Little Acons – No. 2

IT'S YOUR DUTY

A series of memes which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissistic parent towards their child resulting in the creation of the Adult Child of a Narcissist.

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12 Comments

  1. I never thought of my father as a “narcissist “ always kinda shrugged off his expectations and criticisms to his cultural upbringing. But as I read more and more ( no blame, I realize he did the best he could and as only he knew how) I see reasons why I tended to be attracted to these type of people. Recent example; there was a tiny pin prick water leak in one of my old copper pipes. There was substantial damage to my home and I was exploring to my father the conversation with the insurance adjuster. Th convo went like this
    Dad: well why didn’t you notice or sooner? Your premiums will go up now. You have no respect for your home and don’t take good enough care of it
    Me: dad, it was in an inconspicuous area,by the time I noticed it had been leaking for weeks.
    Dad: well why can’t you just pay for it out of your account?
    Me: it’s close to 20000 dollars worth of repairs.
    Dad: ya should have bought a newer house
    Me: well it’s what I could afford being a single mom to three kids at the time
    Dad: well you should have become a psychologist like you originally planned instead of marrying and having kids. Then you would have the money and a newer house. But no, you never listen to me. Now you are paying for it for your bad decisions
    Me:fuck it, whatever. You win
    😜

  2. Years ago, in my early 20’s, had several consults with a psychiatrist. After telling him about my childhood, he told me that my parents were toxic and to keep them out of my life. I never realized that was an option at that age. He did not mention the word “narcissist” but I’m certain now that they both are. Thank you, HG, you have made me so aware of what has been happening my whole life.

  3. My grandmother (Victim Low Midranger): “It’s Your Duty to look after me, because when I die all that’s mine will be yours, as you are my seule heir!”
    Me: “Who do you think you are talking to, one of your free loader chilrden? I do not count on your money, I work hard to get my own!”

    Results – One Year Silent Treatment Plus Smear Campaign

    1. Carol M, I recognize that. My grandmother used silent treatments in the form of « Because you’re a waste of my space I from here on break off all contact with you.. » and then she slammed down the phone in my ear. She did this to everybody; I was not even ten years old the first time she did it to me. She managed a silent treatment of seven years once with my uncle. In the end when she got older she couldn’t even keep track of who she at the moment was talking to and who was banned. That used to amuse me. Sometimes looking back now it seems to me that my entire childhood was a prolonged silent treatment with people breaking off communication more than they were actually speaking to each other. Isolation at its worst.

      1. Catherine, my grandmother threw her middle child out of the house once her golden child had died and the oldest one was kept to nurse her. When the oldest one died, she called my mom (her middle child) as if nothing of that had ever happened, ignored the 5 years silent treatment and asked her, ‘When are you moving back in to look after me?’
        Lol, do you realise we made a corner “empath’s tea time” room in Mr Tudor’s house?

  4. That approach is not ok, obviously!

    But the one explaining to a child he has to study for his own knowledge and future is a better one…HG?
    That means I’m ok with him understanding things in school (for his development), not rising to the top of the class.
    I’d really appreciate if you could give more hints on the way you think your Matrinarc should have behaved when you were a little boy. Or…which one of your books should I read to understand more on the subject? I know you can’t change your past and I’m sorry for that, but I might change my boy’s future by reading the informations you provide. I didn’t have a “normality” model in my family, so…it’s a little harder but not impossible.
    I believe that even if he has a very strong character, there is a possibility to raise him with love, by showing him the beautiful (still realistic) side of things and without coercing him into doing/becoming someone he’s not, only to make parents/people “proud”. For instance, I asked him if he’s prepared for some sport competitions and he told me he’s afraid. I responded: “I believe you can do it and enjoy the outcome, but we’ll expect the moment you feel ready”. Now I see him more and more interested and happy to go and practice and our priority is his health (emotional, mental and physical).

    1. I understand you can’t help me with that information. Thank you anyway for so many answered questions!

      1. The book Matrinarc, when published, SOTR, will address the points you mentioned in your earlier comment.

      2. Thank you very much, HG! I look forward to reading the book Matrinarc, when published.

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