Why does he lash out at you, abuse, assault and insult?

Why do you get ignored and cold-shouldered?

Why does he walk off and disappear?

Here is the answer.

By understanding fury, what causes it and what purpose it serves you will unlock a fundamental element of the narcissistic dynamic.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here




20 thoughts on “Fury

  1. Leolita says:

    So…. just to see if I got this right: if we say something, a comment, which implies that we see through the narcissist lies/ manipulations, delivered without fuel, this will result in that the narcissist feels criticised, and thus the fury is ignited, he will lash out, to heal the wound?

    In short, will every time we «challenge» the narc by stating some truth, result in the narc lashing out?

    What if we react by just laughing at this reaction? And not supplying the narc by reacting to the lashing out? (On telephone). Will this result in a wounded narc?

    Also, how will a narc react after this, will he lash out to tertiary and secondary sources to heal the wound, or will it be healed by smearing us to these sources? Or can the wound be healed simply by a scilent treatment towards us?

    I will definately read your book about this, but hope you can assist me in my analyze to help me get out of my ET.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There are just three interactions with a narcissist :-

      1. The provision of pure fuel;
      2. Wounding. This is the absence of fuel and is where you ignore the narcissist in some way, e.g. not answer the phone, fail to reply to a text, walk away from the narcissist; and
      3. Challenge Fuel where you do or say something which provides fuel but also challenges us in some form.
      2 and 3 create a lack of control for the narcissist. This means the narcissist must respond. 2 is the worst as there is no fuel AND a lack of control. This causes wounding which results in the ignition of fury causing a response designed as explained in Fury.
      3. causes a lack of control.

      If you say to the narcissist that he is lying, you will be issuing Challenge Fuel.
      If you laugh at a narcissist that could be pure fuel or challenge fuel dependent on context.

      1. Leolita says:

        Thanks HG, but still, if my answer is «I wish you happiness, love and genuine peace within» – at the right time- just when he is trying to manipulate me further, and expects/ hopes for a very angry reaction – will he ever feel «hit» from my comment? 😂🙏 i would like that. Haha!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, you are providing him with fuel.

          1. Leolita says:

            Ok. Thank you very much for your insight and replies. I understand that there is just one thing to do- and that is to never break NC. Everything we say is fuel in some form.

  2. katebd19 says:

    Excellent book!! I read it after Fuel and both are the perfect combination to really have an insight on narc behavior. Understanding how fury works is a must for us. Very educative lecture. Thanks HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and you’re welcome.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      I agree Fuel and Fury are a perfect combination to begin to understand their behaviours. The ones I find most apply to our role for understanding are Sitting Target and Sex And The Narcissist if you haven’t already read those.

      1. foolme1time says:

        I agree with you NA. Unfortunately I have just had to share two of the four with my daughter! The next two will be the ones you just suggested.

  3. It Depends says:

    “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
    Benjamin Franklin

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Unfortunately for you, your quote is misplaced as it was not an excuse, but an explanation as to why you were wrong. Wrong twice now, can you make it a hat-trick of errors?

      1. It Depends says:

        Well, let’s see if I can manage it… 😎🤓😎….

        Definition of Excuse: attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or “justify.”

        Synonyms for “Justify”: give grounds for, give reasons for, give a justification for, show just cause for, explain, “GIVE AN EXPLANATION FOR,” account for, show/prove to be reasonable, provide a rationale for, rationalize

        “Not managing your time and making excuses are two bad habits. Don’t put them both together by claiming you, “don’t have the time.”
        Bo Bennett

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well done. Three out of three.

          1. It Depends says:

            Thank you. I do try to be consistent! 😋😜😋

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha

  4. It Depends says:

    Many of the books that I would otherwise purchase, are only available in electronic edition. Some people like to hold a paperback in their hands. This is a marketing error made by many people.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is called not having had time yet to make all of them available in paperback as a particular process has to be gone through. Moreover, e-books sales outstrip paperback, so it isn’t actually a marketing error.

      1. It Depends says:

        For your consideration, if you choose to peruse!


    2. lisk says:

      It Depends, maybe you would have received a more positive response, or actual consideration or even a paperback from HG had you made a request rather than a criticism.


      1. It Depends says:

        Ah, motive…Mine are layered and rarely are “all of them” readily apparent. Having said that, Tudor is capable of seeing more layers than most. 😎. I was not seeking a “positive” response or a paperback. And..I rarely request anything from a narcissist. Only when it suits “my” purpose. They desire my fuel. I dictate the terms now, not them.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.