Love and Loathed
AVAILABLE NOW
Does the narcissist really love? If he or she does, why then does the romantic relationship then descend into loathing? What causes this change that is both dramatic and perplexing? HG Tudor explains further from his perspective and in so doing provides additional insights into the thoughts behind the deeds of him and his kind. Understand how silence is a major weapon used against you and is it a silent treatment or have you been disengaged from? Learn about how humour is utilised by the narcissist and how this is part of his or her deceit. Gain knowledge about what happens if you dare to cheat on the narcissist. Understand why the narcissist must own you and how control of you is paramount. A host of amazing insights covering many elements of the narcissistic dynamic which will enable you to remove the fog of confusion and finally make strides forward in your recovery.
10 thoughts on “Love and Loathed”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
The essence of the Narcissistic is self hatred. When someone loves them, that person is instantly devalued because the Narcissist can not respect anyone who loves them.
It is extremely complex but in a nutshell it goes something like this; ‘How can you possibly love someone like me….can’t you see how loathsome and disgusting I REALLY am? I can not possibly allow you to stay in my life, because the very fact that you love me has shown me just how pathetic you are and lacking in self respect.
‘This being the case, I am not only going to discard you, but I will make sure you suffer for your sheer stupidity in loving a creature like me.’
And of course, not forgetting that all important fuel that comes with the heartbreak and devastation that the discarded woman feels.
No, that is incorrect.
The essence of the narcissist is a need for total control arising out of a slavish devotion to avoiding anything which causes us to feel powerless. A lack of power in our formative development led to narcissism arising to compensate for this lack of power and in turn create an ever present need for control. Evidence of this control principally arises from fuel – provide us with fuel, we instinctively feel in control. Devaluation also arises because of a perception of a lack of control – with secondary sources this manifests through Corrective Devaluations when the secondary appliances wounds or challenges (both seen to undermine our control). With the primary source it arises through Sustained Devaluation either as a consequence of reduced/less frequent positive fuel provision (the reduction in amount and frequency of fuel signalling a loss of control) or boredom with the fuel (it becomes stale and the narcissist sees this as disloyal in effect the primary source is not ‘exciting’ the narcissist enough and this feels like a loss of control because the primary source is not ‘doing’ what the narcissist wants or needs.) The basis for disengagement is not as you describe and the idea of suffering thereafter is not an absolute because the suffering element arose during devaluation and once disengagement occurs most narcissist focus elsewhere and prefer to be ‘shot’ of the appliance. Malice campaigns and malicious hoovers do occur but for different reasons.
That is the essence of the matter.
I stand corrected Mr. Tudor. The need for control you speak of is something that I recognize in my husband.
Indeed. You are welcome. The self-hatred of which you speak is a strand linked to The Creature which is addressed in the work of the same name, which is in writing. It has a validity but is not the central driving force. I appreciate you sharing your view nonetheless.
HG…. this reply. Just brilliant! x
Just started reading it!
Thank you.
Welcome
I’m not even half way through yet and you have me thinking and seeing things I’ve never noticed before. Both with myself and the narcissist. Well HG when I read a book that has me thinking, crying, wanting to put it down and then picking it back up again and again! I’d say it was a winner!
Hope HG doesnt mind me posting this here because its not really on topic.
A routine check of my recommend friends on FB has revealed a clear sock of PN (Its in his own name. Tit). And whom should I find as his only friend? Thats right, one of his IPSS’s. Presumably in full DLS mode. Could be a CD.
She is about his age, clearly been through the wars, not very intelligent and barely literate (I do not say this in a disparaging way). I can also identify two male lessers shes been tangling with. In addition to MMR PN.
Rant on.
You pathetic piece of scum, PN. What’s up? Cant manipulate anyone closer to your own IQ? Have to pick on a hurt and vulnerable woman?
Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn’t turn my ministrations to you? Just one.
Rant off.
So, narcsite, do I warn her of what he is? And what he’s capable of? Please dont have any empathy for his wife, my mother. She’s a LVN.