overreacting” is insanely irritating. I love when someone makes a passive aggressive statement says it’s a joke and that you are overreacting….or you have an anger management problem lol

    “I don’t remember” – oh stop – puhlease…this conversation is officially boring me lol

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