Connected Yet Removed


The people that know me and interact with me often remark that I always seem attuned to people and my environment. They remark about how I know so much about certain things, that I have clearly experienced a lot and retained the benefit of this experience. My awareness of matters is high and it is often commented on how I am able to “plug in” to something and instantly understand it, know how it works and what to do. Whether it is a meeting, discussion or event, I always fit in. I am not going to disagree with those comments.

Let us imagine that you are a massive football (soccer for our transatlantic cousins) fan. I listen to how you analyse a forthcoming match and discuss the impact of an expensive new signing. I carefully pay attention as you detail how the opposition centre-half is weak on short passes played into the penalty area. I see your eyes widen and light up with interest as you debate these issues with fellow fans. I make a careful note of what is said by you and the others and store it so that I can regurgitate it later to someone else who is similarly interested in football and pass it off as my own knowledge and observations. I do this with conviction so that nobody recognises that these comments are not my own. I spent the morning before the match that we are attending, reading the sport sections of two quality newspapers and also the satellite broadcaster’s webpage for the match, along with other bits and pieces from around the internet in order to assemble my knowledge for this, our first match together. I knew from your social media postings that you are a passionate fan of this team and as I targeted you I pretended I was as well. I managed to recall key trophies the team had won and recent events from the football club’s website to enable me to demonstrate I was also a committed fan. In the course of the discussion with you and your friends who are also die-hard fans I trot out a piece I memorised from a football writer, tweaking it here and there to give it a ring of authenticity as I explain how the captain, sorry our captain, needs a holding midfielder alongside him to allow him to venture further forward and play key balls to the lone man up front. You all nod in agreement showing admiration in my knowledge despite it being acquired elsewhere. I feel the fuel flowing.

I attend the match with you and see how excited you are by the occasion. Your conversation speeds up as you talk about the team the manager has selected. The smell of beer and hot dogs and pies mixes together on the concourse, heightening the occasion as the singing from the away fans drifts from inside the stadium. An event like this assails the senses. The press of the crowd as it makes its way inside seems to lend energy to you and your pace quickens, causing me to have to speed up to ensure I am not left behind. Once in our seats your face shows how you are eagerly anticipating the game, the chanting and shouting already loud, bouncing around the stadium and competing with the delivery of the pa announcer. All around me I can see nervous anticipation, bullish enthusiasm and well-founded confidence. I listen to the chants so I learn the words enabling me to join in. I watch you as you crane forward in your seat, eyes fixed on the unfolding match, fists clenched and repeated utterances issued loudly to urge your team on. I mimic your exhortions and body language, leaning towards the pitch and then jumping up as your team, now our team, opens the scoring. You hug me and I return the hug, jumping up and down in a replica of the delight that washes across the home crowd. The taunting chants aimed at the opposition ring out and I readily join in, gesturing towards the disconsolate faces in the adjoining stand. A second goal is scored, this time from the cries of delight and the conjoining of profanity and blasphemy the goal is clearly of both quality and importance.

“That puts us on top of the league on goal difference,” you explain as if you are able to see that I am wondering why there is such a heightened reaction to this second goal. I know however that you are not wondering that at all. I know that you are thrilled that I am embracing with such enthusiasm the match, sharing the main passion in your life. I join in with the cheers, the shouting, the cries of frustration and disappointment, the barracking of the referee when he makes a poor decision and ensure I am fully integrated with the experience. I look around me watching the passion, the hope, the fury and the delight etched on the other supporters. The stadium is a cauldron of noise and emotion. I am plugged into this experience alongwith fifty five thousand other people. I can see the emotions are raw and visceral, even primitive.

I see all of this around me yet I feel none of it. I merely mimic everyone else in order to fit in. I am attached to the experience but I feel nothing. I am completely detached from it. All it does is serve  a purpose to enable me to create and build bridges and ties with you. I can see how it all affects you, it is clear to see. I am there yet I am not. I am connected yet removed. This is how it feels, or rather, this is how it does not.


4 thoughts on “Connected Yet Removed

  1. Drifa says:

    That makes me sad

  2. kel says:

    I think the void a narcissist feels is actually the love they’re missing inside. They might not feel that emotion, but their body knows the regular flow of full functionality is missing within their cranium. Their system bypasses it, but those two black holes are omnipresent to them. Since scientists have just discovered that area, will they be able to test how to fill it- donors, stimulating self generation, implants. It’s not far fetched when you look at our world today full of almost daily mass shootings, domestic murders, investment schemes, dictators, so many levels that include everyday children being raised by narcissists, narcissist relationships, narcissist offices.

  3. Caron says:

    It doesn’t seem to me to be a big leap from this disconnection to connection. There is some part of YOU standing behind yourself directing your GUI to interact with the world this way, and it keeps you safe being thus removed, and it makes you feel in control. It seems to me like you could just take one step and be in it, and then you would find out if YOU like whatever it is that you are feigning interest in. If the people you are doing this to never notice that you are doing it, then they aren’t really there with you, either. It is just an exchange of fuel and not an actual interaction.

    You are very intelligent, with a very strong mind, HG. You always had the ability to be intelligent, but you became even more intelligent, I expect, in order to keep yourself safe in this snake pit world. When the mind is the strongest part, it creates this distance, because the mind can’t feel, can’t dance, can’t leave itself. The mind calculates and plans, which are god things and important. The distance is not wrong. What you are doing here is not wrong. It isn’t even mistaken. Sometimes it is loving. And when you have such a fine, strong mind, it is FUN to use it in this way. All smart people do this, gain knowledge, spread it, pretend they didn’t learn it elsewhere. It is part of being charming.

    But you won’t like everything other people like, so who takes an interest in YOU and finds out who YOU are and what YOU like? Who can see through the façade and love you anyway and just let the BS games roll off while they continue to see through your many shields to YOU? The same mind that protects you while you keep yourself removed can protect you should you begin to enter in and look for yourself.

    Don’t you ever want to be a real boy?

  4. Narc noob says:

    That’s pretty much your whole life, in a nut shell, right there. It doesn’t begin and end at the seduction phase, that football game. No, the lack of connection goes way beyond into every facet of your life. Or does it. 😉

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

The Doormat

Next article

Empath Detector