No contact is not just avoiding physical contact with our kind. It is shutting down the Five Fingers of Engagement, namely
- Not spending time with us in person;
- Not talking to us, be it by phone, Skype, text message or smoke signal
- Not doing things for us
- Not talking about us to others; and
- Not thinking about us
A complete and successful no contact embraces all of these five elements. It is not easy.
What do you find the hardest parts of implementing no contact to be? Is it because you cannot stop wanting to know what the narcissist is doing – whether it is finding our whether his life is falling apart and revelling in that or whether it is seeing if she is with somebody new – are you allowing the narcissist into your head as you search online for information and speak to people to find out if they have any news about the narcissist? Perhaps it is because the narcissist lives near you and knows where you live so it is easy for him or her to physically hoover you? Maybe you are in a position of co-parenting and therefore this causes no contact to be breached.
Possibly you cannot quash your need to have your say, whether to keep telling the narcissist how much he or she has hurt you or to tell them what an utter bastard he or she is. Alternatively, you may find that your need to tell all and sundry about how you have been treated means you are speaking about the narcissist and continuing to think about them.
Whatever the factors may be, choose the three which are the most applicable and cast your votes and as ever please do expand in the comments section with your thoughts and observations.
Thank you for participating.