Hush

 

hush

 

Hush. I don’t want you to make any sound. None at all. If you do you will spoil this moment. This is not a time for noise, of any kind. Yes, I admit I normally like you to be making some sound. Whether it is your words of admiration, your scream of terror, your murmurs of delight, your shouted anger or moans of passion. All the noises which you make for me are welcomed, so long as you coat them with your feelings. I do not care for bare comment, neutral and anodyne, that does nothing for me and may even harm me, but you won’t do that for me will you? You do not want to hurt me, ever, do you? You are not like that. Your kind are not like that, you care and you love and you give. No, no, stay silent. You have no need to speak. Just lie there. Be still. I want to allow my eyes to roam over your naked form as you lie there next to me, exposed, vulnerable. I know you are looking at my eyes, I can sense it. My gaze is not meeting yours at the moment though as I am allowing my eyes to slowly move across you. I regard your toes, pointing upwards, bare and free of varnish. You rarely apply such gloss to them but you do ensure they are clean, cut and presentable. I know you can see me looking at them. I know you are wondering whether I am going to lower my wonderful mouth to them and suck them or bite them. I am not going to do either of those things but you are uncertain. I can tell that you are because your apprehension is flowing from you and I am drinking that in. That tiny shudder you just gave was not from the cool air that permeates this twilight space. No, that was indicative of the apprehension which has taken hold of you. I know you are stood at a fork in your mind. I know what you will be thinking. I know because I make you think this way, why else would I do it? I do it for control. I control everything about you. You stand at that fork wondering whether I will lead you down the line to explosive pleasure or down the dark road towards hurt and pain. You have no idea which it will be because as you have come to learn these last few months, I am capable of both. Should you feel excited? Should you feel nervous? Which is to be? Hush now, do not speak. Oh I know that you want to speak, you cannot help yourself. You want to ask. Always the questioning isn’t it? Ask, question, query, challenge and so forth. Not now. You want the answer but you are not getting that answer. Not yet. I make a gentle shushing sound. Is it a noise of reassurance, that which the doting mother provides to the new born offspring or is the noise of patronising chastisement, treating you like a child? You do not know. How I revel in your confusion. I know you are looking at my face desperately looking for some kind of clue, some hint, some acknowledgement of what is going on in my delinquent mind. You are denied. My face is frozen, mouth set straight, brow neither raised or furrowed, eyebrows unyielding and then there are my eyes. You cannot see yourself anymore in them. I have stopped that for the time being. Usually you get to see exactly what you want to see in them. Whether it is joy, hope, love, passion, excitement, intrigue and so much more. You are only seeing what I know you want to see because I reflect from these eyes what is showing in your eyes. You do not look upon me. You look upon yourself. That has changed tonight. Now two impenetrable black orbs are all that you can see. The place where you usually lose yourself has become lost to you. You will find no succour for you there. You will find no reassurance or indication of what is about to happen. That is hidden from you now.

You make to issue a further sound and a shake of my head halts you. My fingers trace the red weal on your thigh, the pads of two of my fingers running either side of this mark. Another shudder and I can sense you are desperate to speak buy hush my dear, hush my love, this is not the time for speaking. I know you will wonder why my fingers trace this mark. Am I soothing you or reflecting on its origin? You have no idea have you? I allow my fingers to move upwards across the tender flesh of your thigh. Is it now that it will happen or will I wait? You lift your left thigh in anticipation and I continue to allow my fingers to drift northwards. I hear your intake of breath and know that again you are making so as to speak. My hand leaves your thigh and I place one finger against your lips. The gesture clear and unmistakable. The moment where you might have broken the silence passes and I wait and wait a while longer before I move my finger away. Your body beside me is ramrod straight as you are unable to relax, every nerve-ending alert and bracing itself for whatever comes next, whatever that might be. The outside of my hand brushes your soft cheek, your impressive complexion noticeable even in this half-light. A cheek that sometimes glows red from the consequences of my endeavours. Is it the glow of shame which will coat your cheek? Is it the surge of a passionate flush that will linger there? Or something else?

Now I look at your eyes and this is when I begin to derive the true benefit from this enforced silence. My eyes convey nothing. Yours tell me everything. They flit back and forth, scrutinising my face for some kind of signal, some kind of sign. I am not transmitting. I am only set to receive and receive I do as I drink in the earnest anxiety flooding from your eyes. I see the attempt to mollify me as you allow those beautiful, expressive eyes to reach out to me. I see the look of apprehension cut through the attempt as the nervousness returns. You are obedient now. Remaining silent, my repeated exhortations, soft and low, for you to remain silent have been heeded. Now you are trying to speak to me using your eyes and you are doing so magnificently. The lack of noise, the absence of speech, now makes the emotions in your eyes a hundred times more intense. I absorb those feelings which flood from your eyes. I drink them in, consuming them for my own benefit. This is why it works so well. Complete control of you as you lie there, still, unmoving on the bed, slight and occasional tremble from your limbs as you wait in conflicting anticipation for what may come. What will it be this time? How will I deal with you? There can be no spoken protestation, no elucidated request for confirmation, only this continuing silence, punctuated from time to time by my hushing you.

My eyes remain locked on yours as my left hand once again begins to glide about your body. The lightest of touches which glides from throat, to breast and to stomach. Back and forth moves my hand, like some wizard commencing the gesticulations for his spell-casting. My spell is already working as you remain frozen, barely daring to move, only allowing your chest to rise with your breathing and your eyes to dart left and right, still probing, still seeking those answers.

Hush my darling, hush my dear, hush my love.

My hand rises and then clamps over your mouth.

Your eyes widen. Fear and excitement fighting against one another and all the while giving me what I need.

Hush.

Now it begins.

 

83 thoughts on “Hush

  1. Leanne says:

    Tease

  2. Grace says:

    H.G.,
    Have you written an article contrasting the greater somatic with the greater cerebral in their approach to the way they treat their lovers? I had no idea a narcissist would treat a target the way you describe with attention, lavish gifts and great sex. I was the long-term ipps wife.
    My greater cerebral ex made sure I knew I was only worthy of his scraps of affection , sex was for his pleasure and gifts were cheap if at all. I sure don’t understand how he pleased other conquests.
    You would think a cerebral narc would have the common sense to be more like the somatic, but perhaps his superior ego meant loving them and leaving them or quantity over quality was more efficient in supplying doses of fuel.
    Any thoughts you might share?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not yet and if you wish to discuss the detail of your own interaction I recommend you organise a consultation so I can convey the relevant detail to you.

      1. Grace says:

        Thank you for responding to my post, H.G. I will give the idea of a consultation some thought for when the time is right. THe more I learn from your articles, the deeper my questions become. I would like to order some of your books first to have an even better understanding to fully grasp your concepts.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          By all means, you will find the books very useful.

          1. Grace says:

            H.G.,
            I look forward to learning about and understanding the well-written secrets and explanations your books reveal.

    2. nunya biz says:

      I have similar question, Grace.

      1. Grace says:

        Nunya Biz,
        I think the cerebral and somatic narcisdists are two very different sides of the same coin. It will be interesting to find out.

        1. windstorm says:

          Grace and Nunya Biz
          I agree. Certainly my Pretzel MnM and our relationship are very, very different from most others I’ve read here – particularly in regards to sex. Sex may be a very important tool for most narcs to draw fuel, but it’s not important for all of them. Certainly not the provision of good sex a woman would want. I wonder if relying on sex as a primary way to get fuel might not require a level of somatic thinking that cerebrals just don’t have.

          1. Grace says:

            Good question, Windstorm,
            I wonder if mine relied on the one night stand a lot because he didn’t leave many traces of infidelity, at least not for many years. Of course I was a dummy that trusted so I didn’t know to look.. He was out of town a lot so I think that’s how a lot of it was hidden.
            I was so desperate for any attention or physical bonding that I was appreciative of whatever I could get from him. Let’s just say that he didn’t put in very much effort. So when I hear about somatic narcissists and how they treat their ladies and or gents, I’m amazed at all their effort to please their partners. I wonder if cereberals, as, a general rule, feel that the littlest effort possible is all that is needed for their conquests until the next one comes along. Superior thinking.

          2. windstorm says:

            Grace
            I honestly think mine may never have had any other sexual relationships. Not full physical sex. He flirted and had women friends, but then so did I and I had men friends. He didn’t want the hassle and complications sexual relationships bring. Im not sure the really cerebral ones even really think of sexual conquests. Their conquests are mental.

            I was desperate for attention and physical bonding, too, but I soon gave up on that entirely. Mine used sex to taunt and dominate. What I wanted was irrelevant. If I didn’t want what he wanted, then I was wrong and ridiculed.

            – Best not to stay thinking about that. I may start making little Pretzel MnM paper dolls and setting fire to them! Lol! Not a good place to be mentally. 😆

          3. Grace says:

            Windstorm,
            The important thing is that we have a clear understanding now of what we were dealing with. We have our power back. We are strong! It wasn’t us or our fault. Hear us roar! Oh and we should have a community weenie roast….um, I mean narc paper doll burning freedom ritual. Oh, and drink spiked hot chocolate and roast marshmallows. Also sing loudly and out of key silly songs that make fun of toxic people and their crappy ways. I think I’ll go start writing my song now.

          4. windstorm says:

            Grace
            Ha, ha! I’ll go home and drink spiked custard and hype my dogs up. Maybe they will sing!

          5. Grace says:

            Windstorm,
            Sounds like a good plan. Ha ha.

  3. inspire2bu says:

    More….I want more…. please!

    1. Abw Flying says:

      Just press ‘ play ‘button again .😉

  4. Joanne says:

    This really makes me want to break NC. Again.

    1. foolme1time says:

      Joanne, No no! HG is safe because he is out of reach!! You do not want to go through this again! 😊

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        My pleasure.

    2. Presque Vu says:

      Joanne you mustn’t!
      Stay strong and count every day of NC as a battle you are winning.
      This is written to show you the depths of dark desire and uncertainty the narc revels in keeping you ensnared.
      You’re doing great, day by day!

  5. Sweetest Perfection says:

    I have synesthesia, mine links sounds to vision. Every time I listen to one of your recordings I see dark waves. Which is probably due to your low, dark voice, but still, very “enlightening,” or rather, “darkening.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Most interesting indeed. I like the idea of my voice creating dark waves.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Your reading of snow was conflicting.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do expand.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I can’t see a reply link below so I’ll use this one. “Snow had fallen snow on snow, snow on snow.” If I read it, like everyone else, I see snow. If I listen to you my brain has a short circuit, I think of white because of semantics but I think of black. Black on black on black.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for expanding, most interesting.

      3. JJ says:

        What HG, D- a a’ – r- l- i- n- g !

        You should have written, “ In defense of narcissistic perspective” or “ In defense of my lovely perspective that DOESN’T forbid using other people as objects”.

        You HGiiO’.

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      My replies appear wherever, sorry for the mess, everyone.

      1. Sun says:

        Your reply appears organized Sweetest perfection.

        I remember that I studied about synesthesia in one of my psychology courses back in college days.

        It happens that a friend of mine, in psychology classes. Had synesthesia. She was clever and beautiful, I would have never known about her condition until she revealed about it when we mentioned the topic at the class.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I often use synesthesia as an example of different perspectives of the world and how there is no ‘right’ perspective, only majority perspectives, when explaining the narcissistic perspective.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Thank you, Sun! I’m clever and beautiful too, what a coincidence! (JK LOL). I can have extraordinary experiences listening to music, but I also suffer blinding lights when I hear someone slam the door, or there is a car crash, for example. I also link letters to colors, which apparently is part of my Chromesthesia.

      3. Sun says:

        Of course, you are clever, wise and beautiful. Sweetest perfection.

        That’s a good point Mr. Tudor. There are much more perspectives which we didn’t found out about yet.

        We all have to keep learning & discovering. 🙂

      4. Mercy says:

        SP, are you using the app? I find it’s much easier to respond with it

    3. Grace says:

      Sweetest perfection,
      Your Synthesia sounds really interesting. Do you find that different people have light and dark colors? Do Kinder people tend to have lighter colors and are you surprised when you see the dark hues because a person might be dark? How does it relate to narcissistic people? Please share more.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Sun, you are too kind. Mercy, obviously, I am not. I didn’t even know there was an app. Grace, synesthesia is just a brain response to sensorial experiences only that in a different arrangement than most people receive them. You perceive sound and visual stimuli as separate experiences; I can see music. Other people can taste sounds, as in “sweet melody” but literally. So I don’t see people in different colors depending on their personalities, but I see color in their voices. This means that I am as vulnerable to narcissists as anyone else here; however, I had a very strong physical reaction against my narcissist from the first moment we got entangled: stomach cramps, anxiety attacks, lack of sleep (perchance to dream) and weight loss. My body rejected him, like fighting a virus.

        1. Grace says:

          Thank you for explaining these things, Sweetest Perfection. I find your experiences and observations fascinating.
          If only we empatjs would listen to our gut and trust it before somebody convinces us we can’t, we would be so much better off.
          Please keep commenting and sharing. I look forward to reading your posts.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Oh, before I forget: “Tudor” is red.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fiery red, porno red, blood red?

          1. MB says:

            Tangerine.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha very good.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Hahaha – thanks MB…superb come back…I needed that laugh!

          4. MB says:

            Thank you WC.

      3. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Valentino red. Only for the elite, as might be expected.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Presumably Louboutin Red if I was female.

      4. Sweetest Perfection says:

        The color is “Rouge Louboutin.” Love love love.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Naturellement.

          1. MB says:

            “Naturellement” What I’d give to hear you say that, HG! Maybe $150?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Well that would secure it indeed but you’d also get an hour of brilliance alongside it.

          3. MB says:

            Indeed I would. It’s been a long time.

      5. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Grace, thanks ❤️

        1. Grace says:

          Thank you!

  6. abrokenwing says:

    Reminds me of something I have missed for the last 2.5 years…

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Abrokenwing
      No need to miss it. You can have it here anytime you like, and you don’t have to fix HG a sandwich after.

      1. MB says:

        NA, a sandwich?!? That wouldn’t be nearly enough to repay him for a Golden night. A fuel buffet would be in order to express my gratitude.

      2. Abw Flying says:

        NA ,
        I’ve read it / heard it so many times that I lost my fingerprints…

        1. NarcAngel says:

          ABW Flying

          LOVE the new name and what it implies.

  7. Sun says:

    Dear HG, or the savior HG !

    How long do you recommend keeping the old phone number open?

    To clarify my question, I use a new phone and a new number, and I no longer use my old phone and number. Am tired of charging my old phone where all the hoover of the narcissist occur.

    So, do you recommend closing my account for my old number? Or do you think that this will cause the narcissist to search more for my new information?

    I really appreciate your answer.
    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Close the old number, absolutely. The narcissist may try to uncover the new number but is more likely to target someone else and is even more likely to keep hoovering you if you keep that electronic conduit open which is the old number.

      1. Sun says:

        Thank you soooo and very much, HG.

        Kisses.

      2. Honey Bee says:

        Although this was not my question, I too have a question regarding this issue.
        Wouldn’t closing the old number (and all other means of contact) eventually lead to a closing of the wound to the narcissist’s ego?
        I would like him to attempt hoovers untill his dying day. To no avail of course. It may not lead to massive or irreparable ego damage, but any degree of damage is fine by me.
        There must be a point where the narcissist decides to give up, isn’t there? Then there is no more fun … As long as he keeps trying, there will be some damage to his ego, wouldn’t there?

        Is there a way to increase the amount of fuel the narcissist expects from the hoover before going no contact again? I haven’t responded to his hoovers the last couple of months because of this question …

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, that is emotional thinking because you are keeping a conduit open which does not need to be get open.

          If he rings or texts and there is no response, this causes minor wounding. This is a factor which raises the hoover bar and all else being equal means the Hoover Execution Criteria are less likely to be achieved the next time there is a Hoover Trigger, so there may not be a hoover, say for two months. The effect of the wounding reduces over time, so the all else being equal, the hoover bar lowers. Then where there is next a Hoover Trigger the HEC may well be met, so he tries again. So on and so forth.

          The risk is that when you see it is him ringing or texting this will cause a spike in your emotional thinking. This could cause the victim to hit a tipping point and on one occasion he or she sends a text back. This encourages the narcissist who texts back. The victim’s ET has control, so he or she replies again and again, they then speak, they meet and a form of ensnarement ensues. It is of course a risk and not a guarantee but it is an unnecessary risk which you do not need to take. Your ET wants you to engage with the narcissist, so it cons you by suggesting “keep the number open, keep wounding him” but what it is really trying to do is to maintain some form of engagement with the narcissist in the expectation that it goes to the next level through our salami-slicing approach.

          For those who think this would never happen – it does. Only today I consulted with someone who had been no contact from the narcissist but did not block his number or change hers. The narcissist sent texts. She ignored them but then one day she did not and she responded. It led to him visiting, an encounter, him using her financially and then he put her on the shelf and left her annoyed at what has happened.

          Once you know, you go. Get out and stay out. The old number must go.

          1. MB says:

            You are a genius HG! You know our kind so well.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I agree.

      3. Jess says:

        Dear HG: what if one is NC and the only hoovers that get through are emails that go to spam and exN gets no response from us – won’t that lack of response act as a challenge to keep trying to get us to break NC instead of diminishing hoovers through this electronic conduit?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No because it will wound and thus is a factor in the Hoover Execution Criteria which will push the hoover bar higher. What you have to remember is that there are various factors in play as to whether a hoover will happen or not, rather than thinking one solitary factor is the deciding or overriding consideration. If you keep ignoring but the narcissist keeps e-mailing, this means that the AGGREGATE factors are causing the repeated hoover attempts i.e. there are other factors lowering the hoover bar, so the wounding alone is not keeping it high enough to prevent a hoover happening. This is all expanded on and explained in great detail which is readily understandable in
          https://narcsite.com/2018/12/28/will-he-hoover-me/

      4. Saskia says:

        This advice is invaluable and deleting the old number is one of the most important steps to accomplish when going NC. How should we cope with professional contact details that have to be public due to the nature of our profession? I ask because those contact details have been used both by him and his IPSS/lieutenants as well after I changed my private contact data. I feel quite exposed that way and even though I made it clear that I do not wish to receive further e-mails/phone calls, I fear that hoovers via my workplace could happen any time again.

        (I do understand if this matter is best suited to consultation.)

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Altering professional details may not be feasible (it may not be in your gift to make the change or it is futile as the details will always be public) and therefore you need to put in place gatekeeping measures and not respond with fuel to any hoovers which get through. The book No Contact contains more information about this.

          1. Saskia says:

            Thank you for your advice on that matter.

  8. Kae says:

    Whilst I often find resonance with your posts, this one was particularly familiar -and chilling. But an enlightening read as always.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      1. Honey Bee says:

        Hi H.G.,

        You wrote: “The victim’s ET has control, so he or she replies again and again, they then speak, they meet and a form of ensnarement ensues.”
        I was more thinking in the lines of slowly giving in, arranging to meet him (when he comes to my city, he lives abroad), sexing him up in the weeks leading up to our appointment and then standing him up with a lousy excuse. Something like I ran into someone I used to go to primary school with (who I hadn’t seen -and missed- for over 36 years) and her dog just died …. I could not let her be all sad.
        He hates dogs, so I don’t think he would be amused to say the least. Narcissists like empaths? I’ll be the ultimate empath. He’d need some last minute comforting. But not from (evil) me.
        Then again, the fantasy might be be enough (fuel?) to satisfy my evil appetite. So maybe, if my narc does (find a way to) contact me, I might stay out and block him (if I haven’t already)

        You, H.G., make it sound like that one sigaret after you’ve quit smoking will kill immediately, or bring back the addiction. You seem to have a hell of a lot of confidence in your “addictive powers”. I wonder if it is deserved … No, I will not go there. I will give you the benefit of the doubt instead.
        I stopped smoking many years ago. It was a matter of turning the switch. I never smoked again and the urge to smoke never came back. But I kept the sigarettes around for a long time. Facing it head on or learning to ignore is the best way to kick a bad habit.

        In the beginning I had a seperate WhatsApp sound for his messages. And every time I heard that sound I felt excited hearing from him. After a few months I saw him trying to make a move on another woman, just like he did with me a couple of months earlier. He (a greater narcissist) wasn’t succesful… She was the wife of someone who started working there recently (which he didn’t know). I never told him that I saw him that day. I played Miss Gullible (I preferred finding out what made him tick). Then he ghosted me out of the blue. However, I had this hunch he would not be in touch (call it intuition), so I did not reach out to him either. So, technically, we ghosted each other. After a week or so I changed the WhatsApp sound for his messages to “Shaula”. He was the first to contact me after a little over a month and I waited a couple of weeks to respond to his messages. But I could never convince myself to trust him.
        The “Shaula” sound definitely helped me. It reminds me of the rattle of a rattlesnake. Almost demonic. It gave me the creeps every single time. It has proven to be a good reminder that the narc is venomous and that no matter what I do, I should do so with caution.

        I have empathy for the creature he keeps hidden and captive in the dungeon (the hurt inner child). I understand how my narc became who he seems to have become and I don’t see him as the one deserving my sympathy. The creature will never be known or given the opportunity to blossom, because the narcissist does not want to meet him in the arena. Most people -narcs included- only pick fights they know they can win.

        But let me be clear. I really appreciate everything you, H.G., have done to teach us about the mindset of the narcissist. Thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am not suggesting that one interaction with the narcissist will lead to automatic ensnarement (it can for some people however) but usually it arises through salami slicing and one thing leading to another. You keep thinking about the narcissist and talking about him, so you send a text, he responds, you text back, the texts go back and forth, then you speak, then he calls round but only for 10 minutes which becomes 30 minutes which becomes two hours which becomes overnight. I have seen it happen and people have confirmed in consultation that it has happened to them. It is a risk – you are putting your head in the lion’s mouth, he may not bite you then but keep doing it and he will, so why risk it? The same with us – you might think one small interaction is not going to be a problem, it might not be, but it may very well be, so why risk it. GOSO.

  9. Caroline R says:

    HG!!!

    (Caroline gasps
    Her heart pounds
    Her mouth opens
    Her breathing deepens … )

    1. foolme1time says:

      Caroline, If you haven’t done so already you should listen to this one on UTube! Happy New Year! 😉

      1. Caroline R says:

        Thanks FM1T!
        I didn’t know it was on YouTube. I’ll get it on the playlist tout suite.
        Happy New Year to you too.

        1. MB says:

          The recording is at the end of the article Caroline R.

      2. Caroline R says:

        MB
        Thanks, I did see that play button at the end of the article.
        It’s a very well written piece of N-erotica.
        Hearing it read aloud has quite an impact!

      3. Caroline R says:

        This carries on from our discussion on the ‘Love me, hate me, but don’t ignore me’ thread regarding erotica. I asked HG if he’d record ‘Own’ for us, please.
        I hadn’t seen this piece before. It was the main reason I gasped.
        It’s a nice little present from HG today.
        It made me happy.

        1. MB says:

          I can’t wait for the “Audible” availability on his books. (But only if he is the narrator.)

  10. kel says:

    The slow seduction, the wanting, wondering what thoughts are going through his mind, never dreaming this isn’t about passion, that she’s not really special, not a person, she’s a victim, and he’s turned on by his own power, he controls her, her fear, defenselessness, her humiliation, she’s in bed with a psychopath and doesn’t know it. Chilling.

  11. Chihuahuamum says:

    Oh my lord help me ….🤣🤗🤗🤗

  12. MB says:

    Just in time for bed. Thank you, HG. Good night.

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