6 Silent Soul Destroyers


The use of and imposition of silence are two of the most powerful weapons in our abusive arsenal. Silence is easy to deploy and horrendously effective in securing our aims of compliance, control and fuel.

1. My silence is always meaningful

You may sit quietly because you have no need to say anything. You may remain silent because you are listening to somebody else or just enjoying the silence.  We do not allow silence to be used in such a passive and redundant fashion. Our silence is used to convey contempt. It is used to draw concern and cause anguish in you. When we fall silent that pregnant pause is an indicator of the fury which will be unleashed against you. The longer silence is the imposition of our cold fury as you are banished to a sustained silent treatment. When we sit in silence we are not savouring the lack of noise, we are thinking, planning and plotting, calculating our next step. Our silences are weapons, they are our operations headquarters, our defence against your critical wounding of us. We use silence to hurt you, warn you, scold you and indicate you have overstepped the mark. Every silence has a meaning, it would be remiss of us to use it any other way.

2. Absence makes the silence longer

The deployment of an absent silent treatment where we remove ourselves from you, invariably with no warning or indication is a confirmation to you that this silent treatment will not be short-lived. The need to absent ourselves sends you a clear signal that we will be gone for some time. It is designed to have you come after us, try to contact us and beg and plead so that you fuel us. When we impose a period of absence by vanishing we are reinforcing how easily we are able to consider you gone from our lives. You may not even be able to contact us but we gather fuel from our knowledge that this sudden disappearance will cause you considerable consternation and worry. The absent silent treatment is also a key indicator that we are engaged in the seduction of a new prospect and providing this person with our false love and attention, which we have removed from you.

3. The silent gesture

Our silences are not just occasioned by us not talking to you or absenting ourselves for a period of time. We deploy silence through gestures. We may not turn up when we have agreed to a date with you, in order to reinforce how you mean so little to us and that we have any number of more pressing engagements to attend to than dine with you in a restaurant. Leaving you alone in bed, our side of the bed now empty and cold is also a hammer blow to your confidence and self esteem as we choose the spare room, the sofa or the bed of another in preference to being with you during the night. The silent telephone call from a withheld number, used when we are hoovering you, is designed to put you on edge. Is it us calling you this late? It must be mustn’t it, but you cannot be sure? The failure to buy you a gift on your birthday,  creating a gap which ought to have been filled stands out considerably and allows us to apply maximum hurt through such a silent gesture.

4. The silent presence

By giving you the cold shoulder when everyone else is met warmly and enthusiastically, we cause you to feel completely alone even when you are surrounded by others. You try to carry on as if nothing has happened but you know that people will be wondering why we are not speaking to you. You feel the flush of embarrassment as once again you try to speak to us and you receive only a glare and then we sweep away. You want to challenge us but as ever it is you that will be criticised for creating a scene. You want to upbraid us for our childish sulking but you have learned that the consequences of doing so are not worth suffering. We of course know all this and we know how powerful our freezing you out in the company of others really is.

5. Suffer in silence

You are never to speak of what goes on between you and I to anyone else. Should you ever do so you are committing an act of heinous betrayal and your punishment for such a transgression will be malicious and fierce. You are not to betray me and speak of what you are subjected to. You are to endure it so that you become a better person, one who is compliant and obedient. Do you understand? I also know that you fear the repercussions of speaking out and this enforces my curfew. I also know that you feel compelled to remain loyal because of the golden period and how you feel duty bound to remain and try to resolve matters, work this difficult period through and fix what has become somehow broken. Your indefatigable spirit teeters on the brink of misplaced pride at not telling tales and instead knuckling down, irrespective of what is thrown at you, in order to bring about a resolution to our problems. You cannot succeed but you do not know that yet. For now you must suffer in silence.

6. I speak, you stay silent

Never interrupt me, never talk over me, never steal my thunder. When I speak everybody listens because what I have to say is brilliant, great and of tremendous import. You would do well to listen to improve yourself, please me and avoid angering me. You are my sounding board, Horatio to my Hamlet, a listener and in my presence you only speak when it is required to honour my achievements and laud my greatness. You are to be seen but only heard when I deem it necessary. Who wants to listen to what you have to say anyway? You only get invited to events because of me. They are only friends with you because they are friends of mine. Nobody is interested in you. Nobody. So stay quiet and listen.

14 thoughts on “6 Silent Soul Destroyers

  1. Bekah B says:


    Yesterday was our daughter’s birthday.. He called around 7:45 pm, I’m guessing to wish her a happy birthday, but his phone number is blocked on my phone.. (although I can see that he tried to call).. What is the effect of this? Is he wounded?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The failure to respond to the call wounded.

      If he called around in person and was not given entry and no response at all he was wounded. If you allowed him in/spoke to him – Pure Fuel or Challenge Fuel.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you for your insight, HG..

        He was simply wounded, then.. He did not attempt to reach out any further, i.e. calling again, turning up in person, or using any other communication medium.. If anything, he probably proceeded to block my phone number too..

        He doesn’t care about us.. He doesn’t care about anything concerning me, our daughter, and unborn son at all..

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Bekah B
          That is a very hard realization to come to and I’m sorry that you’re having to face it. Glad you found your way here.

          1. Bekah B says:

            Thank you, NarcAngel.. It is very tough to realize, but it gets easier to do with every passing day.. It’s been over six months now, experiencing his absence.. I can say that I am totally used to it now.. I hope my children will become accustomed to his absence as well, and perfectly content with only their mother..

  2. Oracle says:

    The silent treatment is his most useful tool in my case.
    1. meaningful.
    he talks a great deal. When we first started dating he never shut up.
    When he is quiet i know i need to worry.
    2. abscense. God does he love this one. I used to chase after him. I do not any longer, but that just makes his punishment more severe, and the absence last longer. I am too stubborn to give in anymore though. I do not chase. I cry. he knows. he does not care. i guess he gets fuel that way.
    3. Silent gesture. I can not tell you how often i have slept alone. He not only wont come to bed, and sleeps in the car, or at his desk, but then tells me it is my fault he did nto get rest.
    4. He does not do this one often. he cares too much about what others think. he insists that it be viewed i am in check, and obeying as he wishes at all times to thiose around us.
    5. yes, my opinion is irrelivant. even if i have the same opinion. If i voice the same thought, it is dismissed as wrong.

  3. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    Dearest HG: Re: Being Shelved vs being subjected to the Silent Treatment for a NIPSS: One can be subjected to the silent treatment, yet not shelved? But, being shelved may included the silent treatment, or may not included the silent treatment? Is it possible that the Narcissist may be mentally preoccupied and one can mistake the preoccupation for a subtle silent treatment, when it is not the case? Is there any way to know for sure? Especially regarding a NIPSS.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your combinations are correct.

      You do not need to know for sure, you know the person is a narcissist therefore avoid the corruption of the truthseeker trait and focus on GOSO instead. Enjoy the silence.

      1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Dearest HG: “Enjoy the Silence. “ ~~HG Tudor. lol!

  4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    You can add another soul destroyer” to that list
    No 7
    You’re Instagram account is now showing it’s private (can’t see anything)
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I know. You can always follow though.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Bugga….. you’re trying to lead me astray … into unknown territory …haha
        Was there a reason you went private ?
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Tell you on Instagram.

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            I get myself into enough trouble, without getting into more trouble
            It was fun while it lasted
            Thanks anyhoo
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

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