Mind Games – Part One



We love to conquer. Nowhere is off limits to our kind. Your mind is no exception to that mentality. The repeated application of mind games and the impact this had are both consequence which live long in the memory of those who have experienced them as a consequence of being entangled with us. I repeatedly state that the games are always being played. I doubt few would disagree with that statement. You ought to be aware however that the deployment of mind games, whilst always a factor in the narcissistic relationship, is not as deliberate as you may first imagine. In the case of the Lesser Narcissist, the mind games are collateral. They are a consequence of his instinctive behaviours, his reactions and pre-determined methodologies. He lacks the cognitive function to engage in the purposeful mental torment, but instead what arises as mind games is side-effect of the way that he behaves. As for the Mid-Range, well the application of mind games will sometimes manifest as deliberate but for the most part, he is similar to the Lesser and that these mind games occur as a consequence of the way he is engineered to think and to behave. It is with the Greater where the true twisted behaviour manifests as not only are the mind games a consequence of what we do, we also purposefully engage in them because we know how effective they are at achieving what we want and also because we are excellent at deploying them.

The imposition of bewilderment on a shattered and exhausted mind possesses a deftness of touch which is far superior to the brutish application of a fist to a cheek. The conjuring of confusion from the use of words alone is a highlight of the Greater’s manipulative repertoire. Accordingly, the mind games which arise from entanglement with a Lesser or a Mid-Range arise because of the various defence mechanisms those types of narcissist deploy. The Greater regards the playing of mind games as an essential part of the narcissistic relationship, one which is considered noble, important and a hallmark of his sophisticated abuse.

These mind games are varied and effective. Anybody who has been on the receiving end of them will testify as to the horrible impact that they have in creating doubt, fear, worry, anxiety, submission and a sense of helplessness. What are some of these mind games?

  1. Second Guessing. The act of making you forget about your own needs because you are conditioned to think about our needs first in order to avoid some dreadful repercussion if you do not so. You apply your mind over and over to assessing the situation and trying to gauge how you should respond, what you should do next, what you should organise, how you should look, how you should behave in order to avoid some other abuse.
  2. Pre-occupation. By making ourselves so central to your existence and the only thing which matters you find that you are always wondering about us. What are we doing right now? Who are we with? What are we doing? This does not necessarily occur just in the devaluation. As the seeds of addiction are sown during the seduction, you find your mind is focused on us more and more. This is the laying of the groundwork to have you forget about your own needs and indeed who you are as the focus of your attention becomes all about us.
  3. Mirroring. We convince you that you are falling in love with the most wonderful and fantastic person you have ever met. This is achieved by mirroring what you want in the object of your affection. By meeting this need on so many different fronts, you become helpless to falling in love with what you believe us to be.
  4. Obsessing. By engaging in the vague, the vapid and the amorphous we have you start obsessing over us. Once again the focus moves on to us as you ask yourself what did he mean by that comment? Why is he late? Why did he just do that? You look for clues which are non-existent and seek answers which are not there, reading too much into what are often innocuous scenarios.
  5. Gas Lighting. The infamous act of causing you to doubt your own reality and is invariably the cumulative effect of many different types of mind game. You end up doubting yourself and accepting our false reality as the true reality instead.
  6. Jettison. The act of having you think that you are about to be discarded. Comments will be made which suggest that we are dissatisfied with you, that we are tired of you and that we have interests elsewhere. Nothing is said outright, there is nothing concrete, but the signs are there that you are going to be discarded. Aren’t they?
  7. Jealousy. “But she is just a friend.” “How can I be having an affair when we only meet during daylight.” “You are reading too much into it.” The appearance of somebody who we talk about a lot, spend time with and appear to admire is designed to bring about jealousy in you and undermine your self-confidence.
  8. Mea Culpa. The complexity and absurdity of our behaviour means that you are unable to fathom out what is actually going on. This results in you needing to find some kind of answer in order to give you piece of mind and therefore since you have no ground to question us, you decide you must be at fault and being to blame yourself. After all, nobody gets furious for no obvious reason do they? You must have done something wrong to provoke us. It is your fault.
  9. Projection. The intentional movement of our faults and unpleasant behaviours from us to you. The accusation that you engage in the very behaviour which we undertake ourself.
  10. Character Assassination. The unmerited and savage attack on you, criticising you for any number of things; how you walk, how you talk, your hair colour, who your friends are; how you made the coffee this morning. Anything and everything about you will be attacked even though you cannot see the basis of doing so.
  11. Blame-Shifting. The defensive step of ensuring that we are never to blame or held accountable. Anything that goes wrong, any incorrect behaviour, any mishap is all down to you. You caused it, you brought it about, you made it happen. Even though you cannot see any factual basis for the accusation that has been flung your way, this will not stop it happening.
  12. Authoritative Denial. We do not just deny, we deny with such conviction, determination and authority that surely only someone who does this is someone who has to be right, yes?
  13. Gaseous Smear Campaigns. You are being spoken about, whispered about and slurs cast against your name, at least you think that is the case. You seem to be receiving strange glances and hear snickering when you walk by certain people, but you never hear anything concrete or certain. You might be mis-hearing, you might be mis-reading, it may just be paranoia. Trying to work out if you are being smeared is like trying to catch a gas with your bare hands.
  14. Silent Treatments. The staple of the narcissistic arsenal. Why is he silent? Why has he vanished? What have you done wrong? When will he speak to me again?
  15. Double Standards. We are so pleasant and wonderful to everybody else. People speak so highly of us, yet when the front door is closed we turn into a monster with you. Is it real? Perhaps you are taking it out of context and exaggerating or maybe you are doing something which causes this to happen and nobody else does?
  16. Amnesia. We deny having ever done something or said something even though you are positive, well fairly certain, okay, at least reasonably sure, we did say it. It works both ways as we accuse you of having a faulty memory as we tell you we told you last week we would be going out tonight, why can you not remember these things? Are you doing it in order to annoy us? Of course you are.
  17. Losing Your Mind. We label you as crazy, unhinged, a maniac who is need of help. Good Lord, everybody thinks it of you and we are a saint for putting up with this behaviour for so long. We tell you often, arrange for you to get help, see a doctor or a therapist and accompany you to explain to them how you are losing your marbles. Are we making all of this up in order to disturb you further, or then again, might you just be losing your mind after enduring all of this?

16 thoughts on “Mind Games – Part One

  1. jodyallen1968 says:

    #’s 1,2,6,7,8,9,11,12 and my personal favorite #15

  2. geyserempath says:

    HG. #7 Jealousy. You write “in the case of the Lesser Narcissist, the mind games are collateral. They are a consequence of his instinctive behaviours, his reactions and pre-determined methodologies.” I always felt mine tried to make me jealous on purpose. Are you saying that my MLV narc didn’t do that with bad intent, but that his go-to methodology was triangulation as that is always effective for him instinctively?

  3. On My Journey says:

    Narc number 3 took me out for diner with his best friend . I asked a lot of questions about the Narc in the diner to his friend and things came out very differently than what Narc #3 had told me. So back in the car he said «  you ruined the evening, I will never have you see my friends again ! «  he was driving very fast and would keep on mumbling to himself and then yelling that I ruined the evening.

    He slept on the coach.

    At the time , it sounded so ridiculous I ignored him and went to bed indifferent.

    In the morning he woke me up with a butiful breakfast saying … don’t listen to this idiot … he was not with me a lot so he knows nothing about me. He likes to embarrass people.

    Oh… I guess I did not ruined the evening then … :))

  4. John says:

    Per my father, “Well I’m sorry for whatever I did”. My blood still boils over that… Denial/Ever-presence – Lower mid

  5. Barbara says:

    Nobel? Really?

    1. Barbara says:

      I meant to type “noble”. Really?

      1. Barbara says:

        However, eventually everyone gets on to the narcissist. Especially a group of people who all know each other.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not always they don’t.

  6. Joy4Life says:

    M. Tudor, w oops… nothin

  7. on my journey says:

    This is exactly why it is nearly impossible to explain to someone who has not been entangled what is happening, especially with a greater.

    1. MH says:

      I feel like on some level the Mid-rangers go more easily undetected- with the Lessers, you can feel the violence and absence of control, with Greaters there’s a sometimes barely detectable malice which feels dangerous and enticing, but since the Mid-Rangers think they’re good people and that this is all just necessary and normal behavior, you just don’t get that vibe which probably could possibly serve as a red flag. HG, I trust you’ll correct me if I’m wrong, or even inaccurate.
      And oh yes- these Mind Games posts are most welcome and instructive.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        There is more to it, but as a general summary, what you have written is accurate.

        1. In my journey says:

          I guess with the greater what I noticed it is the careful choice of words.
          Once he had a personal problems and I wrote to him that If he needed my help I was there for him .
          The way he replied to me « dont’t Forget those words « 
          There was a hint of a threat that gave me the chills.

      2. Carolyn says:

        Hi MH,

        I knew my Mid-range narcissist was not a normal healthy person from the very start. He was sulky – when we’ve met it was all about his previous relationships – cruel exes, no remorse of guilt on his side. He even told me he started a therapy because his ex hurt him so badly. But during that time he was seducing me and flirting with many others. In my opinion if someone is so devastated by the break up that needs a therapy, he doesn’t have interest in other people. So it was a red flag. And when he started seducing me it was artificial. Ofcourse he was charming but I don’t know, the bullshit about “soul mates”, future faking, no boundaries. He was on turbo speed, it felt like I was manipulated, like he wanted me to believie it was a great love. But for me it was just a start of new casual relationship. And triangulation. He was doing it all the time. Social media signs, posts, songs to his exes. He was playing a sad person online but in real life he looked so happy, busy, full of life. It didn’t seem right. Fake person, his words didn’t match his actions. His ex (watching his online activity) could think he was devastated by their break up but in real life he was having sex with me and making future plans.

        So in my opinion the best method to unmask a mid range narcissist is to see if their words match their actions. You can easily see that this good, hurt by others persona is a mask, because in real life he goes on with his plan and doesn’t look back.

  8. Ugotit says:

    Went thru all these

    1. Patricia J says:

      Me also, Ugt. He would take me out to dinner,
      and start the mind games walking to the Door an just before entering, he would say ” I will never take you out again”.
      Whole meal ruined. Whole night ruined.

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