This Time It Will Work


When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

63 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work

  1. Pauline says:


    I encourage everyone to create a fake profile and to interact with HG. Because this helps. But fake=anonymously.

    My ex is a mind range narcissist. He doesn’t believe there is something wrong with him despite he knows I think he is a narcissist. But he treated my accusation as a challenge fuel, a reason to manipulate me more to change my point of view. A reason to abuse me more, to laugh at my paranoia and to make me look like a crazy one. And probably to smear me to other people just in case I would want to share with them what I think about him.

    I am sure that if he knew that after 2 years I interact with these sites, it would be a massive fuel for him. Christmas time. New Year’s Eve. “OMG she is totally crazy” “Still in love” “she doesn’t have life” “Good I discarded her” “What a loser”. Remember he doesn’t believe he is an abuser, he has no empathy, he doesn’t understand what trauma is.

    And if he is alone and hungry for fuel? Knowing I am still talking about him, thinking about him he could use it to hoover me. Or smear me. Or use some manipulations to provoke me and play with me once again.

    I don’t want him to know my vulnerabilities. When I am vulnerable he is in power. When he is in power, I am easy to manipulate.

    So I have fake profiles and read about narcissists in secret. And to the outside world I am totally over him, so over that I never mention him, I am focused on my life. And I believe this is the reason he stopped hoovering. Because he thinks I give no shit. He thinks I am so over that despite I called him narcissist in the past it doesn’t have any impact on my present life. Because I simply moved on and he landed in the dust bean like a random ordinary guy you met just a few times, who wasn’t too special. If there is something that wounds him – this wounds him. Not the fact I think he is a narcissist.

  2. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.

    It really is a very nice writing, very ideal, an ideal world. Everything so idealized. But Tudor, you know. That can’t be…
    I thought you didn’t even have hope.
    and you tell me:
    “I live in the hope that this time the person I have signed up will be the only one.
    You also project your hopes to the victims.
    Because you know, this is one of your magical thoughts.
    How magical, this thought is, that you pursue so tirelessly so immaterially.
    Because remember, you need “devaluation”, to exercise “control and dominion” over your victim. For this control to give you its supposed “superiority and power” which raises your “ego and self-esteem”.

  3. Veronique Jones says:

    HG you are good, this is what we want and I believe that they do all fall for, it but didn’t a great man say in the end it has to hurt !!!
    That our fuel gets stale, and he needs the power of hurting someone because the challenge is greater than that of positive fuel

  4. Jass says:

    But winsi I’m not sure enough which type of narcissist he is. You are the expert of. Can you please assist which type of narcissist he may be?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, through a Narc Detector Consultation that is what it is there for.

  5. Jass says:

    Hg tudor, he is the perfect match with greater narcissist by your blog post. Since he always told me often times that he doesn’t consider me as his girlfriend but I think we have right now a formal relationship? Can you please tell me what to expect next or after that we will be able to consult?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You may be correct but naturally I make the assessment myself on the presented facts and reserve judgement until such time. I need more about your dynamic to assist you accurately, hence the need for consultation.

  6. Jass says:

    Hg Tudor
    I’ve read all of your blog posts. Your work is just amazing and more than wow. Recently I’m dealing with my greater narcissist. We were in a relationship before. right now he often told me he’s not considering me as his girlfriend. He is not accepting me as his girlfriend. He only sees me like his friend or younger sister. But sometimes he lends money from me. I give him that. That’s why whenever I called him he picked my phone up and talked to me. But now he talks me once in a day when ever he wanted to. Sometimes he gets so angry nothing makes sense. Sometimes he behaves like nothing happened. Please can you tell me why he is doing this to me and what to expect next?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. You need to ascertain his school of narcissist, Greater are very rare. A Narc Detector Consultation will assist you. The brief description of his behaviour does not accord with a Greater.
      2. To assist you properly I need more information from you and need to convey more information to you and therefore you should organised a consultation with me.

      1. amanda SNapchat says:

        Yes. I feel the narc I thought was a greater is maybe just a midranger. Because as I am escaping he is using pity ploys. I think midrangers do that primarly? But I have trouble realizing that u can have midrangers or lower ones in power positions.

      2. KatyAsks says:

        Hi HG,

        I have a question about IPPS requirements and “panic picks”.

        my ex boyfriend (elite mid range narcisst, intelligent, great career, some high status friends) was always drawn to empaths who display positive attitude towards the world. Sociable, happy, smiling, confident with sparks in their eyes. It was iportant for him that they are succesfull in their area, have good career, many interests (that narcissist probably can steal from them and flaunt as his).

        Since he is mid range he has tendency to sulk and self pity so the IPPS had to be a strong happy and emotionally stable person who will soothe his inner bad feelings.

        He was turn off by passive women, ivy type, insecure type, with their own issues. And when he was abusive and devaluing, he was always accusing his girlfriends of being insecure, boring, too emotional attentnion whoes. Ofc it wasnt true, mainly a lie or an temporary effect of his abuse.

        But now he is at love bombing stage (she publicily claims he is her boyfriend, he claims nothing so far) with a girl who is exactly what he has always criticized in other women.

        She has quite dull life, living on social media 24h, seeking for attention and validation (tons of selfies and almost naked photos but she is not a supermodel, she just seeks some validation from random guys), she displays frequent mood swings, there is an aura of depression and sadness around her and she sometimes hints about having mental problems. It is all displayed on her social media, everyone can see this so it is difficult for him to pretend that she is a great catch. Of course she is physically attractive but she lacks so many traits he was always looking for in his women.

        I think right now she is IPSS or Candidate IPSS and I wonder if he could really try to promote her as IPPS.

        Is it possible for narcissist to change his tastes and really want her as IPPS or could it be a “panic pick”?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          A panic pick is wanted as an IPPS. The Panic Pick aspect only manifests later. The narcissist does not think ‘oh she’ll do’.

          1. Claire says:

            I loved the article you wrote on panic picks. The woman my spouse is enthralled with looks like a tired aging dick sucker. I feel bad saying this in a way but she even has vertical lines adjacent to her lips. She looks exhausted. The spouse does not like bars/drinking until now. It’s amusing HG. My cognitive empathy forces me to make sure my kids are not saying mean things as they have said she is “old looking.” My “real” empathy knows she is next. I am baffled though as to how these women look like the cats meow. I know better than to say these things in m actual life and I’m not perseverating—I’m just saying that she is one hot mess in terms of a visual buffet.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            Picture yourself driving along and noticing your gauge is low. You pull into a gas station. There are several pumps and you barely take notice because they all represent the same thing to you – the ability to fill your tank and be on your way. They are all the same price save for the one so called “Premium” that you know from word of mouth and experience performs pretty much the same as the others at the end of the day, and why pay more? A couple have been freshly painted but one says pump malfunctioning and from the other hangs a sign: Out of order.

            Then you see it. It’s not as shiny as the others and has a few chips in it. The water in the windshield wiper bucket looks reasonably clean and it advertises a free lube job with your next visit. The line is long at this pump but moving along quickly, attesting to its popularity due to efficiency. You marvel at the halo-like effect around it just as the line ends briefly and a spot opens up. For you! You quickly pull up and attach it, overlooking the dull and peeling paint and the fact that the hose is a little loose, as the glorious surge of fuel that will fill your tank begins to flow freely. You deposit your card into the conveniently placed slot only to find that this purchase is free! You collect your free reward miles, grab your free air freshener, and wave to those still waiting at the newer, perhaps fresher, but questionably performing pumps and consult your gps on the next destination with a fully sated tank.

            What’s not to love?

          3. Claire says:

            Lovely analogy. It’s just so weird NA! I’ve never seen anything so goofy. Taking her places is like wearing tennis shoes to the prom. I do know I’m a fairly somatic non-psychopath though so just saying.. HG said I wasn’t one because I was worried there for awhile!

  7. Narc noob says:

    HG, do you know roughly the longest time a golden period has lasted for you and an IPPS? Little ups and downs, do they count also as part of that same GP?

    Over the years I have seen studies that support endorphins, the thrill of the chase and the honeymoon period as therapeutic and supports health and wellbeing. I’d be interested to see what a study would show for an extended period of time, though. I’d suggest the need for down time and space at some point – but I’m looking at this from my perspective and your plight of not feeling emotion means you wouldn’t tire as easily.

  8. amanda SNapchat says:

    why is your instagram private?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Tell you on Instagram!

      1. amanda SNapchat says:

        You also probably get more followers also being public because your content can be recommend to others via Instagram’s algorithms or via hashtags (people use hashtags to search for content so they can discover your posts that way.)

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Amanda S
      It’s not if you “follow” and that’s the whole point of Instagram. Growing your brand through attracting (and keeping) followers. There is also the element of control and more accountability in having to be accepted to follow. That’s my take anyway.

      1. Mercy says:

        NA, it also attracts followers because HG probably has so many that check in to see what hes up to. Now they will have to follow in order to see.

        1. FYC says:

          NA and Mercy, you are correct. HG’s ranking is primarily judged by followers (considered the holy grail of online ranking), followed by number of posts, likes, engagement. So if going private boosts his followers it’s a good move. Much depends upon how someone arrives at IG.

          1. Mercy says:

            FYC, Exactly and it’s working haha. Followers are up 17 since yesterday.

          2. FYC says:

            Wow, Mercy, that is quite a one day jump! (For an existing IG account)

      2. amanda SNapchat says:

        My narc has access to my instagram and FB. I will not follow HG on social media for my own saftey. There are probably millions of people in my situation. It is dangerous to engage on social media with narc stuff because it gives you away. I think HG gains more by being open. People in my situation would engage with his content without problem and help HG construct a much stronger legacy by appealing to more people.

        Thanks NarcAngel for the feedback.

        1. amanda SNapchat says:

          In my case if the content is not open I will not engage with it. Not worth it. I prefer my safety..

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I’m not trying to be oppositional but am truly confused. I don’t understand the safety (?) concerns.

        2. foolme1time says:

          Amanda can’t you make your Instagram account private? I keep all of my social accounts private so that my ex narc does not know what I’m doing. It was part of the no contact regiment. Perhaps though you have to let your narcissist have access due to reasons that are private to you. I was just trying to give you away to continue to follow is all. 🙃

          1. amanda SNapchat says:

            By publicly following HG on instagram by narc would have access to the material I am using to defend myself. This would be similar to exposing the narc and would tip the narc off about what I know and what I am using to defend myself.

            My narc also works in the government and I believe strongly he had access to my instagram account, being able to view my conversations, search history. I have evidence about this and can provide more information on request. So on my instagram account I never engage in any narc content to avoid leaving a trail. I do not want to tip my narc off in any way.

            I believe there are several individuals in my situation where we cannot afford to publicly talk about what we know about narcs. I think HG can build a stronger legacy by being public and open on social media. He will have more viewers and buyers of his books. Not everyone can afford to be public about their knowledge about narcs. I also think having his own site is a great idea. This way he can control everything more instead of a private company such as FB.

          2. foolme1time says:

            Amanda good to know. 🙃

          3. Claire says:

            My ex isn’t much of a Svengali so he can’t even rub sticks together effectively to build much fire to impress me. I guarantee I will always out speak/out logically override him in court at this point if needed so like I’ve said—impresses me quite minimally. Sure, he is going to do nasty things but I’m well prepared.

          4. amanda SNapchat says:

            I also want to mention that Instagram’s algorithms can tip people off about who you are following even if your account is private.

            Usually after you try to follow a private account you will receive suggestions of who else to follow. The accounts that are suggested are users that the private account follows.

            You always have to be careful about how you engage online. The algorithms on Instagram are something you cannot control but could tip others off. The best way to keep safe is simply to avoid certain online interactions.

            Not everyone can afford to publicly share their knowledge about narcs. I think to reach a larger audience it can be helpful to cater to the needs of a more diverse audience.

          5. FYC says:

            Hi Amanda, Your feedback provides an interesting perspective on privacy concerns.

            I’m sure you are aware FB owns IG. You may also be aware of the numerous data breaches and inappropriate data sharing that takes place at FB. So in general, if you are a very private person, you may wish to opt out of both.

            Even if you engage in FB and IG on the down low, if a person is unscrupulous and is motivated to do so, and has access, they can install spyware and/or tracking programs to watch your online activity anyway. So if you are in danger, the safest way to engage is not to engage.

            As for HG, he made a good move for his ranking. All of the top meme based IG accounts are set to private because this drives more followers. Might seem counter, but actually works. So if you need to stay private, but want to support HG, create a fake IG account with an alternate email account and follow him.

            For those who absolutely must view privately, use one of the many free IG private viewer programs available (google to find one right for you).

          6. foolme1time says:

            FYC Of everyone that is on here, I knew you would be able to find the answers to help all! Your the best! 😘🙃

          7. FYC says:

            FM1T, Thank you😘

        3. Pauline says:

          I reply to NarcAngel’s “I’m not trying to be oppositional but am truly confused. I don’t understand the safety (?) concerns.”

          Hi NarcAngel, I believe that letting know your ex that you follow some “narcissistic sites” (and when he can check who you follow it is a way of letting him know) it tells him that you are still crazy about him/ hurt and depressed / not over him / try hard to recover / planning a revenge possibly – no matter what it is, it tells him that he still matters and that your life still revolves around him.

          He also might think you may want to expose him or harm him in any way. When you follow these sites and he sees those interactions he exactly knows what you think. This is not something we victims want. We want narcissist to at least think that we are totally over and healed. Letting them know that we are still processing those feelings is giving our power away.

          So he still can try to manipulate us or can plan a smear or something – this might be dangerous.

          I think this is the deal. But of course we can always create fake profiles. And I am always amused by some victims who interact with this “narcissistic content” with their face or name displayed. It’s counterproductive, It looks like they seek attention and try to provoke a hoover.

          1. amanda SNapchat says:

            100%. This is so great! I agree with Pauline! Great points!!

          2. Mercy says:

            Pauline, good points. I follow HGs Instagram but I never comment or like his post because it’s my personal profile. All of my social media is on complete lock down so if I don’t know someone they won’t be accepted. I’ve thought about creating another anonymous account but I think I would be too tempted to check on the ex.

          3. NarcAngel says:

            Yes, most people would use a separate profile/acct. and correct, people don’t have to comment. I certainly want to keep my anonymity as much as anyone else and so I take steps to keep it private/separate from my regular accts be it email, Insta, twitter etc. I also was puzzled by some saying their narc had access to their accts??? I still don’t understand. You have a separate email and create a separate Insta acct with no connection to your regular accts. Then you follow HG and he accepts. You can view and don’t have to comment. What am I missing?

          4. Mercy says:

            NA, I’m in agreement with you. It’s about taking caution to protect yourself. If we’ve learned anything here we’ve learned that the narc should not be allowed any access to our social media! I do understand the paranoia though having witnessed a smear campaign of one of my ex’s other source. She liked a pic of one of her old college roommates. That 1 “like” led to him to finding her ex college boyfriend’s brother and contacting him to get dirt on her. 20 year old dirt! That’s only one example of the lengths he went to to destroy her reputation. There are no boundaries they won’t cross and that’s why true NC is imperative which includes taking the precautions you talked about. If the narc has access to your accounts it doesn’t matter if you follow HG or Aunt Margaret, interaction with anyone is “game on” for the narc.

          5. Mercy says:

            NarcAngel, the more I think about this I guess I have questions too. Isn’t it more dangerous for the narcissist to have access to convos and pics of the people you interact with on a personal level than following a narcissist site. HG moderates everything. He has said in the past that a reader’s narcissist had found his site and tried to cause problems. He took appropriate action.

            My ex N knows that I think he’s a narcissist. He blows it off because 1) he’s a mid and will never recognize it 2) he doesn’t know the true meaning of a narcissist. Like so many others it’s a fad word.

            What is the worst thing he would do if he knew I belong to this site? Tell everyone I think he’s a narc? Not likely. Try to cause problems on this site? HG has my back. Tell everyone here I’m a liar? Yea right, as if we all don’t know who the liar is. I guess I don’t understand the danger.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Valid observations.

          7. Mercy says:

            Thank you HG

          8. NarcAngel says:


          9. Claire says:

            Adore you Mercy! Listen—my husband is a coward. He can F off. His family and girlfriend already think I’m nuts so I give two shits what they think at this point. To be entirely honest—if we had to use our real names here I wouldn’t care. I would say less crap about some things of course (material which could be considered slanderous) but ultimately not much. My accounts are private and I have modest photos on my social media because I’m a mother and not overly flamboyant by nature. I’m not worried about the other stuff, although I understand concerns people have. There is also a mindset that is common—most of these ass-wipes are not machiavellian enough anyway to cause ongoing issues but emotional thinking serves to induce panic. (Not for all—but in some cases.) My husband can visit the blog today if he chooses. He would be spotted as a douche bag within 10 posts and called out. He can kiss my ass.

          10. Mercy says:

            Claire, I feel the same way. I don’t think my ex would even recognize I’m talking about him because his perspective on what happened is so twisted. He’s a smart guy but a complete dumbass when it comes to emotions.

          11. Claire says:

            Mine is too dumb to make the connection a reference to narcissism would be him. He is that disconnected like HG describes. He’d never be on here asking if he was a narcissist. He has a pretty severe case from what I’ve seen compared to others. (I am being honest) He is basically a sub human life form—many narcissists I know have great personalities and are fun. He truly relies on mirroring character traits to an extreme extent. He’s almost a blank slate. He is attractive, can be charming, but there isn’t much there. The oral sex was out of this world. It was his only use. Now he’s only good for making grilled cheese for the kids and occasional rice cereal treats. That’s it.

          12. Mercy says:

            Haha Claire you crack me up. You ever think to yourself “WTF was I thinking?” I do with my kids dad. He embarrasses me now. Like how did I reproduce with him. GAG yuck!! Thank God my kids weren’t exposed to him too much

          13. Claire says:

            Oh Mercy.. I can go on about this. Each day indeed.. Of course! Partially because of what I know now. To be 100% honest.. IF I had not realized what I was dealing with I’d be in a state of confusion and less thoughtful certainly in reflection. Knowing now what the smoke screens were/are I’m mortified. Aesthetically he was delicious—he could have danced with a Chippendale circuit when we met. He had a nice home, nice everything (except for scratchy sheets—dumb ass on thread count).. He was respectably educated/employed. The family seemed affluent enough. All these things culminated in what appeared a package with great prospects. This is the platform for disconnect! When the behavior shifts it perpetuates a podium of dismissing behaviors when coupled with my tendency to deny reality. (Or even a normal person’s tendency to take face value for reality) I know I’m not normal. I have horrific boundary problems from my experience growing up. It was a recipe for disaster. The looks started to dissipate when he quit lifting weights. The money—gone due to gambling. The “affluent” family.. They were in financial duress at times due to his step father (narcissist) nearly bankrupting his fairly well off mother. The sibling he has—I found out he hated my husband due to his bullying style of passive aggressive behavior in their childhood. The “normal” members of his extended family have quietly offered a show of support. What seemed to be was not. Now I know to look through what “seems to be.”
            I have no danger of hooking up with a toothless lesser—of course this is obvious and it wouldn’t happen. I’m not attractive to a greater HG says, probably because I can barely chew gum and walk at the same time but he was too polite to say it that way! What I know is that people see a person and the signs are not apparent due to their proximity (as secondary/tertiary sources) and then they are shocked when the guy is molesting teen girls because he is a lauded high school coach! Same sort of thing for me—I just attract to and am fodder for these sorts. I can’t date safely based on being “hooked up” with a “nice guy” because these guys I’m hooked up (potentially) with look and smell good. Of course people think they are “good!” My guard has to always be up—I believe this when HG says it in his way of saying it. The shenanigans do indeed amuse me and I have many WTF moments though..

          14. Mercy says:

            Claire, I understand what you’re saying. The package is pretty but the goods are spoiled. Once I saw my narc for what he was he became very unattractive to me. What makes it hard is that everyone around me doesn’t see it. All they see is the attractive exterior.

          15. Claire says:

            Yep! Spoiled is a good term for it. I have been told he charms his way into certain professional arenas but cannot really uphold the work required. He just drifts around leaving smears of his scent like a dog pissing on vertical apparatuses. I’m mostly appalled at myself for breaking down so terribly under an illusion of paralysis created by a complete idiot.

          16. Mercy says:

            Claire, I know how you feel about being appalled at yourself and I think time away from them helps us forgive ourselves. We were tricked, lied to, manipulated and we wasted precious time on an illusion. There are so many intelligent women here that fell for the narcissists facade. It’s hard to forgive ourselves when in our minds we think we should have known better.

          17. Claire says:

            Very intelligent women/men here indeed. I was pretty side swiped at first and didn’t notice but I do now! I only paid heed to HG’s stuff at first because I was in resuscitation mode for a bit of time and had no peripheral vision capacity.

          18. mommypino says:

            Pauline, so true! I used to follow HG on IG with my real account with my real face on it but I realized that my IG friends can see which posts I like or commented on and I didn’t want some people who know the people that I talk about here to see that so I created a fake anonymous account. Although I still ended up uploading pictures without any faces on it. I just always have to add my personal touch on everything. It’s just who I am. But people who know me in real life don’t know that fake account.

          19. NarcAngel says:

            Thank you for suggesting possible reasons. I would have thought people in the situations you describe would have the presence of mind not to use their real account just like most don’t use their real name on here. Also not understanding why an “ex” would have access to your acctounts If these were your concerns. Maybe he doesn’t see them as proof you’re still enamoured. Most of them don’t even know they are narcissists, but if they did, might they not see that you are now informed about what they are and not want to risk wounding by contacting you? Or risk exposure? Amused by people with their name or face displayed? Maybe they’ve taken back their power and no longer let the narcissist or anyone determine what they can or cannot do. Maybe they are proper no contact and could not give a fiddlers fig who sees what is important to them. Maybe they are no longer hiding and are healed. I have directed people to HG’s work and they have asked how I came to it. I tell them various things. That I was introduced to it during a seminar on mental health in the workplace, that I found it on the internet while helping a friend search for information about their domestic abuse situation, that I have/had a relative who I suspected of narcissistic behaviours. There are many ways to explain it away if need be. Just some other points to consider.

            Also, it’s HG’s account and obviously he has reasons for what he does just as we do. Just because we don’t understand or like them doesn’t mean he isn’t entitled to them just as we are. I can see some reasons as to why he may have made it private, but of course some don’t like to consider that because, well, after all – he is a narcissist.

          20. Twilight says:

            Narc Angel

            I agree if HG desires to make his account or any of his accounts private he is just as entitled to do so as any of us.

            I did look to see if HG booted me from his IG, my take he didn’t. I still hope he can overcome his narcissism to be able to lead a more “normal” life (whatever the hell that is) and hope he can trust his GF enough to see this side of him. I do believe he can make choices that will build vs destroy due to his awareness. Just because one is an Empath doesn’t mean they will have a relationship that is successful, we all have flaws and hide behind the mask we show the world. Being truly vulnerable and show another our deepest flaws…..
            I need to lay of the cold/allergy medicine

          21. Amanda Snapchat 5 says:

            Narc Angel: Instagram might also recommend your alternative account to your friends. I had that issue happen on FB. You can’;t control their recommendation algorithms. To be safe it is best to have the least digital things connected. This is not because we are “not yet over our ex”. This is for our own safety.
            Also if HG wants to be Instagram famous and have a ton of followers it is always better to be public.

      3. Claire says:

        My 12 year old thief child has more IG followers than HG. He’s got to up his game. Oops—she got it shut down. A shame.

        1. Mercy says:

          Claire, my daughter has a IG for her dog. She has over 1200 followers

          1. Claire says:

            What kind of dog?

          2. Mercy says:

            She’s an Aussie and ironically her name is Claire (named after Claire Fraser).

          3. Claire says:

            I love critters. I like the name Claire too although it’s not my own! My real name was my name for awhile on here but I recommended the blog to a few people and decided to be more anonymous because I am not so crass in actual life. (A touch in the right context but I’m more reserved haha)

  9. 19.19 says:

    Is there a love equivalent to the Faustian deal?

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