Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two

WHY WON'T HEANSWER MYTEXT MESSAGES?PART TWO

Having explained why the various schools of narcissist fails to respond to your text messages when you are the primary source, it also falls to be considered why this is done with three classes of secondary source namely The Intimate Partner Secondary Source, The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source and the Non-Intimate Partner Secondary Source.

The Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“IPSS”)

This person is either somebody who is being seduced by our kind for the purposes of being promoted to become the new primary source at the appropriate time or is someone who has not secured the promotion but is someone we regard as too valuable to discard. Accordingly, the IPSS might be someone who is “on the up” in terms of seduction as we look to ensure they will be a reliable and high-functioning primary source or it might be someone who did not make ‘the cut’ but since we have invested time and effort in them and their fuel (plus other benefits) they are still of use to us. So, what does it mean if we are not responding to your text messages when you are the IPSS?

During Initial Seduction

It is the IPSS who experiences the most intense of seductions. You will have begun as a tertiary source, a stranger who has been targeted for your potential. You are therefore very quickly promoted to a secondary source and since sex is such a weapon of mass seduction, you will have been further promoted to the position of IPSS. As we look to promote you to the primary source, you will experience the love-bombing and the manifestation of our infatuation through the near ceaseless text messaging.

When there is a hiatus in the text messaging this is not a devaluation but is rather done to test you to see how you respond. If you are relaxed about this change, for instance you have grown used to a text always at 8am and then we do not send one, but you do not respond to this failure in any way, we will be disappointed. If however you text us at 8-01 am asking us how we are (your attempt to find out why we have not texted without asking as such) then we will be pleased with your response and in such a circumstance likely to respond immediately again. Any kind of delay in responding or period of silence is done purely to test how quickly you will respond and what you will send in your response to us. This is not devaluation. The delay will only be for a short period of time, a few hours or so, as it is a test and we do not want to risk losing your interest. Accordingly, if you do not respond for a few hours (although this is highly unlikely) we will contact you (if it was a devaluation the silence would continue for far longer). Furthermore, when you do respond, we will reply to you after a handful of your messages in a short time period, again because we do not want to risk losing your interest and we are satisfied that you are responding in the way that we approve of.

During the Golden Period Seduction

If the targeting and the initial seduction proved successful then you will have been promoted from IPSS to primary source and therefore you ought to have regard to the circumstances of this article Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? – Part One

If however you have not been promoted to primary source but you have not been discarded, then we have opted to keep you connected to us as an IPSS. You will be aware that you have not been promoted because we will still see the wife or girlfriend (or if none was ever mentioned) you will not see us as often as you once did during the Initial Seduction. You may think that this is a devaluation. It is not. You are now in the Golden Period Seduction for an IPSS. This means we still regard you as ‘good’, we want your fuel, but unlike a IP Primary Source we will not avail ourselves of the fuel as often. This means that the fuel you provide as a IPSS does not go stale, but rather we intermittently return to you. We in effect keep you hanging on, future-faking as to what might happen but we have no intention of promoting you (just yet although circumstances may change further down the line) since we deemed you not to make the grade.

What will be happening now is that we will

a. Continue with the devaluation of the primary source;

b. Continue to engage with you as an IPSS; and

c. We will be engaging with another IPSS in the Initial Seduction Period

Accordingly, when your messages are not being returned in these circumstances again it is not because of a devaluation but it is because we have ‘put you back on the shelf’ and we are engaging with the primary source and/or new IPSS who we are looking to promote. You remain of use to us but this is an intermittent use.

Understand therefore that the silences (and they can be protracted) are not because we have turned against you, but because we are busy elsewhere. You may notice that you do receive some replies but they are short and perfunctory in nature

“Busy. Will call later.”

“Can’t talk. Meeting.”

“Busy but miss you.”

“Tied up but will message later.”

These crumbs of comfort are provided because we do not want to lose you, we enjoy the fuel that is received from you messaging us and because you remain in the Seduction Golden Period we have no need to devalue you, it just is not your turn to have time with us.

You can find yourself held in this position for a very long time. Not good enough to become the primary source but not bad enough to devalue and discard.

The Devaluation

The Devaluation of an IPSS is rare because we like to keep you around as a reliable and occasional fuel provider. We invested time in you and because you function whenever we turn to you (you are delighted to gain some time with us at last) your fuel always appears potent to us, thus we have no need to devalue.

Devaluation would only take place if you began to refuse to see us when we decided it was time to pay you a visit or you no longer provided us with fuel. Once this has happened we consider you to be a malfunctioning IPSS and we will devalue you. This means that we will ignore your text messages, you will not get crumbs of comfort and the period of ignoring you will be extensive until we do decide to respond. The response will be malign in nature. Thus if you are an IPSS you will know that:-

a. Extensive delays to reply to your repeated messages; and

b. When the response finally comes it is malign in nature

means that you are being devalued.

The Discard

In the rare event that you have been discarded as an IPSS then you are immediately painted black and it is as if you do not exist. We do not regard you as even worth bothering with for negative fuel (although of course we will still derive some from your messages but we will not prod you for more) and therefore if you do not get a reply to your text messages begging for a reply and an explanation, it is because we regard you as an irritation, beneath dealing with and in all likelihood you will end up blocked.

The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“DSIPSS”)

The DSIPSS is the person who is kept hidden away but is dipped into for excellent fuel with considerable regularity ( see more Dirty Little Secret )

The Initial Seduction Period

This will be intense in a similar way to that described above as concerning the IPSS. There is unlikely to be any delay in replying to text messages because there is no need to test you. Your role has been decided on as DSIPSS and you will never become the primary source. Your function is to be available at a set time or times each week for those secret trysts where the clandestine nature of the connection increases the potency of the fuel since you are likely to be The Other Woman. As we embed you (and do so quickly) into this role we will respond to your messages because we do not want to:-

a. Risk losing you; and

b. You trying to contact other people you may know mutually which then risks exposing our dirty secret

thus there will be no failure to reply.

The Seduction Golden Period

Just like the IPSS you are slotted into a longstanding golden period because you are used intermittently. Whilst kept secret, you will be seen more often than an IPSS who is in the Seduction Golden Period. That IPSS has failed to become the primary source but is kept and strung along for future use. You were never going to be the primary source and you are seen more often because the nature of your fuel is a two hour fuel injection before we disappear back to the primary source.

It is the nature of the DSIPSS that because they know of the primary source, they are less likely to badger us through messages. There will not be any intentional failure to respond to the messages of the DSIPSS and often the reply will explain why we cannot speak or message at length but the content of the message will be complimentary, encouraging and contain future faking, whilst slating the primary source,amounted to improved crumbs of comfort. Indeed there will often be an explanation given to explain when we are next available (the IPSS would not be afforded this)

“Can’t message for long, got to take the witch to her friends so will message you around 8pm, can’t wait to kiss you again.”

“Difficult to text, she is still here. Will message again as soon as I can. Really missing you and want to show you just how much asap.”

“Hi sex machine, stuck at present, will msg after 6pm xxxxxxxxxxx”

Thus if you find that your messages are always answered, your expectations managed and you know there is a primary source involved, you are a DSIPSS who is in the lengthy seduction golden period.

The Devaluation

It is very rare for a DSIPSS to be devalued because of their compliance, acceptance of their role and the delicious turbo boost of fuel which they provide every so often. We do not become bored of the DSIPSS’ fuel and devaluation would only take place if the DSIPSS eventually decides that he or she wants more or tires of their role, in effect working out that they are just a dirty little secret. If there are demands for more time, threats to expose the arrangement or the fuel is diminished then we may apply some more sugar to calm the situation, but if this is unlikely to work then we will turn to threats and devaluation. We will then cut the DSIPSS adrift and make them persona non grata. We will not respond to any of the messages for a long time and once we do the response will be savage, malign and threatening in order to ensure that the DSIPSS stays silent.

The Discard

Just like the IPSS, the discard is rare, but if it does happen, your messages will be ignored because not only are you painted black by us, we wish you would just disappear because as a DSIPSS you have the potential to cause us problems. By not answering we are denying your existence. We are unlikely to block you because we want to keep an eye on what you are doing in case it proves necessary to dole out a malign follow-up hoover in order to keep you in line, but we will monitor your texts but not reply. We are no longer as interested in your fuel, but it is rather the reaction of wishing you would just go away and let us get on with our machinations in peace.

The Non-Intimate Secondary Source (“NISS”)

This will include inner and outer circle friends along with colleagues.

The Initial Seduction

This happens quickly as it does not take too much effort to bind this person to us as friend or colleague as a NISS and the reality is that there is unlikely to ever be an occasion, or indeed time for a failure to respond to the text messages occurring.

The Seduction Golden Period

As explained elsewhere, the NISS enjoys a near permanent golden period because their fuel is only relied on intermittently and thus remains potent. The NISS is also often very loyal and receives bribing benefits from our kind, so the seduction golden period will continue for a long time.

If there is a failure to reply to text messages it is because we are busy about something else. The NISS whilst important to us, is expendable and therefore the messages of a NISS will not be treated with priority. The fuel obtained whilst good, is not the highest and generally, in tandem with our concept of superiority and control, consider that the NISS once bound is not going to become disloyal because we have been slow to respond to text messages. We take the view that they will conclude we are just busy and they will patiently wait for a reply. We have no need to rush and no need to devalue them during this stage. Accordingly, if you are a NISS and your messages are not being responded to, it is because we are busy doing something else and you are not a priority.

The Devaluation

The devaluation of a NISS is very rare, but if it does happen then the failure to respond will be elongated in time, with many messages piling up unanswered before we eventually respond with a scathing put down. There will be no words of comfort, no excuses offered but an unpleasant reply designed to draw fuel from you.

The Discard

The discard of a NISS is also rare but if it does happen, it is as if you are struck from the record, made persona non grata and in all likelihood you will be blocked. We freeze you out and no doubt have already replaced you with someone else. Your messages seeking explanations and reconciliation will be unheeded and indeed in many instances not even yet, such is your inferior status to us.

55 thoughts on “Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two

  1. ava101 says:

    Long story short: I still don’t know why the most current narc never answered my last text messages to him. 🙁

    1. K says:

      ava101
      Fuel and control.

      1. ava101 says:

        **frustrated**

        But how does he get fuel that way?

        1. K says:

          ava101
          Ha ha ha…you partially answered your own question. You could be an NISS that is on the shelf (still painted white) and he is just too busy with other sources to pick you up at the moment OR it could be a Corrective Devaluation. Let’s pretend it is a CD. You did something to upset the narcissist (most likely perceived), he painted you black and issued an ST.

          He gets fuel because:

          1. He is in control and calling the shots (the control lies in the ST). That fuels his perceived sense of superiority and self-worth (you are a worthless appliance and need to be devalued; he is pulling the strings and instinctively deploying an ST to show you he’s the Boss; shape up or else ava101!)

          2. He, also, gets thought fuel from your frustration/confusion/hurt and any attempts from you to try and re-establish contact and the fact that you are ruminating on why he hasn’t answered your text is fuel, as well, for him.

          Narcissists are really good at what they do. it is all innate.

          1. ava101 says:

            Thank you all!! 😀
            But after months??

            I’m frustrated that “fuel and control” is all there ever is. ;D

            I suppose that is another thing I just don’t get: that time is so ….. irrelevant for them. Just like my mother, carrying on after more than one year me never contacting her, non-chalantly as if nothing had ever happened.

            So there he is, living his life, drawing fuel from God knows whom, sharing his great body with God knows whom (damn) — and week after week he either forgets about us or gets thought fuel? But how can he know that I haven’t forgotten him by now? Doesn’t the thought fuel get a bit stale after 2 months?

            He went from 100 to 0 within … one or two days basically, and then just nothing ever again, forgetting about my existence.

            But it’s ok, I don’t miss them, it just keeps me wondering. And only once in a while.

          2. K says:

            My pleasure ava101
            It is all about fuel and control. Everything is irrelevant, except for the Prime Aims. Time means nothing.

            They live in the moment and they don’t care about last year or next week. Your mother is nonchalant because she operates in the NOW. She doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the past year (compartmentalization) and your job as an appliance is to be compliant and provide fuel NOW.

            After two months, the thought fuel has probably gone stale. Did he disengage or is it an ST? Were you an IPSS? Are you shelved?

            I think you will find this article very helpful regarding STs.

            https://narcsite.com/2019/05/07/questioning-the-silence-faqs-about-silent-treatment-5/

          3. ava101 says:

            Oh yes, they are excellent at what they do … sigh … .

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          From your frustration.

          1. K says:

            Correct SP!

        3. nunya biz says:

          Maybe you didn’t give him enough fuel.
          (I mean that in a good way)
          So then control?

          1. K says:

            nunya biz
            It is all about the fuel and control. They can’t get enough fuel.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Ava101, sorry for being so dry but I was just checking in my hotel when I saw your comment. Yep, negative fuel is also good for them!

          3. ava101 says:

            You think I learned to reduce my fuel output? *hopeful look*

            How do they perceive this as control, when I can just do whatever I want with whomever I want?

          4. ava101 says:

            That’s okay, Sweetest Perfection! ;D

        4. NarcAngel says:

          Ava101
          He gets fuel knowing your frustration at not getting a response and knowing he is in control to either give it or withhold it. That there is no closure for you. That you will be thinking of him and why he did not answer.

          And here you are – thinking of him and frustrated without answers. Mission accomplished.

          1. K says:

            Ha ha ha…exactly! NA

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Totally.

          3. ava101 says:

            Yeah, but thinking about this while dating other men, who are actually more interesting than this one. 🙂

            But you’re right of course, it does frustrate me to not get answers.

  2. foolme1time says:

    Smoke signals HG? Again with the Indians?

    1. FYC says:

      FM1T. LOL! In fairness he did mention carrier pigeons!
      All I could find in emojis is a dove with an olive branch. 🕊 Maybe you can use this with HG 🤣

      1. foolme1time says:

        Hahaha FYC! Actually there are times between HG and myself that I actually should give him a dove with an olive branch. But NA nailed it with this one 🦚 for the leader of this blog! 🤣🤣🙃

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          I hadn’t seen the peacock! That’s way too funny!

          1. foolme1time says:

            I loved it! That was all NA in one of her finer moments! Lol

          2. foolme1time says:

            Sweetest, The peacock came to be on a thread where we got a little carried away talking about animals. HG made a comment from above “It’s like a bloody zoo in here!” NA came forth with my all time favorite zinger! Re: It’s like a bloody zoo in here! Says the peacock running the show!🦚
            They were not her exact words. But I laughed so hard tears were running down my face and my sides were hurting! I haven’t seen her today yet? I hope that damn parrot 🦜 didn’t get out again?! 🙃

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            That is hilarious!!! I love NA’s humor.

          4. foolme1time says:

            She’s the best!! 😘

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Btw, in Hindu traditions the peacock is a symbol of divinity and royal bloodline. I guess HG likes that connection…

          6. foolme1time says:

            Hahaha! Indeed! 🙃

          7. foolme1time says:

            SP, K posted the peacock link on this thread.

        2. K says:

          foolme1time
          Here you go!

          NarcAngel
          MARCH 1, 2019 AT 16:25
          Re: Zoo

          Only natural with a peacock running the show.

          https://narcsite.com/2019/02/22/everpresence-2/

          1. foolme1time says:

            Thank you so very much!!!

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            FM1T, thanks for the revival of the peacock. It made my night 😘

          3. foolme1time says:

            My pleasure SP, I’m here to please! I’d rather please a group of empaths, then please a narc who has no appreciation for it! Have a good one SP! 😘

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Omg LOVE IT!!!! 😍

        3. K says:

          foolme1time
          Ha ha ha…that comment was really funny!

          1. foolme1time says:

            K it was great!! 🤣🤣

      2. foolme1time says:

        FYC, K was sweet enough to find the link involving the peacock! It’s on this thread!😘

        1. K says:

          My pleasure foolme1time!

  3. Joanne says:

    HG, so many of the articles reference texting and social media and the like. I am curious (since I feel you are around my age, 40s). How on earth did this all work before texting and social media? All of this flirting and juggling and constant contact is easy through a phone and internet, but I can’t imagine how on earth this could be managed before that was available?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Carrier pigeon and smoke signals.

      1. Joanne says:

        sigh 🙄

        1. foolme1time says:

          Oh Joanne you walked right into that one! Lol. I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh, but it’s actually nice seeing him get digs in on someone else for a change. 🤗🙃

          1. Joanne says:

            FM1T
            😂 I am usually braced for a snarky-narc answer, just in case. Luckily he takes most of my questions seriously so I’ll let this one go 😉😉😂

            It’s still a legitimate ask though. We all rely so heavily on electronic messaging for communication. When you’re a narc and you’re juggling multiple appliances, how did this work before this option existed? Was it all via phone calls? My narc has he worst phone manner and a lame voice to boot. Not to mention the level of difficulty in pulling this all off while he was still married. It’s easy now to shoot off multiple text messages from another room (or while you lay next to your sleeping spouse). But without texting? I guess it’s a big deal for me since I’ve lived both with and without this technology versus the younger folk who don’t know life any other way.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            The world operated perfectly well prior to the ubiquity of mobile telephones and social media. All that has happened is that they have been harnessed and utilised to our advantage, increasing our options. It does not mean that the narcissist’s life was very difficult previously, it has just become easier. Do not lose sight of the fact that the largest amount of fuel comes from physically proximate actions and these remain just as important now as before, the advances in communication and the arrival of social media has just opened up further opportunities.

          3. Joanne says:

            Thanks HG. Yes, makes sense 😓😞

          4. foolme1time says:

            It was a great question! I imagine at that time they would have to rely on letters, or notes, even a phone booth? Lol. Taking the dog for a walk, be back soon, as they head for the nearest phone booth with pooch on leash. Also they would have had to keep there fuel sources closer, unlike today with social media they can have sources all over the world. 🤷‍♀️😘🙃

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed.

          6. Joanne says:

            FM1T
            Exactly – and that really irritates me. Knowing that he may have exhausted all of the proximate fuel possibilities, and now can expand his reach to anywhere in the world if he so desires, to places where no one knows him or his history or what he is.

          7. NarcAngel says:

            Technology has basically made ridiculous the assertion of some that narcissists will run out of victims any time soon.

          8. Joanne says:

            NA
            Oh hell no. The number of targets/victims is virtually limitless thanks to technology 😒
            It actually really bothers me to think that my narc has been assisted in his pursuits with the advent of technology. More so than if we grew up on technology like the younger generations. 😡

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Hahaha Joanne, that sigh was cute.

      2. foolme1time says:

        HG that actually was a good one! 😂🙃

    2. ava101 says:

      If you are that age, why can’t you imagine this, then? You met the first narc in your life just now?

      It had certainly also advantages, as one couldn’t check up on them or check profiles, people they were associating with, their work place, credentials, and so on. Most narcs in my life were extremely hesitant of giving me their social media profiles, or they gave me false / duplicate profiles – it’s not always all to their advantage.

      So … a) phone … my mother used to wake me in the mornings to get our phone, after the one or other narc had kept me awake all night long on the phone ….. b) physical visitis … showing up underneath my window at night, in a “normal” way by day … never mind if I had other things to do or other friends over, they ruined more than 1 of my friendships that way; c) using other people to convey messages or check up on me, or to manipulate me through them … actually also arranging to do things with friends they had selected while they were doing other things … d) notes on paper, letters, packages, postcards, verbal messages through other people … e) showing up at university, at my job, at public events, at parties, at other people’s houses, and so on.

      It went both ways … 1. they could easily vanish, no way to check up on them, if they were away, they were away … and could do whatever they liked and lie endlessly … it was easy to give reasons why they weren’t picking up the phone or weren’t home … they could call from wherever, when there was no number showing up (caller ID) … There would always be a lieutenant they could rely on. They weren’t expected to “check in” all the time.
      2. Much easier to get isolated by them.
      3. They had it a lot easier to manipulate other people close to me.

      The exnarc — in the present day *lol* — didn’t stalk my social media, I don’t know to this day if he has any social media profile …. nor were text messages the problem, but e-mail and phone & his showing up physically at places / events he knew I would be at.

      Sure, there might not have been as much supply, but on the other hand: more quality supply … The exnarc searched me on google before engaging with me, … former narcs had to talk to me or at least to very good friends of mine — but that also meant that they already got closer. They might have had to drive by car from one energy source to the next, but that also meant more proximate fuel, as HG says … what good is someone in another country or whereever, with superficial texting. Also, they don’t always get the expected reaction …

      I suppose one would meet more likely then through mutual friends or by attending the same school / college / work place .. but that also meant being in their daily reach, I suppose. My first love used bus rides from school + walk home; and taking me home in his car … he made me music tapes, lent me his umbrella, and then we met up … It was probably to his advantage that I had to climb out of my window at night and walk to his house if I wanted to talk to him … he would have my whole being to play with, not just a text message … He could also show off with his knowledge about music, and also maybe school subjects — without the internet and all, I couldn’t just check facts, or get my own information, I had to assume it was all true what he was telling me. So, it was easy for him not to mention his girlfriend, too, there was no way for me to know that he had one, she was in a different city — it took friends of friends telling other friends of friends … till that information reached me. And his friends never told his girlfriend about me, either, nor his parents … So, in some ways, it was all to their advantage.

      It’s always just tools, I suppose. I am just creeped out when I think of devices for control, such as cameras, GPS trackers, etc. :/

      We actually used signals and other people as pigeons. ;D
      With one (girl) friend, I shared a notebook at school, where we would take turns writing our messages into … another friend at school sent me messages on paper by letting them down on a string to my window.

      1. Joanne says:

        All good points Ava101. It was actually exhausting to read that! To answer your question, this is the first narc that I’ve been involved with romantically. Incidentally I’ve known him most of my life but our entanglement is only recent. But anyway, as you’ve pointed out, it can be looked at as having its advantages and disadvantages (on both sides) before and after technology. It was definitely a lot more work on the Narc’s end though, as you described. I guess it could also be argued that the relationships were deeper/more meaningful back then, due to proximity and overall energy expenditure/investment? It certainly makes all the texting and social media activity nowadays seem so cheap and superficial by comparison. I suppose that also upsets me as well – knowing I was ensnared largely by way of this lame mode of communication.

      2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Ava. Wonderful descriptions.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.