Bridging the Gap

BRIDGING THE GAP

 

 

 

It is hard to resist that temptation to reach out to us isn’t it? No matter how great your resolve, how entrenched you are in your position of maintaining no contact and staying away from us, there always remains that desire to contact us. This is of course something that we designed, a pre-meditated device that was organised to ensure that we flared into your mind repeatedly. This is the effect of ever presence. That additional manipulative good bye we leave you with. Whether we cast you aside or whether you made the bold decision to exorcise us from your life, the effect of this ever presence is difficult to control. The various sounds, tastes, images and scents that immediately bring about a memory of us – invariably a pleasant and happy one as well – have all been placed throughout your life and daily routine so that you are unable to play a certain piece of music, eat a certain meal, go to a certain place or even look upon certain view without that crystal clear memory forming in your mind of that wonderful and exciting time we had together during the golden period. These memories evoke powerful and strong emotions, both good and bad and that is entirely the intention. The effect of ever presence makes you think about us. Most people are creatures of emotion and the nature of our victims, being empathic individuals, means that you are possessed of greater emotion than others. Once again, this was deliberate. Being governed by emotion means that rather than instantly dispel the thought of us, you allow the memory to form and bloom as you savour its effect again. You can hear our voices as we reminded you how much we loved you. You know now that it was a false declaration but the emotion which courses through your body still causes a reaction inside of you and creates the idea that perhaps we still do love you. That might be the case might it? Thus an unanswered question forms in your mind.

A particular song may play on the radio. You sensibly took the step of deleting all those play lists that we created for you from iTunes so that you would not be tempted to wallow as those memorable songs played again. Notwithstanding this purge you cannot legislate for what is played on the radio and your hand reaches for the off switch but you cannot remove the song as the first few chords are played and you are instantly reminded of how we played that song as we led you by the hand into the bedroom, ready to make up after we had rowed and fought. When you heard that song you always regarded it as some kind of peace offering presented by us in order to resolve the conflict. You did not realise that we did this as a means of manipulating your emotions to draw further fuel from you, but we were content to allow you to interpret it the way you wanted. All we required was your emotional response. As you listen to the song, stood in your living room, your eyes drift to the chair where we would always sit as we watched television or read a book. You cannot help but wonder, yet again, where it went wrong? Why did we treat you as we did? Another unanswered question forms in your mind.

It may even be the case that you are checking through your finances and as you scrutinise your bank statements for signs of unusual activity, your eyes fall on that monthly direct debit or standing order that we created when we established a liability in your name. You are stuck with this liability, even though we have long since gone. The cost causes you problems and only goes to exacerbate the other financial problems we left you with. You know you should throw the thought from your mind but it is so hard. The logic tries to tell you to put it to one side, to kill the thought and bury it dead, but the rising emotion will not allow you to do so. The anger rises and you scrunch up the bank statement, your hands shaking with the rage at how we hurt you, how we took your trust and abused it, how you gave us everything, absolutely everything in your pursuit of this supposed perfect love and instead we tore it asunder, we trampled on it, we betrayed it and we threw it back in your face. How dare we take your love and treat this way? Who do we think we are? You want to set us straight and tell us some home truths. There is unfinished business to attend to.

This is how it operates. We want to keep you thinking about us, we want you to contact us or we want you to be susceptible to our contacting you at some point, whether it is a week or a decade later. To achieve this, we create the ever presence so you are reminded of us. To achieve this, we create a situation where you have a need to contact us. You want to ask us why we treated you this way, you want to know whether we did really love you or not, we want to know if you are happy with the new person we have on our arm and what have they got that we have not? You want the opportunity to launch into a tirade and give us a piece of your mind. There are unanswered questions and unfinished business and this makes it so hard for you to resist. You know that you should not engage with us but you want to find out why we did as we did because we just vanished and left you wondering and pondering. You want to understand why we treated you so badly when all you ever did was love us, because, in your world, that makes no sense. These two elements; the ever presence and the unfinished business results in the temptation to reach out to us being very difficult to resist.

If you know where we are, if you hear that we are back in town, if you know there is an upcoming event that we will attend where you will also be there, the desire and the need to contact us again looms large. You promise yourself that you will keep your cool, you swear that you will just ask the questions and get the answers (although of course you will not – we will not give them you as we want to keep that carrot dangling), you pledge that you will not fall prey to our charm. These good intentions will invariably falter because as you reach out to us, hoping to address these pieces of unfinished business, you are allowing us to train our sights on you once again, reach into our bag of charms and look to pull you back into our world once again. You may think that once bitten twice shy, but our bite is both delicious and deadly and through these manipulations we always look to have you wanting more. There may a gap between you and us, but there is always the option to bridge that gap and resume our entanglement once again.

 

 

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466 Comments

  1. Bloody Hell HG !!!
    For some reason i missed this post so had not read all of this stuff/comments and that’s why i had no idea what anyone was talking about regarding new girlfriend etc.
    Thanks for sending the link K
    Honestly HG i don’t know how you put up with answering all this stuff , sometimes it’s beyond ridiculous!!!!!!!!

  2. Oh this thread about Shieldmaiden… what’s wrong with this group??? No one yet has accused Narc Angel of being Sheildmaiden!

    I still can’t forget that thread about her being accused of having an affair with HG. It was all so ridiculous but wildly entertaining!!!

    1. Ha ha, don’t forget that apparently one or two people think I am NarcAngel (of course not – I am funnier!) and therefore I must be having a relationship with myself. God I was great in bed and so was I!

      1. Oh good lord that’s ridiculous but you have to admit it does bring an element of comedy. Those are the funniest threads ever!!! I always good to have a resident psycho or two around. I found myself laughing out loud. Funny funny stuff!

        I’ll admit if I find those Outlandish accusations endlessly entertaining. I still can’t believe not one person accused Narc Angel of being Sheildmaiden!

    2. Lori
      Re: Disbelief at no one here yet accusing me of being Shieldmaiden.

      Those people were flyby agitators. We only retain the intelligent here on the blog.

      1. It was hysterical though perhaps not appropriate to be at your expense, but you never seemed to take it too serious and got some chuckles out of it. I found myself returning to that thread for laughs

        I feel terrible for being amused by psychos, but dang it it was funny!!!!

        1. Lori
          That stuff doesn’t bother me. It just highlights their inability to articulate anything of worth and so they resort to nonsense. How can they hope to hurt me with mere words? More importantly – why would they, given that they’re claiming to be empaths? It was amusing for a time and good for demonstration purposes, but they’re wasting their time. I only pity them.

      2. This brings up an interesting point. Do you think empaths knowingly hurt others? I’m going with yes but I’d like another persons opinion

        1. Lori
          Sure empaths can hurt others. Generally though, I think its more in defence or a loss of control of emotion that results in lashing out, as opposed to being a planned event.

          1. NarcAngel
            There’s a fine line there, though. I’ve often seen empaths deliberately lash out with an obvious intent to hurt. Now granted they’ve learned it as a self-defense strategy because they are easily hurt themselves.

            My friend and I have a colleague who is bossy as all get out, highly reactive and often speaks in a hurtful, unfeeling way. My friend thinks she’s a narc, but I know she’s not. I can feel her very obvious empathy along with her fear and pain. I tried to explain to my friend that she’s actually a codependent (her father was a cruel MR somatic) and she’s adopted this attitude of having to be in charge of everything and being so reactive as a defense strategy. She’s really a rather fear-filled person.

            So in her case, she is purposefully being hurtful, but at the same time she feels like she has no other option. She’s not doing it because she wants to hurt people. She’s doing it because she feals like she has no choice. In some ways she’s like a loose cannon, going off instinctively and hurting people at random. My friend sees and feels the effects on himself, but not her inner fear and pain.

          2. Windstorm
            Yes, thats why I decided to say generally, because I’m at the high end of the narcky scale for empaths, so I do know me some bitches lol.

      3. Narc Angel

        I mean in general. I know I have done it. I can be overly empathetic and I can also be very Narcissistic. I can swing between the two. I ding know if that’s odd or if most people are like that

  3. I love your love comment narc angel. I wish I had loved my narc. Love fades. Trauma bonds are way harder to move on from. I also can’t believe how long the “hole” comment went on for. You knew what she meant Mr Tudor. Your reaction was funny and light hearted. She wasn’t offended so whats the problem? My narc wouldn’t have even responded to the stupid comments following. You have much patients Mr tudor!

  4. DebbieWolf on October 14, 2018 at 22:12
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Hi NarcAngel

    Yes.
    I think there is an element of that.
    Because HG has been so helpful to me personally. He has been often kind toward me. I do find it hard to accept that he did this.and also because he probably still does these things is the thing that upsets me. Though nobody says he does still do them..I suppose I think of him in treatment and surpassing these things even though he is what he is and nothing will change.
    I do understand that really.
    But it is difficult when you have admiration for somebody who has guided you and been a mentor and helped you so much..yes there is a separation between him being that kind of hero in a way to hearing him do these horrible things as actual events.

    Because sometimes the articles the way they are written they’re just about the ‘kinds’ of things done… Horrible yes.. but this was really personal about an actual person. Oh, I do not know NA..
    I just burst into tears.
    I felt so sorry for the girl I felt like it was me and yeah I don’t have any kind of memory of anything similar happening with any boyfriend.
    I’ll probably need some time to think about why it affected me this way but I honestly cried my eyes out.
    It is true that I don’t want the man who showed me so much kindness to be so cruel but that is completely irrelevant.
    perhaps it is my own vanity ..is it that for all HG has done for me and that I revere him for it so as to not want him to be anything less than wonderful? Perhaps.

    Also because for some reason I almost lived the article…it was like I could see it in my mind and I could virtually feel the ache in the knee!!!.. Honestly I know this sounds ridiculous…
    I know that sounds very odd.

    And I felt a sense of Betrayal.
    Do I personally feel betrayed ? did I feel the betrayal of Alex?
    I think a little of both.
    And yet it was Alex that was betrayed not me!!!

    HG is completely honest about who he is and what he is. Always has been.
    It is me that needs to get a grip!.
    More for me to think about because there’s some trigger in there.
    Even though it doesn’t have anything to do with me as such.

    Major think for me in a few areas.
    Ill get there.
    Thanks for posing the question NarcAngel.
    It is important to be honest with ourselves and your question serves well. Xx

    Part of a long thread.
    I’ve kept a number of comments that I made in a folder.
    So there is your evidence.
    I don’t do silence and I’ve made many comments about a few people so saying I’ve never had any compassion or remarks about anybody is absurd and can clearly be seen in print.. it did come out of moderation.
    I’ve sent this based on past history where you ask people to prove things.
    And that’s it.

      1. Replying here on Debbie’s response but it’s to all as well. I will start with Debbie though.

        I can totally understand and see your concerns which are valid. I can feel your empathy and if the MSM where ever see your responses, I know she would be touched. However, I’m still with HG and the other posters who are rightly saying but don’t we all come on here and spill? Of course we do because we perceive and we do get help and support from each other. I regularly talk about N-E incidents where there is NO abuse at all.

        It has struck me over the last few days watching Rock-Gate unfold, how very much Emps take the whole issue of sex and intimacy (and by extension, love) to their hearts. That’s why the sex manipulation is so very deadly. However… however, no one is asking the question, seriously pondering what the reaction of a SEM would be on discovering all of this? Not our own reaction based on school/cadre but what HER school/cadre would so/say/act when confronted with it.

        Well, I believe I can tell you because not only am I an SEM, I have also been placed PRECISELY in the same scenario that HG is proposing to undertake. In that respects and considered this is a numbers game; I may well be unique. So I’m going to share. For now, I’m going to completely ignore the background and focus ONLY on what I felt in that moment and the following days/weeks/months.

        I perceive that he is a GEN. This happened a year ago when I was SA. I knew then I was a SE, SEM would come later.

        Of course I checked up on him. One day, I noted he had posted on SM a new writing. This was a rare event. I began to read the erotica.

        It was good. I got about paragraph in before what I could only describe as a giant iron ball seemed to fall into the pit of my stomach. He was describing an event (that he had not witnessed) that involved some sexy-times with a third-party. Except in this version, he was the third party. I finished it and started to shake. Physically shake. The following events then occurred.

        1 – Shock. Fuck. fuck. FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
        2 – Doubt. It can’t be me, it can’t be me! Re-reads. Yup it is.
        3 – Shock. Fuck. fuck. FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
        4 – Arousal – Oh fuck that’s hot.
        5 – Doubt. It can’t be me, it can’t be me! Re-reads. Yup it is.
        6 – Disbelief – He’s posted it to the fucking internet!!!!!????
        7 – Arousal – Oh fuck that’s hot.
        8 – Ego – Do I come out of this well? Yup. [Sigh of relief]
        9 – Shaking subsides
        10 – Intelligence (finally kicks in). Well. That was unexpected!
        11 – Intelligence – Am I identifiable to others? Yes, one other but that’s cool cos he’s the third party.
        12 – Anger – I’m going to do unpleasant things to the fucking cunt who betrayed me – TTP.
        13 – Intelligence – Good idea. What shall we do?
        14 – Empath – Don’t forget about me!!
        15 – Intelligence & Anger – @ Empath Pipe the fuck down, numb nuts! You got us into this whole fucking situation in the first place!!
        16 – Arousal- Oh still hot. I wonder what he will do next?
        17 – Intelligence and Anger – Why the AF am I MORE angry at the Betrayer than the GEN? Ahh that’s right. Because the GEN has more intelligence in his little finger than TTP has in his entire, wretched body. Cool!
        18 – Humility – Wow, I mean so much to someone that I am worthy of being written about?
        19 – Humility – many months on. Yes, I still feel 18 and perhaps the most keenly.

        I predict that it is likely that the SEM SM will go through many of the stages above. But only if she is weaponised and can see it for what it really is.

        Bottom line and TL/DR……………………..

        Being written about in a sexually provocative manner and with clear wit and intelligence is the ultimate turn on for a SEM.

  5. HG

    It should be noted that I made plenty of comments about the gymnast with the bad painful knees just to name one.

    You did not like my comments then either.

    You’re entitled not to like them as I am entitled to make them or to have a personal opinion about anything in life.

    I have always wished you well and I say good luck in your new ventures I’ve said this to you in personal correspondence wishing you what I call your version of happiness that I hope it works out for you and that I have wished you good luck.

    I even suggested that you get married again someday and move to America because you have said before that you would consider moving to America.. and how much you like it.

    This has been a desire of yours I thought and so I wished it for you, continued success and growth.. Doesn’t any friend wish that for their friends.

    This is nothing to do with personal opinions about Instagram.

    There is no hypocrisy anywhere as I’ve explained in all of my other comments.

    (Just to let you know that I can see my comments in moderation now so at least that part of the uploading is working now. Albeit slower what and with the thread being long on the Android phone.)

    At least I can see that they are uploading now.

    I wish you continued success in your new ventures as I always have.

    I do hope that the business man I have started to see is keeping things private.
    Perhaps that was also a thought in the back of my mind.

    I did not physically come out and say in my original comment that you did something wrong nor did I infer that you should apologise for of course I didn’t say that…. I did not attack you although you have now attacked me so don’t say there are perceived slights.

    it is in black and white that you have inferred that I have other motives driving me, blatantly said I am passive aggressive when you yourself are at times,
    And then whilst showing hypocrisy in that very act call me a hypocrite.

    It isn’t and it wasn’t the end of the world surely.

    I passed a personal opinion saying that it was not for me if somebody would be announcing I was having sex with him and I wouldn’t have known…. that was the feeling behind it ….it’s irrelevant whether said person agreed to have sex later or not… it isn’t anybody else’s business…if the other person doesn’t know it is being announced…that is all in my original comment… Just a personal opinion of my own.

    Just saying…. and look what it evoked.

    I am far from a hypocrite and you know it.
    I am a gentle kind and decent person.

    That doesn’t make me some soft spongy fuckwit who won’t stand up for themselves which I feel I must address based on the aspersions being cast.

    I have said many times that if people fuck with me I stand up for myself.
    Calling me a passive aggressive and a hypocrite amongst other things was a bridge too far over the river of reasonable.

    And if it is passive aggressive to wonder whether you will in fact print this in your perspective, I can tell you that it is not passive aggressive from my perspective ….based on everything that you have taught in your work.

    Perspective.

    It is completely and utterly understandable to suspect that you would find it too critical to post.

    That is in my perspective.
    it is not to cast aspersions on whether you are a weak man who will not post it.
    Of course not.

    Moderation exists…
    by it’s very definition it means some things are posted and some things are not..surely…
    saying that you hope something will be posted and will it be printed is to say I hope it gets through moderation.
    there is nothing unreasonable about it and you are seeing perceived wrongs where there are none.

    I was having a great deal of difficulty loading the whole thread I couldn’t read the replies I couldn’t reply to the replies so you misread that. And then accused me wrongly accordingly.

    In your new dynamic I know that you will work on misunderstandings I know that I do that ..ie work on misunderstandings as much as I can.

    Hypercritical was not in any way the intention behind anything…. And I will stand up for myself in telling you so.

    You saw what I wrote as a personal attack calling it hypercritical…. it was to do with my own opinion on what I think of certain things being shared over new girlfriends.

    I have commented plenty about other people you’ve known in the past.. at various stages of the two year period.
    And even if I had not, it does not mean that I cannot have an opinion today.

    It does not make me a hypocrite..

    This isn’t your past and it isn’t your mother who abused you it’s a beautiful new young woman..why would I make any remark in matriarcs favour..

    In the new dynamic.. remember.

    At the end of the day you’re calling it all an experiment …but it is a secret public experiment that from her side of it is unknown.

    That is your business.

    Anybody would have an opinion and everybody does.

    It is the hypocrite who doesn’t voice opinions…it not the person who speaks their truth plainly and openly the way that I did..and it was my truth my opinion it’s what I thought in my own life..I don’t change what I think and believe just because it happened to be you in the frame.

    this is a blog full of varied sentiments varied opinions etc it is not a fan club and a gathering of yes men…and I’m not calling anybody that im saying if that’s what you expect you’ve got the wrong girl here.

    I reiterate there are people who read the blog and haven’t commented yet… New people.

    if they voice an opinion on something they didn’t like are you going to say to them “how come you haven’t piped up before now you hypocrite…you’ve read about everything I’ve done..”

    The inaccurate and unfair part that you have applied to …is I stayed silent?.
    No I didn’t.
    there have been quite a few things where I said I was disgusted and where I didn’t want to read that and it upset me different things about different times.

    I’ve mentioned things in black flag things in red flag I mentioned things I didn’t like articles that I read.

    what are your motives in saying I have never voiced opinions never been disgusted never showed upsetment.

    And why would I show compassion and sympathy for matriarch? you said she abused you terribly it’s hardly the same as a beautiful young woman that’s in love who you’ve met is it? now in the new dynamic why you’re not going to behave in the same way apparently.

    In fact it interests me how you quoted about the books matrinarc and little boy lost…saying in a passive aggressive way “shall I not even bother writing them now…”

    it is interesting that you chose those two particular titles because those were the two particular titles that I asked you “if you are still writing them and when will they be coming out because I was looking forward to them, you were saying afterall that they were coming out in due course for 2 years and I’ve said how much I was looking forward to them and really interested to read them..

    I got quite a roasting over my comments then because you didn’t answer and I had dared to ask why not.

    I appreciate you are busy and don’t get time to answer everything and that is why I asked if the blog would suffer when you couldn’t answer everything. No was the reply.
    how am I to know on any given day whether you can answer the question or not because there are plenty of times when you have banter back and forth with people I’m not a mind reader.

    Interesting how you’re now using those 2 books in some kind of quid-pro-quo saying how you won’t bother writing them..and how you won’t bother sharing things and saying to the readers “what do you think about that then readers.”

    When I said I wouldn’t bother asking questions if this is how it was going to turn out you said that I was cutting my nose off to spite my own face and that I was frankly acting in a childish manner.

    is that not a little bit like you then, now, saying how you won’t bother writing/sharing anything then?

    I suppose you will readily accuse me of trying to get the upper hand and acting superior When I am not… I’m standing up for myself based on what you said.

    I would have thought you of all people could handle debate.. so I trust myself that you do and can and will and have.

    All that was put to bed about the books and everything has been fine and dandy….
    Until….
    .. I had the audacity or dared to say how I wouldn’t like somebody saying they were having sex with me when I didn’t know about it and posting it on Instagram, that I personally don’t like that kind of thing… Words to that effect.
    It’s no secret that I don’t do social media but I have on occasion dipped in via other methods just to look on a few occasions in my life.

    I’ve made no secret that my personality is a private kind of person and so the sentiments I expressed regarding any sex comments would be indicative of my personality.

    Do you suggest that I should like that kind of thing just because you’re doing it?
    and just because you don’t like that I said so?
    Are you saying that I must alter my own opinions because you don’t agree with them and because you’ve called me all kinds of things like a passive aggressive and a hypocrite and intimated that I have different motives driving me?

    Do I expect to be called a passive-aggressive? do I expect to be called a hypocrite ?
    For having a belief system?

    And you try to discredit my opinion by saying I’ve never mentioned anything before about things that have been said or done with other people is completely off point completely out of sync and not accurate as I have explained above.

    I’m not diminishing myself or my thoughts or opinions.

    I am quite willing at any point to say that my opinion is something I have changed.. if I have changed it… I am quite willing to say I was wrong about something, if I believe I have done something wrong and if that is to be the case but I don’t believe that having a personal opinion about not liking sex with a new girlfriend put on a public forum when she’s unaware of it it is something that I wouldn’t like or is something that if I found out about, there would be a great deal of trouble…

    That is not wrong it is not wrong that I spoke up.. it is not wrong that I have the guts to say so even though you want to shoot me down in flames and discredit me now… Regarding my motives.

    I am reasonable and logical and fair. I have never been known here or anywhere else to claim I am right at all times on anything and I’ve often said here on the blog that you will correct me if I’m wrong…

    And I have come to you many times with lots of questions because I didn’t know the answer.

    I have looked up to you and admired you for being honest here and for sharing, for the support and for the help excetera.

    I am not weak . I do not bend to the wind like a quivering blade of grass.

    I’m sorry you didn’t like my opinion I genuinely am but that’s not my problem it’s yours.

    With the greatest of respect I believe that you overreacted.

    Of course you would not agree.

    I think the only thing left is to agree to disagree.

    This would be the course of action and conclusion that anyone reasonable, logical and fair would arrive at.

    There is no emotional thinking here whatsoever, believe me.

    This blog isn’t your personal life afterall …
    And as you pointed out
    I am a tertiary source and safe to pass my true real and honest opinions here.

    And the opinion that I passed was hardly world war III at the end of the day..

    Hypercritical I would disagree with… Obviously..

    Let’s not go back to GO, though.

    I would hope that all of this would not discourage anyone from offering up any opinion they may have without the fear of being sandblasted in all kinds of ways.

    I would hope that the one place where you yourself could keep control, particularly now with your new dynamic and all that you have learnt, is over a tertiary source that passed a simple personal opinion about Instagram.

    I did say it was great to be seeing all the new and exciting things that you’re doing and make one remark about the sex comment that was all… And all hell breaks loose?

    I’m not even on Instagram.
    But I was able to see it on a link I had.
    I have deleted the link now.

    I still feel that I personally wouldn’t like that if it happened to me… the announcement about sex whether I would have agreed to it or not as I keep saying is absolutely irrelevant….am I expected to say that I would like it just because you don’t like what I said?

    Of course not.

    If I was any less than who I am just because you don’t like what I said then I wouldn’t be me.

    There’s a bit more than a carrier in my cadre.. I don’t go round standing for things.

    HG I have revered you immensely… As you well kow…
    One thing you taught me was to always speak my truth and to speak it once and to leave it there…

    (Ok maybe I’ve sent 5)

    I’m still learning.
    Let’s not fall out over my personal beliefs.
    I don’t fall out with you over yours..

    DebbieWolf

      1. HG and DW, I’ve been reading this exchange between the two of you with a lot of guilt on my heart. I feel responsible since the comment HG made about having sex was in reply to a comment from me on IG. I’m sorry that it happened and I wish it hadn’t morphed into a “thing” as I feel like some kind of instigator.

        DW, I have the same struggle as you do reconciling the HG that can treat Alex the way he did and the HG I know and love. I totally get the utter appreciation and respect vs utter disgust conundrum.

        As for the sharing, I feel fortunate that HG chooses to do so with us. I also hold to the hope that these relationship bulletins are going to us rather than his personal accounts (as would be status quo), as part of the new dynamic. We can watch and be excited for he and The ShieldMaiden without it causing hurt and dismay to his former IPPS(s) that would normally be affected. I may be wrong about that, but that’s what I choose to believe because it makes me feel happy.

    1. DebbieWolf
      You need to take a giant step back and get your ET under control.

      Your original comment was peppered with rank hypocrisy and loaded with emotional thinking followed by comments containing passive aggressive and patronizing remarks, deflection and baseless accusations.

      HG isn’t attacking you, on the contrary, he is trying to help you recognize how your ET is clouding your judgement and he is doing so from a position of absolute logic and it is very clear from your rambling and senseless (deflection) comments that your emotional thinking is out of control.

      Remove the emotion and reread everything you wrote followed by HG’s responses and then sit back and reflect on that for a while before you respond.

    2. DebbieWolf

      I want to make an observation

      Many here talk about the other person in the dynamic to which has always happent to be a narcissist and never revealing who that person is or notifiing that person they are being spoken about on a public forum, HG is speaking of his perspective in real time with an Empath and it is no different.

  6. Oh sure, there are plenty of urges to open up lines of communication again. I feel deflated and empty and have a great deal of the time since going No Contact two years ago. I’ve “missed” my narc twice as long as the relationship even lasted, and he was really just an online fling. Is that normal?

    That said, I don’t crave him the way I used to, it’s more like reminiscing on that feeling I would get when he messaged and the fun we had. I miss feeling so alive! But I know that was only part of the equation and doesn’t come without a price. I’m not willing to pay that price again. Also, there is a lot of satisfaction in knowing I took the upper hand and ghosted his ass and any reaching out to him or being accessible to him would take that away..Surely he’s got some humiliating way to make me pay if any contact resumed. No matter how much ever presence brings him back to mind, no amount of fun is worth that price, so fuck him and his tendrils!

    1. Mary
      I think it’s very normal to mourn your loss far longer than the relationship lasted. I was that way with my Moron in Munich. That was entirely online/phone.

      The thing is, though, that you’re not really mourning the loss of the narcissist and you’re not really mourning the loss of the relationship. You are mourning the loss of the person you THOUGHT he was, the person you wanted him to be. You’re mourning the loss of how you felt when you believed it was actually real.

      In my case, I could see early on that he was a loser and could never meet my needs, but it took almost 3 years for me to come to terms with losing the happiness I thought I had found initially. I so wanted it. I’d never had anyone love me before (other than my grandmother and my children) and I sooo wanted to be loved! I’m still not over my grief because I’m still in the hatred phase. I no longer wish things had worked out between us, but I still can’t think of him without hatred.

      Maybe it would help you if everytime you missed him or longed for him, you reminded yourself that the person you’re really longing for and missing never really existed. He was just a dream – a phantom. He never was a real man. That’s what has helped me.

      1. Windstorm, so much of what you said here makes sense. “You’re mourning the loss of how you felt when you believed it was actually real.” THIS !!! That’s exactly it, mourning the feeling. That’s all it is and nothing more.

        I’m sorry your Moron led you to believe there was real love there on his side of things and can imagine your hurt when you learned it was an illusion. Makes me want to punch him in the face for taking advantage of your vulnerability and longing for love.

      2. Windstorms, I don’t know if I’m having an emotional day or what but your story really hit home for me. I feel hatred too and I have for a long time. I fear I will never get over the anger.

  7. Oh, I see a lot has happened here in one week.
    A Scandinavian lady, HG ? A Viking, a female warrior… I suppose that suits you.
    If I were her, I wouldn’t like to be called like that though.
    Why Lady L?

      1. L as in L’Iron Maiden?
        Personally, I think it is going to be very interesting to read how this “experiment” of yours unfolds.

      2. HG, she will critise you some day and you know that. Did you practise some role games with the Good doctors to minimise the risk of becoming malevolent?

        1. It is the staleness of the fuel that has me worried, although I am happy for HG, I am apprehensive for the IPPS.

          Stale fuel is a criticism and wounds, which initiates devaluation, and it will be all her fault for letting him down. Ouch!

          1. I wonder about the same K.
            HG, you have been living in the “high” for such a long time, what makes you think your relationship with Shieldmaiden will suffice? Would you mind sharing about that?

          2. The fact that this has now arisen when I have a greater awareness, understanding and also the methodologies arising from the prosocial behaviours added to the exceptional nature of The Shieldmaiden.

      3. Sorry, I realize experiment is not the right word. I meant to say it will be interesting to read about your experience with the Shield Maiden and your intention to have a new dynamic in your romantic life

      4. If I were her, I’d love it and take it as a huge compliment!

        Good luck with this new relationship HG.
        If she’s as strong and noble as Lagertha, you’ve struck gold… maybe it won’t last forever but that’s ok, if you can avoid abusing her, even in devaluation, that’s incredible progress.

        Love her nickname, Shieldmaiden.
        I’m happy for you Mr Tudor. Genuinely happy! Xo

        1. TT, true, Shieldmaiden evokes strength and courage, which is a compliment indeed. However, the first connotation my mind found was war and violence, which I did not find appealing.

      5. I have a strong feeling it would be very difficult for me to differentiate a highly aware and intelligent (as opposed to less so) greater from an empath, nor by then would I care.

      6. ME:
        “I have a strong feeling it would be very difficult for me to differentiate a highly aware and intelligent (as opposed to less so) greater from an empath, nor by then would I care.”

        HG:
        “That amused me.”

        Why HG? It must be true though. I guess that is why it amuses you, you’ve said your identity is well concealed.

        1. A very logical, intelligent and focused masculine man makes my neurons light up like no other, so I’m afraid my receptors would be overrun
        2. If you are correctly identifying and responding to her emotions it would look like you are “feeling”, no? And you are genuinely excited, so forget it.

        Anyway, like others are saying, I am wary for her a bit, but I do also really hope that you find something that continues to impress, motivate and satisfy you for as long as can be possible and that you can end in a healthy, respectful way if not. We are all responsible for ourselves and I know my risk/reward leanings would never allow me to pass such joy by in order to save for the future. I am usually more likely to choose “pay later” anyway if I”m honest, beautiful experiences make life wonderful.

        1. My comment was actually a compliment Nunya Biz and not flippancy, your comment about not caring was both apt and entertaining, so my remark lauded yours.

  8. Hg, sorry that my reply seem to be out of sync it’s not me at my end….
    I’m having a lot of difficulty loading the thread… I think it’s because it’s become long and it’s not loading on my phone…
    Thank you for your replies… I have replied but I don’t think they’re aligned near your answers… Just to clarify.. I’m having a great deal of difficulty making/ loading replies too.
    Probably just the server or something.

  9. Dear lovely NarcAngel,
    Nearing the end – get outta here !
    My mum is nearly 90 and I bought her a cat 2 years ago (she has 2 now)
    I think 2 parrots would be good for you, male n female – call em “polly” n “crackers” – or if you prefer – Mr n Mrs Bubbles ….. 🐦🐤I really don’t mind either way 🤣
    Luv yas
    Bubbles xx 😘

  10. Dear Mr Tudor,
    The only “bridging the gap” going on with us …is our teeth 😬
    🤣

    Great advice by the way … it’s always our emotional thinking 💭
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  11. This is timely because I was explaining to my friend what had been going on with fake profile requests silent calls etc and I said it must not be him because in reality if he wanted to contact me e could it’s not that hard and likely less effort than this covert stuff

    She said “Lori he’s not going to he can’t because then in his mind he “loses” he wants you to reach out to him then he “wins “

    Do you think that’s true and likely the case HG? Are there Narcs that will refuse to overtly Hoover because they perceive it as losing ?

    1. Instinctively they will engage in passive hoovers as this lessens the risk of wounding and lessens the risk of any wounding being substantial but can enable a ‘bridgehead’ to be achieved which will lead to more active hoovers occurring, subject as always to the HT and the HEC.

      1. Thank you. I think this may be the case or this could all be in my mind and he’s gone on his merry way. I just have no way of knowing

    2. Lori
      I had the same thought as your friend. He sees himself as the Puppeteer and you the puppet. He pulls YOUR strings (in his mind).

      1. Narc Angel

        And if I’m honest with myself and everyone that is true. He is the puppeteer though less so now.

        I don’t know if my ET has me reading into the call and the fake friend requests. He may in fact be doing nothing at all and this is all just in my mind because I want it to be. I simply don’t know. He may not be behind all of these instances but odds tell me he is behind at least one of them

        Does it matter ? Oh I suppose not but I think all of us like to think this happens because it gives of a sense that we mattered even though that notion is completely false.

        There will be no contact today …

        1. Lori
          You’re doing well on the day to day and things have become clearer for you. Celebrating those days with you.

      2. Thank you. One day at a time.. that is all I can do.

        Should I fail, I’ll pick myself up and start again but even for those that stumble all of your no contact is not lost. Every day you stay away the grip lessens

  12. Hg

    Well this is very hopeful that you can meet somebody think they are the one and work with the new dynamic.
    But this time it could last or as you put it this time it will last.

    Because other high-functioning narcissists could also become aware and work with the new dynamic perhaps if we introduce them to your work.

    so if they could work with a new dynamic if they are self-aware just like you can, would there really be any need for us to get out stay out?

    If you can make it work with your awareness surely the high-functioning ones that any of us may be involved with can also make it work when they become more aware too?

    1. This is dangerous thinking DW and I considered carefully before making mention of the potential for a new dynamic in my situation, because of the risk of people thinking it gives them hope with their narcissist. I appreciate you do note the applicability to high-functioning narcissists BUT that requires careful distinction also.

      1. The vast majority of narcissists are Lesser or Mid Range. They do not know what they are, never will and never will change. There is no potential for any revised dynamic with those individuals. All readers must take heed of this crucial fact.
      2. A Greater may have potential for a revised dynamic, but generally would not do so – why is that? Because there is no need to do so AND the Greater is unlikely to have embarked on what I have (the interaction with the good doctors and my work on the blog etc).
      3. There is the substantial potential for me since I am an Ultra. This is as a consequence of my heightened awareness (caused by innate ability, the good doctors and my learning/work here)

      In summary therefore, it can work for me. It is impossible for most narcissists and unlikely for Greaters.