The Narcissist’s 7 False Contritions


1. I am sorry I went away.

You probably said something that I did not like, you may not have said anything at all, but you did something which criticised me and I wanted to punish you so I disappeared. I am not going to tell you what I was doing whilst I was gone but I only thought about you when I looked at your pleading texts and missed calls. The rest of the time I spent it with your predecessor who I wanted to be with because, well, she hadn’t criticised me. Of course, she spoilt it and that is why I have come back to you pretending to be sorry. I need your fuel again, so here I am with my false remorse.

2. I am sorry I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen to you because you have nothing of importance to say. Ever. That is compared to me. You should listen to me more because I do not like it when you do not. In fact I hate it. I rarely hear the words you say anyway, you are actually wasting your breath. I am far too focussed on the emotion that is spewing from you, your hurt, your frustration, your anger and your hatred. That is what I want to listen to. That gives me the fuel that I crave. I will pretend I will listen to you in the future so you provide me with some positive fuel for a while and then I will become deaf to what you have to say once again.

3. I am sorry that I hit you.

You made me do it because you will not do what I want and you will not give me what I need. I am torn between needing you and being disgusted by the fact that I am bound to someone as pathetic as you, when I am so brilliant. I am concerned that what I did may be detected by others and consequently the façade that I have created and maintained to everyone outside these four walls will be damaged. I am concerned I may have to spend some of my precious time charming law enforcement if you are treacherous enough to report me.

4. I am sorry I was unfaithful.

If you paid me more attention I would not have to do it, or at least, perhaps not as often. It was your fault that I went elsewhere because you do not admire me like you used to do. You should do so. Everyone admires me and you should be no different. I am irritated that I got caught because I thought I had covered my tracks and been cleverer than you. I am annoyed because you have scared off the other woman with your histrionics and now I am going to have to use my time and energy to find someone else now. I had a great little set-up there and you have ruined it with your interference. Just as you always spoil everything.

5. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.

I really cannot be bothered having to support you when you are unwell. I find it a waste of my time because everything should be about me, not you. I do not like to be reminded of weakness. I see too much of myself when I do. I need my energies and time to carry out my machinations and gather fuel, not to play nurse maid to you. I do not care that you have looked after me, that is your role. I am too great to tend to you, it is beneath me. I am concerned that my lack of caring and attentiveness has proven the last straw however and my false contrition is purely designed to stop you leaving me.

6. I am sorry I am not a better person.

I am better, way better than you and everyone else, but I know you are fixated with the idea of making me better, changing me and healing me, so I say this to make you feel sorry for me and to hint at the fact that I want to change and become someone better. I am never going to change but I do love to keep you hanging on thinking that I will as this stops you leaving me and deserting me when I need my fuel. I will keep mentioning this so you stick around until such time as I have lined up someone else and I have drained you, then you disappear for all I care. In the meanwhile I will continue to insinuate that I am capable of change and improvement so that you do not go anywhere else. I need my fuel after all.

7. I am sorry for myself.

At least this one is true. I feel very sorry for myself and with good reason. I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me. It is a terrible burden to carry, knowing that there are so many people out there against you, especially when you are as a wonderful and as brilliant as I am. I need your pity, your sympathy and your empathy. Give it to me. It is all fuel. I do not deserve to be treated like this do I? I am human too you know.

13 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s 7 False Contritions

  1. Louise says:

    What about ‘that isn’t who I am’ this caused me to truly believe it was me that triggered him to act this way and cause him distress.

  2. Emma Pathetic says:

    Hello, I’m new to this site after stumbling across a YouTube video. I think my boyfriend and love of my life is a narcissist but I can’t break free. I don’t want to. I’m addicted. I hate myself for needing him but I do. I was wondering if it usual for a narcissist to become sexually aroused when his empath cries. First time I thought it was a coincidence but nope every time he makes me cry he gets an erection. Has anyone else experienced this? I value the work you’re doing HG and if anyone can help me I believe it’s you. I think I give my narc excellent supply and don’t think he has any intention of discarding me any time soon but the fear is always there. Even when he is being nice I’m just waiting for the next time he makes me feel completely worthless. He’s so clever that he has me thinking everything is my fault, I’m the crazy one. Help. Please. Will I ever not need him?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes, this can happen.
      2. You will always be addicted to us BUT you can manage this so you do not need us.

      You are at the start of achieving this. You have much work to do, but you are in precisely the right place to find freedom. Keep reading here to start with.

      1. Emma Pathetic says:

        Thank you HG. I will keep reading and look forward to freedom.

    2. echo says:

      “First time I thought it was a coincidence but nope every time he makes me cry he gets an erection. Has anyone else experienced this?”

      My first ex was like that. Every time we’d fight and he’d taken me down to tears he’d start to get physical. It was like that was how he “won” an argument. The worst part was my body reacting to it and him using that as justification to continue and to coerce me when I protested.

      1. Emma Pathetic says:

        Okay so this must be a common narcissist response. My misery turns him on. A huge part of me knows I need to leave him, my instinct screams at me to run but I’m terrified if I do I’ll never feel the way he makes me feel again in my life. My next boyfriend will probably be a narcissist too. I am like a magnet 🙁

  3. Anonymous says:

    My victim narc never says he is sorry – for anything. However, I am sure he feels sorry for himself. When things go wrong, he says “what did I ever do to deserve this???”

  4. narseeker says:

    HG I would love hearing your input on these (previous post) gems if you have the time and inclination

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I shall in due course when time allows NS.

      1. narseeker says:

        Thank you very much.

  5. narseeker says:

    Met with him yesterday. After I cried, pleaded, wrote a thousand messages, brought birthday presents to his doorstep (yes I did that) , stalked social media, kept in touch with some of his family member for almost 2 years.

    Me: “What did I do to cause such disappointment? Why are you so angry?”

    Him ( HIM):
    1. I’m not angry “YOU WISH I WAS ANGRY” (repeated this sentence 5 times with a grin on his face)
    2. The Problem: you love me too much.
    3. I am empty and totally fucked up.
    4. Therefore if you love someone like me: you must see a psychiatrist. Something’s wrong with you (his eyes shone with malice during that statement)
    5. You don’t know me: there is nobody home inside (pointing at himself)
    6. You make me feel guilty because I can’t feel what you feel
    7. I don’t want to have sex with anybody. I don’t have it in me.
    8. I have to go. I will give (grant) you a hug (mocking Teletubbies)
    9. We were hurting to many people.
    10. Call me in two days.

  6. diamondsou says:

    I do have a question, you may be ble to answer.

    He came home intoxicated to the point of vomiting. At the same time he was crying uncontrollably and telling me “You need to leave me! Save yourself!”

    Now I know how skilled your kind are, and don’t think there is any hope for him. I DO, however, wonder if your kind ever expose your vulnerable selves inadvertantly like that while under the influence of intoxicants?

  7. narc affair says:

    Waiting for todays poll 😄 im a creature of habit lol

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