The Eight Exploitations of Empathy

THE EIGHT EXPLOITATIONSOF EMPATHY

You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them

1. Trust

You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.

2. Honesty

Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.

3. Decency

You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.

4. Equality

You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.

5. Fidelity

To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.

6. Tenacity

You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.

7. Healing

You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.

8. Loving

Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.

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23 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”

  1. Oh yes, those eight traits were exploited.
    Some of our last conversations were about trust or rather, my lack of it towards him.
    He tried his best to convince me he was trustworthy. That a good relationship is founded on trust, trust is a beautiful thing and other platitudes he thought would convince me. My final reply was- trust, like respect, is earned. Gimme actions fuckwit, not words.

    I have trouble reconciling the fidelity trait….. most people are conditioned from childhood to repress their sexuality (in the broader sense, not the gender sense) and taught that sex is only for people you ‘love’…. or only one person, ever. Anyone brought up in a religious way, any organised religion, further compounds the conditioning. Humans are naturally ‘promiscuous’ and most spend their life fighting their perfectly natural desires…..

    Fidelity becomes an issue if you have discussed it with your partner, agreed to be monogomous and then break that commitment. Either person. Whether narcissist or not.
    I said numerous times to fuckwit over the years, we’re together because we want to be, not because of obligation…. he twisted and abused that sentiment I don’t know how many times. I’m sure now that every time I felt he was fucking around, he was.
    I will not ignore my intuition in future….. never again! (Yes, reference to one of yesterday’s posts).

    1. Tappi T
      So well written. Ns are full of platitudes to string you along and make you think you’ve discussed and resolved things only to find out — NO!
      “Gimme actions fuckwit, not words!”
      My sentiments exactly.
      I think my words in my police statement were “I was looking to see what the substance was to those words…”,& “I told him in many occasions ‘we’re getting to know one another, we’re building trust, and that’s a good thing. Trust takes time’ , and he said once ‘oh, we’re taking it slow…’, ‘Yes, we are’. ”
      I wanted to make it clear he wasn’t just getting to have me.

      Your anger is cathartic, and helps me express mine, so thanks.

      1. Thank you Caroline R
        You wrote ‘police statement’…. if you don’t mind sharing, can you expand further?

  2. If there is no cure for a narc being a narc…there is no cure for an empath being an empath. This is just as much my fault as it is his. Did he target me…or did I actually target him? Why has it taken me 24 years (literally half my life!) to see this?? I am every. single. one. of. these. eight. how do stop being a caring selfless person? Side note: i had to stick my phone in a bowl of rice to dry it out because the tears flowed really f-ing hard on this one HG!

    1. You cannot stop being an empath. What you do is protect yourself with regard to us, my consultations will assist you in that regard.

      1. Before i allow you to manipulate me into a consultation…i want to know why you were forced into therapy and if, since being in therapy yourself, you have learned what made you this way…and if you are aware of doing it while you are enging with a significant other?

      2. I do not manipulate anybody into a consultation, you either have one or you do not. As for the answers – see About and previous answers given.

      1. K,
        i want out of this sadistic club! my whole life is a fucking LIE! he called my brother…who he has no relationship with and told him i need to “fix my shit and that he “hasn’t given up on me”! Seriously…he truly believes i am the one who’s crazy. and truth is…maybe i am. i feel crazed. i feel hopeless. i KNOW what i need to do…i am smart & self aware. i REALLY am…yet i am the dumbest bitch in town. he won.

      2. J
        He called your brother to provoke you. Ignore him and tell your brother to block him.

        “hasn’t given up on me”! Translation: he owns you and you belong to him forever and you owe him fuel.

        You are NOT crazy or dumb, from his POV he thinks you are crazy, however, in our world you are the normal one and that is what matters.

        He did NOT win and it isn’t hopeless; you are smart, self aware and you are here on narcsite. Everyone here understands what you are going through. Don’t let your emotional thinking (ET) taking over. Fight.

        You are winning everyday that you are here with us.

      3. J, it is entirely understandable how you feel. You are not alone with this – many of us have experienced this situation, have heard similar words about our mental state and sanity and know exactly how horrible that feels.

        This is not about not being smart, not intelligent or self-aware enough – fortunately, you still realise that you are all of that. While you understand what you are dealing with, your emotional turmoil is a natural reaction to what you have experienced. You are not crazy, it is traumatising to realise that what you believed to be true was a lie. From the outsider perspective and if that is of any help to you right now, I don’t see that he won. Apply cold logic and see his attitude for what it is. He is smearing you and projecting onto you, and he is ‘desperate enough’ to call your brother. It takes much time and patience, but you can work through that and if you do what you know you need to do, it will get better.

        I understand why you see your empathic qualities as a nuisance at that point – but want to stress that even though it might not feel that way, those are still great qualities to have. You cannot change being empathic but you can learn to adapt your behaviour, to become more aware and most of all, to set firm boundaries.

    2. J
      you may find these comments helpful.

      Narc affair
      JUNE 23, 2017 AT 15:25
      I am curious why your mother as a narcissist would force you to get therapy HG. It wouldve had to have been something substantial to push you into therapy with a monetary ultimatum. Hopefully nothing of a criminal nature. You dont strike me as the type. I guess we dont know all the facts but that is something that piques my interest..why force you into therapy? What does she have to gain by you in therapy? If shes a narcissist she certainly wouldnt want a therapist messing with her handiwork. So why?

      HG Tudor
      JUNE 23, 2017 AT 17:03
      As explained many times before, there was the threat of criminal and regulatory investigations against me. They are based on lies but the time involved would be an unnecessary drain and distraction. The threat of those would be removed if I attended therapy to address my behaviour. I was also threatened with the loss of my inheritance. I also agreed to it for additional reasons which will become apparent to you in due course. She has control to gain by keeping me in therapy and the maintenance of her facade which believe me is a huge facade.

      She doesn’t know what she is. She does not regard the therapist as messing with her handiwork – she sees it as extending her handiwork.

      https://narcsite.com/2017/06/21/to-have-not-to-hold-3/#comments

    3. Here is another comment J.

      HG Tudor
      JULY 26, 2017 AT 15:58
      It was a psychological evaluation.

      The treatment has centred around talk therapy with regard to my awareness of understanding of what I am and why I act as I do, the behaviours and drivers behind that and also CBT.

      Thank you for your kind observations.

      https://narcsite.com/2015/08/31/who-am-i/#comments

  3. Is that what your site is about for you to get into the mind of an empath so you can have more knowledge on how we work so you have more ways to control our kind?

      1. I discarded the Narc when I discovered he cheated, I knew what he was and did the leaving before he had the chance. I blocked him on every single social media and phone. But I know he stalks my Pinterest. He tries to Hoover me back on his, but I’ve ignored. I’ve been careful to not post a single thing about him at all since. What’s the best way to jab the knife in deeper, six years he has lied, used me, altered my reality and pillaged my life. I want him to suffer as much emotionally as possible just as I have. So no contact? Keep as if he’s completely insignificant? I have no problem keeping this up. I hate his guts now. Do tell, what hurts the most.

      2. Maintain no contact – it will wound as and when he tries to hoover and it is also better for you for a variety of reasons.

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