The Narcissist and U-Turns

 

THE NARCISSISTANDU-TURNS

 

Contradictions. About turns. Doing one thing and meaning another. Those are staple ingredients in becoming entangled with our type. Of course the Lesser and the Mid-Range of our kind do not see the contradictions. To them, their behaviour makes absolute sense even though when it is viewed from your perspective there is a clear contradiction in what has been said or done. This naturally frustrates, upsets and infuriates you as you attempt to make us see that you are correct and we are not. Or to make us see that we have behaved in a contradictory or hypocritical fashion. You will not succeed. The Lesser or the Mid-Range does not do this deliberately, it is just how they are. The Lesser reacts. The Mid-Range realises that denying and deflecting what you are trying to get him to see causes more upset and frustration and that makes him feel good. He does not know why this is, he does not know the concept of fuel, but he knows the more you react the better he feels. He also knows that he does not like to be held to account or to be seen to be the one who is to blame, for anything, thus he will not accept any suggestion of contradictory behaviour because it is inherent with such an accusation that there is blame attached. The Greater knows that to twist, to turn, to shift and to alter allows the emotional responses to flow and to become heightened. He knows that what he does is viewed as contradictory but he will not accept it. He must portray control and superiority at all times otherwise he will find himself damned. He revels in switching from one position to the other, within moments and then seeing if you dare to point out this shift in stance. Should you do so, he will deny and deflect in order to frustrate you, to upset you and to alarm you.

The use of volte faces is part of the process of gas lighting also. An insidious and effective method of controlling you, eroding your sense of perspective and forcing you ever backwards until ultimately you know nothing other than our warped truth, yours having been dispelled some time ago. Making you a stranger to your own reason is evidence both of our power and our abusive behaviour. Thus the use of contradictory behaviour, the volte face, is prevalent when we commence the devaluation. Here are five you may know well.

  1. The Joy Has Gone

We once showed such enthusiasm for Indian cuisine and would often try to find the latest and most exciting restaurant for us to both go to. It might have been the zealous delight we exhibited at the prospect of going hill-walking with you, or discussing the latest production at the local theatre. You loved how we connected over these shared interests. Of course it was all mirroring. We love what you love. Now there is no need to do it anymore. We care little for Indian cuisine but since you loved it so much, we decided to do so as well. Hill walking is tedious. The only thing we liked was being on top of the world. As for the theatre, if we have to sit through another obscure play we will explode. Still it was worth making you think we loved all those things as it made you easier to bind to us. Keep listing everything you think we have in common and I will pick that list down to nothing.

  1. The Compliments End

I embedded you as the supply of my positive fuel and you functioned well so you earned those further compliments. Now there is no need to provide them. Oh I am aware that you look even better than you did when we first met, that you are trying hard to tease the compliments for me in order to try to stave off that nagging fear that you are losing me, but it is to no avail. I know you are trying your best to please me, accommodate what I want but all I now look at is someone who irritates me. You see, if I had loved you like someone healthy, I would not feel like this now, but because I never did, there is nothing to prevent the feeling of contempt and annoyance which washes over me each time I see you. But where are the compliments? Somebody else has them now.

  1. A Sudden Realisation

Do you know something, I love my ex. I do. You have made me realise this. I thought I did not know what love was until I met you (I vaguely remember saying something like this to you some time ago) but come to think of it, I knew all along and it is my ex that I love. Not you. Thanks for the distraction whilst I worked things out. What? I said she was abusive and a psycho? No I did not. There you are, you have just proved to me why I cannot love someone like you. Good bye.

  1. But You Thought I Hated That

Why have I gone to that classical concert when I said to you that I could not stand classical music. I don’t recall saying that. Stop trying to tell me what I like and do not like. You are so controlling. I have always enjoyed reading books, where on earth did you get the idea from that I did not. Yes, I love strawberries, they are delicious and I love eating them, I never told you I was allergic to them. Stop making things up. You need some help. You keep twisting things around and I don’t like. it There you are. That is something I hate. What you do.

  1. The Sudden Complaints

Must we really go to your parents this weekend? So what if I have never complained about it before? That doesn’t matter. I am doing so now because I want to isolate you from them. I suspect they do not like me and I am not going to let them put ideas in your head, so they have gone on the black list and I will now issue complaints about seeing them in order to drive a wedge between you and them. The more isolated you become the better. I will start to complain regularly in order to stop you doing things and in order to upset you. That is the way I operate now. Don’t you dare complain about it.

15 thoughts on “The Narcissist and U-Turns

  1. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    Re-reading this just triggered a text exchange I had with Piano Boy so I figured I would share another one….you know for the pages and all!

    Him: (after I pointed out one of his contradictions) “What is the magic number of times that I admit my hypocrisy and inconsistency before you stop acting confused and shocked by it?”

    Me: (referencing the movie, “Guide to the Hitchhiker’s Galaxy”, which may or may not have gone over his head) “I don’t know? 42?”

    Him: “This is draining me, kiddo. No more of this today, please”

    Me: “Really? You are going to go back to ignoring me now? I don’t think that is fair”

    Him: “I don’t care what you think. Please leave me alone”

    (Cue 3 weeks of silence that came after)

  2. Kathy says:

    HG—can I assume you don’t like Indian cuisine? 😝

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you cannot.

      1. Clarece says:

        Is it sushi that you said once you are not a fan of?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes.

          1. Clarece says:

            #HGfunfact
            No sushi. Ever.
            You’re welcome Ladies.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Kathy
      Haha. He likes it if you like it.

      1. MB says:

        NA, he hates it if you hate it too. 😂

  3. Lisa Leuthesser says:

    Everything you describe in this list is so sadly telling. I experienced this and it was subtle, insidious and lethal.

  4. Vera says:

    Spot on, every single one. I have to laugh: my beloved was an alleged vegetarian and would make faces when I ate meat, even if I’m very conscious about my meat – all organic etc. I would always go out of my way to cook vegetarian. And guess what? Afyer months of fuss, all of the sudden, he would devour a disgusting goulash in a greasy tavern!

  5. DoForLuv says:

    As always I can only laugh after reading this . I remember all the sudden likes and dislikes growing up with MatriNarc I used to be so confused . Brings me to what I’m thinking for weeks ; where did I stand ? “about my ex narc “fuel matrix “ ; in TOTAL confusion there is where I stand , where every narc need you to stand hahaha Idc wich supply I’am was to them . Let it go .

  6. KT says:

    HG why am I being discarded in a nice way and kept in touch with after the discard? It was an amicable split..He said I should try and date others. Does he mean that? He also said I tried too hard to please him so the relationship was unnatural. I have read House of discards but not sure what to make of this discard.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I need more information about the school of narcissist, your role in the fuel matrix and what is actually happening as you may not be experiencing disengagement. Therefore you should organise a consultation, especially if you cannot ascertain the situation from House of Discards.

  7. S says:

    HG, your awareness, insight, and spot on descriptions of behavior I have witnessed are incredible. Awe inducing, truly.

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