A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 45



Hi there,  you worthless human being. You are a waste of elements. You are using precious life energy to wreak evil on all you touch.
You can be very proud of yourself. You changed me. I was once a beautiful soul. I once trusted, loved and gave all I could to my little world. You stomped on that. I have risen above your paranoia and I’m back with people. But, the other day I found out you were gravely ill. And I laughed. I laughed. I hope that the universe and karma forgive me for that. I hope that, should there actually be a great power watching, that it forgives me for how callous and cold I can be to a person who was once my life.
But I took great pleasure in knowing you were alone and sick. Your family is not interested in you. Your children don’t even speak to you. You are too old, needy and unattractive to snare anything but the most basic and desperate of women. This will not be hard as you live in a country where whores are a dime a dozen. And I laugh at this as well. You, who had a woman who created two businesses for you to suck from. You, who had a bestselling author wife who just couldn’t make ‘enough’ for you. You who had a master chef, a
doting lover and a thoughtful friend. Now, you are faced with the winter of your life feeding rice and beans to someone who cannot even speak your language. Just for the warm body in your bed. Thanks, but my cat is a better bedfellow. I don’t need a dick. Not in the real or the vernacular sense.
I know you don’t miss me in the classical way of the word. But it can’t be easy for a man so proud of his trophy and her awesome talents (always claimed as yours, of course) to live without the Grey Goose and the Cuban cigars. Oh, how it gives me such pleasure to go to the local weed store (DOPE, how you hated it! hahahahaaha) knowing you would shit a blue brick. What sweet revenge it is every time I light up a joint. I live in Colorado now, so I can do this legally. No one cares. I am, of course, an addict (that would be your Reefer Madness mentality). You are so very, very ridiculous with your schedules–what we ate, drank, smoked, etc. A nice glass of the Goose? Only after five. A rich Cohiba? One, shared, and only after five. I delight in drinking a glass of wine with lunch, you control freak. Every time I do something that isn’t part of your ‘world’ I rejoice. I watch sitcoms. I eat toast at three a.m. I take naps. I sometimes go to bed really late. The cat is welcome in my bed. I eat what I want when I want. Every day I have new things to be thankful for.
Nevermind that you can’t stretch your lousy SS benefit and MY income is quite fine, thank you very much. I don’t need to suck off someone else’s tit. What are you doing today to better yourself? I wrote thousands of words today that I will sell. So there.
You don’t own me. Not anymore. I have no one to ‘report’ on the day’s earnings from books wrought from my own head. My stuff. You tried to steal it all the night I left, remember? I have no one now who thinks he can choose my cover art. You have never read my books, for god’s sake! I am still grappling with how I allowed a moron to take over a damn good business I built. That’s my personal issue and I take responsibility for it. Never again. I am the master of my fate and I am the author and marketer of my books.
You hated my family. You hated my friends. You hated people. These days, I can barely take a breath now without a kid, a grandchild, a sister calling upon the vast supply of love I have and wasted on your sorry ass. And I give to them. Endlessly and without any regrets. How very, very tragic that anyone is so bereft of feeling as to lose their family as you have done. As I write this, I drift into feeling sorry for you. How idiotic of me.
I buy my grandchildren toys and clothes. I make great ‘Mom’ dinners. I loan my children money when they need it. You would have a fit. You hated any attention and especially any money I spent on my loved ones. That hundred dollars that put food on my son’s table would have bought you a fancy shirt. Fuck you. I’d rather have a basket of Goodwill costumes for the granddaugthers. Fuck you twice.
It would be something else if you were smart or productive or anything worthwhile. But instead you are a tick. Not only do you prey upon those whose blood you suck, but you spread disease. You did spread your disease to me. I know this as I read the account of your illness and laugh. I am appalled I can hate someone as much as I hate you. I didn’t know I had such venom in me. You created a small monster in me. I am going to kill it, come what may. And, the saving grace is that you don’t even know the monster you made inside me. I’ve done my work. I’ve ignored your sorry excuse for a person. I dance with the devil in the pale moon light, but you will never know. I will take the battle on by myself. The secret of my grief, my fear, my anguish and my hopelessness will remain mine. All you
need to know is that I made the bestseller list. Fill in the blanks, douche. Fuck you three times. IN the ass.
In the fullness of time, I trust I will forgive and I do hope forget. In the meantime, I hope you die a death by a thousand pieces. I hope you die by inches. Millimeters. I want you to reap what you have sown. Rot in Hell. Suffer. Be alone, unloved and poverty stricken. You deserve nothing less. I would not piss on you if you were on fire.

27 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 45

  1. Michaelle says:

    Time to find a new love, that will do it.

  2. Kate says:

    I enjoyed this letter and I hope it was therapeutic for its writer. It is therapeutic for me to read all the victim letters as they all have so much in common with my experiences.

    She deserves some time to process her anger. The ungrateful freeloading self-entitled womanizer with the mind games…. I’m afraid I can relate! And if it appears that karma has brought some justice to the narc then there is nothing wrong with getting some satisfaction from that.

    But hopefully the anger will start to lessen after some period of time, perhaps by a year.

  3. narc affair says:

    I feel your justified anger in this letter. They do create monsters inside of us. Ive caught myself very angry and have lashed out at my narc. Abuse will do that to a person. Itll transform you.
    The fact you are a bestselling writer is something to use and heal with. Ive always been a creative person and my most healing moments are when im creating something. I feel calm and a huge sense of accomplishment. Its an outlet to pour myself into and feel whole. I know others who have creativity will know what im talking about. Use your gift to heal from the abuse youve endured.
    You are free now and it sounds like youve embraced that freedom and are living again, truely living!
    I wish we could see your books but i realise this is anonymous. Congrats on making the bestsellers list!
    Your anger is justified but dont let it consume you bc your narc already consumed so much of your life already. All the best in the future 💓

  4. Anger used to frighten me at one time. Now I see it as soul cleanser.If an emotion scares you, you may want someone else to not feel that way. I catch myself a lot trying to tell somebody how to feel, but i have to stop myself. Denying feelings is perpetuating abuse,even if it does not feel like it. Do feel the fear at her anger,but don’t deny it’s reality.

    Now, LL,
    I invite you to com’on a my house. We’ll spark a fatty, adjust the attitude, and watch current irritations of the narcs we know, going up in smoke!
    4:20 right here, right now! (Or somewhere in the world, just adjust the clock)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      “Spark a fatty” – sounds messy.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        ” You don’t need to forgive, if you are addressing forgiveness you are still engaging with us. You have no need to.”

        Thanks for clarifying HG .

      2. Oh, that made me laugh!
        It can be contained in an ashtray.
        I hope it does not require translation?!

  5. nikitalondon says:

    wow THIS is sadly very negative .. hate is not good.
    Try to forgive but dont forget and clean your inner soul frol the anger you are feeling, dont carry anger. … let go … find peace..leave it behind and really enjoy the new you .

    1. Iconoclast says:

      I agree this letter is highly negative and more than likely a form of cleansing for the author.

      I’m still in the angry stage, so this letter empowered me to write my version.

      And do I feel less rage now? Yes!

      So I’m guessing/hoping the next stage will be peace?

      I’m not sure about forgiveness.

      How do I find that within me when there is no closure?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You don’t need to forgive, if you are addressing forgiveness you are still engaging with us. You have no need to.

  6. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    You are consumed by hate, so sad… It’s ok to never want to see them again, but if we hate, we’re not completely “over” them and even if we believe so, we are still exposed to their kind, because we are unbalanced. I think the christian rule asking us to “forgive” does us better than it does to our “enemies”. Only that way we are free, I think that’s what HG wants to underline by no emoti(c)ons attached. If we stay with a narcissist (maybe only in our thoughts, by hating him) for too long, even if we are empaths, we’ll “borrow” some narc traits.
    We should learn -we have to recognize we wanted it to work more than they wanted and our emotions did “the trick” for them- let it go and bring our rational power back to us, as our hearts/hopes/dreams mislead us.
    Keep only your good feelings, for the worthy ones!

  7. Overthinker says:

    I love this letter

  8. Sandra says:

    Oooh, sidenote: Your story immediately brought to mind Margaret Keane, the famous Big Eyes artist with the narc husband!

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      SANDRA— great film. watched it when i was in a narc relationship before i knew wth was going on. it resonated. he was meh about it. i remember how “nothing” he acted. like a weird overly bland response to a rented movie i knew nothing about. and felt eery similarities. a few months later the dots connected and i was/am out. nc. bigger eyes.

  9. Sandra says:

    Hm, I actually cheered for this letter.

    It has to feel cathartic for an articulate empath who has swallowed so much insidious abuse over the years to give her narcissist a taste of the same vitriolic scorn.

    This isn’t a letter meant to be sent…she is satisfied with the comfort of her success and peace. It is simply the true expression of her rage for the exploitation she endured, shared in a safe forum.

  10. Deborah T says:

    Slow clap as I stand up giving you a standing O. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  11. Loulou says:

    I love this letter. Yes it sounds angry and bitter but that’s what the narcs bring out in us. It does not mean that you are an angry and bitter person. You just have to get through the emotions how you see fit. And about forgiveness – don’t even try. Forgiveness is not all it’s cracked up to be. I tried it and thought I was doing it for me to feel free. But nope. It doesn’t work for everyone. Don’t feel guilt if you can’t forgive. The narc never felt guilt why should you. I love the part about the weed. I love to smoke the vitamin W but my narc said that was never his thing as it did nothing for him. That was the first red flag. He said coke was his thing back in the day. Well I have been around that scene plenty and makes sense that that was his drug as it made the loser under achiever feel more omnipotent.

    1. Not So Sad says:

      I completely agree Loulou..

      Forgiveness isn’t on my agenda, it never has been & never will be.
      Why should we forgive them, I mean it’s not as if they dont see us as treacherous evil bitches for letting them down, It didn’t stop them from attempting to drain the all the goodness from our hearts & toss us to one side when they’d all but destroyed us.

      Personally I’m not stronger after years of abuse, I’m filled with hatred & anger that the vile bastard who did it to me escaped justice.

      NO..I’m never going to forgive because “it’s” not worthy of my forgiveness..

      AND if there is a HELL I hope there’s a special place for every single one of them…

  12. Blank says:

    This letter sounds really nasty. What a bitch, was my first reaction. But then I remember myself, at one time, wanting to kill someone. Just anyone I could have killed at that time, I was so angry. Never have been in my life before. Like all the anger of my life came out at once. I locked myself in my bedroom and haven’t seen anyone for a week. Then it was over. Now I am not angry or hurt or anything like that anymore, because I don’t want to think back. I just wish all people could be kind to each other. Everything that happens on this planet is far from fair and righteous. I often wish that I would never have been born. Just don’t know how to deal with all the iniquity in this world.

    1. Catherine says:

      I recognise the fury in this letter, and I felt it strongly too. The scary part was that it wasn’t just directed towards him but towards everyone in my life. I couldn’t stand to have anyone around me for awhile. I never felt this kind of anger before.

  13. Patricia J says:

    Know that you have been heard here by the right people who understand.
    Be well on your journey.👞

  14. JenniferJ says:

    This made me laugh :-)) It’s a very entertaining letter.
    “It would be something else if you were smart or productive or anything worthwhile. But instead you are a tick.” LOL!!
    Thank you for the giggles, and well done to you for all your successes.

  15. Salome says:

    LL seems to have so many narcissistic traits…

    1. narc affair says:

      No i think LL has been a victim and is very angry which they have every right to be. They are a loving person who now gives that love to people who deserve it.

  16. Iconoclast says:

    To the writer of this letter….. I hear you, see you in me and we
    are not looking back.

    Strength to us!

  17. Bibi says:

    This loser is not worth all this energy. One of the things I regretted was waving my accomplishments in the face of my narcissist, as of that would make him realize I was better than he or that he’d be missing out on something with me. I only looked foolish. I immediately regretted it afterwards. An artist values ideas, not sales.

  18. You are a wise woman, and wonderful with words!
    I particularly enjoyed you graphic descriptions of the wonderful life he had been living and contrasting the dire straits he has brought upon himself.
    Ignoring him and living well is the best revenge. May you continue to do so! <3

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