The Pursuit of Revenge

the-pursuit

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.

32 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge

  1. Primrose says:

    I have read many of your posts, HG and one of your books, but I have not yet found an answer to the question of how to deal with a probable narcissist who is less intelligent and less powerful than I, his intended victim. Perhaps you could direct me to a post or book or respond to my question here. The golden period was golden indeed. How delightful it was to be friends with him (this was a friendship and business relationship, rather than an intimate one). The first time he attempted to devalue me, it rolled off my back — I don’t really give a shit what people think about me. When he ramped it up and got really nasty, I rejected him so quickly it clearly left him at somewhat of a loss. I responded to his hoovering attempts with scorn. When he tried to humiliate me in public, I ended up humiliating him instead. To an extent, it has been fun to humiliate him, but I mostly wish he would go away and I would never have to deal with him again. I’ve already wasted too much time on him. I feel little emotion toward him any longer. To me he is like a tree that has fallen across the road — chop it into pieces and move it out of the way. My question is whether I should go on the offensive, do a smear campaign against him, file a lawsuit against him … or wait and see what he does next? What’s the likelihood he’ll go lick his wounds somewhere far away, and never seek to interact with me again? He commented at one point that he “has invested too much” to just walk away. I wonder how many times he will have to beat his head against my stone wall before he changes his mind about that. You’ve said that finding a new source of fuel is of primary importance. He does have a small network of secondary sources and a larger network of tertiary sources, but a mutual acquaintance volunteered the information that he has “hit bottom” by which I assume they meant he has fallen into depression. I did not deem it appropriate to question them for details. If he has fallen into depression, does this mean he’s less likely to harass me, or does it mean only that I have a time-limited window of opportunity to take an offensive position and get the upper hand before he resumes his attack?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A detailed response requires a consultation in order to ascertain the school of narcissist and thereafter convey the detail to your various questions. Your repeated engagement is causing him to keep hoovering – you may think you are humiliating him (and you may well have done or you may have actually provided Challenge Fuel so he responds to gain more fuel and to assert his superiority). If you want to minimise the risk of him hoovering you, you need to implement no contact and starve of him of the thing he wants – fuel.

  2. Hope says:

    Mine hurt me deeply, but I’d never seek revenge or want to hurt him. Good thing he’s not a Greater, because I’m sure knowing that about me would annoy him. No more fuel from me.

  3. sarabella says:

    Lou,

    Yeah, it might fuel them for a bit. But I can guarantee that it will also add to their pile of rage which consumes them. I got my passive aggressive revenge on him with some things that I feel he isn’t sure was me or not. But he mentioned them, thinking they were someone else. And there was deep rage and a narc wound. I think that propels them to quickly run to a supply source to fix it. The fix might come so quickly, that the repair effort doesn’t even register to them as having happened. If you feel rage, but then quickly swig a drink of alcohol, and get numbed out, it doesn’t mean the rage was never there. They just found a way to short circuit the effects. But it will pile up in their unconscious. I am sure of that.

    1. Lou says:

      Hi Sarabella! Good to see you are back. I was wondering about you recently (I was remembering the story about your curly hair).
      Yes, I agree with you. I know my exnarc would have been very upset to find his car scratched in the morning. And I also know he would have found a way to get back to me with a much worse revenge, even if he could not be sure it had been me.
      Hope you will feel better soon.

  4. Lou says:

    HG, are you ok with finding your car all scratched and with the tires flat just before leaving for work? You know ii was probably one of your angry ex-girlfriends but you cannot know for sure. I know the act shows anger towards you, which is fuel, but I am struggling to believe you would be totally ok with this “revenge”.
    I can imagine you are going to say that would never happen to you, but let’s assume you are a less skilled narcissist and you do find your car vandalized and you cannot know for sure who it was. Are you still satisfied because you know someone is angry at you?
    Now that I write all this, I guess you are; at least a part of you is because it makes you feel powerful enough to make someone do such an act.
    Damn you narcs (sorry HG), it is so difficult to deal with you all because you operate within a totally different system.

  5. Debra says:

    HG, is it possible though, that both sides can seep fuel from revenge? Is that not the whole reason anybody takes revenge in the first place? Someone has burned a whole in you and the only thing that can fill it is the delicious fuel of watching them hurt.

    Or sometimes they don’t even need to hurt to give you fuel, some women that are with narcs, turn their pain into a game of who can hurt the other.

    Very petty of course but I’m just saying it how it is.

    Sometimes the thrill of the game alone without necessarily winning is enough to feed the victim’s quota. Some victims shatter, some victims leave, some victims grow stronger, some victims stay still forever until the narc gets bored and then some…. basically turn their pain into pleasure.

    Would those victims become narcs themselves or will they eventually turn back once they have been satiated?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You do not seek fuel unless you are one of our kind. Victims do not become narcissists as adults.

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        You do not seek fuel unless you are one of our kind. Victims do not become narcissists as adults.

        ^i need to hear this alot.
        —–

        ALSO: I have noticed. Being in proximity of narcissism brings out a different type of ‘me’ which is instinctive and knee jerk. It can be mother, family, work place, etc. I do not SEEK them out. I notice them now and how I can ‘change’ around certain energy and dynamics. It is like a magnet pulling things out of me. NOT to blame others’ for my behavior or reactions, but it is eye opening to see traits in me exacerbated from the kind. Exiting (DLS/IPPS) my narc about 5mos out now, finally unthawing and seeing. Wow. That had a ginormous impact on me. I did not “become’ a narc or this or that as an adult. But now that I am aware of it I can re-order it. AND realize, wow that is so not me. I can ACT narcish (but I so so so so care) or like a doormat. It is all re-actionary. Knowledge boat under construction. Embarking a new (em)PATH.

      2. booboo221 says:

        Can you be an empath or a “victim” but also have Narcissistic tendencies? One of the biggest fights I had with my ex-narcissist was when I tried to lie to him to prevent a further blow up.

        He eventually found out the truth and throughly punished me for it, but the part that made him the most upset was he kept saying “you almost had me, I almost believed you…” From then on, he would always say things to me like “I see the truth of you now…you can’t fool me anymore.”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Everbody has narcissistic traits – they vary in number, scope and intensity.

    2. sarabella says:

      Debra,

      I think I know what you mean. But HG is only seeing it as fuel what you described.

      But when you get in this with a narc, it might not be fuel but a way to restore broken power. I think my narc and I got in this dynamic you described. Although, he always broke away first in a rage. I still think it was fun for him when I was playing but not getting that he didn’t care at all. That always prevented me from going too far. But when I stopped caring, I went very far. It took a while for me to understand that some of why I did what I did was to restore my sense of power. Not fuel. When I began fighting with him from a place of wanting my power back, I got too powerful for him. I am pretty certain this is true. And then he just left eventually.

      I am back here because I am going through a rage phase. Just when I think they are gone and over, they still manage to creep back in. I wanted to do something to provoke him. Its been 9 months since we last got in a fight. He stormed off and so did I. But there is a part about my story that is angering me right now and I want to lash out at him. And take more power back from him. But it’s not fuel as HG describes is.

      Think I will hang here for a few days again. I am in need of a innoculation again. To remind me how it all works and why.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        A sensible approach Sarabella, that is part of what the material is there for.

  6. Julie says:

    Ahhh but I did get my sweet revenge…. I left you and disappeared from your sights….I gave you not one speck of attention or hint of what I was thinking or doing. And ohhh how I am enjoying the view from my own pedestal watching you self destruct in the most beautiful ways……. we are not all victims of your mind fucked disease…… some of us turn into Godesses …. nice try though xoxo

  7. cc says:

    I just began reading this to my son’s best friend. He checks on me and smokes with me when he gets off work. Sometimes that is the only interaction I have with other people for days. I could tell I helped him by reading that to him. He is so in love with a mid range narcissist. I’m impressed myself. I treat her like a daughter and never get mad at her for destroying d every chance she gets. I feel like I understand her.

  8. narc affair says:

    I think most narcs love the idea of being hated bc it places great importance on them. Where theres hate theres passion but when passion fades theres indifference. I dont hate my narc for having other sources. I dont like it but i dont hate him. I hate some of the things he does but hate and revenge arent really there for me. I will stand up to him and retaliate but revenge? Why bother? Everyones situation is different but i can honestly say i dont seek revenge and i dont hate my narc.

  9. 12345 says:

    Revenge works for about a a millisecond with the greater. They will really fuck you up after any attempt at revenge. At least that’s my experience.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Revenge works for about a a millisecond with the greater. They will really fuck you up after any attempt at revenge.

      ^yaaaaaaaassss

  10. H. says:

    I don’t understand how the hate and anger “fuels” a Narc. It seems like it defeat’s the whole purpose of the appliance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Read the book ‘Fuel” and you will understand.

  11. H. says:

    There say there is not gain without pain. The pain that comes from accepting the monstrosity of what was.

  12. L F says:

    What a pure coincidence this post is. I can’t help but somewhat laugh although it’s far from funny. My Narc whom I’ve come to know quite well had been giving me the silent treatment for a couple days because I went out with friends the other night and left him home alone. I secretly love the silent treatment but today as usual my “hatred” got the best of me and I lashed out. Silent treatment is now over and he’s blissfully happy again, actually cooking me supper as I write this. Go figure! Lol.

  13. Survivor says:

    We do get revenge! Not by behaving as you and your kind do (vindictive in the extreme) but by being our true authentic selves. You make us want to self-reflect a lot more. You make us want to see the true beauty of ourselves and others and the world at large because we’ve been with you in your darkness for far too long. You want us to be a much better version of ourselves. We went in search of googling WTF is wrong with him / her – and in doing so, came across who we were too (Empaths, HSP’s) which took us on a wonderful adventure into truly knowing who we are and how best to tune in and out. Our best revenge? Self-care, self-awareness and a much deeper spiritual way of being and living. By showing us your darkness, you made our Light that much brighter. That is our revenge! To SHINE.

    1. Salome says:

      What HSP is?
      High Sensitive Person?

      1. Survivor says:

        That’s correct.

    2. DebbieWolf says:

      Survivor.

      👍Agreed.

      Because success is the best revenge.
      Being our best selves regardless of ‘whoever
      🏁

      Narcs don’t have the monopoly on boredom.
      Far from it.
      Sometimes grey rocking it isnt an effort for us regarding them.

      HSP needs things in life that are interesting and fulfilling…HSP ultimately fills up on all experiences and moves on.
      We progress and they do not

      We are beautiful people and rich pickings.
      There isn’t enough room in these comment boxes to list our attributes.. so the narcissist can stick that in their collective pipe and smoke that.

      Let us value ourselves.
      Always.
      Remember who we are.
      Leave them to their contempt ..we have more important things to attend to.

  14. Salome says:

    Dear HG
    Thanks for this article.
    It’s exactly what I needed to read.
    Am I right if I say that the best revenge from my part would be to stay neutral?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. It would be to go no contact and in any engagement that does occur with the narcissist keep it brief and as a fuel-free as possible.

  15. Windstorm2 says:

    I went thru the feeling numb stage and I went thru periods of anger, but I never felt hatred and I certainly never sought revenge or wanted to destroy any of my narcs. Maybe that’s because I never had any golden period. It may also be some default switch in my brain that prevents me from ever going that far.

    I can’t even imagine wanting revenge on anyone for anything. I just respond differently to extreme provocation. I tend to withdraw into introspection and prayer and seek my own healing. And while I know I’m often bizarre, I doubt I’m that unique. There are surely many more empathic people who never turn to revenge and hatred.

    I wonder if this aspect of your victims may be tied to your psychopathy. Maybe this influences the type of victims you choose, the intense golden period you give them, then the level of abuse you subject them to. I have never been involved with a psycopathic narc, except my FIL, but he had a vested interest in protecting my mental health. I have seen many pass thru his poker house and they always triggered an instinctive reaction in me to keep my eyes lowered and hide. There certainly was no attraction on my part. I doubt I was what they were looking for either.

  16. Overthinker says:

    In all fairness if you are writhing in pain from multiple bullet wounds or multiple stabs it would be a good revenge, but I thank you for this post it’s good to know that narc enjoy people hating them, thank god my hate is pretty much gone now. I remember an instance now where I was asking him for three days straight to take me to get my dollars converted into dinars and he kept making excuses but I was getting so mad I wanted spending money him and his friend finally brought me back to the airport where he originally told me not to convert my money because he claimed they would scam me and he kept taking me to underground people who all said they didn’t have enough to make the conversion finally on the fourth day we got to the airport and the exchange counter was closed for two hours I was so angry and stressed I wrapped my hands around his throat and mock choked him I remember now a huge smile came across his face and he looked happy as a kid on Xmas day and I never understood why until now, he was so happy when I did that he gave me a big kiss and treated me like gold for the rest of the day. All makes sense now.

  17. Chandra Cross says:

    I had signed on to this blog long ago but never actually read any of them. Not till this one. Seems the man I’m with is just like you. I was injured, broke my back in a bad car crash. I lost everything that day including him. I have spent weeks and weeks laying on my back thinking about everything. And today I read this. Tell me more is all I can think. Help me understand what my mind can’t wrap around. I’m going to read every one of these.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Read to understand and then you will be making the first step on moving forward.

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