The Games Are Always Being Played


I love playing games.As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules, I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement, You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.

It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.

When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will be sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them, we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.

“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.

“I know,” I will smile in return.

“But we are playing monopoloy.

“No we are not.”

“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”

“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”

“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”

“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”

“What? You’ve changed it again.”

“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”

“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”

“Not at all. Check mate.”


Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.

13 thoughts on “The Games Are Always Being Played

  1. kel says:

    Yay! A 20/20 episode about yet another narc who murdered his pregnant wife, and everything they’re describing him as is screaming NPD. And they named it! An FBI agent was on it that said Narcissist. They’re getting the spotlight, they’re getting exposed. All these murders – it’s like how many fatal car wrecks does there need to be before a traffic light gets installed – narc’s don’t understand themselves, but everyone else is starting to see it.

    1. Joanne says:

      Do you know what the episode is called? I’d like to look it up.

      1. kel says:


        The Secret in her Eyes.

    2. amanda SNapchat says:

      nice. what is it called the episode? ha! I love 20/20.

      1. kel says:

        Amanda, the show is “The Secret In Her Eyes”

    3. K says:

      I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard the agent say narcissistic and antisocial personalty and the week before Diane Downs was described as NPD/antisocial/histrionic. I disagreed with Histrionic though.

      1. kel says:

        K, I couldn’t believe my ears either! Finally!!

        1. K says:

          If I wasn’t lying on the couch, I would have swooned from the shock of it!

  2. santaann1964 says:

    But now we know how to play the game. So now we know who wins in Clue…

  3. amanda SNapchat says:

    I think its important to realize what game they are playing and what is the battlefield. I just realized my greater narc mobilized a governor to invite me to an event and invite my enemies. The battle field would be that event. I decided to not attend. I have no control over that battle field. Yes, it was a good opportunity the event. But if its my death I will not fucking go.

    I am amazed how much control my greater narc has to be able to mobilize people to do this. i think the governor is a lower somantic narc and my narc is a greater cerebral. Fuck him. I will win this battle 💪

    Good writing HG. I have been going back especially to your book on smear campaign and reading certain parts over and over again.

  4. Claire says:

    Damn. Quite an illustration how she gets under your skin and how there is a mechanism to soothe it while everyone wonders who pissed in your Wheaties. This is why what you write makes sense in understanding behavior—actual possible scenarios that people can relate to. I love it and it’s brilliant.

  5. Sarah Jane says:

    Has your DLS got a moustache?

  6. marinathemermaid3 says:

    LOVE this!!!

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