A Letter To the Narcissist – No. 49


Dear Mr. Mediocre,

Oh, come on now – let’s stop pretending you’re offended by the way I addressed you. I mean, after all that is in fact what you strived for.  I must admit it continues to baffle me.  For someone as intelligent as myself I never could wrap my mind around the idea that someone would strive to be average and actually be content coasting toward a whole bunch of nothingness.

When I first met you I thought you could be special.  Little did I know just how disappointing you would turn out to be – but at one point I saw something in you that caught my attention. Let me add that it is extremely difficult to catch my attention.  Well, you were weird and I was on the hunt for something new and exciting to become fixated on.  That reptilian stare gets me every time doesn’t it? I know it gets you too.  I mean after all you were mesmerized by those big green eyes that were full of intensity and made you feel as if you mattered.  I hunted you down.  I chose you.  Oh at first you lapped it all up.  You lived for the high I gave you.  It was entertaining to watch you play all coy with me.  I even thought it was cute how you would take different routes around the building just so you could get a glimpse of me.  You even started to keep deodorant in your desk.  I know how you would wait in anticipation on certain days when you knew I would be around – hoping… that I would come by your room and grace you with my presence.  Remember when I used to hide notes under your car handle and how excited you were to find them?

You were completely entranced and  taken with me …but were hesitant to give into me. You questioned my motives and even insinuated that I was a “man-eater”.

Well, I figure there’s no point in keeping that charade up any longer because after all we aren’t playing a game anymore.  Since I’m not seducing you lets keep this direct and simple.  You don’t deserve anything flowery or poetic. I told you everything you wanted to hear.  I reflected back the perfect partner – so much so that I actually almost believed it.  I was so generous I even let you feel as though you were in control.  In the haze of infatuation I actually believed I could make those sacrifices because I would get everything I wanted in return and more.  I tried to be myself, I really did but you wouldn’t allow it.  You constantly rejected it as if you were above me when I was the one who was doing a favor by dating you.  I was the unique one.  I was the charismatic, charming, intelligent, beautiful one out of the both of us.  Sadly, you are dumber than I thought.

You really are beneath me. How could you not have enough sense to recognize that I am the best you will ever have in your life?  I recognize now you can’t help the fact that you are so simple minded – or a “simple tool” as your mother called you.  You would have been content with a peasant because you are a peasant.  To add insult to injury you are a closeted homosexual.  Now, I had a feeling you were bisexual since I spied on many of the things you did.  I was okay with that.  I could have accepted you if you had just allowed me to be myself and appreciated the greatness that was right in front of you.  You just had to shove your common – average – boring – insipid ideas and traits on me and couldn’t bring a single thing to the table.  I was under the impression if I kept giving you what you wanted I’d get what I wanted but as usual you fucked up and couldn’t do anything I asked of you.  It’s pathetic really.  You couldn’t even fake anything properly.  You should have been proud of the fact I not only had my masters but I achieved my doctorate and even managed to get published while dealing with your theatrics.  I am a reflection of you – you idiot.  You should have been happy to brag about me. You never respected me – even in regards to my profession.  It’s confusing because I was the one who had the people skills that saved you every single time you got sloppy and made yourself look like the loser you really are.

You really weren’t good for anything Other than getting on your knees and servicing me.  Try not to get a hard on from that line.  I know how much you love it when I make you feel like the loser you are. You don’t get to get away with all of the whining and pushing weird sexual shit on me – basically making me feel as though I were a prostitute – no.  You now have to sit there and listen to me calmly tell you what a nobody you really are. I’m doing you a favor.  You should know the truth about yourself.

Did you honestly believe I didn’t know the majority of the bullshit you pulled? I loved toying with you.  It was hilarious puppetting you around. You never knew how to handle me.  The look of panic on your face was priceless when I would drop hints I knew you were hiding things from me.

You never met my friends and didn’t know about the existence of many of them. You thought I didn’t have any.  The truth is that you would just make me look bad.  You wouldn’t even try to engage anyone in conversation because you have absolutely nothing to contribute other than sports statistics, beer, and your extensive  knowledge on big dick dating websites, small penis humiliation, and bareback tranny porn.  It evades me what I ever saw in you.

Things aren’t always what they seem.  I’m the most honest liar you will ever meet. You never knew me.  We were both strangers parading around as if we were in a relationship.  I even fed you lies at times to see if you would betray me and you did.  You never had my back.  I couldn’t tell you anything. You were a Benedict piece of shit through and through.  I’m beginning to get bored writing this letter.  That is how much you don’t stimulate me.  I figured I’d be kind enough to give you some closure since I basically vanished from your life because I just didn’t care enough to provide you with any real explanation.

I’ll never tell you all the things I know about you.  What’s the fun in that? It’s so much more exciting when everyone knows but you.
I sleep easy knowing that I don’t have to do anything to destroy you.  You do the work for me.  You aren’t worth the energy – that would require me to care and I just don’t.  Its unfortunate for me that I wont ever get the pleasure of seeing you crumble as I say all of these words to you in that apathetic and condescending tone you despise so much.  No need for anymore words.  I have nothing left to say.  I still stand by my silence.  That was the best way to deal with you.  I had to remind you that you don’t matter and I did.

Never yours,
Dr. H. Q. Somebody


72 thoughts on “A Letter To the Narcissist – No. 49”

  1. Love your ability to self-reflect, analyze and hit brutal truths. And since I first came upon HG’s blog, I’ve absolutely loved your sense of humor…

    I mean really, it’s just not possible to keep a straight face with stuff like this: “I’m beginning to get bored writing this letter. That’s how much you don’t stimulate me.” LOL! Damn straight! (I half expected you to say you lost interest and were heading out to the grocery store).

    Great letter, written by someone who – if you *had* to be plagued by a narcissist – absolutely should have scored a Greater…(uh, no – let’s just skip the whole Beauty and the Beast thing altogether).

    But no doubt about it — you rock, and you rocked your letter!

    1. Caroline,

      Thank you so much for your support! I’m glad I gave you a laugh. Sometimes you just have to look at the absurdity and well…laugh.

  2. Wow Doc!
    You rock!

    Hard to recognize mediocrity in those eyes when they reflect back your intensity and passion.
    You saw it when they dulled down to the void of him. And he wanted you to be void. First be you, then be me…(gag,hork)
    And I’ve told lies to catch betrayers, it’s the best way, they smear themselves when they try to tell some tale out of school that couldn’t possibly have happened. I exposed my narcs spy lieutenant and got her punished with that strategy.
    And the porn sites! OMG, is that a narc requirement,now? You crack me up with small penis humiliation and bareback tranny sites.

    Did you know about Narcs before him, or because of him?

    I ask, because I regard you as educated, intelligent and feisty.
    So, I think this silly thing, like you would have some kind of “protection” from this.
    Like what’s a magnificent Harley like you doing with that joker.

    I had thought making myself the hunter would give me some control over what kind of person I pick.
    More likely some peacock will wave it’s tale/tail at me and I’ll end up with a mouthful of feathers.

    Thank you so so much for sharing this!

    1. Persephoneascending,

      Thank you so much for your feedback. I did know about narcissists before my ex; however I did not realize that it could manifest this way. At first I thought he could possibly be a sociopath but realized that didn’t quite fit. It was only probably about half way into the relationship when I was fighting with him I said the words (while fighting of course) “There is a serious discrepancy between who you think you are and who you actually are” that I was like “OMG, could he be a narcissist?”

      The interesting part about all this is that I had come across textbook narcissists in my personal life and professional life and that is what I thought narcissism really was. I now understand that these traits and characteristics can manifest in various different ways.

      I actually thought for awhile that my ex had an auditory processing issue and had ADHD. I still stand by both but now I realize that his lack of insight and lying and picking fights and utter lack of responsibility were a product of something else …narcissism.

      I even sometimes toyed with the idea that he could be on the spectrum because to be real with you – he couldn’t read social cues very well. His filter was so off. He really believed that people thought highly of him. Autism runs in his family; however I have no doubt it is narcissism instead of him being on the spectrum.

      He is extremely attention seeking and always wants an emotional reaction out of people. He has like no insight and draws the most bizarre relationships between events. It is never his fault.

      He is always in a relationship and the same problems go from one relationship to the next. I’ve seen the same complaints documented by previous girlfriends of the past.

      There is just so much evidence to point to narcissism it is ridiculous. I can see how people can mistake lower functioning narcs (like mid-rangers) for being on the spectrum when they are not.

      The auditory processing issue you have to laugh about because he literally heard something completely different from what I would say to him. HG cleared that up for me lol!

      I had far more experiences with Cluster B’s such as sociopaths and psychopaths, borderlines, and histrionics – I now have a much greater understanding of how narcissism can present itself because of HG. I am very grateful for all of his help. I have an overwhelming amount of respect for him and what he does.

      1. Dr HQ….
        Interesting on the ADHD and autism info in regard to your ex. Way back when I did some digging on Mr. Piano Recital’s ex (the predecessor before me that he almost left his wife for) I learned that she is autistic (higher functioning though) as well. Part of me wonders if maybe this was something that attracted him to her….or maybe it was because he had some of those same traits as her…..or maybe she was just more vulnerable because of that and was easier to manipulate and take advantage of. He strung her along for 2 years with future faking. And then when he got caught he ditched her and told me he never spoke to her again. Later on that story changed as he still kept in touch with her. LOL. I wonder if she is still in his matrix.

        By the way, great letter. I am sending mine later to HG and I hope it gets chosen!

  3. God bless, I’d love to pick your brain. Your letter, your posts, you’re like a human Rubik’s cube. I dig that.

    I wonder if HG were to put Super Empaths into classes if you’d be an Upper Super Empath?

    I’m pretty sure I’d be a Mid-Ranger Super Empath. I’m typically difficult to anger. However, I have a few legendary violent outbursts that shock the crap out of those who have never seen me mad and know me well.

    Maybe I’d be a Lesser Super Empath if I didn’t know the difference between you’re a narcissist, they’re narcissistic, and there you will find the narcissist. Plus, clearly annunciating the profanities I spew classes it up a notch. 😂

    What did your ex do for a living? What drew you to him aside from the challenge?

    1. Sophia,

      Whatever you are – you are wonderful. People often fail to understand that we are more than just one thing. So what if you curse and have had some violent outbursts. You are human. I have had some myself. There are plenty of situations and people that can bring that out of you. I am not saying that we shouldn’t take responsibility for our behavior but accept who you are and that we all have moments. I am so many things. I know myself and I know I have narcissistic traits.

      When terrible things happen, I swing into my narcissism. My narcissism is how I cope. It is my defense mechanism and is what has worked and continues to work for me.

      I wrote this through the lens of my narcissistic side. It is me. It is a part of me. I wrote another one from the other side that has yet to be posted. You will see many different sides of me.

      My ex is a special education teacher.

    2. Sophia,

      I was in a relationship with a narcissist prior to my ex. I was desperate for someone or anything to make me feel alive…or anything. I was extremely depressed. I saw someone different and weird and I wanted to figure it out. I became fixated. I wanted him to be the one. He was so far from it.

      1. Dr HQ,

        I guess it is this need, whether to feel alive or desirable etc, that makes us so vulnerable to the clutches of the narc.

        We need to realise we don’t anyone, let alone a narc to make us feel good.

      2. Thank you for this paragraph. That is exactly how I felt about my last ex, but never heard it described by anyone else. I felt those things you wrote so strongly as well.

  4. Maybe I’m not too bright, but this sounds exactly like the sort of letter an N would send to his/her partner….so is that what the idea was supposed to be..? That the N’s partner has taken on the N’s nasty characteristics and is now reflecing that back to the N? Or were they both narcissists in the relationship?

  5. If this letter is “honest”, it is the letter of a narcissist. If it is some kind of revenge, it is perfect. They do understand what is meant and it wounds.

  6. “You don’t get to get away with all of the whining and pushing weird sexual shit on me – basically making me feel as though I were a prostitute – no. ”

    I can identify with this sentence so much. I think recognizing and acknowledging that this is how Narchole was making me feel was a big turning point for me, going from Madonna to whore.

    It’s definitely a No from me……..

    1. ANK,

      I’m glad that I helped you recognize some things about yourself :).

      You are a strong person and you will get through this an even stronger person in time.


  7. Dr. 🎩👈🏻
    Your letter gave me a whole new dimension to the matrix of NPD.
    Not only did you move above the ‘winning or losing’ consept.
    You also moved it above the consept of a ‘win-win’ outcome.
    You managed to make it a zero-sum game, voting in your favor. And for that I take a bow.

    PS: enjoy eating the whole award winning cake👌🏻

    1. Mb,

      No I am not one of HG’s doctors but I am a “Good Doctor”.

      The “Good Doctor’s” are human too.

      I am human.

      1. Yeeees….I never questioned ‘human-ness’or ‘reality’of letter, just asked HG ( who refers to ‘his’treatment PsyD’s as ‘the good Doctors’ 😉if Hq was one of his, and he answered. 👍My last sentence was in regard to ‘IF’ HQ ‘were’one of those who treated him posting that letter ‘would have been ‘unprofessional. That is all. I’ve read other of your posts and thought not, am glad for HG. No unprofessionalism during his treatment. 😊

        Hope that clears my comment up for you HQ.

  8. Ahahahah!wonderful . I feel the same . I am so much better than both my ex . More intelligent , funny , I speak 4 languages , have elegant friends around the world they never met . And best of all ? I knew something was wrong with them , not exactly what , but they don’ t deserve me . I lied a lot to both of them , and I am a very honest person . It was only with them . They will never know , on the contrary I knew they were lying

  9. Loved reading you, Dr HQ!!

    Thank you for that – yes, you & all the rest of us are doing these assholes a favor they don’t deserve.

    We are too good for them. They are not good enough for us.

    ” I tried to be myself, I really did but you wouldn’t allow it. ”
    – This.

    You rock! Narcs can’t handle authenticity, they are too lost in their own fake BS.

    May I ask – how long did all this go on?

    I love your sense of humor, too – love your contributions to this community 😊

    1. Nuit Etoilee,

      Thank you so much for your support. I can’t help but be myself. You love me or you hate me lol!

      This went on for technically 5 years. The affair for 1 year and the relationship for 4.

  10. Great letter Dr HQ!
    Ive been working on my letter but I doubt it will get posted since it’s just not mean enough.

    I LOL at the “ you kept deodorant in your desk”….that made me snort laugh!

      1. HQ,
        I am going to send HG my letter for consideration as soon as I get home from work. I also wanted to add that I am slightly jealous of you. Your approach and attitude and candor…I hope I can get there someday. You are a hoot and I have a feeling we would get along so well in real life. The fact that you are an actual doctor is also awesome. You have the best approach and are utterly hilarious. Utterly used for emphasis. 🙂

  11. HG, the image you have chosen, may I ask who it is? And why you chose it for this letter.

    HQ, have you through reading HGs work come to realize you too are a narcissist? If so, how has HG’s vast work helped you understand yourself.

    Based on specific points in your letter. Your dialogue is approached from the narcissists perspective. Which is quite overt and powerful.

    Unless you wrote the letter intentionally through the narcissistic lens.
    i.e. dramatic licence.

      1. HG,

        Thank you for the lovely picture. I am not even joking when I say that. I believe it is perfect for my letter.

  12. Dr. Q
    You had me laughing with these sentences: “Sadly, you are dumber than I thought. sports statistics, beer, and your extensive knowledge on big dick dating websites, small penis humiliation, and bareback tranny porn” I agree; he really was beneath you. Got your six.

    1. ABW,

      He would never get the pleasure of receiving my letter. I had a difficult enough time writing it because I don’t like to dedicate any energy towards him. He is just so not worth it.

      I honestly did this as a therapeutic exercise – one that I often tell my clients to do. I would be a hypocrite to not practice what I preach.

      Don’t worry…he feels bad enough for himself – you don’t need to feel bad for him lmao.

      The truth is that I would never and I mean NEVER write a letter to him. I disappeared on him for a reason.

      He isn’t worth having an exchange with.

      1. I understand you chose him and he turned out to be a mistake. He wasn’t up to your standards. He disappointed you as he couldn’t fulfill your expectations… but surely he must have done more than that to deserve this level of degrading and humiliation. I feel like I am missing something in your letter Harley.

  13. You still seem lost in the emotional sea that HG describes, trying to prove why you win. At the end of the day you are writing a long letter to him (even if it is ironic – can’t tell) while he’s out getting laid. Why try to win at the Narc’s game. Why deny who you are to try to prove you outdo him in his arena? For those who think this is a letter of a Supernova, I’m not so sure. I hope HG weighs in some day.

    1. Wavey,

      That is your opinion. You have only seen one of my letters. That is one side of me. I wrote the letter as a therapeutic exercise considering it is important for me to practice what I preach to clients.

      I don’t deny who I am. I embrace who I am. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I’m okay with them.

      It makes no difference to me what my ex is doing. I never check up on him. When I cut him off it is as if he died.

      I made sure he had no way to find out information about me.

      When I cut – I cut.

      I don’t need to know what he is doing.

      It makes no difference to me who he is torturing now – although he will always be torturing himself.

  14. Brilliant, witty, ingenious! I love your letter Dr HQ, the way you turn the tables on him, declaring him not in any way worthy of you. Which of course couldn’t be more true.

    1. Catherine,

      Thank you so much for your support. It is nice to know that you understand my perspective lol!

  15. I guess I’m not very bright can’t tell if this is genuinely written by a narcissist or someone mocking how a narcissist would feel and write a letter.I need more sleep my brain is not functioning

  16. Mmm…very interesting letter, Doctor!

    Your ability to tell things as they really are and your directness won my respect. People might think that you are “sharp and bitchy”, but nooo, it is a façade that hides very tender soul. Of course, you aren’t a Narc. You are the Truest Rebel in the world! Lol.

    I see a lot of pain in your “fighting” letter. A lot. Every “harsh” accusation to your ex-man reflects it.

    The Cluster B men are definitely not your type of men. You need an Empath. Very strong, balanced Empath. He would see and accept you as you are, and his internal strength and balance don’t permit you to “manipulate” him. He would just see through you!

    Moreover, you couldn’t resist to his strength and, want it or not, you would start to gain your own internal peace and balance just merely being around him. Empaths harmonize everything they touch automatically! And believe me, it isn’t boring at all. Lol.

    Of course, you would fight with him at the beginning, but, very soon, you would realize that it is absolutely meaningless and then you give yourself in to a healing power of Nature.

    You are a kind soul, Doctor, albeit you express it in a clumsy way (no offense!). No one just taught you how to do it properly. But. You are here and you are changing. You are heading to your authenticity and that’s very very good.

    Big big hug to you, dear, and thank you for your letter.

  17. Boom! Been thinking about how I could not give two flying f**** about writing to him after 5 years of absolute bullshit. And you’ve expressed the WHY perfectly: it ain’t worth it. At least not now. Maybe in 30/40 years when some of his egomaniacal force has subsided, we’ll meet up again and I’ll allow him to shed a few crocodile tears before reminding him that he chose the path of evil and thus his soul is destined to eternal despair.
    On a different note I find it disconcerting that many “empaths” in the comment section are writing in such judgemental ways! Having been exposed to the endless cascade of manure that was judgement from my Narc (who, like HG, belongs to the British Elite), I just can’t help but go the opposite way and never judge anyone, for anything, ever. When you judge you automatically put yourself on a level superior to the judged… which is hypocritical and narcissistic. And easy to do in this hypocritical world!

  18. Fantastic, tell it like it is letter! I love this letter!

    For those wondering if dr. Hq is a narc, it may be confusing, but she is not. She is highly empathic but knows her value. Hey, the guy cheated on her with other guys that have ‘big dicks’ in the woods! Yuck! I would feel nothing for him too.

    When she first came on this site, some pple did not agree w her style, as is happening now. As u get to know her, u will realize that there are two sides to her, the professional side, and the non-professional side. She does not use the psych lingo all the time since she is here for personal reasons.

    She is quite fiesty! I love it!


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