Poll : What Act Of Retaliation Did You Commit?
Now, as you all know, you are the crazy one in this dynamic. After all, we invariably smear you to other people labelling you as a lunatic abuser or we tell the new prospect we are seducing that the ex is a psycho. Most of the time these are lies, concocted to serve our purposes but sometimes you do unleash the crazy as a consequence of having been pushed over the line by our manipulation of you.
If you have retaliated against the narcissist or narcissists, how did his manifest? I am not referring to kicking the narcissist out of the house, going no contact, giving the narcissist a dressing down, exposing the narcissist’s behaviour to family and friends, shopping the narcissist to the police, instigating divorce proceedings or similar. Whilst those are all acts of retaliation they are among the more common responses to how we have treated you.
Instead, we are looking at acts of retaliation that are beyond those. Acts which ordinarily you would never engage in as to do so would be contrary to your morals and usual behaviour but on this occasion you just lost it and retaliated.
Perhaps you decided to cheat on the narcissist after learning about his or her serial affairs? Maybe you took the scissors to the wardrobe or smashed up the Lord of the Rings porcelain collection? Possibly you went berserk and physically attacked the narcissist? Was it the case that you decided to cause major inconvenience to the narcissist by letting down all the tyres on his or her car, putting glue in the door locks or hiding important documentation in a hole in the garden? Perhaps you went into overdrive posting a frenzy of pictures and comments all over the narcissist’s social media pages and your own? Did you go on a spending spree using the narcissist’s money or steal away some possessions for your own use? Maybe you signed the narcissist up to easywhores.com or bigassdildolovers.com or sissyknickers.com ? What was your act of retaliation when you finally had had enough? You may choose as many as are applicable before you cast your vote and as usual do expand on your experiences in the comments section.
Thank you for participating.
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Every time I learned that he had sex with someone other than me, I did the same thing. I made it my mission to seduce and have sex with his law partner and best friend from high school who he continued to be friends with throughout their lives. I made sure to do sexual acts with them that I never did with him. Yes, that is whorish. The aim was to cause him to feel as abandoned and hurt as I did. I didn’t know yet that he was incapable of feeling.
Fucker. Rage on. I’m certain I was absolutely slaughtered by all of them for such behavior. Of course, all of that behavior hurt me far more than him because only one of us gave a shit.
12345,
Yes the realisation comes too late that they are capable of feeling.
I know for sure Narchole wouldn’t give a shit if I slept with someone else.
😣
Incapable I meant! 😖
12345
You are not whorish at all. You are just fine.
Bless you, K😘😘
12345,
I concur with K. You did what you had to and who gives a fuck what the other thought. You know who and what you are – that’s all that matters.
Retaliation. None.
It would only serve to harm me, not him.
I wouldn’t even think in that direction.
I forgive and move on.
He is how he is for a reason.
A reason he is unaware of and unable to get control of.
Understanding and knowledge is all I seek to achieve.
I do not feel hatred inside me.
I feel love and compassion.
I refuse to allow, anger, resentment and retaliation destroy me.
Which it would moreso, then him.
How he is, is enough harm to himself.
I have rebuilt myself from his unknowing destruction.
I really believe it is true, the best revenge is living our life.
Especially for a narcissist.
They resent our happiness,
our ability to carry on.
That is their issue.
Not ours.
I feel free and content.
Unburdened by any feelings of anger
Or thoughts of retaliation.
Analise13
👏👏👏👏👏😊
“How he is, is enough harm to himself”.
Absolute truth.
No such retaliation at all.
I didn’t even do what I now in retrospect should’ve done, reported him to the police for physically assaulting me. I do have photos of the injuries he caused me, but in the end I just didn’t do it. I was shattered and I had a plane to catch the next day. My only instinct was to get away.
The only thing I did think of was to use his American Express to pay for changing the locks at my house since he refused to return my keys. He’d given me a card to his account to use in an emergency; I never used it. And in the end I paid for the locks myself, cut his card in pieces and threw it in the garbage. I just realised I wouldn’t have felt good about myself doing even that. I’m not a vengeful person, it’s against my nature somehow, but sometimes I do wish I could have a bit more of a flaring temper.
My revenge was to do nothing at all. I have battled thoughts about sending him an email to tell him coldly exactly what he did to me and what’s really wrong with him. Expose him to himself because he does in certain instances when there’s a crack in the façade know that he’s different, that he has what other people would consider to be problems (not him really) with aggressive behaviour and mood swings, that he is overly impulsive and restless, that he has little or no empathy, and that he knows how to manipulate in a large scale. He even admitted sometimes to this kind of megalomania and entitlement he feels about everything. Only he doesn’t really consider these to be problems obviously. And he would never admit to being accountable for not being accountable of course;) But he is aware in some sense of always ending up at odds with all the people in his life; still he doesn’t get the big picture. He’s the victim, the good person in a bad world where everybody’s out to hurt him and he’s only defending himself when exerting power and control. I would like to let him into the big picture. Not anyone else. Just him. But I refrain from doing it. It wouldn’t do any good, he wouldn’t get it and I’m not keen on igniting his fury again. I just want him to stay as far away as possible now, leaving me to recover in peace.
I triggered a hoover 2 months post disengagement, engaged for a few days via text and the hoover went from benign to malign. Then I sent an accounting of his weaknesses (LMR Somatic, he revealed many), the geotag map of his latest dick pic and the DSM definition of Narcissist Personality Disorder. He was horrified and wounded, laughed at the NPD descriptors. I actually enjoyed the process and wounding him, which is out of character for me!
He would say I caused a major inconvenience by not helping him with things anymore. Also, interacting with you, this blog, and sending my “letter to the narcissist” for publication. Of course, he doesn’t know about any of that.
And the latter steps are effective ways of achieving validation whilst avoiding engagement.
I was a pain in the ass too. My emotions inconvenienced him. Also, yes. The letter! He will never know but it was great retaliation.
HG interesting to know that is your silhouette. Head and shoulders the best silhouette I’ve seen.
Ha ha. It hurts, doesn’t it? #dadjoke
No I am not called Daniel Druff, Bibi!
All great ideas, HG! We will keep these in mind! LOL
I sent him an onslaught of nasty emails. He always had a separate account ‘just for me’ where he used his fake name. This is the only account of his I had.
I called him a lot of nasty names, a lazy piece of shit, a liar, a do nothing loser, etc. This is not one of my proud moments.
So do you know how he responded? Being the mid ranger that he is, he would never lower himself as to call me names in return, but rather, he told me that I never loved or cared about him because you don’t speak to someone so abusively when you love them.
“That’s not love,” he said.
He then went on to say he hoped I would seek out the mental health treatment that I clearly needed, and that I was obsessed with him.
He ended his email with an ‘xo’.
Only upon reflection have I learned that I should not have done this–not because what I said is untrue, but because I know now he lives on believing he was the one ‘abused’ and ‘victimized’. What a laugh!
Yesterday was the fucker’s birthday. He never could remember mine.
But see how good at gaslighthing he was? Because what he is saying is correct, assuming it comes out of nowhere, not after 7 years of pathological lying and false identities.
He was incapable of seeing his own actions for what they were, that he had something to do with this because before all this happened, he had told me I was a ‘gentle soul’.
Even a ‘gentle soul’ will lose her shit after a time.
Bibi,
My MidRanger would get the same from me & respond in exactly the same way.. but every so often he would crack and would send a true to self email.
More often, however, he’d send emails and texts with all the veiled BS, insults, innuendo and put downs that he wasn’t clever enough to disguise properly. When I caught onto his Match.com shenanigans, pretty much the first 5 emails to every woman would be exactly the same.. when I found an old phone of his texts to them… there was a day when he told 6 that he was driving home from the airport and the weather was bad.. they all told him to drive carefully. He quipped to one that “oh no, I like to drive recklessly and take chances.” She thought it was hilarious. So he went back and replied that to all the others. Some were hours after the initial response. Pathetic midrangers!
Hkgirl,
“So he went back and replied that to all the others.”
Gross!
Bibi
Typical mid-ranger; they are the victims of abuse and you are the crazy one!
I can’t right now… but his time will come. He doesn’t know that I know this, but I know exactly who the mother of his children is, and I am going to send her screen shots of all his creepy messages – especially the deviant pornographic stuff. I hope she uses them to threaten him and keep his kids away from him forever. Hopefully they’ll grow up normal without him in their lives. Or I will just post them on his company’s facebook page… 🙂 . i may not ever do this, but having a clear action plan for revenge makes me feel better – knowing that i can shatter the facade covering that ugly person… it makes me feel powerful.
This was four years ago, that discard shattered my life. I had information about his workplace that he didn’t know i had. I sent an email to the stores’s admin assistant as if it were from him, vaguely threatening his new supervisor. I used a silly pseudonym that made it extra cocky. It was very convincing because i knew names and details. He was never confronted (“he” threatened to activate a virus into their network if they tried). Management simply stopped giving he and his coterie any decent shifts on the schedule. It punished a lieutenant he had in personnel, as well. I got even with all of them, and there was no way it could be contributed to me. the only job he could immediately get was a 40 mile commute each direction. i overheard his whining to family that he didn’t understand why he and his friends were being subtly pushed out of the establishment, one crappy shift at a time. i learned that stealthy manipulation from him.
I don’t regret it. I don’t recommend taking revenge, tho. If it’s not done properly, you expose yourself to THEIR revenge.
I plotted. His death
Well, the only thing that applies above, sort of, is pet napping. Though, in all honesty, I didn’t steal the kitty, he made me take care of the kitten in my apartment shortly after he got it because he couldn’t manage the kitten. Mind you, this was right after I had abdominal surgery. The first day I came home, he left the kitten with me. Pathetic. So, after I left him and went NC, he started begging for the kitten he never cared for for almost 2 years. Never gave him back, kitten didn’t know him anyway.
Now, I did do something on purpose to mess with him, though it backfired I think. I read Escape, Evil and Exorcism three months before leaving him and I planned my escape and did a reverse on him. After my “drop dead” discussion, I left. Never went back. However, I purposefully left MY “Ever presence” in his apartment, all the gifts he gave me, some clothes, etc. Purposefully, because I wanted him to look at the gifts, think of me and cry and be in misery. I wanted him to feel pain because of the pain he caused me with silent treatments, changes in plans and gas lighting and verbal abuse. I wanted him to feel. Well, what happened instead was a massive frenzy of IG hoovers. 50 calls a day, about 50 texts a day, and emails and stalking on social media…for nearly two weeks straight. I held strong, followed HG advice and support on this blog, and made it through. I didnt respond, even though it was hard and threats and love messages were sent, almost simultaneously by the ex. One minute, he sends hate messages and next, love. within minutes. Well, after I survived that without caving, he still made hoover attempts, months in between, but not like that frenzy period. So….lesson to me. STAY OUT OF SPHERES OF INFLUENCE. Do not use the narc tools against him! (my lesson for me)
To this day, I will hop into a different store aisle just to avoid a run in and enter the spheres.
My biggest revenge was No Contact and living my life and moving on. Its been 16 months of NC, despite his begging and pleading bouts and pity games. NC. The best retaliation because it puts my own care and sanity first and I can detox from the toxic dynamic of an abusive relationship and stay out. GOSO!
Honest and valuable insight Indy.
Thank you, HG. And I learned how to leave from the best!
Damn right!
Great examples of benign and malign hoovers, as well as, the Initial Grand Hoover I.G.H., thanks Indy!
Indy, that was not petnapping at all. You saved her life!
Very interesting poll. Following the thread….
Probably none of these… But I voted for “major inconvenience”.
Actually I was one total major inconvenience for the narc (the mid-range one) for the whole relations and after.
I did revenge for the triangulation. I did it intentionally and to the full.
What I did to my mid-ranger many years ago is playing on his paranoia. I went to his second hunting ground (he met me on first – the university), where his idealized new potential girl also participated, and became involved in the community there, being close to teams who “hated” him, by his words. When he was asking who informed me etc – I was kind of “guess; I will not tell you”. I just was very sociable, felt much stronger than him about communication with people (he was plainly unpleasant almost to everyone, always showing his superiority) and used it. I had a couple of alternative entrances to that his sacred, separate from our university, hunting sphere. He was very uncomfortable about my stalking in forbidden place.
My good friend have written the offensive scenarios to play together in front of narc (we didn’t know he’s narc then). Offensive for normal people… But probably fact of disrespect we demonstrated, having that fun, humiliated him anyway. And me being not under his control, socially digging up the hunting ground around him and observing him (with unclear purpose) there, was obviously effective too. All that resulted in series of pity plays, tears and pathetic exclamations: “For what?!”. I didn’t realize why he become offended not in the intended places (where normal sensitive people should). Instead, sometimes he was mysteriously offended when I didn’t mean it at all, during our relations.
Also I befriended and charmed (sorry) two his main lieutenants earlier. I thought his friends must be my friends… He even welcomed that in the beginning, when was proud to show me to them. But he was quite unconscious about what he is and what they are to him. Instead of using them like normal narc will do, he hatefully observed how I’m still friendly with them years later, while banned him. Actually I “took his property”, shared his best appliances, tried to date one of them later… They were obviously not devoted to him completely.
So I did revenge. But he costed me two years of panic attacks later. He drained me. These were the years (with him) which I’d prefer to erase from my life story.
…Later he married that new girl from the second hunting ground.
And they are still married, as I know. I can not imagine how that possible with narc for so long. He is still stuck in both that old hunting grounds. How boring.
He hoovered me six years later, trying to steal the spotlight to himself on my wedding day. I maintained natural no contact – being absolutely honestly indifferent about him.
My life now, by many aspects, must be unbearably offensive for him.
Went on Instagram posing as a very sexy half his age brunette, narcs favorite, and spun him into my web. He fell for it hook line & sinker telling his family he was going to marry me.
I voted no retaliation (for now) but the future knows no bounds. Am I making sense?
My ideal wish is to expose him in his town and to his church congregation. Expose him for the dirty man whore he is. And in this wish I have infinite finances to hire HG to travel here and set his piano on fire.
Boom. Mic drop. Gabbanzobean out!
I would hire Doc HQ!😘
ANK
Great idea! Doc HQ would probably do an excellent job.
Gabs
you don’t need HG to set it on fire, just do it yourself.
toooooooooootally forgot one. i found very odd g-strings. in a bag in the closet. fredericks of hollywood brand. ikr classy. best part? THEY WERE MENS. i cut them with scissors and draped them over the sofa. i had NO IDEA what i was dealing with then. the cool thing about that cray act is that he could not or did not challenge it nore bring it up in smear campaigns due to the nature of what it was that was cut up. he had them for ‘comfort only’ and during his previous 12 yr marriage never wore them. he saved them. to wear in secret. when i was not around. or something who knows. so ya, they were in a bag. in the closet. and moved them out of his wife’s house in another state to our place. so bizzare. disturbing. cray. and of course me cutting them up to “fix” it. yes, more cray. duh. i knew nada. that was early on. meh.
Hi Tappan Zee,
How are you? How did your court case go on Monday?
ABW– i won the war and lost every battle along the way. scarred, tattered, torn and it was gruesome. i got the max, however. 5y and 1000ft. now the actual healing begins. brutal. i get why so many women give up. do not follow through. it is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. ugg. thankyou for asking and remembering me. xx
Great news! I’m happy for you. You work hard on getting your life back on track and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Take care of yourself now Tappan Zee.❤️
Cutting up his g-strings. Sweet, TZ!
K– i know right, i am still sick about that. NOT the doing it part. the weird part. he tanned incessantly. et al shaving. i did not want that to be the truth. some freaky side show. uggg. as if that would make it not real. my behavior was insane. in freaking sane. often i matched his crazy and raised it one. SO DO NOT MISS THAT ASPECT.
TZ
That freaky side show was similar to how I felt and it was like living in the Twilight Zone. Like you, I do not miss that weird reality that they create and don’t feel too bad, my behavior wasn’t stellar either, but hey, shit happens…all we can do is pick up the pieces, put the crazy behind us, and maybe laugh about some of it now.
1. I had a library boyfriend that I made out with in the non-fiction section.
2. Told all his suppliers he was fucking his little Twink and told others he was a narcissist.
3. Signed him up for nursing home pamphlets to be snail mailed to him, as well as, a sample of adult diapers. I read Revenge.
4. When we were still together I donated a bunch of his crap, after he left I donated/trashed everything he left behind, including antique stuff and I shredded many boxes of tax documents. I may have hidden stuff, but I can’t remember for sure.
5. I took off without telling him to New Mexico for 3 weeks and he had to rearrange his work/fuel/Twink schedule to take care of our 5-year-old.
P.S.
Wrote a letter to the Editor about the abuse my MMRN inflicted on me and my children and it was published. Many people in our town know me and my MMRN.
Firstly, I was told that my ex narc was very busy on the phone with someone and in their words, what seemed like a long term relationship, judging by what they over heard! I was appalled because he had discarded me only one month earlier, took his phone off the ho ok, just disappeared for 3 days . He then finally, decided to text me saying that he couldnt be bithered ; all was too much and that he wanted to stay alone! He furthermore stated, that he did not wish to talk to me!
The following month, I was driving towards my doctor’s office on my way home, when I saw him with another woman!
I truly thought I was going to have a heart attack, but I stopped the car ruthlessly, (although I actually wanted to bump his gf car), I walked out and angrily shouted at him for all to hear!
I shouted: You jerk, this is just the beginning; I’ll show you”!
This is abnormal conduct for me and for my age (56)!
I do not swear; I am not violent but on this occasion, I didn’t care Who heard or saw me! I was completely out of my mind!
I mostly ignored the exnarc, esp last time we saw each other in a group setting, I treated him like he didn’t exist, refused our greeting to him which was noticeable to the others, didn’t look at him at all (he was trying to make eye contact), and then ghosted as soon as the meeting was over. Ignored his request to meet outside of group meeting, ignored all messages. Also had a sample of anti-odor shoe soles sent to him.
Oh, and I finally told the truth to mutual aquaintances.
Another person received lots of phone calls from older, not exactly fit gay men, inviting him to very special meetings, after I put an ad up for him. I also sent him on a date in the middle of the woods (to a holiday home I googled), in the dark, cold, and rain, let him wait there outside, told him he had to find the holiday home by walking there over a field and wait there, told him to bring expensive wine … sent him messages while he waited that his date was running late, letting him wait even longer … 2 hours drive each way on narrow overland roads, – by pretending online to be someone else. Then ghosting. That worked only because he was a little unfaithful and met married women anonymously for sex, therefore I didn’t feel sorry for him. … It actually was meant as a test, as I didn’t want to believe before that, that he would do that.
But yes, most fun was with an ex-boyfriend, whose then-current girlfriend I befriended and we had coffee together. I simply told her the truth, nothing else, and we still are connected via social media (she is a great person). I’m afraid she broke up with him after our meeting … too bad.
I did something else to that one, which I cannot say, but don’t regret either as it was his own unfeeling character which allowed that to work, I simply turned his coldness against him. It wouldn’t have worked with a feeling person. *shame red in face*
Ghosted completely on latest ex-narc-lover from one minute to the next, while he thought he had gained control over me. Wasn’t exactly revenge, but he had refused to talk with me before that, saying he alone decided, it wouldn’t matter what I had to say. So I said nothing.
Got to go, have to google some free samples for hair loss and such like …
in process of tumbling pillars, one at a time. actually in approximately 15 minutes another one will fall, in court
I dumped him via text message. After going through 5 years of the cycle of abuse and golden periods, developing illnesses, isolation and depression, and finally being suddenly choked during a frightening sexual encounter, I had no idea what was going on (that was before discovering your site, HG) and believe it or not, it was his lieutenant that couldn’t take watching me suffer any more, and informed me that my narc was seeing 5 women, bad mouthing me, lying, saying he resented me, etc. I had no idea! So I texted him, I had just found out about his 5 women and his gossip about me, and I never wanted to see him again. He texted me back coldly ‘now you know’. Then he tried to call. I kept hanging up on him. He texted ‘answer the phone, bitch, or shut the f*** up!’ Totally surprised me, he had never spoken to me like that ever before. I felt hurt, but a sudden empowerment that I had beat him to it. More hoovering texts came later. I would either ignore them, or wait a few days before answering with a ‘gee, that’s nice,’ or ‘good for you!’ One night he kept texting me over and over ‘are you alone, can I come up and see you,’ I ignored him. At 2am got a text ‘YOU WIN’ Since then the hoovers have become rare. I still have some of his things, but he will get them back when I say so, and it will be NO CONTACT. He will either get them dumped on his friend’s lawn, or in the hallway at my building complex with a message ‘come get your things.’ I must say, HG, that in my recovery efforts, discovering your site has been a great relief and source of information I wish I had years ago! The first video I saw shortly after my dumping him, was ‘unhappy birthday’ and that was exactly what happened to me! Listening to your videos was a window into our relationship! And you have helped me, and I am sure, more than you realize. Thank you HG for your insights, your beautiful writing, and allowing us a blog for sharing our experiences.
You are most welcome JA.
A favorite narc revenge movie is she devil with roseanne barr lol
https://youtu.be/Nm4c5L9sWD8
I posted memes on social media and talked to his sister-in-law and brother who both validated everything because he abused his brother who was his business partner. The other family members did not believe me when I told them he was disordered and an abuser. My ex Narc’s wife did all kinds of damage when he left her. She went crazy in his work shop – destroyed his motorcycle AND took her engagement ring and keyed his 1968 car (“LIAR” across the hood) and took a hammer and hammered the entire vehicle. He showed me pictures and didn’t seem to care. I sadly had no idea that her rage was due to 25 years of abuse! I’m so happy she did that now!
This was years ago… let’s see….
While we were still together, I broke the china from the kitchen, ran over his mail box a few times, held a large knife to him while he was sleeping to scare him.
He loved all of that drama. He instigated it, and still tries to. Will not give him the fuel anymore.
Dear HG,
Something I’ve been dying to ask – as w it actually being your incredibly seductive voice on your Youtube videos – is that actually your silhouette in these photos??
Yes.
Ah ha! I had a feeling it was you. HG
In another silhouette, i zoomed in. Ur features were quite discernable, and so was ur hairstyle. U have v short hair. It was slightly spiked on the top, right side. Ur bottom lip is fuller than ur top lip (or maybe the other way around, i don’t remember). I estimate ur age being btwn 44-47, this also based on ur love of depeche mode and some movies u mention. U do not have a lean physique. There is some bulk. U are well groomed. U are an elite greater narcissist, endangering the streets of the uk.
No such retaliation.. I guess I just did the standard exposing and implementing no contact.. These things are horrid.. I guess it all boils down to self-control.. Never allow another human being, narcissist or not, to break you out of your character and do things like this with such malice..
I voted no retaliation. Ive been very angry at times but never sought revenge except maybe verbally. This will be an interesting read 😄
NarcAffair,
Just out of interest what made you angry and how did you deal with your anger.
Do you know whether your Narc has other appliances? yo may have mentioned this elsewhere but I can’t recall….
Hi Ank…hes made me angry so many times and its usually when he reverts into his narcky side. Either via a triangulation which he will bring up women either we know or celebs. He loves to bring up celeb women in a way i feel hes infatuated with them. Its really tacky and pisses me off. I had to tell him one time to stop sending me pics of one in particular. Hes basically diminishing me intentionally. Its definitely a covert intentional tactic. Lately i flat out ignore him when he starts this up.
Other times its been the fact im aware hes lying to me and taking me for granted. The shelving grrrr!! That really angers me and im angry at myself for allowing it.
As for dealing with my anger ive done so in many ways. Sometimes ive lashed out at him but very rare. Other times ill go for a long jog or hit the gym to release the tension from it. Ive beat up on pillows which sounds silly but its helped. Id like to buy a boxing bag to release stress. Im not a violent person so this anger startles me at times. I think bc its been pent up for years.
Yes im very certain he has other appliances. I suspect a few secondaries and no primary. Early on and still to this day he will ask specifics like what time we should meet or chat and wants to know almost like pencilling me in a daytimer. Hes got a schedule going for sure. Hes single so its not a surprise.
I think the triangulation and devaluements anger me the most.
narcaffair,
“Ive beat up on pillows… ”
Aww, i feel like giving u a hug…
NarcAffair,
I have to say him send you pics is pretty low, and a mindfuckery.
Narchole use to do the triangulation thing with women TV presenters, saying how attractive they were etc. He also use to look at other women in a very obvious way. Of course being the DLS he was having an affair with I couldn’t really say anything.
Urgh, they really are all the same with their narc tactics.
I’ve used the punching pillow method to release my anger as well as mentally cursing him. I did tell him that his behaviour towards had made me angry but delivered all calmly.
You get driven to point where the anger has to eventually come out, especially if you’ve had to take all their crap for a long time.
Does it bother you that he might have other appliances?
It bothers me that Narchole has a new IPPS,but I have kind of accepted that. I feel a bit better in perverse way knowing that he is lying to her, kind of makes me feel that it is not because she is better than me etc, And while I know he is with her it is the fact that he has blocked me that has got me so riled up. Just like with you when being devalued and triangulated.
In my imagination I’m carrying out several of the retaliations, lol.
Hi jenna….ty for the hug 🙂 Looking back i have to laugh but it did help release stress. Also it wasnt just anger at the narc but other things in my life.
Narcaffair,
Yw. In that case, punch away. The pillows can use some fluffing!
Yeah pretends it’s his face and curse and swear while punching the cushions and pillows.
Ank and narcaffair,
“… pretends it’s his face and curse and swear while punching the cushions… ”
Lol!
Hi HG, quick question please, if I was to report a narc to the police for his violent behaviour against me what do you think his reaction would be, I’m thinking he’s a Mid-Ranger but his child access is going through court atm (with his ex not me) so obviously it would affect that, what do you think his likely reaction would be if any? Your articles are always very interesting and I can relate to so many of them x
Denial, seek to blame you instead, possible report you to the police, smear you to others that either you are the abuser and/or you are making things up, turn people against you, contact you and try to get you to withdraw the complaint by being pleasant and if this does not work by pity play and if that does not work by threat.
Lisa think about what you want to achieve from doing so.
If you have evidence and report it it may proceed to court and if he doesn’t plead guilty you will have to give evidence at court and face him there.
Like Henry says if he does start to harass you or threaten you, you then need to be consistent and report every incident to the police, and you may possibly be able to get a non-molestation order against him.
If you really want to report him in an attempt to tarnish his record, by all means do so, but be prepared for war, be consistent, follow through and don’t back down.
A friend of mine put a single scratch across each of her husbands vinyl Smiths albums. That must have hurt. She also hid the opposite shoe of one of his best items of footwear and even pretended to look for it with him pretending to be bemused as to where it could be.
I just got out after the last discard and focused on restoring myself and my emotional welfare.
I’d already dedicated much of my time and energy on him during the relationship to waste anymore on the worthless pursuit of ‘retaliating ’ post discard.
The Narc has disappeared on me after I dumped him, and we were going to do a deal. He thinks he has left me hanging, but there is no deal to do now . It’s N C. For a change I have left HIM hanging. Thanks HG.
I have never intentionally done any retaliation or revenge to any of my narcs that I can recall. That’s just not me. It would have caused me pain to think that I had hurt them. Makes no sense to hurt myself.
Windstorm2
My uncomfortable made me uncomfortable and I will never jump on that roller coaster ride again. I was very angry and hurt. I had miscarried and was not thinking clearly.
Like you I am not into hurting anyone or myself intentionally
Twilight
I am so sorry you had to endure a miscarriage. That’s a very hard thing to go thru and it stays with you always. No one would be thinking clearly then and he’s lucky you just made him uncomfortable. Thankfully my exhusband had enough sense to not antagonize me when I was pregnant or had just had a baby, or God only knows what I might have done to him.
Windstorm2
He didn’t know
I didn’t just make him uncomfortable, this is a subject I really do avoid. I hurt him in a way I do not believe anyone did. When he came back at me he rained down hell on me. He still comes at me every so often. He wants me to hurt.
Twilight
Then I pray you are able to avoid him. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and send you energy. I know you prefer not to share difficult things, and I understand that. I used to be that way. I have found it very therapeutic to not keep much hidden anymore, though. It often has shocked me how people respond to things and has helped me to better understand.
Windstorm2
Thank you I do still feel the pain, I never told him. I do know if he had left me alone when he suggested we take some time apart, he contacted me roughly a week after nothing but silence from me, I would have contacted him.
Twilight,
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Heavy stress and tension can cause a miscarriage. This is not unusual when suffering at the hands of a narcissist for months or years. It is too much to endure. It is not possible to think clearly and use our logic while living with an abusive narcissist.
E B
I held an incredible amount of anger towards him when this happened, and I had to blame someone. My husband and his family did more then he ever did to me.
Yes he was what he is, Emotionally I was pushed to far and reacted instead of responding. He will never understand nor feel this emotion or why I reacted only blame me for making him feel something he avoids.
I told him once I know what it is like to be forced to feel something so painful one prefers to bury it deep never to acknowledge it so they don’t feel it or “hear” it. It is a choice to face and not something forced upon.
I hold no anger towards him now, I refuse to have anything to do with him because I believe he will always punish me every time he is reminded of what I did. He can not forgive that betrayal. Because of HG I understand how and why he sees what I did as a betrayal. If I was in his place I would feel the same way towards me to.
He taught me many things, in my eyes our paths crossed to learn something. My love for him will always be there, One day he will find peace from the war within.
I forgave him long ago, he does as he does for a reason he believes in. I do not have to agree with some of his choices, understanding the why helps with the choice to react or respond.
If I am not making sense I apologise, I am half asleep and rambling.
Twilight,
What you said does make sense. There were times when I felt I was going to implode from all the tension that had been building up inside. Choosing not to react and to respond or ignore instead is not always easy because of our emotional thinking. I know that I should concentrate on my logical thinking instead, as HG suggests. I have recently learnt that reacting is also when we *allow* people to make us feel anxious, ashamed, sad, for example, so that means I still spend a lot of time *reacting* (feeling those feelings). It is healthy to be afraid of aggressive people who could become violent at any time and harm us as our brain is trying to tell us to be careful. But it is not healthy to feel helpless or whatever at the same time. Although I can control my actions, I still react by letting people make me feel what they want me to feel, even though I know they are projecting their own negative qualities onto others. Not always but quite often. As for forgiving, I cannot do that.
agree.
I would say I inconvenience him, I know I made him very uncomfortable.
I didn’t do anything but I thought about rubbing a pair of his running shorts in poison ivy before he did an iron man race. I couldn’t do it but I had a great laugh thinking about it…
Would have loved to be able to retaliate and show the world what he is, tell his current IPPS and his wife, but as Conby says risky and more likeley than not I would end up suffering.
Use his toothbrush to clean the tortoise decor that he’s (Bengal the said tort) pooped on 🙊
Janjem
That is a riot!
None.
Except to tell a few choice individuals of some of the behaviour.. some of his coterie too.. all turned out to believe me because, luckily for me, I didn’t behave in an unhinged way even though I did feel unhinged !!!!!!
Actually I’m learning to appreciate things about myself more i.e. keeping control of myself against the odds.. yeah i broke down..and have my slump days..but theyre in private and i know I get back up.
Other than that…nothing. No retaliation from me.
Nothing will be done.
Best left. Revenge is a short fix for more invited trouble than its worth.
I have other things i want instead.
That is key.
And even if you do not know what you want yet, then my feeling is at least know what you do not want and let the chips fall as they will, in that case.
Days will still be up and down yes..just going to ride this storm like all the other storms that come and go.
As Narc Affair has previously kindly said..
‘It will pass”.
🛡
After pinning me down on the bed in an attempt to choke me, I took a belt and beat him. Trapped naked in the middle of our bed he was dodging the blows asking “WHAT are you doing?!!” I told him he will never frighten me into silence and if he ever touched me in anger again I would kill him.
He never tried to choke me again….
DFL
Sweet! He had it coming.
What does “retaliation” mean?
Oh, avenge. 🙂
Haha, this is a funny topic, and you gave me more ideas, in addition to what I did. *innocent look*
What a pity I didn’t know you earlier.
ava101
It means throw eggs at his car, cut up his underwear, hide his shoes/keys/wallet (if he lives with you). Revenge! Use your imagination.
Haha, thank you, K!
This blog helps me to learn many new English words! 😉
It is a wealth of discovery and education.
Very true HG
That it is, for all areas of my life, and such a great ressource for finding new ways to get at least some revenge. 😉
You really taught me three new words today. 😉
My pleasure, Ava101
This blog really is a great resource and some of the comments and thoughts make me laugh.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Of course I did nothing !
Hadn’t even crossed my mind …. but now that you mention it 🤔
😈 Mwuhaha
Thankyou
Would becoming fabulous friends with one of his ex GF and also his Wife (they have been seperated for 6.5 years) count. Particularly going out to dinner together. We have a ball! It must kill him knowing what We speak about and the lies. Now we are saying the same thing.. people are become aware of him.. actually he lost so many people! It’s great! Karma!
Tania
Excellent! Take away his fuel.
Hi tania ….i love this lol it reminds me of the movie “the other woman” with cameron diaz. Thats the best revenge! 😂
https://youtu.be/6WImSro0x9w
As suggested by HG, I sent him incontinence diapers but not at his place, instead at his job place. He works in an open space…I would have loved to be there during the opening…
Anyways, I have thought to do almost everything listed in the poll. But I finally decided that it was a useless and risky activity.
I did none of the above , follow HG’s advice and ignore and move on , indifference is the ultimate punishement for a narcissist .
Correct.
Hg, the indifference is really what hurts the narcissist the most, that they do not know anything about us anymore? or does it hurt more to see ourselves happy without them? … my narcissist gave me a silent treatment for a few days, or put me on the shelf, the truth is that I do not … I take advantage of escaping … he calls me by phone and send messages without stopping, I do not answer, the messages go from the concern for me, but then write sarcastic messages …
Please see ‘Love Me, Hate Me, But Don’t Ignore Me’ and also ‘Derailed’.
HG
Your kind mirrors our desires
What would happen if an Empath mirrored your fear, or maybe I should say what needs to be healed?
They cannot see it to mirror it.
I think you might be surprised, HG. I can feel the fear in narcissists. I imagine a lot of empaths can. We just don’t mirror it back because that would be hurtful. And as you often point out, our instincts are to soothe and help, not add to the hurt.
One time, my husband asked me to mirror him…
I said “You won’t like it”.
He said “I insist”.
I did it.
He was shocked.
You are absolutely right, Windstorm. We don’t do that, because it is devastatingly painful.
Scarlet,
I did the same. I disappeared as well.
Revenge and punishment require energy. Expensing energy shows you care.
The gift of silence and not knowing is the gift that keeps on giving.
See… I’m such a giver….
Dr Q
That’s good thinking! Totally agree!
Windstorm,
I provide my own closure by never giving them closure.
Yuppers!
Well said Doc 😀
Thank you ladies 🙂
Dr HQ
Beautifully said.
Great life wisdom.
The opposite of love is indifference.
The opposite of hate is also indifference. That’s a good deal, having one weapon for both.
I love a bargain.
My brother, who has narcissistic qualities (Director personality type, civil engineer project manager), comforted me one time after yet one more painful N-relationship was ended by me. I was upset and frustrated from the disrespect and BS. This particular ex-N told me over dinner that he was in talks with Mel Gibson to shoot a movie. He said it without flinching; he looked me straight in the eye as he said it. I was drowning under the mountain of BS. It was such a constant insult to my intelligence.
My brother said to me “what’s his opinion worth?”
“Nothing”, I conceded.
“Then why give him any position of power in your life? He’s not qualified. Don’t give him your power”.
It was an insightful perspective realignment. It has helped me to walk away every time since.
The irony and beauty of it all is that doing nothing somehow does everything.
So true, I was always capable of not breaking the silent treatments during break ups , I never contacted him , but I wasn’t good at ignoring the hoovers . When I finally had enough for real and ignored , they feel the vibe of indifference , they know . Mine crumbled when he knew he’d completely lost control , he even said at one point amongst all his apologies and begging
You’ve beat me at my own game !!
Very telling of how his mind works
Dr H what a brilliant comment. I’m not turning on that hoover either …..
Scarlet,
That is absolutely amazing! Look at you kicking serious ass :)!
Obviously you’re bad ass!
Ms. Linton!
How are you????
Shrunk all his pants so he thought he was gaining weight.
Savage.
😂
Lol love this idea! Floods are definitely not trending 😄
Maybe I misunderstood the meaning of the poll (I’m not english, that’s why maybe i write in a weird way and sometimes i misunderstand) but I realized that he’s probably one of your kind after more than a year from the “end”. Indeed i perceived that something was wrong with him, I could really feel the “fuel” burning into his veins every time we hat a fight. He was devaluing me day by day, betraying all the good things he said about me, destroying my self consciousness. I thought he was just “crazy” (now i think he’s a narcissist, who knows!) and I just wanted lo let him suffer as much as me! So i started criticizing him continuously for the minor things he did, just the little stupid mistakes that everybody makes everyday, and I really enjoyed the way he got crazy about them. “You did this wrong” was worse than a stab for him, and I kept saying it and see the results until one day (not so far from the day i started playing this dangerous game) he punched me.
So maybe I’m a bit (or more) crazy too
Me
Fury as a weapon; you must have really made him angry.
Considered pouring detergent in his custom made bass guitar 😂🙄 I did not do it, though. The bass did not deserve it.
I made a new (public) Instagram account. I filled it with pictures of wolves in sheeps clothing and memes about narcissism. Then I started following all the women he was involved with and who would accept me as a ‘friend’ and at last I followed him (the only guy). He was furious, but told me “You win”. For me it was not about winning, I wanted to show him I could be ‘dangerous’ too and I wanted to warn the other women, which of course wasn’t the case, because they didn’t get it. I deleted the account after a couple of days.
Now you gave me ideas!
I simply took his control away by leaving one day with no notice. I played the same game of the Silent treatment. And have remained silent ever since I left. Get out stay out and no contact.
At first it was hard. I loved him and wanted the forever after he promised me I have that now. Forever after I am free
Oh look HG! Your search is over-Amanda is here!
Ha ha ha…that was funny Narc Angel!
Naughty Narc Angel! LOL!
Get out stay out and no contact.
At first it was hard. I loved him and wanted the forever after he promised me I have that now. Forever after I am free.
^ i aspire to this. precious.
thankyou for sharing amanda.
No empathy, No reactions, No contact, No drama, Cool as a cucumber….And hasn’t a clue what is coming….
Yep thats exactly the way I’m playing it..till i get the house..then hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!! Ba ha ha ha
The only thing I did was help myself to a few bottles of fine French wines from the wine cooler when I retrieved my belongings from the vacation home. Oh… I also sprinkled a little sugar around the fridge and pantry in hopes of causing an ant infiltration upon my exit. Oooops….
Oh wait! I forgot! I also signed him for emails from funeral parlors, menial job posting sites, and convalescent needs. And coupons for adult diapers.
I think you might have been reading a certain excellent publication.
Adult diapers lmaoooo 😂😂😂😂
Oh yes indeed HG! I think I first heard of those ideas from one of your videos. I read your book Revenge as well. Also mentioned there as well I believe. I’d love to knock down all his pillars, however, I’m healing very well at this point and kinda can’t be bothered expending the energy on the demonically possessed meat bag.
I saw you did a test on YouTube. I did not receive an alert 😥you’d be live. Are you going to send us a notice to the next broadcast? Please? I do not want to miss it. Thank you! Hope you are well ☺️
Peaceful.
Yes the live stream will be advertised beforehand.
Oh Yes. Pillars knocked over.
How did you accomplish this Debs?