Now, I Have You

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We rely on ensnaring our victims. Whether it is a stranger who we pass each day and smile at, knowing that they will return the smile, whether it is a friend who relies on being associated with us and who enjoys the benefits of being seen with us or whether it is the intimate partner who is installed as our primary source, we need to ensure that our fuelling appliances are attached to us, connected and secured so that we can rely on the fuel being pumped our way. We have our ways of determining whether an appliance has become ours, no matter what source the appliance belongs to. These “shows” or “tells” are important to us for several reasons:-
We know that the appliance has become attached to us and therefore the fuel will continue to flow;
We are aware that our seduction of the appliance has worked. We seduce everybody that we target. There is the generally accepted definition of seduction that is applicable to the primary source, but our seduction also manifests against those who are secondary sources. When we seduce, we charm, win-over, beguile, attract and so forth and we do this to the friends, the colleagues and family members. Our seduction of a stranger may be as straight forward as smiling at them so they return the gesture, but it is a seduction nevertheless. Knowing that the seduction has succeeded is important.
Once we know we have you, then we can adjust our approach appropriately. This may mean maintaining a certain level of behaviour and thus conserving energy, thus we do not expend energy too greatly trying to charm you further when we have already succeeded. It may mean knowing that since you have been seduced and you are attached, we can turn our attention elsewhere.
We can broadcast the seduction to other people and know that we will not err in doing so. This broadcasting allows us to gain fuel both from those who admire our newly seduced appliance and those who are jealous of our latest conquest. Either way we receive fuel. Accordingly, the relationship bulletins can begin.
It will be the trigger for the discard of the malfunctioning current primary source. Once we know that the prospective replacement has been seduced and attached we can commence the discard.
Not only do we look for these shows and tells in order to confirm to us that the seduction has been achieved, we use them as way markers to confirm to us that we are heading in the correct direction during the seduction and it will not be too long before we have you completely in our grasp. These indicators are important. If we do not see them, we know that we must apply more effort, more charm, more seductive power in order to reel you in. In some instances, if they remain absent we may form the view that the seduction is floundering and we may be better served turning our attentions elsewhere, so we are not denied fuel and we do not use up our energy on a wasted prospect. It is unusual for this to happen, but it can and therefore we need to see these indicators that confirm to us that you are falling under our spell, that you are being seduced and soon you will be attached to us.
In the context of seducing an intimate partner as a primary source these indicators are at their most prevalent and of course, by reason of that person being a prospective primary source, they are the most important ones to look for. Whilst it is material to see certain signs which tell us that we are acquiring a new and loyal inner circle friend, it is the indicators which signal to us that the prospective primary source is heeding our overtures which matter the most.
So, what are these indicators? There are many and the ones detailed below are not an exhaustive list but some of the more common ones. Some of these indicators do happen in ‘normal’ relationships, but they still should be heeded because they demonstrate that you are falling for us, that our charms are working and this will give us the comfort and information that we need to adjust our plans and machinations accordingly.
If you realise that you are doing these things now, then you are telegraphing to somebody that you are submitting to their seduction. If the seduction was once in the past, you may well recognise some of these things as matters which you did or said. Moreover, you will now know that if you wish to lay down a false scent, if you will, and deny us the indicators, these are the things you must avoid in order to encourage us in our seduction of you.
Answering your ‘phone within one ring when we call you.
Answering text messages in less than thirty seconds when we message you.
Answering your ‘phone, whether call or message in the middle of the night.
Cancelling plans with other people so that you can see us.
Inconveniencing yourself to spend time with us, for instance, travelling across town just to spend 30 minutes with us in a lunch hour.
Calling us and not having anything really to say to us.
Asking to know what our movements are during the day.
Going to something or doing something even though we know you do not like it really, just to please us and/or be with us;
Dropping everything to come to us on the pretext of an emergency;
Agreeing with us when we tell you that friends, family, colleagues etc are jealous of you and I and you do not try to make excuses for them, but instead you express dismay for their attitudes.
Buying something so you have the similar item to us.
Asking for an item of our clothing with our scent on so you can have us close to you.
Allowing us to borrow something and not asking for it back even though we have kept it for longer than we said we would.
Lending us money and not asking for it back.
Preferring to stay in than go out with your friends in the hope that we will call you.
Turning up unexpectedly at a place where we are.
Making considerable changes in your appearance to impress us;
Making changes to your home in order to impress us;
Writing poems or love letters to us;
Offering to do chores for us even though we do not live together;
Wanting us to accompany you to events
Telling us you miss us even though it has only been an afternoon that we have been apart.
Whilst it is a fact that these indicators also happen in ‘normal’ relationships, it is the fact that so many of them occur and that they do so with undue haste which sends us the signal that we want to see. Some would not happen in any relationship and with others it is the speed and aggregate effect of them which provides us with the indication that we wish to see. Be mindful of whether you are doing these things because if you are and you recognise the red flags of the way we behave towards you, you are in effect issuing a “come and get me I am yours” to us, with all the consequences that flow from that.

10 thoughts on “Now, I Have You

  1. MB says:

    When I accused him of putting a spell on me, he said “I choose who to use it on”. Sounds like some awareness there. Is there an awareness to consciously look for the “tells” too?

    1. Spiritual Warrior says:

      MB some how we are sired to them AND yes some evil spell is put on us of them getting into our Wounds of exposing with trust WE TRUSTED THEM AND THE WERE CONNING MANIPULATING AND USING US TO GET OFF ON…Look under (Kill Wilson TV on YouTube,) and she has videos of the darkness of the demonic parts of many Narcissist….That is why we have to fight against them..YES no contact..BUT for them to INTENTIONAL hunt and prey on victims like a lion to kill for food, It is our duty to help let other know…BUT we have to heal and be good to us first…Be well

      1. MB says:

        SW
        The spell to which I was referring was of the bewitching, enchanting, and charming variety. The spell of the golden period that is cast with or without knowledge of the power that is wielded with it. (Although I believe there IS knowledge of it being a powerful weapon in this particular case. Hence him saying “I choose who to use it on.”) Interesting choice of word…”use”. Coincidence? I think not.

        I suppose you are correct, though. It IS an evil spell as it is cast under the guise of something wonderful, making it that much more sinister.

        As ever, my empathic heart wants me to believe it is done with pure intent. In the teachings at HG U, I have learned that they truly do believe you are the ONE at the time. I reject the thinking that pure evil exists. If I did not, a part of my heart would die.

  2. ava101 says:

    HG, and everybody, which personality types truly don’t feel attachment? Narcissists, of course, …. Do autistic people feel attachment to a partner? Can they switch from hot to cold, like a narc? Are there really people who are commitment phobic, or don’t do attachment, who are “normal”? What is the difference then between narcs and autistic people, or other types, in this regard? Do detached people form bonds with family members, what would be the difference, also very old friends compared to new ones? Thank you.

    1. Clarece says:

      Hi Ava101,

      I’m 1/2 way thru a book from a friend called, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” by Amir Levine.
      Addresses much of what you are asking. 😊

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you, Clarece!

  3. Mary Ann Greco says:

    I am currently going through a divorce with “one of your kind.” I finally know I’m not crazy in my thinking and suspicions. He has destroyed parts of me and my relationships with my friends, family and altered my relationships with my children. Pure evil!!!! I thought I was losing my mind, He captured me weeks after my first of five children tragically died in a car accident. Instead of going through my grief in which is unbearable for his charismatic, manipulative style. My own children sensed he was not normal, but he was my teen boyfriend and was off and on with him until I was 21. He knew my son died and pounced … I even knew he lied about being with another woman and was still married going through a divorce!!!Get the picture???He did this to me when I was younger and I was still drawn back to him!I can tell you stories and would make a scary mini a series!!! Thank you, TG Tudor for your insight and the ammunition you have now armed me with!!! Forever grateful!!! Mary Ann G. From Pittsburgh, PA

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

    2. Anonymous says:

      Mary Ann my condolences. I, too, was ensnared quickly during a vulnerable time. I congratulate you on your strength to move forward.

    3. MB says:

      I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child Mary Ann. I’m sorry for your loss and shame on the narc for taking advantage of it. You are a strong woman!

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