Little Acons – No. 14

I'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHINGFOR YOU

A series of memes which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissistic parent towards their child resulting in the creation of the Adult Child of a Narcissist.

23 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 14

  1. sarabella says:

    We ruined her life. Thing is, she did ditch us all as soon as she could. And what did she do with her freedom and life? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Didn’t work, didn’t write a book, pursue a hobby or develop a dormant talent. We ruined her life but then she didn’t do anything with it once she got free of us.

  2. thepianist20 says:

    My lesser narc mom:

    – “I’ve sacrificed everything for you!”

    – “I’ve done so much for you, and THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!!!”

    – “If I say the same thing again, you’ll get angry!” (blame-shifting, projection)

    – “For your sake, I’ve gone through the shit that your dad’s family put me through” (guilt trip by proxy, or guilt trip by pity party)

    – “I’ve done so much for you, but you are so ‘ungrateful’! Go do WHATEVERRRRR YOU WANT!”

    – “I’ve done so much for you! But you don’t care about me,,, :'( *then a sudden rage is ignited*

    *With lesser narc rage*

    I’ll TAKE A KNIFE AND KILL YOU!! I’LL KILL YOU!!!”

    – “Go runaway from this house!”

    – “Go die somewhere!”

    And the list goes on……

  3. narc affair says:

    This reminds me of a narc friend i had years ago. Her and her husband at the time spend 30,000. On invitro and finally had a baby girl. All she could talk about is buying cutesy clothes and doing this and that with her baby which is normal but fast forward 10 yrs later and she spends very little time with her daughter and paens her off on her daughters friends parents so she can have more time to herself. The cutesy phase is gone and she complains about everything in relation to her daughter. Her daughters like a puppy she raved over and got bored of and couldnt be bothered with. She got what she wanted from her…to prove she could have a baby and bask in that but parenthood is a bore and a chore.

  4. narc affair says:

    Children are just for fuel anything else is a burden to the narc parent.

    1. thepianist20 says:

      ON POINT!!

      You hit the BULLEYE on that,, narc affair!

  5. X says:

    My mother once said out loud “If I don’t help pay for your university, you won’t want anything to do with me.” I was sixteen at the time and it struck me that she was saying this more out loud herself than to me. Two years later she complained rather bitterly about doing so despite my having scholarships and grants and the cost to her being rather little. I always thought that comment was an apology, a recognition that she had treated me so unkindly until it dawned on me just recently that she was/is a narcissist in addition to being mentally ill.

  6. Ratatoskerin says:

    My mother always told me to never have children. Se said it would mean to forever give up the best morsel, because you would always give it to your child. Now, however, that I show no interest in having children, she appears to have mixed feelings about it.
    I wonder how many children of narcissists decide to remain childfree…
    The main reason I don’t really want children is I think I’m pretty selfish: I like my sleep and my freedom, and I don’t think I would be very emotionally “giving.”
    That’s why I wonder if I’m an empath at all.
    Maybe I’m just normal, or a borderline narcissist!
    Are there any other childfree empaths out there? Let me know!

    1. thepianist20 says:

      Don’t be too hard on yourself,

      Children of narcs prefer to not be in a relationship or get married and have kids bcuz, we NEVER know when the manipulation process hits us,

      Growing up being manipulated from the crib to our adulthood, we’ve been through hell,

      So after we realize what we’ve been through and/or once we’re out, we tend to get very doubtful about where to go, and we cross question everything to make sure we don’t fall into the cycle again and again. And that doesn’t make us selfish

      It’s just a sign, to denote that we are trying to newly define, or redefine our sanity.

      I can relate to you Ratatoskerin, and I could go on and on, but i just want to not only validate your opinion but also let you know that you are not alone and there will always be that someone who can relate to you. This ocean is like a constant war that we must keep fighting.

      So don’t be too hard on yourself.

      Good day to you! 👍

      1. Erin says:

        Thanks, Pianist, that means a lot! Yeah, I can’t STAND feeling manipulated, especially emotional blackmail, it just makes me want to do the opposite….
        My mother alway forbade us from crying if we were sad. It took me years to learn how to cry again without feeling ashamed.
        Is it the same for you?
        Thanks again for the support, you voiced exactly how I feel

      2. thepianist20 says:

        @Erin

        You are most welcome Erin,,

        My narc mother practiced the art of projection whenever I cried, mimicked a fake form of empathy to Hoover me into her control, etc etc… So she preferred I kept my feelings to myself.

        She had absolutely NO remorse and had given me no emotional support whatsoever.. She was and is the worst mother ever lived.

        She says she wants to be by herself, but even if she was, I BET that she wouldn’t do half the things that she always said that she wanted to do.

        Pathetic of her!

    2. Carol M says:

      I heard the same thing from my grandmother: she was always stating how having kids deteriorated her good looks and finances. My grandfather, on the other hand, repeated over and over again how getting pregnant would be a death sentence to me, as he would not be able to raise another child (I was raised by my grandparents, who ruled over me, my mother, aunt and uncle) and obviously no one else could. I decided to stay childfree, both by fear of not being settled a good example by my dysfunctional family ( therefore doomed to repeat the terrorising children formula) and also because now I am free I would like to remain with no bonds attached.

  7. SVR says:

    How are you getting on with the book HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Which one SVR?

  8. Carol M says:

    This reminds me the dialogue between Erika and Nina in the movie Black Swan – both are ballerinas and are discussing the sacrifices they have to endure in order to become prima ballerina and how the expectations bar is always higher than the generation before.
    Nina (daughter): “What carrer…?” Erika (mother): “The one I gave up to have you”

    1. thepianist20 says:

      Now THAT is an EPIC example of narc abuse!

      Good pick!

      Notice in the movie, how Erika treats her daughter like a little kid, by going into her room and changing her clothes for her,, SICK!

      1. Carol M says:

        Yes, Erika is definitively abusive in many levels. It is implied she also sexually molested Nina.

  9. Windstorm2 says:

    So just for the sake of clarity, HG, when a midranger mother says this, she actually believes it? They’re imagining some wonderful life they could have had if they’d never had children?
    Or I suppose it’s equally likely, if she is speaking directly to the child that she is lying to be hurtful and draw negative fuel. I guess there’s no way of knowing what she really thinks other than she feels sorry for herself.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      She believes it, indeed.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Thank you, HG. I know all narcs lie, but it’s just really hard to wrap my mind around midrangers lying, but thinking they’re telling the truth.

        All those times I could tell my mother was wrong, but believed what she was saying may have been this phenomenon, but I just thought she was stupid. In retrospect she was smart in many ways as a business woman, so she wasnt stupid per se. Now I guess her tendency to make ridiculous pronouncements as fact was a manifestation of her narcissism – sort of like a disability.

        Almost makes me feel sorry for her – almost. Then I remember all the times she taunted me until I would cry, then stopped with a smirky smile, obviously enjoying herself….. No, she chose to deliberately hurt those closest to her. She was not deserving of my pity.

        Thanks again for putting up with my questions. I continually gain insights and learn here.

      2. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        HG, just saying those words makes someone a narc mother?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, they are the type of phrases used by a parental narcissist. Saying this in isolation does not mean that person is a narcissist. If you heard many of these comments from the Little Anon series then that is more determinative.

      3. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        To be honest, at this point in life I’m not very interested in the mistakes my parents made, I can’t change them and I can’t bring those years back. All I can do is trying to be a normal mother, not too emotional, I raise a boy after all, not too rational, he is still a child. I’ve made mistakes but I’ve always owned my mistakes in front of my son. Giving up my career to gave birth and raise him -just me and his father, no grandparents or help, I had moments (comes natural to a little boy to frustrate sometimes and push his limits) when I told him bad things. I asked for his forgiveness, as I said, but still concerned not raising a narc man. I can’t control the future or what he’ll grow up to become, but at least I don’t want it to be my fault. Seeing you, how brilliant you are, I can’t help but asking myself what a noble man could you have been if raised by a good mother (sorry, not my business, only my emphatic traits). I hope the best for my son, not putting pressure on him in school or anything, not asking him to be perfect, if he will feel the need to do better, I’ll help and sustain his wishes. I still believe a powerful man, an alfa male doesn’t need to be a narc. My grandfather wasn’t, he was the only “father” I knew, maybe he “rescued” me in so many ways. I am able to confront all kind of narcissists but I must fight in order to bear in my mind that my boy isn’t a narc attacking/hurting me, he is just an innocent child…

      4. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

        HG, thank you for your answer!

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