The Narcissist and U-Turns

 

THE NARCISSISTANDU-TURNS

 

Contradictions. About turns. Doing one thing and meaning another. Those are staple ingredients in becoming entangled with our type. Of course the Lesser and the Mid-Range of our kind do not see the contradictions. To them, their behaviour makes absolute sense even though when it is viewed from your perspective there is a clear contradiction in what has been said or done. This naturally frustrates, upsets and infuriates you as you attempt to make us see that you are correct and we are not. Or to make us see that we have behaved in a contradictory or hypocritical fashion. You will not succeed. The Lesser or the Mid-Range does not do this deliberately, it is just how they are. The Lesser reacts. The Mid-Range realises that denying and deflecting what you are trying to get him to see causes more upset and frustration and that makes him feel good. He does not know why this is, he does not know the concept of fuel, but he knows the more you react the better he feels. He also knows that he does not like to be held to account or to be seen to be the one who is to blame, for anything, thus he will not accept any suggestion of contradictory behaviour because it is inherent with such an accusation that there is blame attached. The Greater knows that to twist, to turn, to shift and to alter allows the emotional responses to flow and to become heightened. He knows that what he does is viewed as contradictory but he will not accept it. He must portray control and superiority at all times otherwise he will find himself damned. He revels in switching from one position to the other, within moments and then seeing if you dare to point out this shift in stance. Should you do so, he will deny and deflect in order to frustrate you, to upset you and to alarm you.

The use of volte faces is part of the process of gas lighting also. An insidious and effective method of controlling you, eroding your sense of perspective and forcing you ever backwards until ultimately you know nothing other than our warped truth, yours having been dispelled some time ago. Making you a stranger to your own reason is evidence both of our power and our abusive behaviour. Thus the use of contradictory behaviour, the volte face, is prevalent when we commence the devaluation. Here are five you may know well.

  1. The Joy Has Gone

We once showed such enthusiasm for Indian cuisine and would often try to find the latest and most exciting restaurant for us to both go to. It might have been the zealous delight we exhibited at the prospect of going hill-walking with you, or discussing the latest production at the local theatre. You loved how we connected over these shared interests. Of course it was all mirroring. We love what you love. Now there is no need to do it anymore. We care little for Indian cuisine but since you loved it so much, we decided to do so as well. Hill walking is tedious. The only thing we liked was being on top of the world. As for the theatre, if we have to sit through another obscure play we will explode. Still it was worth making you think we loved all those things as it made you easier to bind to us. Keep listing everything you think we have in common and I will pick that list down to nothing.

  1. The Compliments End

I embedded you as the supply of my positive fuel and you functioned well so you earned those further compliments. Now there is no need to provide them. Oh I am aware that you look even better than you did when we first met, that you are trying hard to tease the compliments for me in order to try to stave off that nagging fear that you are losing me, but it is to no avail. I know you are trying your best to please me, accommodate what I want but all I now look at is someone who irritates me. You see, if I had loved you like someone healthy, I would not feel like this now, but because I never did, there is nothing to prevent the feeling of contempt and annoyance which washes over me each time I see you. But where are the compliments? Somebody else has them now.

  1. A Sudden Realisation

Do you know something, I love my ex. I do. You have made me realise this. I thought I did not know what love was until I met you (I vaguely remember saying something like this to you some time ago) but come to think of it, I knew all along and it is my ex that I love. Not you. Thanks for the distraction whilst I worked things out. What? I said she was abusive and a psycho? No I did not. There you are, you have just proved to me why I cannot love someone like you. Good bye.

  1. But You Thought I Hated That

Why have I gone to that classical concert when I said to you that I could not stand classical music. I don’t recall saying that. Stop trying to tell me what I like and do not like. You are so controlling. I have always enjoyed reading books, where on earth did you get the idea from that I did not. Yes, I love strawberries, they are delicious and I love eating them, I never told you I was allergic to them. Stop making things up. You need some help. You keep twisting things around and I don’t like. it There you are. That is something I hate. What you do.

  1. The Sudden Complaints

Must we really go to your parents this weekend? So what if I have never complained about it before? That doesn’t matter. I am doing so now because I want to isolate you from them. I suspect they do not like me and I am not going to let them put ideas in your head, so they have gone on the black list and I will now issue complaints about seeing them in order to drive a wedge between you and them. The more isolated you become the better. I will start to complain regularly in order to stop you doing things and in order to upset you. That is the way I operate now. Don’t you dare complain about it.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “The Narcissist and U-Turns”

  1. I remember years of depleting myself to make sense of it & try to understand the contradictions, mood swings, projection, it sucks the life out of an empath bcs she gives her all but unlike healthy people it’s a vapor to the narc they enjoy the momentary aroma but you pour your essence out and they absorb and it evaporates and they are off leaving a shell who cannot say I love you easily. Starting over again trying to rebuild myself stronger . Wish there was a metal detector type device to alert me in future. Just reading HG best bet. God I wish I had never met the N who sidetracked my life for 10 yrs.

  2. What’s interesting is that the narc I dated took U-turns literally and figuratively. When he was driving (which was 99% of the time) he would make a U-turn precisely where it was not allowed and then blame it all on his bad English. Yeah, okay, Pinocchio! It’s a traffic sign with symbols and no words on it.

  3. My current narchole is a master of contradictions but I was just thinking this morning of a man I dated for 4 years a little over a decade ago .pretty sure looking back he was a lower lesser narc even though he never hit me.he was a single dad divorced twice with custody of the three kids from his first marriage and two kids from second marriage lived with mother but he got them on weekends.during the entire four years of our on again off again relationship I voluntarily cooked cleaned and did laundry for him because he worked two jobs.he constantly criticizing my cooking and cleaning and told me I’m not domesticated enough.well guess what when he left me his main complaint was I’m too domesticated what he really wants is a wild carefree woman who rides a motorcycle and likes to.party the very things he criticized in me for four years .I didn’t have kids then and don’t ride a motorcycle but did still like to go.out for drinks.his first wife was a drug addict acholic. Well after me he started dating party animals who didn’t give a fuck about his kids and he never thanked me for taking care of his kids so he could work long hours.so yeah I definitely know for a fact narcs are masters of contradiction in addition to selfish .I never took it hard when he left though because we never had a golden period and I knew he didn’t really love me.I was in it to be a mom cuz I already had three miscarriages and didn’t think I’d ever had a kid and he had a vasectomy before we met. The good thing is less then than three months after it ended I was pregnant with my daughter .

    1. I’m sorry you never got any credit for all you did. I give it to you now, it’s very sweet of you to do all this work for him and his kids. Just make sure you’re not a slave in your current relationship. X

  4. OMG, HG!!!!! The timing on this article was perfection. #2 The Compliments End. YES. At first he would compliment me, then they quickly (Lesser) and suddenly ended. I knew I looked better than when we first met and I knew I looked hot when we went out. Other men salivated over me…not my Narc…and I found out very recently that he found me annoying and could take me or leave me. Your very words about annoyance and contempt. I cannot thank you enough, yet again.

    1. My narc is the same way he will not compliment me no matter what or like my selfies he only did in the beginning but I got amazing unexpected validation from all places his cousin who told me that my narc only loves people who agree with everything he says and does it was amazing to hear from his own cousin but yeah the compliment thing he will tell the ugliest woman on Facebook they look like angels but literally not say a nice word about mypics if his life depends on it

      1. Ugotit: I understand where you are coming from. Mine stopped liking my FB photos, but will remark to the ugliest women how beautiful they are. Keep your chin up, recognize it is a control game, know that you are beautiful without his validation, and move forward! Big hugs.

    2. Are you Polly Parsons? Or only using her picture? Because if you are Polly for real I can imagine men salivating over you. I almost did myself 🙂

  5. One of my appliances broke down….literally.
    I tried to repair it first but ended up buying a new one. I should have thrown it away and replace it right away…Thinking like a narc would have been more cost effective.

Leave a Reply