The False Exaggeration of the Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you see hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

17 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration of the Victim

  1. windstorm says:

    I used to get, “ you know there comes a time when a person should stop blaming their mother for their own problems.” Of course this began in my teens.

    On the surface this sounds logical. And certainly as an adult I am responsible for all my own actions, but abuse I suffered growing up has warped me in ways I’m still grappling with at 60.

  2. windstorm says:

    I agree that we all need to be aware that these statements are lies meant to deflect and demean us. They are just meant to beat down and abuse and show no real intelligence. Any time our questioning is met by insults to our understanding and thrown back in our face in an insulting way, should make our narc alarms go off.

    My all time favorite response of a narcissist to being called on a lie is Mark Twain’s “Another good story ruined by a damned eyewitness!” That’s the type of response that deserves fuel. One that recognizes reality and is smart enough to deal with it using humor.

  3. Ains says:

    I used to get, “Well that’s not important, is it?”

  4. Kat says:

    Here’s the exaggeration that takes the cake: YOU are the ONLY one who has a problem with me!

  5. mollyb5 says:

    Men have been saying this about a significant woman in their life and have been able to put their wives or daughters in sylums for many years. woman’s rights have changed but men’s egos have not .

    1. mollyb5 says:

      Asylums !

      1. /iroll says:


    2. sarabella says:

      yes, I thought of that parralel sometime last year. Male narcissism has to be behind all of that.

  6. Ruth says:

    Ah, yes, how many times was I accused of making mountains of molehills? Lol

    It turns out, I wasn’t. Lol

  7. T says:

    Scary, just scary! Lol, I have to admit I’m dumbfounded and amazed.
    Time to wake up!!
    HG, you are genius!!! I say that in all sincerity.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree.

      1. nfl3 says:

        No reason for false modesty. I love it!!

  8. Narc My Problem says:

    HG, what about “You are always living in the past”? I hear this one often even I have not said anything of the such.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yup, that’s one.

    2. sarabella says:

      My mother’s last words to me in the last blow up and before I went NC.

      “I pity you that you live with no ability to forgive. You never let anything go. You are just bipolar and I am sick of your shit.”

      Whenever the idea of anything she had done came up? Throughout my entire life?

      “Who, not me, I have never done a thing, you have the problem. Its always you, the heavy one, the depressed one, the overley sensitive one, the {you name it one}”

      1. Bibi says:


        I had a narcissist father. He was a Lesser. My mom is an empath. It is very painful when your guide in life (that is, your parent) turns out to be the abuser. He always told me I was so emotional. He was actually shocked by it.

        ‘You are so emotional!’ he would say to his 13 yr old daughter.

        I never played sports. I cried. LOL

        He treated my mom so terribly. I am so happy that she was able to remarry my stepdad who is an empath and has lived a good life afterwards.

        Though she and I still get into arguments, lol.

        My mom is a standard empath and this is why I think I could be a contagion empath because I always get on her for not being passionate or standing up enough.

        ‘C’mon mom, it just isn’t right!’

        She doesn’t fight the system. I do.

        But we have different personalities and that explains it.

        1. sarabella says:

          I am purging my anger at what happened to me by directing it all towards the most malignant narcissist Trump by sharing and posting things about Trump that call out all his awful behaviors and personality. Better direct it towards him, the system, than ever vent on the narc who hurt me again.

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