A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 51

toaster - letter to the narc


Dear Toaster  Breath,

I give you this name due to you having partaken of the twelve years of my wares.

I need to inform you that I found your Refridgerator’s phone number. After she and I had lunch a month ago, she slipped your phone away, and cracked your “Set as Secret” numbers, while you were Zannied Up and passed out. She almost duct taped you to the living room table. Luckily I talked her out of it.

We called your Washer, Dryer, Stove and finally your Can Opener. After lunch last week, we discussed your behavior, and you may have started noticing..one by one your Appliances mal-functioning.

Fear not, there are pictures.


The Toaster
Patricia J

P.S. Your Laundry is done. The ashes are in the fireplace.

26 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 51

  1. Joy says:

    Very cool!

  2. Ugotit says:


  3. Just Me says:

    No reset on this circuit breaker… it’s tripped for good. Fuses blown. Surge protector failed. Thanks for sharing Toaster. You got him by the toasted bagels.

  4. M. says:

    Hahahahaha! Thank you for this, Toaster!

  5. Bibi says:

    I just had a thought: this would make for a cute animated cartoon.

    1. K says:

      When I read your comment above, I thought of the nursery rhyme Hey Diddle Diddle.

      Hey Diddle Diddle,
      The narc and the fiddle, (dance with the Devil)
      The empath jumped over the moon, (she jumps to please him)
      The little narc laughed, (cruel and lacks empathy)
      To see such a sight,
      And the narc ran away with the microwave. (disengagement, a.k.a. discard)

  6. ANK says:

    Love it!

  7. Bibi says:

    And then he ran off with the microwave!

  8. K says:

    Patricia J, a.k.a. The Toaster,
    That was a riot! I almost wished he had been duct taped to the living room table. All those appliances mal-functioning and the ashes in the fireplace. Hysterical! Excellent letter. Thanks for the laugh!

  9. Peaceful says:

    What a wonderful letter Toaster! Fantastic perspective. The appliances. I can’t help but fantasize how it would go if she did tie him down with duct tape and you were all there when he awoke.

    HG, would that cause wounding? Or fueling?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will be detailing the response to this letter and others in a future work.

      1. Survivor says:

        Hey HG (happy new year if I haven’t said so already, sorry but I’m dealing with one of your kind at the moment and my mind is preoccupied) – where was I? Oh yes…. how does one go about writing a letter to the N? This one about the toaster is brilliant and I would love to add my own letter to the N if possible.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Send it to my e-mail narcissist1909@gmail.com

  10. NarcAngel says:

    I laughed at this while having coffee and toast.

  11. Jasmine says:

    LOL. Are you a mind reader too? Hehe I discussed having a bonfire the other day…

  12. narc affair says:

    Lol funny and creative! We really are just appliances. You shouldve burned his pop tarts 😄

  13. Noname says:

    Awesome. Lol.

  14. Catherine says:

    Funny and to the point! Love it!

  15. Blank says:

    Ha ha ha.. I love it!! 😁

  16. Ally says:


  17. LOUL says:

    Very funny letter. I like it.

  18. An_eternal_student says:

    I love this! How eloquent, graceful, and to the absolute point…just how i wish i could write.
    Kudos Patricia J aka the Toaster.

  19. Nice 🙂

  20. Sophia says:

    Having the “appliances” numbers…. I know I’ve daydreamed of that one. 🙌🏻

  21. Wonderful!!

    I’d love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting!
    Good for you all!


  22. Paula Sarno says:

    Ahahahaha , the dream of many ipps !!!!

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