The Igniters of Fury – No. 12


90 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 12

  1. DebbieWolf says:


    It was already getting dark here.
    I didnt open any doors.
    I did the right thing.
    Still doing it.
    Nevertheless it was a horrible birthday.
    I never went anywhere and saw no one.
    I had some contact via technology elsewhere but that was hurtful.
    Thankyou to all the lovely ladies here who sent their love and care. It was so very much appreciated and I will never forget it.โค


    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Next bday will be easier. Plan to go out with a friend or a weekend trip. Tell no one so the narc canโ€™t find out. ๐Ÿฆ‹

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Thank you WS2. Good advice xx

    2. E. B. says:


      I am sorry to read it was hurtful. I was thinking of you on your birthday and read your comments. You were very strong and resisted the hoover! It will get easier next time you do it. Narcissists know that many people are vulnerable to a birthday or a Christmas hoover, especially if they know their targets are alone at home. Society expects people to let go of unresolved conflict and to forgive others. Narcissists take advantage of this fact by hoovering us with unwanted presents, telephone calls, messages and visits. Your ex will probably hoover you at Christmas too. If you feel uncomfortable staying alone at home, do you have any friends in the place where you live you can spend Christmas with?

  2. Watch Me Rise says:

    Ok Iโ€™m curious why some articles appear and some do not. Iโ€™ve been reading up on many articles and come across some that have no text. Can anyone help?

    PS – this is an amazing site that I have come to study more and more as I unravel the ex-narc thank you HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You need to say the magic word “meme”.

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        Drinking game:

        When HG says meme. ๐Ÿป

  3. DebbieWolf,

    So sorry to hear he is back.
    Stay strong.You know how to do this.


    1. DebbieWolf6 says:

      Thanks Perse..

      Im on it..but I am not undetestimating feeling the tiny daggers in my heart ..

      Fucking Ouch!!!!!
      It hurts.
      Hes left thoughtful gifts.

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        *typo hell*..!!!
        Im breathing. . .breath. breath lol

      2. DebbieWolf,

        So sorry about the pain. It DOES hurt. So do those thoughtful gifts. Trash bin or charity. Do not open the door till he is long gone.
        Read your own posts. Read whatever other posts will remind and inspire you. Or take a day trip and do something that will distract you once you can safely leave.
        You’re DebbieWolf.
        Not his appliance.

      3. Jenna says:


        Pls stay strong during the hoovers. Take one deep breath in, then release it slowly. Try to regulate ur breathing. I feel for u. The breathing part is so hard.

  4. DebbieWolf says:

    Oh. Hes at the door. I havent answered.Feel heart beat ..that stress speed beat. I will have to lay low it seems.

  5. HG,

    “Youโ€™re 22, not 8 TP20!!”

    You’re not gonna get any likes for that!!

    I vote I make thepianist20 a nice silky chocolate sin cake for her next bday!
    (Do you like chocolate, TP20? If not, then whatever kind you like!)


    1. thepianist20 says:

      Wow! That’s an awesome choice of cake, Perse!

      I would love that cake for my next birthday! <3

      I LOVE Chocolate! <3 It's my favorite! ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. Chocolate sin cake it is!

        1. thepianist20 says:

          Yummy! Can’t wait! ๐Ÿ˜Žโค๏ธ

      2. Tappan Zee says:

        First of all. Happy belated birthday P20. I think the “you’re 22 not 8 is funny.” Like laugh out loud. HOWEVER. There is a hollow truth to it. My experience with abuse is deep. Stemming from narc parents as well. So when I feel something, initiated from them (or denied from) it does not feel my age. I do not feel my age or mature. I am guesing it is unhealed wounds not even scanned over. Their injuries hurt now, as if then. It is the same pain and sort of twilight zones me as to “how old” the person is experiencing the pain. I know it’s “me” but feels like “her” (little tiny super sensitive pain sponge me) I get it. xx

        1. thepianist20 says:


          The thing is, when it comes to emotional maturity, we almost never mature emotionally,

          Maybe by other means we might mature a lot, but with the emotional damage done, nothing can be done

          People in my workplace question me why I still behave like a kid, and it bothers me.

          I have tried telling them that I have had no exposure of the outside world. But well, not matter what I day to justify my wounds, I can’t erase the narc abuse that has been inflicted upon me.

          That’s how skin deep narc abuse affects people.

        2. thepianist20 says:

          Thank you very much Tappan Zee, ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Ž

          Narc abuse actually strikes really deep, especially when it comes to narc parents abusing their child.

          Talking about feeling your age and maturing, I can totally relate to that.

          Since that I’m an only child, I’ve had no exposure of the outside world whatsoever. So, when I started work a month ago, my colleagues started questioning me on why am I so kiddish? Even if I tell them that I’ve had no exposure, or explain myself, they don’t understand or can’t relate to me.

          That’s how skin deep narc abuse affects a person

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            I know exactly what youโ€™re talking about. I went thru the same thing with my first job and getting out into the world. I was like a fish out of water. I didnโ€™t know how to do all the things other people expected everyone to know. I had never hardly even gone out to dinner or a movie. They had no clue how I had been โ€œshelteredโ€ i.e. cut off from reality all my life.

  6. Happy Birthday DebbieWolf!!!
    Your wonderful posts have been a gift to me.
    Sorry I didn’t get you anything… ๐Ÿ™

    1. DebbieWolf says:


      How lovely of you to say. Thankyou for those thoughtful words. Gifts in their own right. You ‘have’ given me something and it is in the ether..easily retrieved. Thoughts live and can be collected .. kept sweetly as kindness wrought. Xx๐Ÿฐ

  7. DebbieWolf says:

    Annnnnd 00.49 UK time.
    The hoover.

    1. Jenna says:


      Are u noting hg’s time or do u live in the uk?

      Pls stay strong during the hoovers. Post here instead.

      Vent here. Tell us, what’s going on, only if u wish to.

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Hi Jenna

        Yes I live in the UK.Not to worry re Hoover. So far it is just a card through to say H.Birthday and wishing me a lovely day.

      2. DebbieWolf says:

        Ps…Nex works sometimes too..hence passes at all hours…I was up nearly all night. I couldnt sleep. Hence stayed here..if anything my birthday will be a ‘yawny’ day..haha..but all is quiet on tbe western front.

      3. DebbieWolf says:

        Works *nights* sometimes..

  8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Happy birthday debbiewolf!!! xx

    1. DebbieWolf says:

      Thank you Harleen ๐ŸŒน
      That is kind of you.๐Ÿ˜Š xx

  9. DebbieWolf says:

    HG..Cake isnt age sensitive. 22 or no.
    If cake was age sensitive there would be none at weddings.
    Or at bachelor parties with girls jumping out of them..
    Plenty of cake for adults too please!

    1. thepianist20 says:


      Thanks for the backup, Debbie ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Haha…had to be done … it’s cake! ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿฐ

        Everyone deserves a piece.
        Anyone missing a piece of cake can have a little piece of mine.. it is my birthday in a couple of days… and to ensure I get any cake I admit I have to buy one! Lol.

        While I’m having a slice I will be looking over my shoulder because I am expecting to be hoovered without fail.

        Its ok though. No surprises.
        I don’t really celebrate my birthday anymore so there is nothing for anyone to spoil.

        1. thepianist20 says:

          Yaaaaaay! Thank you๐Ÿ˜Ž

          Happy early Birthday!!!! ๐Ÿง๐Ÿฐ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿฎ Hope you enjoy your birthday regardless!!

          1. DebbieWolf says:

            Thank you TP20..x

          2. thepianist20 says:

            You’re welcome Debbie ๐Ÿ™‚

        2. Windstorm2 says:

          Happy Birthday! ๐ŸŽ‰ ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ
          Hope you have a great day. I learned years ago to buy my own cake, too. I buy my own gift as well! That way I always have both and donโ€™t resent my family for not getting me anything. No one else can ruin my celebrations!

          1. DebbieWolf says:

            Thank you WS2 xx
            Yes..haha…I do treat myself too..๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ

      2. jenna says:

        Happy bday in advance debbiewolf! ๐ŸŽ‰

        1. DebbieWolf says:

          Hey Jenna…

          ๐Ÿ˜Š Thank you for your good wishes. Xx๐Ÿฐ

    2. narc affair says:

      Happy birthday debbiewolf!!! Enjoy and pamper yourself! ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‚

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Hello NarcAffair..thank you so much..xx

        I defo am going lovely people are here on HG’s blog. A treasure trove of jewels. So kind. ๐Ÿ’–

    3. E. B. says:

      Happy Birthday, DebbieWolf !!

      1. DebbieWolf says:

        Thank you so much E.B.x
        Have a piece ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿ˜Š.
        Big smiles.โœŒ

        1. E. B. says:

          Thank you, Debbie! Hope you are having a great day! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. thepianist20 says:

    My narc parents never even gave me a cake on my birthday ๐Ÿ™

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      That is horrible. I feel very much for all of you all who never had birthdays celebrated. One thing I have to give my mother credit for – she always got a cake for my birthday and for my childrenโ€™s birthdays (never my father, though Lol!). Of course she only got her favorite type of cake and from her favorite bakery, decorated in her favorite colors – but she did always get one until Alzheimerโ€™s affected her thinking. I often thought she looked forward to those cakes more than we did.

      1. thepianist20 says:

        They usually did buy cake for my birthday, but they don’t invite anybody ๐Ÿ™

        They just didn’t buy me a cake on my 22nd birthday :/

        Selfish narcs!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re 22, not 8 TP20!!

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Well Iโ€™m 60 and I still get excited for a birthday cake! ๐ŸŽ‚. Enjoying celebrations is ageless.

          2. thepianist20 says:

            LOL! ๐Ÿ˜‚

            Good one, HG!


      2. thepianist20 says:

        HG, I said selfish narcs cuz my narc parents had cakes for their birthdays this year and they were being over-dramatic.

        My lesser narc mom posed with 3 different dresses before cutting the cake, and dad clicked 40+ pics of mom in 2 hours.

      3. thepianist20 says:

        Thank you for the backup Windstorm2 ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

  11. Megan says:

    Luckily I was still in the golden period during my birthday so I got at $500 smith and wesson gun as a gift. So extreme for him to have spent that much money on my birthday.

  12. gabbanzobean says:

    Happy Birthday Bekah! ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Bekah B says:

      Thank you Gabz!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. gabbanzobean says:

    But you always hoover me on my birthday, Mr. Piano at Church!
    (insert eye roll here)

  14. Lo says:

    Oh okay. Thank
    You. My mid ranger gives me nice gifts and shoes me s nice time. Maybe it’s apart of the facade.
    It’s only been two birthdays so far.

  15. geyserempath says:

    Mine made a big deal of the lead up to my birthday and when the day came, invited me over for dinner. His mother told me “well we had to eat anyway” and my gift was him rummaging through his closet to give me a used t-shirt.

  16. Chingona says:

    Ummmmm…. yeah one of my narcs scheduled his prostate surgery on my birthday. Last ex totally ruined my sonโ€™s BD.

  17. angela says:

    Yes..birthday..but not only birthday…good bussines too..and now
    i remember i was in hospital..a very important surgery..and when friends came to see me…he was acting like a very very big victim!! not me …HE…!!!
    I didnt care..i hated this man…but he was not the LG i meet in my that time i didnt care about and i didnt know about..i was very young..and now i know he was a lesser….he was my husbend..nothing to remember..only this..๐Ÿ˜
    The other one was different..he make me look and learn about me and N..๐Ÿค”

  18. Antifragile says:

    I always wonder why, if I belong to him forever (being once ensnared), my success is not = his success to be proud about?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because it depends on whether you are painted black or white.

  19. narc affair says:

    Lol that looks more like a bon fire๐Ÿ˜‚

  20. Bekah B says:

    HG!!! You devil, you!!! So coincidental to post this…ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! Come come and be nice and wish me happy day!! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Happy Birthday.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank You!!!

    2. E. B. says:

      Happy Birthday, Bekah !! ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks so much, E.B.!!

    3. Pineapple says:

      Have a very happy birthday Bekah B!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you, Pineapple!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    4. Windstorm2 says:

      Happy Birthday, Bekah!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you so much, Windstorm!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    5. narc affair says:

      Happy birthday bekah!!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks so much, Narc Affair!!

    6. Jenna says:

      Happy bday bekah!๐ŸŒท

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks Jenna!! โ˜บ

    7. DebbieWolf says:

      Happy Belated Birthday Bekah ๐Ÿ’Œ
      Extra cake.๐Ÿ˜Š

      1. Bekah B says:

        Hahaha.. Thanks Debbie Wolf.. Happy Belated Birthday to you as well.. ๐Ÿ™‚

        1. DebbieWolf says:

          Not belated Bekah…its today..3rd..๐Ÿธ๐Ÿท๐Ÿพ,
          Oh go’ve twisted my arm..extra cake all round !๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ..haha…๐Ÿป

    8. Bekah,

      Sorry I missed your birthday, too!
      Hope it was fun!
      At least HG was thoughtful enough to bring the cake.
      Got a fire extinguisher?


      1. Bekah B says:

        Right! Thanks Perse.. I appreciate it ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Antifragile says:

    My successes… my Birthday… my happiness… what else ignites him? maybe my existence? But yes – I’m conveniently “dead” when dis-engaged, exactly…

    1. DebbieWolf says:

      Hey AF

      Spot on..and remember we are not even allowed to actually die for real without pissing them off.
      We can’t win! lol

      1. Antifragile says:

        Ha ha, yes, no death without permission))

  22. Lo says:

    Why Birthday? What’s wrong with a birthday?

    1. Lo,
      Because the attention you get on your birthday, is attention the narcissist thinks they are entitled to. It takes the attention away from them. So…Fury.

    2. Antifragile says:

      Spotlight stealing!..)) Spotlight belongs to narcissist.

    3. Erin says:

      It upsets the narcissist because birthdays are about you, not them. People celebrate the birthday boy/girl, so the narc feels ire and has to attract attention back to themselves.
      Examples would be: the narc dumping you on your birthday or the day prior; not showing up; “forgetting”; causing a scene, giving you a “big” present you would never have wanted (like getting a vegan an expensive leather bag, for example) so that you can’t complain without sounding ungrateful in front of others but he has ruined your day…

      1. E. B. says:

        Erin, yes, giving passive-aggressive presents at birthdays, anniversaries, at Christmas or at any special occasion seem to be a great way of getting fuel.

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