The Love Triangle

the-love-triangle

 

Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –

Literature

 

Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights

 

Film

 

Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)

 

Real Life

 

Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

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19 thoughts on “The Love Triangle”

      1. I might recommend looking at the case of Chris Dawson in Australia, HG. Right up your alley… plus TWIN Narcs! Would make for quite an analysis!

  1. Waste of time to be angry at the third party. The real culprit is narc.

    Even if third party actually did approach narc first, narc’s lack of personal boundaries allowed it to happen. Narc is the one to drop.

  2. Triangulation was his favourite method of manipulation, both in online communication and in real life.

    As much as his repeated manipulations angered me, I realise upon reflection that I associated the concept of the ‘love triangle’ with what my vague idea of ‘unconventional love’ – was when I was entangled with him – – transparency, freedom within in the relationship, acknowledging a coexistence of very different needs and wants and, potentially, of several romantic/intimate prospects. The difference was that our entanglement was, of course, not based on equality, emotional intimacy, on transparency or a honest agreement on how we should meet our differing needs and wants in the relationship. It was based on (mutual) control and manipulation.

    Rather than taking the other women as opponents or rivals I had to ‘actively compete’ with, I chose to ignore, downplay the actual impact of the constant manipulation and triangulation and continued my entanglement with him as if undisturbed by and ‘above’ all of that. I felt convinced that – within the realm of this specific relationship – it was beneficial to both of us to take a more liberal stance to both physical and emotional intimacy and therefore, be able to handle our relationship.

    In reality, my attitude in that situation was, still and despite my conviction, a twisted way of competing with all the other women he was entangled with and an attempt to prove to him and to myself that I was special enough to ‘get’ him and his needs and wants, primarily since I had known him for years at that time. My attitude was certainly based on a sense of pride and vanity, a sense of power, a dire need for validation and the inability to realise and to acknowledge my own needs and wants.

    Some (love) triangles that came to my mind in addition:

    Various love triangles portrayed in Flaubert’s Madame Bovary – Emma/husband Charles/Rodolphe Boulanger (a calculating character, sets Emma up as prey and seduces her, lets her down eventually regardless of her utter devastation)/León Dupuis

    Romeo and Juliet

    Henry Miller, his wife June and Anaïs Nin

    Quite a number of love triangles around Sartre/Beauvoir, i.e. Nelson Algren

    the tumultuous relationship between Alain Delon and Romy Schneider and resulting triangles with their respective intimate partners

    Hannah Arendt/Martin Heidegger/Karl Jaspers

    Søren Kierkegaard/his former fiancée Regine Olsen and her husband, Fritz Schlegel

  3. I play second fiddle to no one if someone try’s this on me I let them go to the other person this is one thing I will never knowingly share infidelity is a perfect way of getting me to leave

    1. Veronique, I’m the same. When I discovered my husband’s affair, I made him leave the next night because I was in too much emotional distress and he just made it worse being there. It shocked him that I would tell him to leave, and he asked me where he was supposed to go. I said “Why don’t you go stay with your fucking girlfriend?” I simply don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.

      If he hadn’t ended it with absolutely no contact we’d be divorced now. If he hadn’t shown me that he was passionately devoted to repairing the damage the affair did, same. You have to want me or you have to go.

      This manipulation is very important to a narcissist, though, and they will never give it up because it works so often.

    2. Me too! I actually briefly dated a cerebral narc in my mid twenties and I didn’t fall hard for him despite the fancy dates and the 3am love poem text messages because he would occasionally talk about his first love and say that he misses her. It made me put a mental wall between us even though I was really attracted to him. Now I know he was triangulating me! My empath husband doesn’t even talk about any past girlfriends or wives (I’m his 3rd marriage) even if I ask him because he doesn’t see the point. He said it’s over, it’s done, it didn’t work out, he has me now and he’s thankful that I’m different than them.

  4. I’m sure there are many of your kind amongst your choices, Scarlet who I love was quite clearly a narcissist. One of my big favourites is Wuthering Heights, i’ve asked you before about this but I don’t think you had time to respond. Is Cathy or Heathcliffe a narcissist ? Or both of them or none ?

  5. I met Narc Friend at the same time as a gorgeous, willowy blonde woman. This girl is a 10. She was chasing him like he was on fire the whole time we were together, and I basically stood back, watched, and didn’t play. I began writing to Narc Friend without the blonde’s knowledge later on. The blonde and I were not friends and barely spoke to each other during our time in person. I’m also not a 10, not even close.

    A few months later, out of nowhere, the blonde Facebook friended me, but with her privacy settings so high I could see nothing. I couldn’t figure out why she’d friend me, but it gave me a bad feeling. Narc Friend told me later that she had been to see him just a couple weeks before that. Undoubtedly he had triangulated us, mentioning his ongoing friendship with me, and she, shocked to find out about the competition, friended me to get information.

  6. I would offer as well, that most humans are competitive by nature. In business, in sport, even in intelligences. Why should the competitive nature be limited to these? Why not love also?

    1. In love competition is not what I value. If I have to compete for your attention then you’re going to be surprised by my complete withdrawal. I am not interested in anyone who isn’t completely taken with me. If you want that other person then go. Someone else will want me as well.

  7. Anna Karenina, which I just watched last night and have read countless times. A particularly deadly love triangle. I think Anna was the narcissist in that triangle and was unable to deal with the punishment that society dealt to women in those times. It drove her insane to be so powerless.

    Everyone will not be ensnared by the twisted allure of either narcissists or love triangles. Some people simply walk away. It takes self-awareness to do so, and inner strength.

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