One More Chance
What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?
You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.
I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.
You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?
I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concerns. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.
So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.
Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.
Just say yes.
59 thoughts on “One More Chance”
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H.G.Tudor.
This post made me laugh. How naive of us. Always having hope and you know it. Here it seems that the only ones who don’t know that hope with you is of no use are us.
What great swindlers you are.
What great shell game you are.
Every shell game needs a ma.
Perhaps one of the oldest and best known tales of the Narcissist/Empath association is the tale by AESOP. My dad told me this tale when I was a kid. It is one of ‘Aesop’s Fables’.
Anyway, a man is walking long a road and he sees a snake,injured and dying.
The man takes pity on the snake. He takes him home and cares for him. The man nurses the snake back to full health.
Comes the day when the snake is well enough to leave the man’s home. As the snake is slithering out the door he turns and bites the man, delivering poison and death.
The man falls to the floor, and as he is dying, he asks the snake, ‘why? I took pity on you, I found you dying by the roadside and I brought you to my home and I nursed you back to health…..why would you kill me?’
The snake looks at the man and replies, ‘what did you expect? I am a snake and it is in my nature to be a snake.’
I thought that tale meant if you are stupid enough to nurse a snake, you deserve to get bitten, Laurie! The man knows it is a poisonous snake, virtually nobody spots a narcissist the first time of ensnarement.
Ha, ha! Very good both of you!
In both cases, would have had to cut the head of both the snake and the narcissist. Both are harmful in these cases.
And as the saying goes: Dead the Dog, the rage is over. Dead dogs don’t bite.
What about a zombie dog JG?
Sirach 12:13. Nobody feels sorry for snake charmers or wild animal tamers who get bitten.
Wise words.
I feel stupid, it is in my nature
Yes Mr. Tudor, I agree. That is indeed the moral of this story.
The snake is telling the man that he should have known what to expect.
Also there is another dimension to this tale: Whilst the snake was ill and dying he was harmless……..it was only when he became well again that the danger returned.
Starscape,
I know, it makes us feel stupid after devoting so much time, effort and care only to find out that we were just used. But we shouldn’t. There are situations when our traits of helping and healing can definitely make a huge positive difference. We just need to be more discerning from now on on which people to trust and invest our energy in. Thankfully we have HG’s works to help us recognize red flags and avoid situations that will never improve or amount to anything positive.
This may sound simplistic (and it is but maybe it could plant a seed)…
If people could slowly transition from ‘I feel duped that my time was wasted and my enegy was used’ to:
It was a charitable act in a way. I have more substance and thats why they needed me. I used my empathic traits and it did help someone to be better for a time (fuelling the narc and therefore helping them). I also benefitted from it for a time because it made me feel good as well and helped me to recognize some things I apparently (but perhaps unconciously) wanted and needed. Once I recognized that my gifts and energy were being squandered and abused, that there was no exchange, no real benefit to me, I withdrew. It was real for me (and you could argue for them) for a period of time and no one can take that away, but now I will focus and invest that energy and those gifts on myself and others that I know deserve them. I can move on with what I have learned and be happy again. They can only move on to the next temporary fix and they will never be happy.
We really dont have any control over anyone but ourselves, so why dupe ourselves by thinking it was any more than it was, or could ever be any different. Why waste any more time and energy feeling as miserable and unfulfilled as they are? Thats just doing to ourselves what we accuse them of. They’re disordered but doing that to ourselves is just plain crazy.
It would be wonderful if everyone could think this way. I’m sure as time goes on perhaps they can. But when it’s raw and fresh using it as a learning experience or even trying to find the good in what you have done, it seems is impossible. As always I wish I had the logic and self worth that you do, beautiful NA.😘🦜
FM1T
For sure not in the beginning, but in time, trying to adjust the thinking to be kinder to yourself.
NarcAngel
Very true! That’s how I like to look at my narc interactions. I made their lives better. I enjoyed what I could and when it got abusive I walked away. If they’re smart enough to alter their behavior to where I still enjoy it, I’ll keep interacting with them, but if not. I move on. I don’t surrender my power and I don’t try to control anyone other than myself.
NA, I do feel this way but pre-HG, I did not. Like FM1T typed, after the raw pain susbsides a bit, it’s my favorite way to look at it. I don’t feel duped now that I understand the dynamic. One caveat though. I never suffered abuse and was not an IPPS. That’s a different ballgame and might change my perspective considerably.
“..and they will never be happy. ” This is not entirely true.. They are often happy, very happy hurting and manipulating others, esp. the people who care and help them the most. i believe that is whats just plain crazy.. Both sides of the fence are disordered and moving on isnt always as easy or clean cut for some..
but i do see your point and it has planted a seed i shall water it and put a fence around it.
Hi narcangel…i agree you can remain in victim mode or work on yourself. Ive been guilty at times of focusing on the why mes and victim thinking but we choose our pathways in life. This isnt to say victims asked for the abuse but that in the end most of us have free choice how we want to live our lives and can make our own decisions. Its more productive to look forward and how we can better ourselves and our lives even if its a bit at a time.
Hi Chichimum
Exactly. There may have been no choice in the abuse, but there is in the resulting aftermath.
NA, that is a really good point of view. It is a good mindset to help us keep moving forward.
I definitely knew something was up with my narc, almost even before I met him face to face.
The red flags are there at the very beginning for most of us, I bet. And we choose to ignore these flags, even if on a subconscious level.
We may not know he or she is a “narcissist,” but we know that something’s a bit off.
Wow. Incredible. This is my life story
my narc had many medical issues. i stayed by his bedside. nursed him, for many years, back to health he was always nicer and appreciative when he was sick. when he got better (ish) i thought we would go ride off into the sunset together.. wrong. he didnt need me anymore.. i was a burden to his new life of wellness.. and i certainly was not allowed to be sick.. only he was allowed to be sick.
I went through that too. My ex wasn’t a victim narcissist, more on the somatic side. He was an athlete, and business man. I was always taking care of his physical body. I would give him massages, chiropractic adjustments, haircuts, etc. These are not even my professions. Out of no where, he would pick a fight with me when he needed space/cheat on me. We haven’t been together in 2.5 years, and he doesnt have that youthful glow about him anymore because I am not there to take care of him (at least this is my theory). He always rages and talks about the “evil” person I was when I was with him. But you can bet, he still tries to Hoover time to time when he “throws his back out” or he’s “sick and needs help”. I’m suddenly a healer sent from God, and everything is fine. I don’t allow me to get sucked back into that. We have a daughter together. He says I am a horrible and irresponsible mother. Deep down he is really jealous that my daughter now receives all of the attention he used to get from me.
It is still Very Raw for me. I did feel like it was charitable and had learned and enjoyed many things during my invested time, Until the night that changed all that. Now i am awaiting his court date. i am in constant fear of someone i gave my all to.
I am incredibly grateful to have found HG’s articles. They have helped immensely.
Good, the rawness will fade as you build your logic and move forward. Well done for persevering.
Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is…
Building, tearing down, rebuilding…constant construction and never any foundation to support anything.
Its a constant cycle. On average it takes 7 times minimum before a victim breaks free but in many cases much longer or never.
NarcAngel…wise words once again!
Mr. Tudor, I am hoping for a miracle for you and I am hoping that this miracle will allow you to TRULY love the Shieldmaiden, and to marry and have children.
I am very much aware that a miracle is what it would take, because as you yourself have stated, and as I already know from being married to a Narcissist, in order for healing to begin, the Narcissist must enter that deep, black void……..and the pain of doing this might destroy the Narcissist psychologically.
But miracles can and do happen all the time……..and I truly do wish that for you Mr. Tudor……..because what awaits the elderly Narcissist whose health is failing him………well, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Good luck Mr. Tudor……..I really do mean that. And yes….I know what you are thinking: ‘Who DOES this pathetic bitch think she is……how dare she feel empathy for me……..she can stick her miracles where the sun don’t shine’.
But even so………I DO wish you a miracle……….
Thank you. No, I do not think in the terms you have described. I understand why you hope for a miracle etc as you have the Love Devotee empathic trait. Nor would I would so rude to a reader, it is unnecessary. I never need to use personal insults here to make my points. I just use logic and accuracy.
Love devotee………hmmm………I’ve been called worse, and thank you for replying
At one time HG you commented that you do not see SM as an appliance. Do you see her as an equal to you?
I never give second chances. Probably because I never knew they were Hoover’s and also I was usually in or heading towards another relationship at the time! Did I mention I was at one time starved for attention?! 🤦🏼♀️
HG
Speaking of chances…
Does Shieldmaiden have, or has she expressed to you, wanting to have children?
No.
NA, great question. 🦜
I have been out of the loop. Too much going on but HG has someone new?
Kathy Mor
Yes, you can read about it on these threads and HG’s Instagram.
https://narcsite.com/2019/01/15/bridging-the-gap-2/#comments
https://narcsite.com/2019/01/19/ice-cold-with-alex-3/#comments
Use control+F or command+F (mac) and type: new dynamic into the search bar on the upper right, also, the keyword: ShieldMaiden works too.
That should make it easier for you to find the relevant comments.
Hi Kathy, he recently started dating Shieldmaiden and he said that it is a new dynamic because of the things that he learned from his therapy and his blog. He will make adjustments to his behavior to reach the best outcome. He said that this time he exerted more effort into finding the right woman than creating an illusion. You can see their pictures in his IG account.
Hello Mr. Tudor,
Have you written something about magical thinking and narcissism?
It appears in various articles although is not necessarily referred to specifically, it is done in a subtle way and as a matter of interpretation by the reader to aid their learning, thus they learn to see it without being told what it is, which is a mark of progress. The provision of my knowledge is done in different layered ways.
Thank you for your answer! I’ve noticed that you made reference to magic thinking in many of your articles but since you have analyzed many aspects of narcissism in detail I thought that maybe you could also have concentrate in this topic. I’ve read many of your articles and some of your books but I cannot say I know all your writings. I know, your answer to this could be similar to this: “It’s impossible to read all my works. I’m highly productive” (I got it once from an academic).
Anyway, I think it would be very beneficial to many of us an article on magical thinking. In the beginning of my relationship with the narcissist in my life I thought some comments he made were naive or even childish like “I know we have met before, in another time, outside my house, when we were children”, “you always see wild animals while being with me” or some stories of his life in which the key message was he being chosen by god. He was, in other words, saved, even if he constantly violated almost all of the commandments in his religion…
Thank you Alma, I agree, I shall write a specific piece about this. I have placed it on the list of forthcoming works.
I forgot to mention the importance of the narcissist dreams as messages to predict the future..
This is mirroring is it not?
If I hadn’t given my narc “One More Chance” and fell for his last preventative/psychic connection hoover, met up with him (as he requested for it to be conveyed to me face-to-face), and indulged his story of God sending him a sign, asking him “what he was looking for” [when the answer had been in ME all along, for the past 13 years], I would have never gotten pregnant this time around..
This is a thought that looms large within my being, day in and day out..
My friend once told me
I can tell when he’s lying. Why do people lie? All I want is honesty.
When I sent the narc a message (not a loving one, mind) to cease all the bizarre activity and was honest with her about it she told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I couldn’t possibly understand how much she loved him.
That moment almost broke me, but I simply said ok and quit talking to her.
Despite cheating on her with her best friend she took him back.
Not two weeks later she walked up to me and apologized. I was right.
He had lied about the status of his ex and her friend intervened and enlightened mine.
What harm could it do to send a message, check social media status updates, engineer encounters? It’s continuing a poisonous cycle.
HG, For a Narcissist a cure is impossible is that correct? But it is treatable? I read that empathy can be taught? Is this true? I also am under the impression that with treatment some narcissist are able to have true relationships. I certainly want this to be the case with you and your new found love. You deserve it! Good luck HG.
It is neither curable or treatable. You cannot inject empathy into a narcissist. My situation is unique and as yet is in the early stages. I have to make it very, very clear that I have an awareness owing to being a Greater BUT this is enhanced owing to my work and involvement with the good doctors to modify certain behaviours. You are not going to get that at all with Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists (who form the vast majority of narcissists) and although there is potential for modification with a Greater, that does not mean it will happen.
The rules remain the same, Get Out and Stay Out. Nobody should take what is occurring in my dynamic and what may occur in that dynamic as at all applicable to their own situations – it is not applicable.
Thank you HG. The empathy part came from an article I was reading. It made no sense to me! I’m happy you have again stated how different you are and that this will not work with the lower types of narcissist. Thank you.
HG – You have captured my curiosity and I wonder whether your new found insights and modifications in your relationship with the Shieldmaiden extend to any current malign obsessions or past times as well?
I assume that as Lagertha is currently in the Golden Period (couldn’t help myself as you mentioned watching Vikings), you are currently well fuelled. Have you been able to put aside some of your need to seek negative fuel from other sources during this time also?
If the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, surely changes to the pattern of seeking negative fuel now, may pay off later when the typical devaluation has the potential to rear its ugly head?
I would very much appreciate your thoughts?
Yes, this factor is also relevant to the HEC so if there is a HT from a Viewed Black Appliance, there may not be a malign hoover owing to my fuel needs being well met from the SM and also Viewed White NISS and TSs.
HG, I do understand that you are unique ( to say the least ) and not all are capable or as knowledgeable as you are. The questions I sent you was make everyone aware of the falsehoods that are out there about narcissists. The article I read was from a so called professional in this field! When I read the part of empathy being learned I wanted to stop reading. I knew however I wanted to continue with the article and question you simply because I knew you would send that warning out! Thank you for never failing to me! 🥰
Pleasure.
Thank you as always HG; glad to hear your talent for evil has been abated by some excellent fuel.
You are welcome.
No
I just wish I could say that for real